From the monthly archives:

August 2009

worlds-oldest-dog

A wire-haired dachshund from Long Island, NY recognized as the world’s oldest dog, died Friday at 147 dog years – presumably while trying to escape from Long Island.

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Pye House Proud

by Dave on August 27, 2009

in Boston

Janet closed on her first house today. This is an enormous moment in a young woman’s life. Janet must be thrilled as well.

charlestown-house
It is located in Charlestown, Massachusetts and was recently vacated by three of the Seven Dwarves. In all seriousness, I’ve seen pictures of the inside and it’s a great find. I get to stay in it, solo, during my trip to Boston next month – as Janet and Damo aren’t moving in until November. If the Battle of Bunker Hill ghosts let me get any sleep (It was built in 1860 so my joke is only off by 85 years) I’ll probably provide further details and photos at that time. Call me Dr. Peter Venkman. Very proud of you, J-Diddy!

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Wretched Warbles

by Dave on August 25, 2009

in Animalistic,Appalling

When the chips are down, and the shit’s flying overhead, I like to think I have a pretty strong stomach. There are, however, no words, life experiences or time spent in a Hanoi P.O.W. camp which can prepare one’s constitution for warbles. Or the Presidency, apparently. Unless you’re a bonafied insectophile – turn away. Turn away now.

A veterinarian friend of mine sent me some photos today of several warbles which she removed from an 8-week-old kitten’s neck. Warbles aren’t like fleas or ticks but rather gigantic maggots which are usually transferred to living hosts by the “Bot” Fly – although my biology is probably severely lacking here. The point is that these things have to be seen to be believed.

I’ll spare you the photos of the monstrous larva being pulled from the neck of the sweet little kitty. I’d rather you fully came to understand my point by watching them removed from the back of this filthy hippy who apparently picked a few of the little bastards up while visiting Peru. They are not, however, particularly exotic. I mean, the Kingston Kitty had never been to the Yucatan.

Warbles, or whatever you’re supposed to call them apart from “oh my fucking sweet Jesus, what is that?!” are commonly spread by mosquitoes carrying eggs whilst jumping from person to animal to person and back again. Their eggs gestate and hatch after several weeks and then slowly bore their way out of their unfortunate host. The holes they leave are the size of quarters. They have spines and teeth. How have I never heard of this before? How can I get back to a place in time where I hadn’t yet heard of them – like after using one of those memory-erasing flash sticks from MIB? Fucking bleeeeech!

The kitten has lived to tell the tale, by the way, and I’ve read that most pets which suffer from this nastiness survive as well. I need a shower. In bleach.

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elephant-leg
48-year-old female elephant, Motala, was quoted as saying she hopes whomever bought the umbrella bucket from the poachers is “remarkably fucking happy with it”.

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Veekend Video: Pye Rockets in Flight

by Dave on August 15, 2009

in ,Veekend Video

Way back in October, 1999, my company at the time decided to take the team to Maine for a good old-fashioned jump from 10,000 feet. We brought everyone with us, from senior management to the 20 Indian programmers on “loan” to us from our sister company in Chennai to the early-twenty-somethings like myself. I paid to have my ridiculously-rapid descent videotaped and about a year ago I digitized it, edited out the awful techno-music they’d dubbed over it all and uploaded it to YouTube – but I don’t think I ever mentioned it here on PITF. So with no further ado, enjoy 225 pounds of Pye hurtling towards Earth…

“Mom, Dad – All is forgiven.”

I edited out all of the promotional material the skydive company weaved in (it was originally over 10 minutes) and dubbed in a little De La Soul – the aptly named track: “Fallin’”. Enjoy my hard to hear but still brilliant one-liners like “See you on the ground”, “Mom and Dad all is forgiven” and my personal favorite, “See you in the next world”. There’s also a definite Chris Farley-influenced head jerk right before I shake the cameraman’s hand at the end, and at least one of my famous De-Niro face pulls. Possibly simultaneously.

Half of us had to sleep overnight in tents due to high winds canceling any more jumps around 4pm on the Saturday. Kyle, Gus, Colin and myself decided to rough it until Sunday and spent a memorable evening around the campfire getting to know the staff of New England Sky Dive – many of whom were from other countries. One Australian lad entertained us by lighting “devil sticks” on fire and then swinging them precariously close to his face. He escaped injury, but the worst bang-up wasn’t to happen until the next morning.

Most of the remaining BrainGEMmers jumped out of the same plane around 9am the next morning. Also on our plane, who jumped last, was a cool girl named Sarah we’d gotten to know the night before. She worked at the air field and was conducting her very first solo jump. After we’d landed safely on the ground, we watched in horror as she drifted off course and slammed into the side of a house several miles away. After we finished shitting corbels, we were told she was OK and began the long drive back to Boston. The next morning, however, Kyle found a news article online describing the death of a young female skydiver at that very location. It turned out to be a false report, but for several hours we were gutted and even went to far as to call SDNE to find out where we could send flowers.

In closing, you haven’t lived until you’ve jumped out of a rickety prop aircraft at 12,000 feet with a 7-foot German tied to your back.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Munster Mumba Jumbo

by Dave on August 14, 2009

in

I started writing this Quizzlet over a month ago, so if you see one of your old questions – you’ll know why. Shall we do another “live” Quizzlet this week, kids? I certainly hope so. Please enter your questions – silly or serious – in the comments below, and be sure to come back later to answer everyone’s queries your damn self. This has become my favorite post of the week. Help a brother out.

Appetizer: If you could change anything physical about yourself to become as attractive as you want, but it would take 5 years off your life, would you do it? – Lauren N.

eddie-munster Absolutely not. I like myself. Considering having my hairline restored a wee bit, but why waste 5 years when you can have it done for about $2,000? I have friends who’ve had a little follicle-fiddling done and it looks great in every case. Send money, guys, and I won’t name names. Might take it a step further and get myself a proper Eddie Munster widow’s peak. Or maybe just a perma-bowlcut. The possibilities are endless. My hair experience is kinda weird. About 5 years ago I started losing it at an alarming rate, and it scared the hell out of me. Then it stopped as suddenly as it began and I haven’t lost any since. Further proof that huffing turpentine is actually bad for you, and I’m glad I finally kicked the habit.

Soup: Last year, you were all over the new Indiana Jones movie. What movie are you looking forward to the most this summer? – John B.

That’s an easy one, Barkster – James Cameron’s Avatar. Jimmy comes out of hiding once every decade to make a classic – Aliens, T2, The Abyss, some silly flick about a big boat, etc. And by “hiding” I mean he’s usually developing some ground-breaking film technique – in this case he’s reviving 3D by all accounts. Here’s the flick’s synopsis…

Avatar is the story of a wounded ex-marine, thrust unwillingly into an effort to settle and exploit an exotic planet rich in bio-diversity, who eventually crosses over to lead the indigenous race in a battle for survival.

I heard 3 other amazing (to me) pieces of movie news this week which deserve their own post. Look for it next week, but I will say it involves a master, a
commander, an alien and an archaeologist.

Salad: What is your favorite and worst TV advert in living memory? – Jason C.

I’ve been looking for an excuse to mention this old Atari ad featuring PITF favorite, the late Phil Hartman. Activision’s cleverly named “Ice Hockey” game was released in 1981 and Hartman plays a very excited and anticipatory consumer.

I’ll never stop missing this guy.

As for least favorite commercials, although I know Arnold‘s campaign was a big success for Vonage, if I never hear that frigging “Woo Hoo” song by the 5, 6, 7, 8’s again – it will be too soon.

Main Course: If you could ask Shane MacGowan one question, eat one meal with him and share one woman with him, who/what would it be? – Kate L.

This is a cool question. A bit twisted, but creative. I would love to ask him where he was, what he was doing and how he felt the day Kristy MacColl was killed. The meal we shared would have to be either a) traditional Irish (I’m thinking corned beef and cabbage, maybe a nice boxty) or b) pureed and sucked through a straw due to his unfortunate dental situation. The woman would also have to be Irish – proper Irish and not simply of aul sod descent. And that woman would undoubtedly be Samantha Mumba. I’m sure you’ll agree, there’s never been a more Irish looking woman.

Dessert: You’ve championed SNL for years, and I know you collect and watch every show from every season. What was your favorite skit of 2008/2009? – Johnny Utah

lawrence-welk-300x168 Even though it was the strongest (and longest due to a writer’s strike-related extended season) season in years, I didn’t even have to think about this one. It was the Lawrence Welk Show skit from the Will Ferrell-hosted season finale which aired on May 16th. The Finger Lake Sisters were first seen earlier in the season when Anne Hathaway hosted. I still break out in hysterical laughter, after many repeated viewings, when the ridiculous “punchline” is finally revealed. Ferrell’s reactions and facial expressions will kill you.


I like potatoes and I like meat. I like standing on the corner of a street…

Here’s a page (only available if you’re in the USA due to Hulu’s licensing restrictions) where you can watch the whole episode which also included a cameo-heavy Celebrity Jeopardy, a hilarious funeral skit and another cameo-rich rendition of Billy Joel’s “Goodnight Saigon”. SNL is back, baby. Super-strong writing, the best collective cast since the late 90s and a deserved ratings renaissance to boot.

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aids-clowns
Two of the newer Clown Academy graduates were asked to “tone down” some of their themes before the next birthday party.

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Holy mother bird – have I ever grown to love this band over the last 2 years. I mean it. Their name is meant to be ironic. It isn’t death metal. It’s incredibly catchy, guitar-driven, sometimes campy, heavily and unapologetically Rolling Stone-influenced, audio magic. Watch the video, read on and put on some tight pants. Yes, the almighty EODM came to the nation’s capital Friday night July 31, 2009.

Megan, Seamus and I drove 3 hours total to Ottawa and back to behold Eagles of Death Metal. I took a lot of HD video throughout the show (with my excellent new camera which I’ll mention in more detail another time) that I’ll be editing together and posting eventually, but I got the YouTube ball rolling with a tune which was definitely a welcome surprise for all in attendance. After the band left the stage for 10 minutes concluding the first half of one of the best shows I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen a lot of them – Jesse Hughes returned to the stage solo. He proceeded to mention Atomic Dog, paid the audience yet another of many compliments and then broke into the BTO classic “Taking Care of Business”. I’ve never heard it sound better.


Jesse takes the 8:15 into the city. Of Ottawa?

If you’re unfamiliar with EODM, they are the close friends and protogees of QOTSA, right down to the long, ironic band name and cool-ass acronym. Although they already had a huge “underground” following, they got some major radio play earlier this year when the incredibly catchy WannaBe in L.A. became the first single off their latest – and incredibly solid throughout – record, Heart On. Have a look at the video below and you may find you’re not as unfamiliar with them as previously thought.


EODM sells their soul for rock n’ roll.

Prior to Friday’s Ottawa date, EODM played Toronto, Kitchener and a few other Canadian dates and Saturday they played in Montreal. I don’t know what my Northern brethren had been doing to the band, but Jesse said early in their set that the Ottawa crowd was amazing (watch the video for blatant proof) and that they “really needed tonight”. Perhaps their Canadian foray had been a bummer up until that point? Do you have any insight into Hughes’ constant compliments to us Ottawans? Were you at the show or any of the other Canadian dates? Do chime in and introduce yourself, babies.

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