From the category archives:

Appalling

sky-blu-rapper-romneyThe unidentified man who assaulted Mitt Romney on his recent flight back from the Winter Olympics has been identified. As a rapper. Shocking. And for the curious, here’s a photo of the little darling. Click it for a larger image. Seriously. Look at this clown. I’ve never listened to LMFAO, but this guy looks like someone I’d need little excuse to wanna throttle. I’ve read a few articles describing the incident now, which in the internet realm makes anyone an objective expert in no way influenced by anyone else’s spin, and I gotta tell ya, I have to side with Mitt on this one.

Not shocking: the “musician”, who calls himself Sky Blu, denies any wrongdoing. I’ve been in the same situation numerous times – namely stuffed into an airplane seat which is way to small while some inconsiderate arsehole flings their seat backwards, crushing my kneecaps -  and in this case it wasn’t even Mitt on the receiving end… it was his wife. I don’t know many people who would even try to somehow turn the tables on an incident like this if a woman in her 50’s were involved. I’d apologize profusely and then sink back down into my seat for the rest of the flight like I were born without a neck.

sky-blu-naked-cardHave un autre look at this silly bastard. So the seat flies backwards, Mrs. Romney takes the brunt of it and Mitt finds himself having to ask some twat, who has named himself after a brand of cheap vodka, to please behave like a civilized human being. Mitt is ignored, so he taps Mr. Absolut on the shoulder and has his hand soundly slapped away and another swing of the fist follows but doesn’t connect. The future-Beethoven is then escorted off the plane by authorities after the captain returns it to the gate. Not true, claims the frizzy fool – Romney started it. Not only that, but he claims the former Governor of Massachusetts used a Vulcan grip. And I suppose Deval Patrick’s office is infested with Tribbles.

Sky Blue was very lucky that Romney is a) a public figure and b) gearing up for a serious run at the 2010 Republican Presidential nomination. There’s also a slim chance he’s a gentleman traveling from an important international event with his beloved, no less. Most plumbers would say to themselves “Keep cool, Sully. Not the right time. Get him later near the baggage claim.” So who is more likely to be telling the truth here? I mean, besides all of the witnesses backing up Mitt’s version of events?

sky-blu-lmfao Oh my God, look at him! It’s beyond easy to predict the eventual evolution of Sky’s defence in this matter. It will either have something to do with his race or he’ll complain that the only reason the airline made a big deal about the incident was because it involved Mitt Romney – and that’s absolute bullshit. I read about people being ejected from commercial flights regularly and it makes me smile every single time. You wanna fly? Learn how to behave on a means of transportation that has to be fiercely regulated lest hundreds, nay, thousands of people a year be inconvenienced or even killed. Wanna act like an irrepressible, obnoxious frigtard? Prepare to be slung off the plane like a cheap piece of luggage, with polite society’s blessing. Better yet, go to a LMFAO show.

If that were my wife being whacked on her perfect knees with a seat, the only part of Blu being escorted off the plane would have been his hair stuck to my bloody palms. The rest of him would have exited unceremoniously somewhere over Vancouver Island, covered in that blue toilet water. Geronimo, joker. Where’s Frank Horrigan when you need him?

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Wretched Warbles

by Dave on August 25, 2009

in Animalistic, Appalling

When the chips are down, and the shit’s flying overhead, I like to think I have a pretty strong stomach. There are, however, no words, life experiences or time spent in a Hanoi P.O.W. camp which can prepare one’s constitution for warbles. Or the Presidency, apparently. Unless you’re a bonafied insectophile – turn away. Turn away now.

A veterinarian friend of mine sent me some photos today of several warbles which she removed from an 8-week-old kitten’s neck. Warbles aren’t like fleas or ticks but rather gigantic maggots which are usually transferred to living hosts by the “Bot” Fly – although my biology is probably severely lacking here. The point is that these things have to be seen to be believed.

I’ll spare you the photos of the monstrous larva being pulled from the neck of the sweet little kitty. I’d rather you fully came to understand my point by watching them removed from the back of this filthy hippy who apparently picked a few of the little bastards up while visiting Peru. They are not, however, particularly exotic. I mean, the Kingston Kitty had never been to the Yucatan.

Warbles, or whatever you’re supposed to call them apart from “oh my fucking sweet Jesus, what is that?!” are commonly spread by mosquitoes carrying eggs whilst jumping from person to animal to person and back again. Their eggs gestate and hatch after several weeks and then slowly bore their way out of their unfortunate host. The holes they leave are the size of quarters. They have spines and teeth. How have I never heard of this before? How can I get back to a place in time where I hadn’t yet heard of them – like after using one of those memory-erasing flash sticks from MIB? Fucking bleeeeech!

The kitten has lived to tell the tale, by the way, and I’ve read that most pets which suffer from this nastiness survive as well. I need a shower. In bleach.

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Here Comes the Gravy

by Dave on April 12, 2009

in Appalling

Couldn’t have been happier with this news today. Go frig yourself, you arrogant son of a bitch. And much respect to Jian Ghomeshi for his calm handling of the situation. For the interview in question please see the video…

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