My greatest New Year’s resolution victory had to have been back in 2001 when I vowed to quit smoking once and for all. I haven’t had a puff since. Yes I’m gloating – it’s no easy task. Would you like to know how I did it? Should I share my secret here, for the ages? I could probably make millions writing a book or creating a self help DVD, but since I’m in such a good mood today I’ll let you in on my little secret. Here’s how you quit smoking:
You quit smoking.
If you ‘only smoke when you’re driving’, you’ll end up right back puffing a pack a day. If you ‘only smoke after a meal’, same thing. If you like to light up ‘just once in the morning while reading the paper’, likewise plan on being right back at that smokey teat within a week. And if you only smoke when you drink, you might as well have never even bothered dropping it in the first place.
Here’s the tough straight poopy dope: any iteration of smoking will ultimately lead you right back to whatever sad habit you started with. Once I figured that out, removed it from my life completely and stopped pretending I needed to wean myself off of it like a newborn from a juicy teat it was actually kind of easy. So if you’re planning on dancing with the dragon this coming year, I want to say to you, best of luck. And teat, just one more time.
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Pretty condesending tone from an “x-smoker” I never saw smoke once from 1993 – 1999. Fuck me! we’re old. It must have been a Boston habit and how you lost the extra pounds? Speaking of which I have 25 lbs to loose, my resolution. That should get me down to just under 220. I can’t be cross eyed and fat, has always been my creed. One I’ve deveated from for a few years now. I’m still cross eyed of course. Having dinner with Mitch over the holidays who happens to be my exact height (6′3) but weighs 185 lbs (yes he looks like a gay model) and trying on 38’s that don’t fit at the boxing day sales really cement my need for the afore mentioned resolution. My current mass gives me a new appreciation for the plight of the fat and lazy.
You’ll have dinner with Mitch and blow me off, eh? If I promise to do more crunches this year, can you fit me in next Christmas?