From the monthly archives:

June 2006

It’s All Good Baby, Baby!

by Dave on June 30, 2006

in

These are the best types of phone calls. I’m pleased to announce that there’s another little Pritchard in the world! Kim, Lucy and PJ welcomed 8 lb 15 oz “No Name” into the world at 10:30 am today. We send our congratulations and the sincere hope that they will eventually think of a better name for her. “Ah, dude – she’s beautiful“. Send me a picture soon!

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Appetizer: Approximately how many times per day do you yawn?
Probably 25. There are many variable contributing factors. Like boredom, sleep deprivation and self-administered ether.

Soup: What was your most memorable school field trip?
I went to a mushroom farm in Ottawa in about grade 4, and we spent a lovely afternoon running around in a warm, dark cave like barn covered in manure. A field trip of this sort would never take place today, because we all know now – that sort of unhygenic behavior is racist.

Salad: Fill in the blank: I was extremely ________ this week.
Sweaty. See previous entries, and also my doctor who is currently adding me to some sort of Guinness medical record book.

Main Course: Which color do you associate with “soothing”?
Is Ambien white, or off-white?

Dessert: Name something you could save up the money to buy in 1 month?
Wow – not your best work, quizzlet. Pop, chips and a bar? I will be fairly incognito until the middle of next week as we’re off to Canada at 3pm. Have a great holiday, everyone – and I’ll see you on the flipside.

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This Is The Story Of The Hurricane.

by Dave on June 29, 2006

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Some friends and I ran into The Hurricane at SideBar a couple of years ago, and without going into too much detail out of respect for the man’s once decent accomplishments, I’ll just say that we had a great time with him. I was very sorry to have just been sent this article from today’s news. Oh how the mighty – Tyson, Pete, etc. – have fallen.

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Where For Art Though, Art?

by Dave on June 29, 2006

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I mentioned my friend Art’s new travel blog a while back. It had a false start, went down for a week or so, but it’s been back up and he’s doing a great job maintaining it while keeping it very interesting. Art has a penchant for running into famous, or at least extremely interesting people, and he tells two sorta related stories in one of his new posts. As it includes snippets of our reckless youth together, I thought I’d link to it and give him a little exposure at the same time. I’ve told the same horrific Inka story here before, but it’s worth another gander from two different perspectives. And my version includes horror movie worthy answering machine sound clips that are a must-cringe.

Moynihan and his much better half arrive from Sweden this afternoon, and this evening is sure to be a doozy. It will be a girlish giggle fueled night of old-friend-I-haven’t-seen-in-a-year-revelry before the long drive we’re all making up to the motherland tomorrow night. If you’re downtown and you care, give me a call.

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Wee Madeline is in full effect rollin’ in her hooptie, making plans to throw back some breast milk and holla at her peeps down at the spot. I assume the spot is a maternity center of some kind. Maddy G. is my friend Tanya’s bebe, and these photos she sent me this morning are definitely worthy of some early Quotelet action. Be gentle. She’s only 1.

“Teletubbies ain’t shit, bitch. You get the Wiggles on stage, or you get my Timberland size 2 in yo’ punk, preschool ass.”

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Shave And A Haircut, Two Bits.

by Dave on June 27, 2006

in Musical

Shave and a Haircut, and the associated response, “two bits”, is a simple musical couplet sometimes used at the end of a musical performance. the tune became associated with a profane insult in some Latin American countries, particularly Mexico. Whistling the tune or using a car horn to play it is considered highly offensive. The insult is “chinga a tu puta madre,” “go fuck your whore of a mother.”

I was walking home recently, through the Financial District late on a Thursday night, when I came across a pack of wild bachelorette creatures. They’re all the same: dolled up, inappropriately drunk and leading around an invariably heavyset friend in a veil – all of them chewing on little plastic penis straws. They’re also all overly pleased with themselves and completely devoid of any self-awareness as if they invented this pre-marriage ritual and have the keys to the city or something. At least men are prone to renting hotel suites so their antics can’t readily be traced back to them. That’s what I’ve been told, anyway. Maybe there was one exception. Alright two.

Regardless, I assure you, nobody that didn’t gain 30 pounds living in a freshman dorm with Cindy fucking cares that it’s Cindy’s bachelorette party. Ever.

Especially not anyone working on the 5th floor of a Boston office building trying to conduct business at the ungodly stag/stagette party hour of 5pm on a Monday evening. A few times a week, some silly local party bus drives around and around my block blasting the ‘shave and a haircut’ beat on their insanely loud horn. They come up Boylston to Tremont, turn right, make another right at the 7-11, head back around that block to Boylston and then do it all over again. Again and again, without pause. It is excrutiating, excessive, and I think if I were on that bus immersed in the revelry, I’d still walk up to the driver and ask: “Are you frigging autistic, or what?

Back to my riveting tale. One of the young friends stopped two scruffy-looking forty-something dudes in the middle of the sidewalk ahead of me and threw out her arms: “Guess what dudes? Where you headed? Bachelorette party!” They just snickered and walked around her. I burst out laughing and had to cross the street. My weeks of auto-horn torment suddenly somehow vindicated. Or maybe I just wish she’d asked me.

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Monday’s Quotelet: Going My Way?

by Dave on June 26, 2006

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Hitchhiking was slow to catch on in South Korea, but local innovators eventually realized the correct translation for “thumb”.

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Stop Looking At Me, Swan.

by Dave on June 22, 2006

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I can see the pond in the public gardens and the swan boats seem to be taunting me today. They’re having a cool dip, with exotic women from countries all over the world sitting in their laps, and I’m stapled to a desk writing emails about search engine optimization. Here comes another. See how he grins in my direction, rubbing in the fact that I have to remain indoors for another 3 hours, while he bobs around in duck doody and medical waste.

Here comes another one. Happy bird, I envy you. Even with a dirty bandaid stuck to your rudder, you’re still floating free while I read emails like a veal. Come to me soon, July 4th weekend, so I can escape to the great Northern woods, if only for a moment.

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I’m Not Your Donner.

by Dave on June 20, 2006

in Television

The only thing that’s worse than oppressive heat is oppressive heat in the middle of a rainstorm. And the only thing worse than that is having nothing better to talk about than the frigging weather. At least in this scenario no one can accuse me of having a degenerative sweat duct disorder. I have to traverse the city twice tonight for meetings and will undoubtedly stumble through my apartment door around 9pm like one of the Donner Party.

The Oilers lost last night, and although I was bummed it was one of the greatest and most exciting series of hockey, or any other sport, that I’ve ever watched. Now what am I supposed to do? Glad you asked. Luckily Big Brother (the UK version – I’m not that sad) is in full swing, and my router at home is smoking from all the downloading. Year after year I am absolutely transfixed by this show, and I’m not proud of it. Good watchin’.

I have to wrap it up and start the evening’s journey. I’ll leave you all with this insane Lego site, where someone with even more spare time than me has made “dream playsets” of all his favorite pop-culture icons – including Trailer Park Boys. And yes, Julian has a little lego Bacardi and Coke.

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Blood, Sweat and Sweat.

by Dave on June 19, 2006

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My AC unit is a doozy. I would turn my kitchen floor into a rink right now if I mopped it. Good thing that only ever happens after a fork stabbing. Couple the temperature with the historic game 7 of the Stanley Cup that’s in full swing right now, and I’m a happy little penguin.

It’s been hot the last few days in Boston. the new phrase I keep hearing is “Africa” hot. But I think it’s more akin to “trip drunkenly over a trailer hitch into a campfire” hot. Exceedingly warm weather is not my favorite, and I’m going to be putting the dry cleaner’s kids through prep school if this continues.

I walk to work every day as I’ve discussed, and it works out to about 22 miles a week. Lately I’ve been getting to work after these 2 mile jaunts looking like Andy escaping from Shawshank. My favorite joke from last night’s Entourage comes to mind: “I haven’t seen anyone sweat like that since Patrick Ewing retired”. Frig – Carolina just scored. I have to pay attention to the game now and rub my rabbit’s foot. Only I don’t have one, so I’m bound to make the cat really uncomfortable.

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Monday’s Quotelet: Meet The Soccers.

by Dave on June 19, 2006

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Switzerland’s shocking 2-0 upset against Togo was disputed when a crate of methamphetamine-laced Toblerone was discovered in their locker room.

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Appetizer: What is a word that you use that would not be considered common?
I say “porkies” a lot. And not because I’m enthralled with Kim Cattrall nude scenes. Alright, it might be because I’m enthralled with Kim Cattrall nude scenes. ‘Porkies’ is the abbreviation of ‘porky pies’ which is cockney rhyming slang for ‘lies’. When I lived in England, you’d frequently see adults saying to children: “Are you telling porkies again, Nathaniel?!” That always cracks me up, so I use it here in Boston, and everyone looks at me like I’ve hit my head on something.

Soup: What theme of calendar do you have on your wall this year?
I have a delightfully cute calendar comprised entirely of photos of one of my friend’s children. It’s an improvement over my mother’s frequent calendar gifts, which while good intentioned are usually comprised of things like cats with hats or Harry Potter. I have enough challenges at work – I don’t need to hang one of those bad boys up over my desk and become a laughing stock. Besides, there’s no room anymore after I put up all my Klingon translation charts.

Salad: Name 3 people you speak with by telephone a regular basis.
I’m not a big phone guy. My roomate speaks on his phone all night long. More than most 12 year old girls. He’s social, he misses his friends, I understand. But it’s foreign to me. There are few things I’d rather do less than chit-chat on the phone. “So anyway, I’d better let you go.” is how I answer it.

Main Course: If you could buy a new outfit for someone you know – who would it be and what would you purchase for them?
I’d buy Venditti a purple velour tux, because I’m pretty sure he’d wear it to his wedding.

Dessert: What is the last beverage you drank?
“Lemonade! That cool refreshing drink…” The lemonade at the Au Bon Pain downstairs is so strong, I get a large one in the morning and drink it halfway and just refill it with water all day for 10 hours of lemony goodness. Kind of like non-alcoholic swish.

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Congratulations Katy & Reynolds!

by Dave on June 14, 2006

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The wedding wasn’t a wash. We persevered in spite of the torrential rain and monstrous mud puddles, and the happy couple had a terrific time – as did all of the revelers. I have a new appreciation for red wine and coke, rock candy and Tad. Paying large for a hotel room and then sleeping on the floor of someone else’s while the blanket thief lurks kind of sucks though. I won’t lie.

Enjoy the gallery and your new life together! I am glad you asked me to be there, and I appreciate the offer to name your first born after me – regardless of gender. One love… one life… one thing uh, I believe the children are our future.

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Wednesday Weigh-In #8: Super Big Stylings.

by Dave on June 14, 2006

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We’re losing steam. Not fat. Only 3 weeks to go before the pork ass challenge sputters across the finish line. Will you have made a dent in your spare tire, or has complacency washed over all of us like a Super Big Gulp?

Monster >> Current: 263 / Last Week – 266 / Target 255 / Lost 3
Smash >> Current: 136 / Last Week – 136 / Target 129 / Lost 0
Pyeman >> Current: 225 / Last Week – 226 / Target 215 / Lost 1
DVS >> Current 245 / Last Week – 246 / Target 210 / Lost 1
Aubz >> Current: 131 / Last Week – 131 /Target 125 / Lost 0
BDoyle >> Current: 180 – / Last Week – 182 / Target 175 / Lost 2
– Sly >> Current: 211 – / Last Week – 213 / Target 175 / Lost 2
Piglet >> Current: 145 / Last Week – 144 / Target 135 / Gained 1
– Not Lance >> Current: 166 / Last Week – 168 / Target 161 / Lost 2
Greg >> Current: 178 / Last Week – 179/ Target 170 / Lost 1
– Venditti >> Current: 229 / Last Week – 230 / Target 219 / Lost 1
Ka-Rista >> Current: 155 / Last Week – 158 / Target 140 / Lost 3

Let’s keep it going, and I promise I’ll track down every last person who is still on this list. The wedding I was at on Saturday served fried chicken (genius,) and I still managed to wiggle out of a pound last week. It was probably all of the slick dancefloor stylings afterwards, but that’s beside the point. Weigh in and keep it going.

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Appetizer: About how much money did you spend on gas this week?
Zero – but I’ve been informed, as I did not pay for the hotel we’re staying in Saturday for a wedding in Vermont, that I am paying for all the gas. I can live with that, even though I’m sure I’ll end up sleeping in a bathtub with one of the caterers.

Soup: What is your favortite brand of toilet paper?
What an odd question. Dr. Migilicutty’s Hot Lube With Grits. 2-ply.

Salad: When was the last time you found something you thought was genius?
I remain stunned and amazed at the quality of the American version of The Office. I am halfway through Season 2 on DVD, and it just never gets old. I wondered, how in the heck will they ever find an equivalent of a Yank Ricky Gervais – but Steve Carell was a master stroke. KELLY CLARKSON!

Main Course: What is the least amount of sleep you can get by on per night?
I needs my Zs. Six hours is the bare minimum. Otherwise my eyes feel like mothballs the next day, and I have the attention span of a crow in a keychain factory.

Dessert: June is a popular wedding month. Do you know anyone getting married?
Uncanny! I am attending Katie and Reynolds’ wedding in VT tomorrow as I said, and then Jason and Amy’s nuptuals in Niagra Falls come October. I’m not even sure what town we’re headed to tonight – I am just jumping in the car when my sister shows up and letting her worry about it all. She loves it when I sleep the whole way during a long drive. The Canada wedding will involve some travel, as I’ll also be up for the stag & doe in September – but I never see those cats and it’ll be well worth it. Maybe if Jason is done boycotting the blog, he’ll chime in with something clever to say. Have a good weekend.

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