From the monthly archives:

January 2010

Back in (a) Black (Charger)

by Dave on January 29, 2010

in Friday's Quizzlet

During my aforementioned blogging hiatus a lot of things happened. It was an eventful sabbatical. A busy vaporization. One of the most traumatic events was the destruction of my beloved gun metal grey 2007 Dodge Charger. Here’s what happened. You’ve driven me to it (no pun intended) and I’m tired of answering the question.

It was a rainy, foggy Halloween night. I had just won first prize at The Cove for my awesome Predator costume and was driving home around 11pm. The elements, speed and playing with an iPod may or may not all have been a factor – but remember, you can’t believe everything you read on the internet. I wasn’t hurt, I drove home and upon a quick inspection in the dark the damage didn’t look that bad.

Sexual-Predator Behold – the “Sexual Predator” 

When I reported the accident 2 days later, after learning the insurance company wanted to settle, I got a ‘$100 failure to report an accident’ ticket. The whole affair was probably a blessing in disguise. Albeit beloved the vehicle was a deathtrap and nearly useless in the snow. She has been replaced by a black 2009 model with all wheel drive which I was lucky to find in Ottawa as they aren’t made in Canada. I really wanted another Charger but wasn’t going to get one without AWD.

Based on the existing GPS setup and the phone numbers saved in the hands-free, I was able to deduce the vehicle’s first (and extremely brief) owner lived on Causeway Street only 2 blocks from my old apartment in the North End. How it ended up in Ontario is anybody’s guess, but I’m guessing drug-related confiscation. Sometimes drugs are good.


meghan-mccain-drunk I’m delving back in time about a year with this pre-election post on why I had serious reservations on what I was fairly sure was the eve of Barack Obama’s election to the Presidency of the United States. I’d sincerely like to open this debate to the general public – especially since I’m rebooting my blogging after the longest hiatus since 2004, and this is just the sort of incendiary topic which attracts eyeballs quicker than Meghan McCain’s sweater gremlins. I have friends on both sides of the aisle, and so far the line-towing opinions I’ve heard over and over run as follows:

The Bible-Toting, Wife-Beating and Racist Rightys

  • “Obama hasn’t done anything he said he would. ‘Change’ my ass.”
  • “The healthcare bill has been a useless, divisive distraction.”
  • “The stimulus package isn’t working. Neither am I, by the way.”
  • “The events of Christmas prove there’s a lack of focus on national security.”
  • “Shhh! They have more than enough rope and are hanging themselves.”
  • “Yes I want to see Avatar but apparently it’s Communist propaganda.”

The Delusional Moonbats of the Looney Left

  • “It will take longer than one year to clean up the mistakes of the last 8.”
  • “The stimulus package is too working.”
  • “They don’t give the Nobel Peace Prize to just anyone.”
  • “I know in my heart he still wants to bring the troops home.”
  • “I always wear tight jeans while I drink my latte. You know this.”

As I said in today’s choice of Thursday Throwback, I want Obama to succeed because his failures are America’s failures and, despite my reservations from 2008, there’d be no “I told you so” joy in that for me. I’d like to add to these two lists of sound bites from comments which people may or may not leave in the comments. So please craft them as such – short and powerful bullet-points.

Pump-Up-The-Volume-harry-hardonAgain, it’s very good to be back. In the words of the immortal Harry Hardon: “Are you out there? You listening?” Sound off. Defend or criticize our 44th president the way in which you’re lucky enough to be able to do in this country. I promise I’ll get back to the dead hooker jokes tomorrow.

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Thou Shalt Not Herniate

by Dave on January 27, 2010

in Nerdery

When looking at the specs for the new Apple iPad today, the first words to pop into my head were, “Holy Moses, that thing looks big.” The first image that popped into my head also had a lot to do with Moses. Uncanny, that. I whipped up a quick Photoshop (or Fireworks if we’re splitting hairs) for my coworkers and I thought I’d share it here.

Moses with an iPad

“Let my people synch with Outlook!”

Aren’t I just the silliest goose? I have trouble envisioning even big goons like me carting them around – but Apple rarely gets it wrong. Glad to be back, by the way. If you’ll have me.