From the monthly archives:

September 2005

Appetizer: When was the last time you visited a hospital?
I had to head down to MGH last December when a seemingly routine cold turned into the worst case of strep I have ever had – or could even reasonably imagine. I lay in bed for three days straight, with a total body buzz, before finally admitting to myself it wasn’t going to go away by itself and that I had to pull myself together before the long drive up to Canada for Christmas. When they called my name in the emergency room, I walked up to the front and was greeted by a doctor who asked me what the problem was. Not being able to speak, I pointed to my throat. He said they’d take a swab and I’d have to wait an hour or so for the reults. I shook my head and pointed urgently inside my open mouth (if I had a nickel). He glanced inside my yapper, made an alarmed face, scribbled out a perscription and told me to get my ass to CVS.

Soup: On a scale of 1 to 10 how ambitious are you?
I don’t have any trouble with the ambition side of things – it’s the follow through. Do I want to have a million dollar home on Lake Winnipesaukee? I think yes. Do I want to leave my apartment this weekend? You must be kidding.

Salad: Make a sentence using the letters of a body part.
Carrie Otis Craves Ketamine.

Main Course: If you were starting a club, what would you name it?
It would be called the Ding Dong Club. A bunch of guys would sit on the floor, roll around punching eachother in the shoulders and just acting like complete ding dongs. Why haven’t I thought of this sooner? Well, either that or something having to do with rug-hooking.

Dessert: What color is the carpet/flooring in your home?
I have recently taken up all of the carpet in favor of the nice hard wood floors underneath. My once tasteful rugs had become cat hair collectors and eye-sores. But you can bet if you were to lick one they’d still be full of taste. I think that if you were to moisten my living room carpet and then wring it out, you’d be left with a couple pints of enough formerly dried booze, dirt and DNA to reanimate Foster Brooks.

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Bountiful Brando Bonanza.

by Dave on September 29, 2005

in

For my second weekend in a row of productive sobriety, I’ve opted for a catch-up Marlon Brando movie fest. I ordered every major flick of his that I have been attempting to see for years, and they just arrived courtesy of Amazon. Friday night is One-Eyed Jacks and Streetcar Named Desire, and Saturday is reserved for The Wild One and The Young Lions.

If anyone would like to join me for Brando-Fest 2005, you’re more than welcome to be referred to as one sad fricking individual who should definitely not admit to that fact in mixed company.

It’s actually not as dismal a weekend as it seems. I also have Tonto’s bachelor party to jam in there somewhere, and 2 days of beautiful roofdeck weather to look forward to. So it’s shaping up to be a nice little Saturday. I may hit Home Depot as well. But I dunno… I dunno if I’ll have enough TIME.

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Giant Squid Discovered = Dave’s Nerdery Uncovered.

by Dave on September 28, 2005

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Almost a year to the day since I wrote my acclaimed homage de 20,000 Leagues, which still attracts traffic to my site on a daily basis, a Japanese scientist has finally managed to photograph a live Giant Squid in the wild. I think this is absolutely awesome, as I’ve been unhealthily fascinated with the beasts for 30 years. I have no defense or childhood trauma to link it back to. I won’t even eat a fishstick. That’s just the way it’s always been. My childhood was chock full of giant squids, Star Wars and Popeye Candy Cigarettes – and fully devoid of reason.

This photo released by Dr. Tsunemi Kubodera of the National Science Museum, a 26-foot-long Architeuthis attacks a prey hung by a white rope, left, at 900 yards deep off the coast of Japan’s Bonin islands, 1,000 kilometers (670 miles) south of Tokyo.

I don’t want to mislead anyone – so I’m gonna come clean and admit that I wasn’t actually in the original photo. That was just photoshopped in recently. But if I had been there, and was able to breathe 900 meters underwater without the aid of any scuba gear, that is how excited I would have been. It’s practically the equivalent of 100% scientific accuracy if we’re going to split hairs. Again, ladies – please form a line to the left.

So to all you skeptics and nay-sayers be dammned. The truth really is out there if you look hard enough. Next on my agenda – those frigging bastard Minotaurs.

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“Live from New York, It’s Saturday Night…”

I suppose at this point I am officially championing a cause. I got Don‘s long awaited new CD in the mail yesterday, and was instantly smitten with the lead track, What SNL Stands For. I’m not sure what the hidden meaning is here. Maybe there isn’t one – unless Jimmy Fallon and Matt Damon are metaphors for something, which let’s face it is highly unlikely.

What I do know, is that this song is funny, catchy and great. Jangly guitars, a whack of echo, reverb and probably his most extensive vocal versatility to date. A lot of Don‘s friends and acquaintances visit this site, and I know they’re all anxious for a listen. So excuse the doubling up, but it has to be done. If you like what you hear, join us on October 14th for Don’s Boston show and click here to buy the CD.

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I’ve added about 40 more photos from that wonderful Whistler weekend. Still no shots of the ceremony, so if you have some please send them my way. I’m talking to you, Heiss. There are a lot of similar shots, only more of the Concord kids than the Bauercrest this time around. Also, be sure to check out photos of JT and I bumming around Vancouver the day after the festivities, as well as PITF favorite (and current quotelet champion) Graeme with a meth-head on his lap. Albeit a hot one.

Have I mentioned how glad I am that this summer is over? I saw a leaf fall today. I shed a tear, and my wallet sighed audibly.

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Relevant Search Results.

by Dave on September 27, 2005

in Pye in the Face

Got a second? Good. Want to see something funny? OK. Go to MSN. Are you there? Now type “outside sales calls” into the search box. Got it? Hit the search button. I have to screen-shot this as it’ll undoubtedly change soon. Anyway, for posterity’s sake:

In your face, U.S. Department of Labor. That’s for that time at summer camp you beat me in the sack race and then made out with my girlfriend behind the canteen.

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I’ve Got Such A Pane.

by Dave on September 27, 2005

in

Just kickin’ it at 7am on a Tuesday. You know how we do – Chillin’ with Will the Irish window specialist at the moment. $1,000 to fix my two windows, and he has to break apart the wall in my bedroom to get at the sunken system. So apparently the street level hole in my wall will be replaced by an even bigger hole for a few days. So please – stop in for a chat. I’m sure every other pedestrian in the North End, of which there are scant few (thinly-veiled sarcasm), will be doing the same. I’ll make a bundt cake and we’ll talk.

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Monday’s Quotelet: You’re No Palamino Of Mine.

by Dave on September 26, 2005

in

Desperate to get out from under the shadow of Roy Rogers, Trigger tried his hoof at Hong Kong action flicks.

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Self-Imposed Sebbatical.

by Dave on September 25, 2005

in Heartwarming

Kipple has been mounting in my apartment for years, and this weekend I vowed to put a big old dent in it. A very productive 24 hours included pitching tons of useless pack-ratted junk, some minor repairs, a violent cleaning and a bunch of updates and changes to DogGoneKnit.com. I also did a little something with a couple of domains I registered a while back that I’ve been meaning to set into motion. In the interest of getting them spidered I’ll mention them now: Boston Sports Blogs is going to be an RSS feed emporium dealing with – you guessed it – local teams. iPodOCD will be a straight-up blog documenting my latest obsession. iPod is one of the most searched for words online today and will remain so for at least a few years. So I’ll link to hacks, news, etc. Maybe build a forum – maybe never touch it again. I don’t know. But the name makes me laugh, and I think it could be fun. Stay tuned.

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Lee Marvin Can Be A Real Productivity Drain.

by Dave on September 24, 2005

in Movies

Can someone please explain to me how in the heck I’m supposed to get any work done today when Death Hunt is on AMC? Mounties, trappers, gunfights, gold teeth being removed with hunting knives – and even Ed Lauter. Oh happy, unproductive Saturday. I guess there’s always tomorrow.

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Appetizer: Name something someone has done lately that impressed you.
I was momentarily impressed with Sean Penn’s shotgun-equipped foray into New Orleans. Until I found out that the photographers who snapped those famous pictures were on his payroll. Maybe he can take his shotgun with him on his next self-serving visit to Tikrit and put it to some good use vivisecting his precious insurgents.

Soup: Do you have any relaxing rituals? If so, what are they?
Would gooning a six pack of Canadian count? My friends and I got so ‘relaxed’ in Newport last weekend that we’re all taking this weekend off. If I had gotten any more relaxed Saturday night I’d be playing golf with Farley and Belushi right now.

Salad: If you could spend the winter somewhere else, where would you go?
I like the winter. I am tired of the eternal sweating I’ve endured this summer, and I’m looking forward to dusting off my space heater, cling-filming my windows and saving a fortune on dry cleaning for the next 6 months. Bring it on you frosty bitch.

Main Course: When and where was the last time you had dinner out?
I had jalapeno poppers followed by the Bobby Orr steak sandwich Monday night at The Fours with Mike and Joanna. I normally go for the Flutie, but as I said to the waitress, it’s nearly hockey season and the Orr seemed more appropriate. She agreed. She also offered that next time maybe a tip would be appropriate, too – if I want to drink there before Bruins games in the coming months. I’m only kidding. I punched her out and ran before the check even came.

Dessert: If you had a boat, what would you name it?
PyeSeas II. That was the name of the 25 foot cruiser we had when I was a kid. My last name coupled with my father’s astrological sign. Incidentally, the boat was also imaginative, sensitive, compassionate, kind, selfless, unworldly, intuitive, sympathetic, secretive, vague, weak-willed and easily led. Uncanny.

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“Lennon’s fans love his farcical, enigmatic lyrics and his crystalline pop sensibility for what they are. And if he’s not yet a big name in his home town, he may soon be able to look forward to a wider audience in the Gulf region. As one reviewer writes on that populist arena of rock-crit discourse, Amazon.com (where Lennon’s three-album average is a solid 4.8 stars out of 5), “Play this CD for the people of Iraq and they would agree that the USA is good.” – The Boston Phoenix

If a little Lennon is all we need as an endgame for Iraq, we should be able to wrap it all up by this time next week. Anyhew, I hate Dave Matthews. But that’s not why I like this song. Nor do I like it for a certain aforementioned reasons which were touched upon yesterday. Rather, I love Really Dave Matthews because in addition to themes of loneliness, awkward youth and autumn, it’s a practical example of the insane lengths intelligent males will go to to get their noodles wet.

When Don Lennon’s 3rd album, Downtown, got reviewed by Pitchfork and the Village Voice, it was a special day for all of us. It was validation for friends and fans everywhere that Lennon had finally arrived. 3 years later, although you’ve still never heard of him, he’s known and respected by his musical peers and actually has quite a sizeable following across the pond and in pockets of the American midwest. Don told me once that getting to Sweden to do a show and watching a large crowd sing his lyrics back to him was a truly mind-blowing experience.

“Musically, Downtown sounds a little like Belle & Sebastian fronted by Bruce McCulloch from “Kids in the Hall.” – Pitchfork.

There are songs of Don’s I have grown to like better in the days since 2002, but Really Dave Matthews is what I always shove on to the uninitiated. His first 2 albums are also very special in my opinion, but it’s best not to dig too deeply into the crates right off the bat. Because RDM is a perfect summary of some of the bigger guns in Lennon’s developing arsenal – subtle humor, pop culture references and tunes so catchy that you’ll inevitably be asked to stop whistling one or two of them at some stage. Aggressively.

“I’m not really making fun of Dave Matthews. It’s hard to point to one line where I make fun of him. You just couldn’t do it.” – Don Lennon

The song’s protagonist is a first year college student who pretends to like Dave Matthews in order to impress a girl. He’s a better man than I. Sure, I’ve pretended to be things to impress a girl before – sensitive, a good listener, heterosexual – but to lower myself to the level of the DMB army just to get a little dorm room action? That’s a grenade not even I would be willing to jump on. It’s sweet, earnest and I dare you not to whistle the denoument/outro to yourself at any point today after listening. You know the RoutineListen to Don Lennon’s “Really Dave Matthews” right now on Last.FM.

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The Unwritten Sidewalk Rule

by Dave on September 21, 2005

in

I hate to use this site as a sounding board for my own personal whinginess (like every other mediocre blog in the free world), so please forgive me while this post degenerates into little more than a moany gripe today. And for all the sex killings.

Even though we’re well into September, Boston’s sidewalks are still teeming with tourists and will be for some time. As a result, navigating my daily walk to and from the Theatre District from my home in the North End can be nothing short of infuriating. I bite my cheek and remind myself that one day I’ll live in the country.

But there’s one particular irk I just can’t stifle – and that’s the myriad of daily portages I am forced to make around people who go against the grain on the city’s sidewalks. My perception is thus – a sidewalk can be considered a highway for people on which one should keep to their right as much as possible. If they fail to do so, they should be ‘chin-checked’ or, at the very least slapped with a whale cock. But this hasn’t been festering for a long time or anything.

If I went to Scotland, rented a car and started zipping around on the wrong side of the road, I’d eventually be arrested or even killed in a head-on collision. But it’s not just tourists that careen all over the bustling walkways – there are plenty of native bumpkins and simple idiots who do it too. So am I a lunatic, or is this wrong-side-of-the-sidewalk grievance something that many others share? I am genuinely curious.

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The Return Of Don Lennon.

by Dave on September 20, 2005

in Uncategorized

Don‘ and I went to high school together. And just recently Montreal. But I want you to know that has very little to do with my love of his music. He’s an original, and his shizzy is tight. But don’t take my word for it – look for him on Wednesday Wadio tomorrow, and save this date if you know him or are just a curious live music fan – he makes his triumphant return to Boston October 14th at the Milky Way. Sometimes one must actually go to Jamaica Plain.

His new album, Routine, is out now and you can buy it using PayPal by clicking the link. With song titles like “What SNL Stands For” – and an entire ditty about the day John Ritter died – the mold will continue to be broken, stomped on and fed under a steamshovel for a long time to come. Welcome back, Don. Can’t wait to have a listen or 14.

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Congratulations Chris & Heather!

by Dave on September 19, 2005

in Heartwarming

The finish line was crossed this past weekend when I attended my final Summer 2005 wedding-related event. And it was a gasser. But enough about me – my friends Chris and Heather have been together for a very long time and finally made honest Newportians out of eachother Saturday afternoon. A reception followed at the Glen Manor house, but the festivities started long before then. By the time I crawled across the threshold of my apartment late last night, I’d been burnt, punched, pickled and even lost at sea. But in the midst of all the zaniness, one of the best weddings I’ve ever been to took place.

Jim and I drove down Friday night after work, and met Kinger, John and Steph, Clarkey and Detroit Velvet Smooth at the Sports Ticket around 10pm. We then headed over to the Cheeky Monkey where the rehersal dinner was held to meet up with the rest of the gang. An open bar, speeches, old friends, hugs and a narrowly averted street brawl with liquored locals rounded out our stay. After a quick shot one street up at Sabina Doyle‘s, and a fly by of Via Via to look for particularly intoxicated females to take back to our phatio roofdeck patio (I wish I were kidding) – we rolled back to the house we were staying at on Goodwin street. I once heard that when Michael Caine was researching this role, he hung out on main street for a night with Kinger.

A great time was had by all, and it flowed (literally) into Sunday where after an exceptional catered brunch we took to the high seas, only to have the motor cut out and be set adrift. Luckily some helpful fishermen pulled us back to the dock just after dark, and I’m not currently writing this on a laptop made out of an anchor and coconuts. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves. I have SO many so I’m going to pick 40 or thereabouts and put the rest up when I get around to them (never). Thanks for having us, kids – and here’s to a long, wonderful life together.

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