From the monthly archives:

February 2009

Bonnie Eleanor Pye

by Dave on February 20, 2009

in Heartwarming

PYE, Bonnie Eleanor, age 68, graduate of Saltfleet High School and lifelong teacher of young minds, peacefully in hospital, Kingston, Ontario, after a lengthy illness, on Sunday, February 15, 2009. Bonnie (nee Smith), beloved wife to Gordon Pye, for over 40 years. Loving mother of David Pye of Portland, Ontario and Janet Pye of Boston, Massachusetts. Dear daughter of Claire Larson of Burlington, Ontario and the late Jimmy Smith. In keeping with Bonnie’s wishes, cremation will be immediate. A celebration of her life will be held at the family home in Portland, Ontario, on Saturday, May 16, two days prior to her birthday. For those desiring to offer condolences or to request further details, please contact her son, David, at: dave@davepye.com. In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to a local cancer centre or palliative care facility of your choice.

Yeah, I wrote that for my Mom. It will be in the Ottawa Citizen, Boston Globe and Hamilton Spectator tomorrow. Please save me a clipping if you see it.

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Mission Accomplished. Sarcasm.

by Dave on February 16, 2009

in

I don’t really need to think through and verbalize this joke, do I?

“The founder of an Islamic television station in upstate New York aimed at countering Muslim stereotypes has confessed to beheading his wife, authorities said.”

Whatever happened to the candlestick in the parlor? Somewhere, Nick Berg is laughing.

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I don’t take the time to fill out many of these, kids, but I enjoyed this one and it didn’t take 3 hours to complete. My favorite is #7 – Best Superhero name in human history, and those were seriously the first two words that came to mind. Give ‘er a shot yer darn selves.

YOUR REAL NAME: David James Pye

2. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother and fathers middle names): Douglas Elizabeth

3. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad): Jimmy Stanley

4. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name): Pyeda

5. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal): Cobalt Blue Canine

6. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, town where you were born): James Ottawa

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add “THE” to the beginning): The Maroon Harpoon

8. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name): Daye

9. STREET NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie): Mint Chocolate Chip Chocolate Chip

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet’s name, street you grew up on): Apple Island View

11. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of last name plus izzle): Pyeizzle

13. YOUR IRAQI.. NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, first two letters of your middle name, last two letters of your first name then last three letters of your last name): Aejaidpye

14. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets): Black Shepherd

Sharper than an M.I.T. student on adderall. Stronger than a hunk of unpasturized blue cheese left in a shoebox slightly above room temperature for a week. Criminals everywhere would shake in their shiny boots at the mere mention of… The Maroon Harpoon!

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The Immediate Future of PITF

by Dave on February 3, 2009

in Pye in the Face

I can’t take it anymore. My current install of WordPress, the application which powers this blog, is currently so corrupt that most people can’t comment and I can’t save any backend changes whatsoever. Might as well rename it www.Blagojevich.tv. I have tried to avoid a complete reinstallation but at this point I don’t think there is any way to avoid it. I recently migrated a WordPress blog for a friend and my confidence in that process has increased a bit, so I am thinking now is the time for action. Now is the time I reclaim Pye in the Face from the wee gremlins and ghosties that have been gumming up the works for the past 6 months. It must be great again!

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of the times. Now is the winter that, discontented, I reinstall WordPress.” – Me

If you pass by and see anything wacky going on in the next few days, you’ll know why. I refuse, however, to be held responsible for any and all niche Austrian pornography which may appear here in my absence. Especilly those midget clowns that pee on female ringmasters. I may have just dreamed that, though.

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Thanks to my friend Kate for the questions this week. If you too would like to contribute a round of quizzlet queries – please send an email to dave (at) davepye.com.

Appetizer: You’re prescribed a mood-stabilizing food instead of a drug. What would you want to eat?
Feta cheese. I am already of the sincere belief it is the cure for everything that ails me.

tin-iron-manSoup: Whose superhero sidekick would you be and what would your superpower be?
I think Iron Man needs a sidekick. I would be the Tin Man and absolutely fuck up villains using my radioactive oil can.

Salad: What is the attraction of a magnificent bastard?
The knowledge that while in their presence it is safe to always assume the absolute worst.

Main Course
: What would you like the opening line of your eulogy to be?
“Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin…”

Dessert: Describe a pleasure in which you do not regularly indulge.
I think I’d like to play more paintball, to be honest. I have seen some decent guns for sale at the local Canadian Tire and I think there are some folks in the area that partake, if my memory of certain drunken summer conversations serves. Golly knows there are enough open, forested spaces around here that would suffice. Yes, I think that might be something I will look into.

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