Reactions to this movie have definitely been mixed. I’ve read as many glowing reviews as I have negative. Personally I was very happy with Predators and especially enjoyed the many subtle ways in which it paid homage to the 1987 original. Truth be told, sometimes the nods were about as subtle as “Ol’ Painless” – but I’ll try to cover as many of them as I noticed rather than write yet another opinion piece.
Before I get into the list, which I’m having real trouble naming (“Predator vs. Predators”? “Nods to Predator within Predators”? “I am a Sad Bastard who Needs More Sunlight”? , I feel I should mention how and why this movie got made – and who was the driving force behind it.
Robert Rodriguez, of El Mariachi and Grindhouse fame, is a huge fan of the first instalment and rumor has it was working on his own script for a sequel as early as 1992. He never lost his zeal for the franchise and although he didn’t direct Predators, he produced it and I’ve read that many, many elements of his original idea for the sequel remain intact.
“Guys, you seem to have me at a loss here. Anyone seen The Pianist?
Nods to Predator within Predators
The jungle setting: Obviously. It’s an alien jungle with some pretty freaky fauna but thick and dense all the same. You’ll notice many shots (light tricking down in streams, people scuttling off leaf-covered dirt hills, etc.) pulled directly from the first movie.
The firepower: It ain’t “Ol’ Painless”, and Nikolai ain’t Blaine, but the Russian mercenary has his very own strap-on minigun. “I ain’t got time to bleed.” “Do you have time to sample some of my nana’s borscht?” Also, the tiny twin machine guns carried by Danny Trejo’s character, Chuchillo, are almost identical to the one Dillon was rocking when his arm was sliced off in Predator. I saw Happy Gilmore again recently – what is it with Carl Weathers and losing limbs to creatures with scales?
The stand-offish, yawnsville, Latina pseudo-love interest: I’ll always think of her as “the chick from City of God”, but Alice Braga is a passable replacement for Anna – and is a much better shot. Incidentally, her character’s name in I am Legend was… Anna. Fate, perhaps.
The waterfall: In the original, Arnold goes over a massive, beautiful waterfall while trying to outrun the monster. In Predators, everyone goes flying off of one. Even though it’s now done with CGI as opposed to an actual stuntman – the camera follows them over and it looks really cool.
The mud: Just like Dutch did, Royce (Adrien Brody) covers himself in mud to foil the Predator’s heat-seeking visor. This isn’t an accident. Instead it’s the most direct tip-of-the hat to the first film you’ll see – but divulging more and that point would definitely cross over into spoiler territory.
The booby traps: The lethal creations made out of wood, vines, massive stumps and sharpened sticks are a lot more elaborate this time. They’re almost all cobbled together by the self-described “one who got away”, Noland, played to absolute batshit crazy perfection by Lawrence Fishburne. The last time Larry was in a jungle this thick he was helping guide Martin Sheen down a Vietnamese river to kill Marlon Brando.
The showdown with a sword: In Predator, Billy strips down, pulls out a giant machete and dares the alien to throw down Indian-style to help the others escape. In Predators the blade of choice is a Samurai katana wielded by Yakuza enforcer Hanzo – to a slightly better result then poor William.
Intergalactic taunting: “I’m here! Kill me I’m here!” sounds a little better with an Austrian accent, but Brody too belittles the beast to lure it into a pungee trap, or something.
Celebrity Impressions: The first Predator loved to impersonate Sonny Langston’s booming laugh and him saying “over here”. Our new friends do exactly the same thing but seem to have now mastered the dulcet tones of Trejo. See the video below for the great scene I’m referencing before YouTube makes someone take it down. Fuck a trailer.
It’s been a week now since I saw the movie and I also have to get back to my real job. What have I forgotten about? What have I missed? Please let me know in the comments and I’ll gladly update the list.
All of these little tributes to the source material may leave you wondering, homage is toomage? (I was conflicted as to whether or not I should make that joke, but I finally decided to pull the minigun trigger. No regrets). I think most fans, however, will relish them as Rodriguez obviously does.
Suddenly, a foxhole in Chechnya seemed a lot more appealing
You may ask yourself, where does 1990’s Predator 2 fit in to all of this? I didn’t hate it, but I’m not sure it will ever fit comfortable into the timeline. It featured 2 more big action stars of the era – Danny Glover and Gary Busey – and was a big budget, big city shoot-em-up where our alien friends descended on an urban environment (just another jungle, wink) to vivisect as many Rastafarian drug lords as they could get their three-pronged fist knife thingys through. It could have very well been called “Lethal Point Predator Break Weapon” and I’ll always remember it for being sampled heavily on Ice Cube’s album from a year or so later entitled, you guessed it, “The Predator”.
“Who is that?”
”Last person in the world you wanna fuck with.”
I wonder how many copies of that record Adam Baldwin bought back in the day? He probably had a trunk full of CDs to give away to his buddies at parties. “I was sampled by Ice Cube, dudes!” Actually, upon closer IMDB inspection I now realize he was 30 when Predator 2 was made, where as I was 18. I’m obviously living out my own little sampled-by-Cube fantasy through him. So, what’s my excuse now that I’m 36 and writing this? Let’s wrap this up…
If you’re looking for a standard review you can see about a hundred of them over at Rotten Tomatoes which gives it an average rating of 63%. That doesn’t sound too impressive, but if you’re familiar with RT you’ll know that’s a pretty good showing. If you dug Dutch and the boys in the original as much as I did, and were as discouraged by the silly Alien vs. Predators afterbirth, you can’t go wrong here. So go on. Run. Get to the chopper. If only to take you to the theater.
When considering all the embarrassing and damnable schlock that ends up on $10-per-head theater screens each and every last one of a given year’s 52 weeks – I find it tragic when a film of merit ends up banished straight to DVD. The term itself is a condemnation. In the minds of, well, everyone, “Straight to DVD” is actually longhand for “crap”. I was reminded recently that this is not always the case.
It may instead be politics or lack of a studio’s faith in a film’s potential profitability that sees a quality flick cast into the sin bin. It’s big business, after all. I think in the case of 2010’s Unthinkable it was a combination of both. After weighing the options surrounding public political opinion, a million dollar marketing budget and the difficult subject matter – I can’t say the powers that be made a bad business decision. So many will miss this smart, extremely well-written (save for some obligatory explication-type military dialogue), well-acted, gory and thrilling… thriller. Perhaps I can remedy that for a few of you. And if you’re not yet convinced – Superman’s in it too!
We need a synopsis here, but I’ll keep it quick and spoiler-free. Watch the trailer above for more of the the major bulletpoints. An Iowa-born American, ex-military, sends out a video claiming he’s placed nuclear bombs in three major cities set to go off in three days. All the agencies spring into action and converge on a high school gym where Younger a.k.a. “Yousef” is being held and interrogated. Samuel L. Jackson, Carrie Ann Moss and Michael Sheen earn their paychecks. A mysterious professional fingernail-puller, played convincingly by Mr. Jackson, is added to the mix and everyone begins to butt heads. Here’s an example of an exchange which I’m blatantly inventing – but it’s still pretty accurate:
“Don’t torture him! It’s bad. Take the bag off his head, Mr. Abu Ghraib. We’re human beings and Americans. We’re above this barbaric, medieval practice. What’s next – black plague and a jousting tournament?”
“Actually, there’s going to be about 10 million less Americans able to stand around, patting themselves on the back like you’re doing right now if we don’t get this traitorous, bearded whackadoo to tell us where the 3 bombs are in the next 72 hours. So there’s that, Garafalo.”
And… scene. That dynamic is the crux of what I love about this movie. The peacenik FBI agent is horrified that any kind of interrogation is happening, let alone the creative style that Jackson’s “H” brings to the gymnasium. But we also see H as a family man, loving father and generally likeable guy who honestly believes he is doing his duty for God and country. So who is right and who is wrong? To what ends is it reasonable to travel to save lives before we lower ourselves to the level of a terrorist. And is it appropriate for one gym full of people to get to decide for 10 million oblivious citizens who are also one step away from becoming radioactive dust?
The great vengeance and furious anger of Uncle Sam
I mentioned the quality of the writing before and Peter Woodward (son of Edward “The Equalizer”) has crafted a story which bucks the political drivel we’re used to being spoonfed by Hollywood and will cause you to have to think hard about how much is too much. Alternately, if you enjoy being spoonfed might I suggest Matt Damon in Green Zone which deserves to have a sin bin all to itself – which is then steam rolled like a pile of post-Pope picture tearing Sinead O’Connor DVDs. And then doused in kerosene. And then set ablaze. With Matt Damon strapped down, also inside of the bin. So yeah, really fucking hated Green Zone.
I implore you to seek the Unthinkable out and watch it. Watch it all the way through until the last second before the credits roll. You may find your usual moral high ground highly unstable in those final moments. It’s a smart, engaging and challenging film which deserves a wider audience. And thus ends my popcorn Jihad.
"For a price, any organ in your body can be replaced. But it can also be repossessed."
I’m starting to like Jude Law more and more these days, and it’s not because I’m taking a cue from yesterday’s announcement by Ricky Martin. Maybe it was his hilarious turn on Saturday Night Live earlier this month. Might have been my recent re-appreciation for Cold Mountain. Could be his breathtaking buttocks – I’m not sure. Where was I… Jude, Forrest Whitaker and Liev Schreiber lead the cast of Repo Men – a decent sci-fi action flick unapologetically cobbled together from memories of far superior works.
I’ll clarify that statement in a way which the most distinguished of laymen will appreciate: If the reanimated corpse of Phillip K. Dick somehow managed to impregnate itself using a turkey baster found in James Cameron’s curbside trashcan, the resulting butt-baby would be Repo Men’s second cousin. It’s like Blade Runner, Children of Men and The Harvest were dropped in a blender with a cow liver repossessed from a failing Denny’s. You know what… I’m going to stop right there before this gets silly.
“The Union” is a company which manufactures artificial organs and other body parts which are then sold to the everyman at extortionate prices. “You owe it to your family. You owe it to yourself” is a popular sales phrase. If you fall more than 90 days behind in your payments, said organ is usually repossessed by Union employees (ex-soldiers, tough guys and general scumbags) who come to your house in the middle of the night and literally cut it out of you. If the part was vital – say a heart – you’re left on the floor to die. This is all, apparently, perfectly legal in this vision of the future. The head Repossessor, Remy (Jude Law), leads the charge and from the number of pink slips (commissions) he and his partner, Jake (Whitaker), collect you’d think them both very wealthy men in no danger of disillusionment.
“Hey Jude. Don’t be afraid. Ever seen The Crying Game?”
Inevitably it all goes kidney-shaped as these plots tend to do and square-jawed Jude ends up on the wrong side of the scalpel. Despite several offers from his employers he seems intent on changing his ways and, in doing so, getting himself into a whole heap of trouble. Is it for love? Conviction? Because he read Who Moved my Cheese? To be honest I have no bloody idea. And, on the subject of bloody, you might as well throw a laserdisc copy of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre into the aforementioned blender too – because this flick makes Tobe Hooper look like Hans Christian Anderson.
Law’s motivation for throwing off the Union’s yolk, hanging up his taser and risking life and limb for his fellow debtors isn’t very clear unless you’re paying close attention. He makes a fast 180 – from repo/killing machine into blubbering sissy who can’t even make the first incision – in seconds. Potential spoiler: did the electric shock whack his morals back into place or is he raging against the Union because not only did they force one of their hearts into him, it was their faulty equipment that made the transplant necessary in the first place? The defibrillator-related plot twist at the end doesn’t help because it’s new information that couldn’t have affected his earlier motives. Actually, maybe simply paying attention isn’t going to help you here.
“What’s my motivation?” Deleted scenes shouldn’t always be so.
I also wasn’t on board with the speed in which he went from being the company’s #1 Repo Man to just another “job”. It’s literally minutes. He’s the employee to which all others aspire and then suddenly, in the space of a few edits, he’s suddenly broke, almost 90 days behind in his heart payments and about to be rubbed out by all of his best friends. I expect this movie was edited for time and momentum because it felt like necessary narrative progression was skipped – I doubt you could even see the cutting room floor.
The romance is also rushed. One fleeting glance in a crowded bar leads to Law undertaking a multiple-day detox on a less-than-pretty woman who looks like she was just shat out of an elephant. Maybe I should wrap this review up, because the more I think about the film’s drawbacks the less I’m liking it. Still, despite its potholed plot and unsubtle influences I enjoyed Repo Men – just understand what you’re in for. It’s going to make a lot more sense if you wait to see it on DVD with what I am assuming are about 157 deleted scenes. And if you accidentally rent or Netflix Repo Man instead… you’re probably better off. I give it 2.5 repossessed spleens out of a possible 5.
Crazy Heart is a bit schmaltzy. A bit sappy. The May-September romance between Jeff Bridges and Maggie Gyllenhaal is tough to buy into. Colin Farrell as the biggest country star in the world (and the hideous accompanying ponytail) is even tougher. Someone slap that casting agent on the back of the hand and make them work at the WB for a year as punishment. But the film’s music, oh the music.
I am a fan of “Classic” country but don’t give the time of day to “New” country. My opinions have been solidified in this respect having lived the last 2.5 years in rural Canada where I cringe every time one of the local 20-something girls stumble towards the jukebox at Duck’s Roadhouse. The songs on the Crazy Heart Soundtrack are new in the real world, but are meant to be the protagonist’s old standards in the realm of the film. And they sound old, and they’re awesome.
Leonard Cohen meets George Jones meets The Dude.
My favorite is “Brand New Angel”, a very sad, mournful song as you would probably expect after contemplating the title for a split-second. Someone has died, hence… right. The chord progression, minor/major back-and-forth coupled with Bridges’ own solid, booze-soaked vocals make for a real unexpected treat. It could just as well been called “The Whiskey Waltz” and kicked off a 30-year-old Kris Kristofferson record. Written by Greg Brown, the song accurately reflects the musical influences producer T-Bone Burnett suggested Jeff Bridges draw from when developing the character:
“In fleshing out Bad’s background, it was decided that his influences should extend beyond the country genre and that he should have an eclectic taste in music. T-Bone made a wonderful graph for me of the music that Bad might have listened to. Leonard Cohen was one of the guys we thought of.” – Jeff Bridges
Have a listen, see what you think and then seek out the movie. It gets a solid ‘B’ from little old me. The quality of the toe-tappers, coupled with Bridges’ convincing turn as the wedding and world weary Bad Blake, ensure you’ll be glad you did, partner. The soundtrack also features performances by Colin Farrell and Robert Duvall – and you can purchase an MP3 of "Brand New Angel” or the whole shebang right here: Crazy Heart: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (Deluxe Edition) .
I wouldn’t be upset if Jeff beat out Jeremy Renner for best actor, and it’s definitely going to come down to the two of them. Morgan Freeman did little more than a great Nelson Mandela impression, Colin Firth is Colin Firth. Clooney’s performance in Up in the Air is as inexplicably overrated as the film itself. If Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett, who produced the soundtrack and composed “Weary Heart”, (the official theme from Crazy Heart and another solid tune), lose out to Randy Newman – I’m liable to swig back a fifth of Wild Turkey and find a truck stop waitress to impregnate/beat mercilessly. No one wants to see that happen, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, so do the right thing.
One of the reasons I thoroughly enjoyed watching Mel Gibson’s new flick, Edge of Darkness, last night was that his Boston accent is frickin’ impeccable, dood. I mean it – you’d think he grew up on East Broadway as opposed to Sydney, Australia. I for one am glad the Gibber is back after a 7.5 year acting respite which was undoubtedly due to his drink-driving and comments about the chosen people. Talk about a bad night out. Badmouthing Jews in Hollywood will end your acting career quicker than stink-palming one of the Weinsteins.
The fact that Boston has been a hot movie location for the last few years can not be debated. There are many more Beantown-based flicks in the pipeline, too. That’s probably a separate post but I think we can breakdown the whole accent topic a bit further this evening. There have been some good Boston accents lately – Mel Gibson, Ed Harris (Gone Baby Gone), Alec Baldwin (The Departed). There have been some abysmal Boston accents lately – Tim Robbins (Mystic River), Cameron Diaz (Knight and Day… I’ve seen the trailer. Brutal), and the golden statue for worst Boston Accent evah in a feckin’ film goes to… Martin Sheen (The Departed). By a country mile, bruthah!
Affleck and Dicky school some high falootin’ Hollywood prick.
Am I wrong? What good or pathetic Boston accent attempts can you remember? And if anyone mentions Ben, Matt or anyone with the last name Wahlberg I’m gonna have your head examined for being a frickin’ retaaard.
Up and coming comedian, Bo Burnham, made a joke via Twitter two days ago that has stuck with me and induced chuckles ever since.
@boburnham: i cannot wait to see the next instalment of twilight. apparently, the real weakness of vampires/werewolves is shirts.
Edward & Jacob only thought they had their respective weaknesses down.
Transylvania 90210, as I’ve decided to refer to New Moon for our purposes, premieres tonight across the universe and has set ticket pre-sale records that have left Spiderman and Lucas in the dust. It’s easier for me to believe that Vampires actually exist than to get my head around the popularity of these books and movies. Yes, I watched Twilight. In between shots of Kristen Stewart biting her lower lip there was some semblance of a vamp tale. For many young people (girls), however, this will be their introduction to the rich lore of the fanged ones and that’s a frightening thought.
As a potential remedy that no one will pay any attention to, here are my 5 favorite batty flicks, and I’m hoping the legions of Mullen and Black fans get around to watching them before being forever convinced that the undead won’t kill you if only you have a secret crush on them.
Jerry Dandridge makes Edward Mullen look like Louis Skolnick
5. Fright Night: Yes, that Fright Night. Second only to Road Warrior on my “films to rent for sleepovers in the 80s” list, if you haven’t revisited it since legwarmers were in style – do yourself a serious favor. Chris Sarandon was born to play the slick vampire that moves in next door to Charley, creating a Disturbia sort of surveillance situation that leads less towards house arrest anklets and more towards exploding heads. Currently being blessed/cursed with the remake treatment. Hopefully not starring Robert Pattinson.
Swedish Girl Guides sell those little red fish door-to-door. Then fucking kill you.
4. Let the Right One In: I hadn’t even heard of this movie (it’s a Swedish film released only last year) until I started thinking about this article last night. I quickly downloaded it and can see why it has garnered such a fast vamp-fan appreciation. Uber-violent Stockholm romance with lots of children thrown into the mix as a bit of a differentiator. As for the title, watch the above clip and see if you think the little boy might have possibly just let the “wrong” one in. Come on – the Swedes have had it easy for a long, long time. It’s nice to see some bloodsuckers thrown into their fish-eating midst.
High on my list of nightmare-inducing movie scenes from my childhood.
3. Salem’s Lot: This Stephen King-authored spookfest was originally a TV miniseries, so when you plop down in front of the DVD release you’ll know why it clocks in at a whopping 3 hours. Directed by Tobe Hooper of Texas Chainsaw Massacre fame and starring Hutch (David Soul) the parts are better than the whole. James Mason is excellent in one of his last roles and I double dog dare you to find a scarier vampire movie scene than this spectre of a boy scraping the pane with his undead little fingernails (shudder).
“Gimmie a couple shots of whatever donkey-piss you’re shoving down these cocksucker’s throats.”
2. Near Dark: The most underrated and overlooked film on my short list came out in 1987 to minimal applause, but has since evolved into cult status and holds a place near the top of every other “best of vampire” film list you’ll be able to find. Bill Paxton had made Aliens only the year before, and a little bit of Hudson spills over into his likewise over-the-top (and likewise no less awesome for it) portrayal of Severen. In spite of his mullet, Lance Henrikson personifies evil as Hooker and the above scene might just inspire you to head down to your local, get drunk and start swinging. Or dismembering.
The absolute pinnacle of nightmare-inducing movie scenes from my childhood.
1. Nosferatu: My preadolescence was a worse place for having accidentally run across this absolutely horrifying movie on PBS one Sunday evening during my 6th year on Earth. I’d be dreading the dark long before the street lights came on as a result. My cowardice is somewhat vindicated, however, because Count Orlock is no less terrifying to this day. Not bad for a movie that’s barely a fang shy of 90 years old. Also excellent in its own right is the 2000 film Shadow of the Vampire which imagines made-up funny and frightening events during the filming of Nosferatu. Casting Willem Defoe as Orlock probably saved the production thousands on makeup.
These are my personal favorites when it comes to blood-suck-fests, so don’t burst a vein because I left off Horror of Dracula or Lost Boys. Turn your dark side into lemonade, or something, and list your own favorites in the comments below. Happy New Mooning.
I never thought I’d find a YouTube audio/video mashup that amused me to the extent of my beloved Snatch Wars, but I was way wrong. Watch this little gem and marvel over the amount of time, patience and creativity that went into this. If you know anything about its creator or inception – please share.
Amazing Pulp Fiction Audio Mashup
Are you as impressed as I am right now? Do you have a favorite movie mashup we might not have seen? Do tell, motherfucker.
When I re-read posts from the dawn of Pye in the Face, it’s been so long ago now that it feels like someone else wrote them. Especially if I haven’t seen them since the day they were published. Today’s throwback made me laugh out loud. Hard. I had to share.
Gremlins make poor Exorcists. Funny stuff.
Back in 2005 I mused about growing older, bemoaned how long I’d been in the same Boston apartment and started facing the fact that at 31 it was time to grow up. At least a little. My first baby step was to redecorate my bedroom.
Let me just say what you’re all thinking – My bedroom looks like the Chinese curio shop in Gremlins, if it were managed by a 12-year-old homosexual.
Little did I know at that time the evil set of circumstances which was about to befall my immediate family. Almost five years on from when I first wrote this I now really know what it means to mature. And I suppose everyone’s reasons for eventually doing so differ from person to person. I was forced kicking and screaming into it nearly 20 years after I graduated from high school. You might have felt it hit you the moment you were handed your diploma. You might also be divorced now, never see your kids and work in a miserable middle management job which forces you to consider eating a gun every night by candlelight. So I’m comfortable with my former Peter Pan ways, Tink.
Read my full post about growing up and I hope you get a giggle.
I read about this recent Indiana Jones Marathon in Santa Monica (Appropriate since Harrison Ford has his own private hangar at the Santa Monica airport,) and was pleasantly surprised when, unbeknownst to me, my friend Sean not only attended but took the time to send me a photo he snuck of one of the sacred movie prop relics on display. He also wrote to describe the event and although Harry didn’t how up and start whipping the front row screaming “Get a life, would you people? It’s just a movie!”, I thought I’d share this pentultimate popular culture experience here on PITF.
“Dave – The picture below I took for you for you because you couldn’t be there to join in. I spent 7 hours in a seat watching Indy 1 through 3 last night at the Aero Theater here in Santa Monica. Just out of camera range below this was the broken stone tablet prop and matching shield from Indy 3 that tells Indy how to get to Alexandretta.
In this picture is the actual Staff of Ra headpiece prop used in the shot in the “Well of Souls” when Indy puts the staff into the correct slot and the beam of light hits the resting place of the ark. The gem in the middle of this piece is actually amber in color but was colored red in the editing because a red gem didn’t show well in the original shot. (if you watch the original film cut, the jewel is red at first, then as it seats, is amber for a spit second as the light hits it and then is red again) The larger version that Marion wears as a medallion in Nepal and then is later examined by the wise man in the “bad dates” scene is about a third larger than this one and is now on display at the Smithsonian in Washington DC.
This is the piece they also shot a green laser through to define the SFX beam on the floor model of Tanis . Then they enhanced the laser to an amber color as the glowing sun beam that blinds the audience when Indy locates the spot where the ark is buried. It is owned by Richard Edlund , the VFX supervisor for Indy 1. Edlund was one of the guests at the showing.
Rumor has it that this same headpiece once resided on Lucas’ mantelpiece along with the Mercedes Benz truck ornament that Indy snapped off the truck in the famous “out-the-windshield” scene at the Skywalker Ranch until he gave it to Edlund as a birthday present years later when he retired from the day to day business at ILM .
Fortune & glory, kid. Fortune & glory. – Sean”
Coincidently I recently forced several uninitiated folk to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time a few weeks ago (young ‘uns. Go figure). Unless I was being completely messed with – they were blown away and could not believe they’d wasted their lives so far watching summer movie tripe like Transformers. It felt good. My ridiculously large DVD collection and I will always be here for the youth of Ontario.
Forwarding viral videos isn’t really my thing, so when I make an exception you can be sure I’m either incredibly technically impressed or have just recovered from an incapacitating 20 minute gut-wrenching belly laugh. This afternoon I was the victim of a little of both – stop what you’re doing and watch this.
Guy Ritchie’s Snatch (not to be confused with Madonna) is on my top 10 list of favorite movies, ever. Frequently when it comes up in conversation I am asked “Yeah, but have you seen Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels?” To which I usually reply with one of the following:
“No, Ebert. I’ve been living under a rock for the last 10 years and actually don’t have a huge, all-encompassing obsession with British gangster movies. Please enlighten me.”
“Yes, I stumbled across it last week while perusing your awesome and eclectic movie collection. It was right between Gladiator and Top Gun.”
“Go fuck yourself immediately.”
Snatch is by far the superior movie, and someone with an appreciation for the vocabulary of lead villain “Bricktop” comparable to my own has created a brilliant mashup using footage from Star Wars. Darth Vader’s dialogue is substituted for that of Bricktop and incredible hilarity ensues. For the love of God, do yourself a favor and enjoy this masterpiece:
“You stop me again while I’m walking and I’ll cut your fucking jacobs off”
The marriage of specific scenes with dialogue is incredible, and you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Vader choke one of his Imperial underlings and then call them a “cunt” for good measure. He also appears to have a penchant for tea which I didn’t know about. What did you think?
I wrote a high school paper about the world-famous Ernesto “Che” Guevara and I remember being more than a little confused as to why he was revered by the left, particularly many actors and musicians of which I was a fan, as such a superhero. As I was a long-banged, Smiths-listening lefty by association (young, dumb and full of… Morrissey) I tended to side with my similarly spoon-fed friends and decided I dug the guy – although in my own defense I never, ever, owned one of those fucking Che shirts. Guevara was either a complete bastard or God’s gift simply depending on which book I was able to sign out of the CCHS library on a given day. The rift, split and division continues to this day, but as far as the influence of popular culture and Hollywood is concerned, el Commandante definitely has a leg up – which is both irresponsible and unfortunate. I’ll explain.
“Knowing what we know, why do we still celebrate him?” – Paul Berman
In the years since my compass has drifted, thankfully, farther to the right. That having been said, I was still excited to devote 4 hours of my life to watching Steven Soderbergh’s Che – and I did so, in one sitting, late Monday night. I certainly enjoyed the movie as entertainment. It felt authentic, gritty, was action-packed and engaging all the way through the Cuban revolution, his operations in the Congo (which are only briefly mentioned by another character and almost wholly omitted from the film) and to the final battles in the Bolivian jungle. To the uninitiated this film’s protagonist would definitely appear to be a revolutionary hero. The movie’s slant is in no way conflicted on this point.
Killer Chic: Hollywood’s Sick Love Affair With Che Guevara
From the above video: It’s something that baffles Cuban jazz legend Paquito D’Rivera. “Che hated artists, so how is it possible that artists still today support the image of Che Guevara?” Turns out the rebellious icon that emblazons countless T-shirts actually enforced aesthetic and political conformity.
My problem with the film has nothing to do with acting, timeline, 85% Spanish dialogue, cinematography or any other technical or aesthetic aspect. It’s solid celluloid. I will never, however, recommend it to anyone under the age of 25 who’ve never read at least a couple of books/articles on the man, preferably one from each side of the aisle. If “Che” Parts 1 and 2 are the only point of reference for a young mind, which they will undoubtedly become once the DVDs are released later this year, you’d think the guy was a cross between Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and Davey Crockett.
A large percentage of Cubans remember him as the “the butcher of La Cabaña” and he is considered by many others to be the genesis of continuing politically-charged brutality in the regions he directly influenced – and many that he did not. Fischer Price: My First Revolution, if you will. As Del Toro’s Che tells Lou Diamond Phillip’s character, “A coup without an army behind it never stands a chance“. Lou Diamond, fresh on the heels of his tour-de-force performance on the George Lopez Show, nods stoically. I have to be honest here though – I think there are 12-yr-old white girls in Northern Minnesota who know they have a better chance of spotting a Yeti than seeing a revolution without violence. Then they get to college and some unkempt 3rd-year activist convinces them otherwise, signs them up for a candlelit vigil during which he tries to finger her and then buys her a Che shirt the next morning as an apology. Does anyone else see the irony in that?
The leanings of Soderbergh and his Hollywood pals are no secret, but there’s “spin” and then there’s blatant omission. Stevey can argue that he does indeed show Che ordering executions. Two of his own troops who deserted, raped and then torched the house of peasants are shot during the first half of the film. (So what you’re saying is that many of his victims deserved to be blown away in jungle clearings. I get it now, and I still love you and your t-shirt, Johnny Depp!). He can also point out that during once scene, shortly before he is dispatched, one of the Bolivian soldiers remarks, “Guevera assasinated my Uncle”. As far as ticks in the “definitely not any kind of hero” column, those calculated, punch-pulling critical additions to the film are just the tip of the firing squad.
About a year ago I was at an Irish pub in Ottawa, Ontario and watched a group of about 30 twenty-somethings, obviously on some sort of bar crawl, stumble through the door all at once. To my dismay I noticed that they were all wearing identical neon-green t-shirts with the infamous Che visage boldly printed on the front. To prove a point to my companions, I told them I’d pay the tab for the entire night if just one of the misguided students pressed against our table like sardines could both a) identify and correctly pronounce the name of the man on their spiffy new shirt and b) tell me why they admired him. I made my point after speaking to about five of them and drank for free into the wee hours.
I’m no expert on the man, but I’ve definitely gone further out of my way over the last 20 years to be able to form an honest, objective opinion of his deserved legacy than the vast majority of my peers – a desire based in large on my early exposure to a book on the Cuban Revolution which my parents had in their house. I’ll shut up now. Spend the money you’re thinking of laying down for one of these incredibly inappropriate (you now know that Che vehemently disliked artists and musicians) t-shirt, dog tag or knit hat symbols of your progressiveness and spend it instead on a book like The Che Guevara Myth and the Future of Liberty – then see if you still feel the same way. That’s all I’m saying. Viva le Gordita !
The site from which I used to spelunk my quizzlet questions each Friday has unfortunately gone the way of the Dodo. I’m quite happy to make the questions up myself – but that seems pretty disingenuous. I’d also like to reboot the sense of community we had here on Pye in the Face in years past and encourage reader participation. See where I’m going with this?
Using my Facebook status and Twitter account I’m going to invite all of you to submit the 5 questions which normally make up Friday’s Quizzlet. If folks care enough to get involved maybe I’ll be able to do this every week. I’d also like to invite people to answer the questions themselves in the comments like so many of you used to do in PITF’s golden era. Monday I’ll also be reinstating the Quotelet contest – with real prizes this time around. Sound fun? I’m certainly looking forward to it.
Achtung! – if you’re reading this as a Facebook note it’s being automatically imported via RRS feed from my blog: http://www.davepye.com – so please go there to participate rather than commenting on the Facebook note.
Appetizer: It’s a common observation that people’s pets resemble them in some way. What are 3 similarities between you and your pet? - Amy K.
1. Shepherd is loyal to a fault. You could say that, however, about every dog that has ever lived. “Want me to follow you into traffic? OK!” Although my “gut” is usually quite dependable there have been a few times in my life where I spent time and energy on fixing people – when I should have been taking out the garbage.
2. Shepherd loves his sister very much. Janet and I have been very close (since we stopped living together at our parent’s) and we both value each other’s support. For obvious reasons this has become especially important recently and also explains how my 5-day business trip to Boston has turned into over 3 weeks at this point. I’m reminded of Belushi’s SNL skit, “The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave”. But she swears she isn’t. We’ll see what she thinks in another 3 weeks.
3. Shepherd is fascinated by deer poo. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, people.
Soup: Has anyone ever really cared when Jimmy cracked corn? – Megan C.
Yes – it’s quite possible that over the years at least a few people have cared. I’m assuming that to “crack” corn is to husk it and thought up some possible examples.
His hungry corn-fed family.
A cow, pig or other farm animal who was also quite hungry. If he’s crackin’ corn on a regular basis, he probably lives on a farm. Or needs a hobby.
Any major theater chain you wish to choose. Kernels don’t grow on trees, they grow on corn stalks. And getting at the kernels first requires you to crack those motherfuckers.
Native American dry colored corn artists. Without Jimmy they’d have to turn to some kind of federal grant or something.
So next time you want to hate on Jimmy the corn cracker, Megan, try showing a little compassion instead. Cornpassion, even.
Salad: What’s your favorite Bonnie memory? Sorry that’s personal but I’d like to hear it. – Mary C-B.
There’s one that pops immediately to mind, but I feel like I’ve described it here before so I’ll look for the link and get back to you with it. In the meantime, it’s obviously impossible to pick just one. There was an amusing recent occurrence, however, which happened up at the lake house about 3 summers ago. I bugged and bugged my mother to get on the back of a jetski with me, which she was absolutely dead set against. After taking a couple of test runs back and forth across her line of vision, I came back to the dock in one piece and finally coerced her to climb on. She got out of her lawn chair which was set up on the dock beside Gordo and several neighbors and they cheered her on as she straddled the evil, motorized sea beast.
The voyage started out well-enough, with Mom giggling and mock-screaming as she held on to my waist for dear life. Then it all went horribly wrong. Anyone with jetski experience will hammer home one piece of advice to a newbie – never decelerate in a turn. I did just that, right in full view of the dock spectators, and Bonnie and I rolled arse-over-tit beneath the waves in a split second. I climbed back on my steed but Mom had had quite enough and dog-paddled back to shore as we both endured comments from the peanut gallery (well, I got a lot more shit than she did). I tied up at the dock myself about 20 minutes later. As I passed by my father he beckoned for me to lean down before whispering in my ear: “Thanks a lot, asshole. Now she’ll never let me get one.”
Main Course: Which crime would you make punishable by death, and how would the guilty be executed? – Gary P.
Child abuse. Particularly that of a sexual nature. Most states will already execute you for killing a child. Ruining the rest of their life via mental scarring will only get you a comparably short jail sentence followed by a “This Guy is a Diddler” sign on your front lawn. I’ll need more time to devise the ideal method of diddler dispatch, but I can tell you that it will definitely be slow, will definitely be painful and will definitely involve… diddling.
Dessert: Why hasn’t Will Smith insisted on starring in films with better storylines? – Angie F.
I have to assume here that you’re speaking specifically about the two cowboys fighting the giant robotic spider in 1880’s California? If you’re not, you should be. At least you get to see Bai Ling’s buttocks in that pile of garbage, which on second thought isn’t much of an incentive. Seven Pounds put me to sleep quicker that a mallet to the temple, but I think recently his choices have been quite sound. I really enjoyed I Am Legend, Pursuit of Happyness and Hancock. Your theory about Will’s bad choices may come back into fashion, however, as I see his next movie in production is entitled Monster Hunter. I’d like to go on record as saying I hope that movie involves at least one Sasquatch pursuit.
You’ll see some old Quizzlets directly below this post so click through for a trip down memory lane if you’ve never seen one before or need some refreshing inspiration. Submitted questions can be serious, silly, twisted or just batshit crazy. The one running theme is that I try to make my responses interesting, funny and usually both. So with no further ado – fire away and I will answer my favorites as they come in.
One of my favorite bands of all time write a song dedicated to my favorite movie of all time. How could I not take 5 minutes out of my busiest week in years to comment on this?
Being fans of the Vangelis film score, Blade Runner, we always wanted to write an imaginary song for the closing credits on Ridley Scott’s classic… It’s called Jetstream… Cheers.
If you’re a fan of The Doves you can download “Jetstream” as an MP3 for free off their official website – right this instant. The forthcoming album is titled “Kingdom of Rust and will be available in early April.
And obviously the Kingdom of Nerds couldn’t contain themselves long before actually setting the new song over the flick’s end titles and uploading it to YouTube. Well, sorta. From the YouTube page:
Blade Runner closing images don’t last long enough to enjoy the whole song. So there it is: Doves’ Jetstream song combined with the (fake) Blade Runner end titles reconstructed… using shots from The Shining, Koyaanisqatsi, Mar Adentro & other movies.
I knew that in 1981 Ridley Scott contacted Stanley Kubrick and asked him for extra footage that was originally filmed for The Shining when asked by the studio to make Blade Runner’s ending more upbeat. The scenes in question consisted of forests filmed from a helicopter which I assume were originally slated for helping create the Overlook Hotel’s sense of isolation.
“I’ve seen things you Mancurians wouldn’t believe.”
Does the tune work when played over this cobbled-together series of Runner-esque clips? Regardless, I think it’s a cool premise to admit to on the eve of your first album release in four years. I have high hopes for the record but I highly doubt Jetstream will end up being my favorite track. Having a new Doves record right around the corner, however, makes me happier than a Nexus 6 with no incept date.
Regardless of how many adult die hard James Bond fans there are in existence – and there are many – we don’t go to the movies as much as our younger pop culture consumers. Everyone’s favorite British Secret agent was getting a little long in the tooth and falling further and further off the radar of today’s popcorn munching demographic. I thought Brosnan did an excellent job as James Bond, but when he told the Broccoli’s he wasn’t coming back for another round after Die Another Day – I expect Barb saw the handwriting on the wall and knew that more drastic measures were called for if the franchise were to continue into a fifth decade.
Silhouette of Violent Impending Death
Enter Mr. Daniel Craig. Initially, although I’ve been a fan since I first noticed him in Road to Perdition, I didn’t like him for the next James Bond. This was only because one of my personal favorites, Eric Bana, was also being considered for the role. To say that things have worked out for the best would be a severe understatement. Admittedly my judgment was clouded on the matter and they could not have selected a better man for the re-imagining and reboot of one of the most successful, prolific and sacred movie franchises in human history.
My point and do I have one? After first seeing the 22nd Bond film, Quantum of Solace almost a week ago, I have read a slew of State-side reviews and they all not-so-cleverly compare the flick to a modern action franchise that has become the standard by which all others are measured – and rightfully so. “The name is Bourne. Jason Bourne.” I can accept this to a point, but many people that find the pint-sized Matt Damon completely believable as the rouge agent are absorbing this comparison hook, line and sinker.
It’s important to remember a few things before daring to mouth the word “ripoff“. The Bond films are a business, and no matter how strong their history or fan base – if they cease to make money they will cease to be made. That would be a far bigger tragedy than having to tweak the formula to attract the modern-day wallets. It is possible to please both sides of the theater aisle, and this weekend’s 70 million dollar U.S. opening is a testament to that fact. It can be done, and it has been done. Well… done.
The other talking point reviewers are parroting this weekend, however, is that the new movie is a step back for the new Bond. Again, I have to bring you folks back down to reality (my reality, anyway). Royale was a very tough act to follow but Solace was also required to be a very different movie. It’s the first Bond film to ever continue the plot of the previous one, and that plot is easily summed up in one word: revenge. The Bond we already understand to be the most ruthless, thuggish and brutal since Connery rocked the tux wants the asses of those responsible for the death of Vesper.
The very first scene of the movie is a heart-stopping, hairpin car chase through the mountains of Italy, during which many of Quantum’s (S.P.E.C.T.R.E. for the new millennium,) goons are dispatched into the next life – and the action rarely slows down for the duration. The subtle set up, character development and tie-ins to Fleming’s world were already established in Casino Royale, creating the bridge from Brosnan to Craig – and now it’s clobberin’ time.
Although I definitely bemoan the absence of John Cleese’s Q, Judi Dench and Jeffery Wright are on hand and effective as M and Felix. There is one other “character” from the Bonds of yester-year that is noticeably absent. The uber-villain. I don’t need to see white cats, boomerang hats and stainless steel dentistry in every film, but we’ve got to do a bit better with the main nemesis’ in these otherwise wonderful reboots. So far we’ve had a twitchy Frenchman with a penchant for knots and a slightly grumpy, bug-eyed environmentalist, also French. I’d like the first scene of the next script to read something like this:
INT. ORBITING SPACE STATION – TIME OF DAY IRREVLEVANT BECAUSE IT’S FRIGGING SPACE
Cigarette smoke and Russian dialect fills the control room. From the vantage point of a CAGED PRISONER, we see TWISTED FUCK BENT ON WORLD DOMINATION enter through an automatic door with a visible limp, metallic hand and boa constrictor around his neck.
I don’t need cufflink darts, tuxedos or Lotus Esprits. I do need a British protagonist who is also a semi-sadistic womanizing thug and a villain with some sort of mental illness and the potential to give young children nightmares. I hope we can compromise on those points, Barbara Broccoli – but otherwise, fantastic job thus far. I am drinking a second huge martini of relief.
Reactions to this movie have definitely been mixed. I’ve read as many glowing reviews as I have negative. Personally I was very happy with Predators and especially enjoyed the many subtle ways in which it paid homage to the 1987 original. Truth be told, sometimes the nods were about as subtle as “Ol’ Painless” – but I’ll try to cover as many of them as I noticed rather than write yet another opinion piece.
“Guys, you seem to have me at a loss here. Anyone seen The Pianist?
Suddenly, a foxhole in Chechnya seemed a lot more appealing
I wonder how many copies of that record Adam Baldwin bought back in the day? He probably had a trunk full of CDs to give away to his buddies at parties. “I was sampled by Ice Cube, dudes!” Actually, upon closer IMDB inspection I now realize he was 30 when Predator 2 was made, where as I was 18. I’m obviously living out my own little sampled-by-Cube fantasy through him. So, what’s my excuse now that I’m 36 and writing this? Let’s wrap this up…
out and watch it. Watch it all the way through until the last second before the credits roll. You may find your usual moral high ground highly unstable in those final moments. It’s a smart, engaging and challenging film which deserves a wider audience. And thus ends my popcorn Jihad.
“What’s my motivation?” Deleted scenes shouldn’t always be so.
instead… you’re probably better off. I give it 2.5 repossessed spleens out of a possible 5.
.
In this picture is the actual Staff of Ra headpiece prop used in the shot in the “Well of Souls” when Indy puts the staff into the correct slot and the beam of light hits the resting place of the ark. The gem in the middle of this piece is actually amber in color but was colored red in the editing because a red gem didn’t show well in the original shot. (if you watch the original film cut, the jewel is red at first, then as it seats, is amber for a spit second as the light hits it and then is red again) The larger version that Marion wears as a medallion in Nepal and then is later examined by the wise man in the “bad dates” scene is about a third larger than this one and is now on display at the Smithsonian in Washington DC.
(not to be confused with Madonna) is on my top 10 list of favorite movies, ever. Frequently when it comes up in conversation I am asked “Yeah, but have you seen Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels?” To which I usually reply with one of the following:
. Guevara was either a complete bastard or God’s gift simply depending on which book I was able to sign out of the 
A large percentage of Cubans remember him as the “the butcher of La Cabaña” and he is considered by many others to be the genesis of continuing politically-charged brutality in the regions he directly influenced – and many that he did not. Fischer Price: My First Revolution, if you will. As Del Toro’s Che tells Lou Diamond Phillip’s character, “A coup without an army behind it never stands a chance“. Lou Diamond, fresh on the heels of his tour-de-force performance on the George Lopez Show, nods stoically. I have to be honest here though – I think there are 12-yr-old white girls in Northern Minnesota who know they have a better chance of spotting a Yeti than seeing a revolution without violence. Then they get to college and some unkempt 3rd-year activist convinces them otherwise, signs them up for a candlelit vigil during which he tries to finger her and then buys her a Che shirt the next morning as an apology. Does anyone else see the irony in that?
About a year ago I was at an Irish pub in Ottawa, Ontario and watched a group of about 30 twenty-somethings, obviously on some sort of bar crawl, stumble through the door all at once. To my dismay I noticed that they were all wearing identical neon-green t-shirts with the infamous Che visage boldly printed on the front. To prove a point to my companions, I told them I’d pay the tab for the entire night if just one of the misguided students pressed against our table like sardines could both a) identify and correctly pronounce the name of the man on their spiffy new shirt and b) tell me why they admired him. I made my point after speaking to about five of them and drank for free into the wee hours.
– then see if you still feel the same way. That’s all I’m saying. Viva le Gordita !
One of my favorite bands of all time write a song dedicated to my favorite movie of all time. How could I not take 5 minutes out of my busiest week in years to comment on this?
fans there are in existence – and there are many – we don’t go to the movies as much as our younger pop culture consumers. Everyone’s favorite British Secret agent was getting a little long in the tooth and falling further and further off the radar of today’s popcorn munching demographic. I thought Brosnan did an excellent job as James Bond, but when he told the Broccoli’s he wasn’t coming back for another round after Die Another Day – I expect Barb saw the handwriting on the wall and knew that more drastic measures were called for if the franchise were to continue into a fifth decade.
It’s important to remember a few things before daring to mouth the word “ripoff“. The 
was a very tough act to follow but Solace was also required to be a very different movie. It’s the first Bond film to ever continue the plot of the previous one, and that plot is easily summed up in one word: revenge. The Bond we already understand to be the most ruthless, thuggish and brutal since Connery rocked the tux wants the asses of those responsible for the death of Vesper.
