Everyone must start to have moments like these in their mid-30s. These are mine. And it’s all true – every word.
- I asked for a nosehair trimmer for Christmas. I got a nosehair trimmer for Christmas. I love my nosehair trimmer.
- 80% of my gifts this year were sweaters (20% nosehair trimmers,) and I was perfectly ecstatic about that.
- I despise people who tailgate me. To the point of wanting to inflict grevious bodily harm. And I talk to them, in my rear view mirror. “Where’s the fucking fire?” The bastards.
- If I sleep later than 9am, even on the weekend, I hate myself for the rest of the day.
- I have a notebook full of lists with titles like “Outdoor To Dos” and “Tax Prep To Dos”. The only lists I used to maintain were of Goodfellas quotes.
- I recently purchased my first can of Metamucil. This, this was a tough one.
- In my filing cabinet, I have a folder labeled “Manuals”, full of nothing but manuals.
- I have a box in which I have started to save Christmas Cards and wedding invitations.
- The $3,000 I would have normally spent on booze in 2008 went to drywall, vapor barrier, paint, laminate flooring, a drop ceiling and a new propeller.
- A good portion of my free time is spent driving my Mother to and from the hospital, during which time we discuss little else but my To Do lists. “I’ll put it on my list, Ma. Yes, Ma.”
I’d be thrilled to hear about some of your own “Jesus, I’m disgustingly old” moments in the comments. Don’t be shy – we’re all going through it.
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I turned 35 years old in December. The great thing about turning 35, I live in Boston. The bad about turning 35, it feels like “the half way to worm food” period of my life. In my youth, I would party like a rock star and live weeks on end with minor amounts of sleep and I never got hungover. I am so frigging old that now: 1) if I am going to drink, I think about what I have to do the next day and will decide not to drink because of this. 2) I spend more time taking care of my parents house and their landscaping than I used to. 3) For the past 5 years I have not consumed “fast food” at all. Seriously. 4) My hangovers from drinking hard alcohol are so frigging bad that I have stopped drinking hard alcohol. 5) I actually turn off playoff games because I need my sleep for work the next day. I work for a financial company in town and sleep is imperative and the DVR captures all the action so I can “see it later”. jesus. Finally what makes me friggin old….MIDNIGHT is “past my bed time” and “a late night” whereas 3:30am-5:30am was once “a late night”