Pye in the Face

The official and just-released poster for this summer’s Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull follows the old-school painting style of movie marketing that was so prevalent in the 80s but has since dwindled out in favor of brash graphics, digital photography and Kiera Knightly’s side-boob. This poster could easily be hanging over the drive-in snack bar beside that of The Empire Strikes Back. Well done to Paramount and the filmmakers for staying true to the style of the first three films, yet again.

And don’t forget to visit my Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Squidoo lens where I’ve aggregated all of the best RSS feeds related to Indy 4 news in one easy to read location. May 22nd draws ever closer, and perhaps I’ll once again be permitted to kiss a girl on the 23rd!

Appetizer: What is your middle name? Would you change any it if you could?
My middle name is James after my Grandfather Jimmy Smith. Not to be confused with Jimmy Smits who is far too young and hispanic to be my Grandfather. Jimmy Smith was born in Scotland and I spent most of my youth following him around and aping his accent - which probably explains a lot regarding my propencity for mimicry. And scotch.

Soup: If you were a designer, which fabrics, colors, and styles would you use the most?
I am a big fan of forest green, cobalt blue and not being gay. In terms of a style I think I’d be leaning towards metro-sexual pirate. “Avast, me hearties! Can I borrow a flask of rum and two fingers of product fer me fookin’ beard?”

Salad: What is your least favorite chore, and why?
I find that changing bed sheets requires an insane amount of effort. Especially if you use the same set over and over. Or frequently piss the bed. Stripping the mattress is quick enough, washing and drying is fairly automatic. It’s putting the whole thing together that takes the most time. Then you have to pull the bed out from the wall, flip the mattress so you can sleep on the dry side and sprinkle more lime on the dead hooker under the boxspring - it’s quite a chore, to be fair.

Main Course: What is something that frightens you? Can you trace it back to a life event?
Even now I do not like swimming in the ocean. I have never been a big beach person but to actually submerge myself in the open sea is something I might do once a summer. In terms of an determining event I’ll say what everyone else probably does - repeated viewings of Jaws as a child. And the fact that I was drowned as a witch in one of my former lives.

Dessert: Where are you sitting right now? Name 3 things you can see at this moment.
I am sitting at a makeshift desk in my parent’s trailer. Dad is to my right watching the first season of SNL on DVD (a present from me, obviously). The hockey fights DVD is probably going to be next. I can see the picnic table outside where I plan to sit tonight, have a beer and play LOTRO after the sun sets. That’s wicked nerdy, I know, but I’m on Dad-duty this week and as crazy as it sounds even I can only watch so many Bond films. Finally I see one of the park peacocks strutting around the lake next to our trailer. This is definitely a strange little universe I’ve found myself in that I will try to relay in future posts. Happy Friday, y’all!

I finally made it to the trailer park in Melbourne, Florida around 7pm last night and am now working on one of the surgical waiting room computers at the hospital where my Mom is having her operation. Luckily there’s also a big flatscreen in here so my father will be mesmerized for a couple of hours. So far so good, and I hope to set out soon in search of the cafeteria for one of those awesome hospital lemon danishes and a shot glass full of OJ.

Last night after my arrival I set up my computer and tried to get online using my newly purchased Verizon Wireless card. It’s a little antenna looking thing that you plug into one of your USB ports that allows you to access the internet using cell phone signals. It costs $60 a month and works pretty well. I bought it specifically while I was here at Christmas so I could work from the park for the next few weeks while I’m in Florida, but it was a Godsend Monday and Tuesday when I was stuck in Ottawa. I used it for work and left it on all night as I slept in my hotel because it’s a flat fee. After I set it up and tried to log on, I got an error message telling me to call customer service. I was quickly sent from the one of the main customer service reps to some sort of ‘wireless investigation’ department. The person I spoke to went on to inform me that they’d ‘hotlined’ (disabled) my card because over the previous 2 days in Ottawa I’d racked up $908 in ‘roaming charges’. Apparently I only had a national plan.

My silver tongue quickly came to the rescue as I calmly pulled out the dementia and ass cancer cards while also relaying how I’d been shown a coverage map when purchasing the card a few weeks before when I was last in the States. “Sure it’ll work in Ottawa!” (Oh-tah-wah) the sales person working on commission cheerfully told me. So no big tragedy here. Verizon is doing the right thing and waiving the charges. But I can’t imagine it’s too hard to implement measures that would keep such a device from working at all in another country. Anyway, I have bigger fish to fry today. Thanks to everyone who’s sent along well wishes, I look forward to your Valentines Day cards and I’ll keep you posted.

…Write about Indiana Jones if I want to, Write about Indiana Jones if I want to. You would write too if you happened to be… a huge frigging nerd. Doo doo doo doo doo doo! I’m here all week. Try the chilled monkey brains.

As of yet there have been few glimpses inside Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - literally. In all I think there have been only 3 official stills leaked and those were soon pulled down by hoardes of studio lawyers. The wait is over! Famed photographer Annie Liebovitz was given full access to the set over the summer and Vanity Fair’s January 2008 issue is chock full of juicy photos. I’m going to repost them here because surely no one at Paramount would mind/knows I’m alive.

Let’s talk about the cover, shall we? Harrison Ford looks great, he did something like 75% of his own stunts and when the film hits theatres on memorial day he’ll be 66 years old and the star of the biggest summer blockbuster of all time. That’s my 2008 prediction, kids. Spiderman, Anakin Skywalker and Samwise Gamgee are going to suck bad dates (follow that last link. Pure genius) - and they’re going to like it. Shia’s greaser character, rumored to be the lovechild of Indy and Marion Ravenwood, is also looking believable. I first saw him on the first Project Greenlight when he was unknown and picked to star in The Battle of Shaker Heights. Since then he’s embarked on an amazing career, nailed Rhiannon and… is that… a jawline and some stubble I see? I was initially horrified to learn he’d been cast but since then I’ve seen Transformers and Disturbia - and the kid gots chops. This could work.

Next we have George Lucas, Harrison and Steven Spielberg on what looks to be the soundstage for interior shots of the Mayan temple that is said to figure in to the plotline. As the crystal skull mythology (it’s nothing new) heavily involves that ancient civilization this is no surprise. Indy battles the Russians this time around and the film is set in 1957. One of the reasons I think this will work is that no one is trying to pretend they aren’t as old as the dirt used to replicate the weight of a golden idol. There will also be limited CGI and Spielberg has said he is going to scale back his direction, editing and cinematography to the level/style it was at in the 80s. In the Vanity Fair article he explains how hard it was to scale back in this fashion - there will be no Munich-esque handheld cameras, at any rate.

Let’s get to the ladies of Indy 4 - Karen Allen looks absolutely lovely at 55, and as one of everybody’s favorite characters from the original trilogy Marion Ravenwood’s inclusion was a solid, solid decision on Lucas’ part. She was easily lured out of semi-retirement in Massachusetts where she has been running a successful knit clothing store. I have heard speculation that the Russians kidnap Marion in order to force Indy to help them recover the crystal skull. Along the way he’ll obviously discover that his greaser student Shia is also his son. I’m looking forward to seeing how Lucas has made it all pan out.

And the moment everyone’s been waiting for - the world’s very first look at Cate Blanchett as Indy’s fourth nemesis: Agent Spalko. Add this Russian baddy to the disturbing ranks of Belloq, Toht, Mola Ram and Walter Donovan. The article features a two-minute video of the cast posing for Leibovitz and you get a much better look at Cate there. She looks incredibly sinister and ridiculously hot at the same time. Another victory for the casting department and costume designers.

I can’t wait to learn more about Ray Winstone’s character, Mac, who is said to be a friendly rival of Indy. Most likely a replacement for Marcus Brody (Denholm Elliott died of AIDS in 1992) or Sallah. The fact that John Rhys-Davies is not participating is sad, but then again the film isn’t set in the middle east but South America this time around. And there’s no indication there won’t be a cameo. Speaking of cameos… Sir Connery, anyone? I didn’t like Shia, I didn’t like the title, but it’s all falling into place and the flick looks amazing so far. You know if Spielberg and Lucas dusted off that old fedora they’re taking the project very seriously as it could seriously tarnish their legacies and that of the franchise. Wow - most anticipated film, evah for little old me.

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