Pye in the Face

Team Canada forward, Caroline Ouellette, remarked that having the Women’s World Hockey Championships in Harbin, China was a bit like hosting the Tiananmen Square Massacre in Moosejaw.

An external consultant finally figured out why attendance at the Mall’s Easter display was down for the third year in a row. You guessed it - stale Peeps.

Shane was prone to hiding whenever the rest of the boys on the tour bus would misplace their bottle opener.

Milan Fashion Week got off to a head-turning start when Cavalli introduced his Winter 2008 “Polar Bear Vagina” line.

This week on “When Dungeon Masters Attack”: Things get violent when Paul tries to roll a level 7 Paladin armor defense spell out of turn.

Never again would Roy leave a bottle of A1 teetering precariously near the Sea Monkey tank.

Obama slept a little sounder knowing he had the celibate homosexual vegetarian musician vote locked up.

“No time for love, Dr. Pepper!”

When Shep and Ruby were shown a photo of their soon-to-be adopted parents, David and Janet, they immediately asked if they could be re-assigned. Or perhaps even sewn into a sack and thrown in the nearest river.

Lunga the Snake Girl often helped her Uncle practice his putting.

“Mom? I wish you could just shut your big YAPPER!”

On the eve of Lakshmi’s 27-hour surgery to remove her 4 extra limbs, Indian officials intervened in the hopes of her becoming the country’s first handball champion.

According to Siamese twins, Shelly and Snappy, the best part of sharing a shell is the reduced rent. The worst part? Also sharing an asshole.

Britney blamed her lackluster performance at the 2007 MTV VMA’s on a broken high heel shoe. Her stretch mark could not be reached for comment.

“OK boys. The diversion is set for 6 a.m. - when Clucky starts crowing flap for the fence and start pecking like you’ve never pecked before in your young lives.”

As part of his court-ordered dog fighting restitution, Michael Vick was ordered to babysit “Sweetums” for the rest of the year.