Pye in the Face

“I’m just terrified to get up on a stage with them all again… because no one has ever tested me like they did. You always had to be at the top of your game.” - Martin Short in the Toronto Star

First and foremost, I’d have to be a complete and utter jackass to presume I could effectively “review” an event of this magnitude, so please consider it a… loving memoir. A week ago tonight I had the severe pleasure of attending SCTV’s Benefit of Laughter, which was a charity event held to raise money for the Second City alumni fund. To say it was a hot ticket would be the biggest understatement of the 24 years since the beloved station stopped broadcasting in 1984. For two side-splitting performances SCTV was definitely back on the air - onstage in a small theatre in Toronto - and it was a wonderful sight to behold.

I let a week pass before sitting down to write about the night because I wanted to be able to consider, share and link to what other bloggers and the media wrote about the events. Surprisingly there is very little mention of the actual performances online - nothing, actually - and my site is getting the bulk of the related search engine traffic. I’d be writing the show up regardless, but now I feel obligated. So wish me luck, grab your Count Floyd 3D glasses and hang on to your toques.

An SCTV Reunion? Don’t Play With my Emotions Like That.
The Toronto Star interviewed all of the SCTV principals just before the two shows last week in what is probably the best pre-event article you’ll find. Catherine O’Hara (excited), Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin (scared), Joe Flaherty (sorta looking forward to it) and Martin Short were all obviously more than happy to perform together again and to raise money for their Second City peers. The Star did a wonderful job of ramping up to the event, so please read their piece for the full story.

I already mentioned a lot of the background and how my sister and I came to be VIPs for the event in a prior SCTV Reunion post. I’d love to be able to report that I’ve become Catherine O’Hara’s cabana boy, but alas - we paid our way in and sprung for the top tier tickies. I knew it was a great cause and once in a lifetime experience going into it, but after being there - I think I would have paid far more. Perhaps even hocked my Five Neat Guys LP collection. It was good.

Goin’ Down the Road
Although we originally drove from Ottawa for the event, my sister and I spent Sunday night at our cousin’s in Hamilton. We struck out for Toronto at around 5:30pm on Monday figuring 2.5 hours would be more than enough time to get into the city, drop my car off at a friend’s and then get a cab over to Second City. Toronto traffic, a bastard of a GPS system and one insane cab driver on mentholated schnapps later we were 10 minutes late for the show and just closing in on the location. May I suggest to Second City that in the future they print their address on tickets? Schnapps isn’t particularly good for one’s sense of direction. I’ll give them this, though - they actually called my sister’s cell phone to find out where we were and to make sure we knew how to get there. I know there was a long waiting list, so I’d like to thank them for taking that extra step and not giving our seats away.

We finally got there, were asked by the doorman if we were the “last two everyone is waiting for”, and were shown to our great seats just as the first sketch was starting. We were at a small table in the middle with a lovely couple who eventually introduced themselves as the director and his wife. Thank you for the nachos and Brian - well done, sir! He let on that he was a little nervous about how the show would play out and said that the cast had only one evening and one full day to rehearse and prepare. Since the show was over two hours long I can understand his concern. I noticed that the hysterical laughter surrounding him on all sides definitely had a calming effect. After the show, his super-friendly and lovely wife (whose name escapes me) told me that she mentioned to Eugene Levy and Martin Short that the people they were sitting with had come from Ottawa and they were quite impressed. And by “impressed” I of course mean “ready to file restraining orders”.

Let There be Laughter
How on Earth do I do justice to the actual show? I didn’t take notes - I thought some other blogger who was a bigger SCTV nerd than myself (it happens,) would cover all of the painstaking details. But they haven’t and all I hear are internet crickets. I’ll summarize my favorite sketches and anyone looking for more info or explication is free to leave comments or send me an email which I promise I’ll answer. Please limit your inquiries to the SCTV reunion, and not as to whether I’m a complete waste of space with a drinking problem.

• Meeting With the Teacher: Catherine O’Hara played an overwhelmed school teacher in the opening sketch who had called together the parents of her 4 worst students. The reasons behind the children’s struggles soon became very apparent. Edith Prickley, a grumpy Italian (Flaherty) a nerd (Levy) and a creepy dude reminiscent of Nathan Thurm (Short) made up the parents. O’Hara: “Where did your son get such a dirty mouth?” Flaherty: “How the fuck should I know?” Audience: “We are in absolute comedic and nostalgic bliss”. I’m allowed one James Lipton moment, no?
• The Job Interview: This sketch starts out with the big boss (Levy) introducing himself to a job applicant (O’Hara) and then asking if it’s OK if they have a group interview to save time. He then says that the other applicant will be arriving shortly. At this point, I leaned forward and whispered to my sister “I bet Ed Grimley’s gonna come through that door”, and wouldn’t you know it - he did. I lost it and had my first of many laughing fits complete with streaming tears. And guess who got the job? O’Hara’s parting line to Grimley: “You’ll be in my prayers, sir.”
• The Variety Show: Although I’m still miffed Count Floyd was absent from the show, if Bittman and Maudlin hadn’t made an appearance I might have gone on a tri-province shooting spree. The first of two references to John Candy was made when Sammy Maudlin mentioned how much he missed having William B. as his sidekick. Bobby Bittman came out to plug his new book “Born Lying Down” and the segment was topped off by a visit from Jackie Rogers Jr. and Lola Heatherton - fresh from being booted off dancing with the stars. They proceeded to demonstrate their final routine as I proceeded to snort Molson Canadian up my nose and then all over my brand new shirt.

This post is getting frighteningly long - those were my 3 favorites, but really just the tip of the iceberg. Colin Mocharie appeared in a sketch at a funeral for a man who died with his head in a can of pork and beans and also did an audience-suggestion improv bit with Martin Short and several members of the current Toronto Second City Cast as well as Women Fully Clothed. Robin Duke stole every scene she was in, by the way, and was very nice to me at the after party when I accosted her while she was getting a coffee. Joe Flaherty made sure everyone remembered John Candy when he mentioned him during the standing ovation and let everyone know just how much he was in their thoughts. “He’s here!” someone shouted from the audience, to which Joe smiled and said simply: “That’s right“.

After the Party Comes the After Party
We never touched our wallets during the entire performance and the after party next door at Wayne Gretzky’s was no exception. Tray after tray of hors d’ourves, wine, bottled water and pints made the rounds. Janet and I grabbed a couple of beverages and began to wander.

A backdrop had been set up for official photos to be taken, but none of the cast had appeared yet. The photographers, a pair of cool and bald twin brothers, asked us if we wanted a photo and we agreed, knowing full well they just wanted to test their apertures, f-stops and such. We ended up carving out a nice little spot for ourselves right near the impending action though, and even met a nice couple to chat with. It turns out Jack had been to my blog that very day when looking for info about the show. People tend to remember one-syllable last names that are synonymous with a dessert.

We weren’t allowed to take photos during the show, but my snaps from the party speak a thousand words, with one exception. My sister’s deceptive flash caused me to turn my head a second too early so Martin Short can now count himself as one of the lucky few to be photographed with the elusive sasquatch. All the cast members were happy to pose and chat with their fans, and the highlight of my life evening was managing to make both Mocharie and Flaherty laugh. Although it may have been nervously. Please enjoy the SCTV Reunion Gallery and I hope you enjoyed my affectionate write up. I’ll never forget the experience and count myself lucky to have been there.

More SCTV Reunion Stuff (as I find it):

• Interview on CityTV: Andrea Martin says the audience at the first show was like an extended family. Aw, shucks!
• 680 News Interviews: Audio interviews with several cast members before and after the show.
• Comics Pay tribute: Several well-known comedians explain why SCTV is so special to them.

The only thing better than meeting Martin Short is having a photo taken with him in which you look like you’ve been struck in the head with a cricket bat that has several bricks nailed to it.

I waited 34 years to get a photo with this man, and look at the result. I suppose it’s sorta fitting and funny. As JV put it - Martin short looks like he’s being accosted by a “drunk mountain”. I’ll write a full report on the evening when I get back home tomorrow. Dig on the SCTV Benefit of Laughter Gallery here!

As my Cadbury Cream Egg hangover slowly wore off this morning I remembered a little news item I’ve been saving for the right moment. Perhaps I’ve just been hesitant as I thought talking about it might jinx this historic and amazing event in some cosmically unfortunate manner. Because it’s literally amazing in a ‘pull your balls out on the subway and sing Happy Days are Here Again’ sort of way. Here’s the rub: My wonderful sister got wind of an SCTV Reunion a couple of weeks ago, and before even telling me about it she’d procured two tickets to the event May 5th at their 51 Mercer Street location in Toronto.

“I am thrilled to have this wonderful collection of Second City alums come home and support their colleagues and friends who may be experiencing some difficulties in their life.” - Andrew Alexander - Proprietor/Executive Producer

My inside (literally) source, whom I shall refer to as “magic 8 ball”, tells me that the charity event is to help Tony Rosato with his treatment and/or legal bills - it’s no secret that he is currently incarcerated at a mental hospital in Ontario. Although I’m sure he isn’t the only alumnus to fall on hard times, he’s certainly the most well known having been an original member of the SCTV troupe, and he also spent 2 seasons (1980 & 81) on Saturday Night Live as a writer and performer. Here he is performing a skit with Robin Duke in 1979 - who can forget Crazy Crafts with Molly Earl ?

Tony is and was a very funny man and for a while Lorne Michaels had very high, Belushi-esque, hopes for him. He apparently suffers from Capgras Syndrome which is a delusional belief that a friend or loved one’s body has been taken over by an imposter, Invasion of the Bodysnatchers style. It’s no joke, I wish him all the best and although I’m quite certain there are many who’d be happy to take my place now that the event is sold out - I’m very happy to be able to contribute to his cause. Here’s Tony with Eugene Levy doing Abbott and Costello, also from the early series #3.

As if simply being at an SCTV Reunion wasn’t enough, I was further gob smacked to learn that my dear old Sis sprung for the top tier tickets which get us into a private cocktail reception with the cast. So we’ll be having drinks and hobnobbing with the likes of Martin Short, Eugene Levy, Joe Flahrety, Dave Thomas, Catherine O’Hara and Andrea Martin. Colin Mochrie will also be performing and I imagine lots of other Canadian Comedians will be on hand to support the cause. Will I finally get to meet Aykroyd? Will Marty do Jackie Rogers Jr. for me? Will I be escorted out while howling loudly like Count Floyd? All signs point to “yes“.

Appetizer: Given the choice, would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?
The country, as long as there is a city within reasonable driving distance. Here in the sleepy town of Portland I have Ottawa an hour and fifteen minutes to the West and Kingston forty-five minutes to the East. South I have the Big Rideau. North I have Yeti and Sasquatch. As I eluded - I like a mix.

Soup: Who is the cutest kid you know?
I can’t possibly answer this question in public. I know many of cute kids and many of their parents read this blog. Some of them are even related to me. I’ve been looking for an excuse to make a very important announcement, so I guess this is the best chance I’m gonna get. Pay attention: Christopher Walken is hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend.

Only Alec Baldwin is as consistently excellent a guest host. Oh wait, I just checked NBC.com and they’re re-running the Tina Fey episode from last month. Damn - must have been a last minute pull out like when Janet Jackson was replaced by Mariah last week. I’ve been watching all of the current season, as I always do, and let me tell you something. Remember you heard it here first, kids - SNL is funny again. Samberg, Hader and especially Kristen Wiig are pulling the show from the jaws of death. Amy Poehler and Fred Armisen have done their parts too. Last week’s episode which starred Jonah Hill was basically the Kristen Wiig show. She carried no less than 3 solid skits all by herself. In only 2.5 years she has established more recurring characters than most cast members ever manage. My favorite being the Target Lady which you can see above. If I hear one more person say “Well, I hear SNL isn’t funny anymore” who can not go on to name even one of the newer cast members… I will summarily beat them to death with a land shark.

Salad: Fill in the blank: I couldn’t believe it when I heard ___________.
DMX didn’t know who Barack Obama is.

Main Course: If you could star in a commercial for one of your favorite products, which one would you want to advertise?
I gave it some air time in my Greek recipe segment from earlier this week, but I’ve got to give some more props to my T-Fal indoor grill. That’s what I call it anyway. Officially it is known as the Excelio Comfort, and I’m a big fan. I decided to buy it because everytime we want to grill something on the BBQ my father gets involved and it turns into a mess. It’s one of his dementia-related fixations. As you can imagine, we don’t want him playing with fire. This way, we can grill things quietly in the kitchen and he never has to take his eyes off The Quiet Man.

Dessert: What type of vitamins or supplements do you take on a regular basis?
I take Emergen-C every morning. I currently have a box of orange and a box of tangerine which Lauren was nice enough to send me up from Boston for my birthday. It’s the Mom in her, no doubt. It’s tasty, delightfully sparkly and contains all kinds of things I’m not getting from poutine. The first person to ever give me E-C to try was my friend Bridget way back in 1999. You probably remember her as the alarmed and beautiful nutritionist in Super Size Me. What better a person to make the introduction. Although back then I think she was far more concerned about my McBeer intake then anything else.

New Amsterdam is a direct, and poorly disguised, descendant of my beloved Life on Mars - which the BBC offered to several American networks without takers. I just want to get that down for the record in the midst of an insanely busy day which, coupled with a penchant for buggery, prevents me from writing more.

Appetizer: What is your middle name? Would you change any it if you could?
My middle name is James after my Grandfather Jimmy Smith. Not to be confused with Jimmy Smits who is far too young and hispanic to be my Grandfather. Jimmy Smith was born in Scotland and I spent most of my youth following him around and aping his accent - which probably explains a lot regarding my propencity for mimicry. And scotch.

Soup: If you were a designer, which fabrics, colors, and styles would you use the most?
I am a big fan of forest green, cobalt blue and not being gay. In terms of a style I think I’d be leaning towards metro-sexual pirate. “Avast, me hearties! Can I borrow a flask of rum and two fingers of product fer me fookin’ beard?”

Salad: What is your least favorite chore, and why?
I find that changing bed sheets requires an insane amount of effort. Especially if you use the same set over and over. Or frequently piss the bed. Stripping the mattress is quick enough, washing and drying is fairly automatic. It’s putting the whole thing together that takes the most time. Then you have to pull the bed out from the wall, flip the mattress so you can sleep on the dry side and sprinkle more lime on the dead hooker under the boxspring - it’s quite a chore, to be fair.

Main Course: What is something that frightens you? Can you trace it back to a life event?
Even now I do not like swimming in the ocean. I have never been a big beach person but to actually submerge myself in the open sea is something I might do once a summer. In terms of an determining event I’ll say what everyone else probably does - repeated viewings of Jaws as a child. And the fact that I was drowned as a witch in one of my former lives.

Dessert: Where are you sitting right now? Name 3 things you can see at this moment.
I am sitting at a makeshift desk in my parent’s trailer. Dad is to my right watching the first season of SNL on DVD (a present from me, obviously). The hockey fights DVD is probably going to be next. I can see the picnic table outside where I plan to sit tonight, have a beer and play LOTRO after the sun sets. That’s wicked nerdy, I know, but I’m on Dad-duty this week and as crazy as it sounds even I can only watch so many Bond films. Finally I see one of the park peacocks strutting around the lake next to our trailer. This is definitely a strange little universe I’ve found myself in that I will try to relay in future posts. Happy Friday, y’all!

I finally got Direct TV… any TV… and the holy grail that is American reality television is once again mine after 7 long months of seclusion. I don’t watch a whole lot of it intently, but I do tend to keep it on during the day while I am working and soak a lot of it up through some sort of crapola osmosis. As you can imagine I have made some observations.

People who write MTV in the hopes of getting their ride pimped seem more interested in possessing a reliable car that doesn’t have to be hotwired or towed on a daily basis than having a tropical fish aquarium with a blacklight mounted in their back seat. It’s all well and good to have 6 high definition flat screens in your hatchback, but they won’t really help you when you when you’re stalled at 3am while a meth addict taps at your windshield with a hook. The guys who soup up these cars are extremely good at painting an intricate spider web on the hood of a car, but I’d rather see them get under it. How about a spinoff starring MC Serch entitled ‘Fix my Transmission’?

There’s Something About Miriam is a tipping point. A frightening one. I think the show was inevitable, it just took reality producers 15 years (the genre was technically born in 1992 with the first episode of The Real World) to find a transsexual that could actually fool anybody. More shows are going to feature shocking twists the contestants didn’t sign on for and more humiliated people are going to sue, kill themselves - and even kill others like the guy who’s best friend came out and professed his love for him on Jenny Jones a few years ago. After they got back to their small town, the crushee whacked the crusher. There’s a difference between introducing a surprise guest and introducing mental anguish - and the backlash is coming.

A PE fan since the day in 1986 when I first heard Rebel Without a Pause pumping out of a boom box at JV basketball practice, I have been glad to see Flava Flav’s fortunes increase via his second wind on Surreal Life, Strange Love, Flava of Love and his Comedy Central roast. Let’s face it, the man has a financial responsibility for every sperm that’s ever swum through his sack. I hear that “My 13 Children and Their 5 Mothers Thank God Everyday for Introducing me to Brigitte Nielsen” is currently in development.

Four years and a thousand entries ago, I started this blog - knowing full well I probably wouldn’t maintain it but that it would be a learning experience relevant to my line of work. Who knew? I recently added a “On this date three years ago” feature in the sidebar in the hopes of getting a few eyeballs on some of the Pye in the Face canon. But I don’t think that’s really enough - especially where search engines are concerned. So I’m going to take time out now and then to draw attention to past posts I think are pretty cool and that you very likely missed.

Three years ago the thoroughly unique and enjoyable Tough Crowd was canceled by Comedy Central - much to my chagrin. I wrote a bunch of posts on the subject that I know were passed around and read by people involved with the show - including Jim Norton, Laurie Kilmartin, Patrick from Cringe Humor and probably even Colin Quinn himself. If you want to learn why I liked the show so very much, follow some of the Tough Crowd related links you see in this paragraph. That’s the whole point. This is how we play the reminiscelets game. My good friend Brukakke and I drove to New York to see the last Tough Crowd episode taping and even made it onto the show via an audience shot that you can see below. We met a lot of the guys and it was good closure for us. We were probably the equivalent of Tough Crowd superfans.

Another article I read over recently and got a chuckle out of was in response to a blog entry by Moby right after the 2004 election. Moby was so distraught that George Bush had been re-elected that he was asking Canadians if it was alright if he moved up there. I was only too happy to give him an answer. You won’t often see me talk about politics on PITF, or draw attention to when I’ve done it in the past, so enjoy it while you can.

There are two camps of Sopranos fans making noise on the internet this morning regarding last night’s series finale. Like Marmite, Ovaltine, sushi or the Scissor Sisters - you either love it or you hate it. I fall into the former category. Although I had an “oh no Chase didn’t” moment when the screen fell quickly to black at the end, after some thought I calmed down. Like Sam Malone straightening the picture of Coach before turning out the lights on Beacon Street for the last time, it couldn’t have been concluded any better.

Carlo flipped, and ultimately even if Mink can win Tony’s case on the handgun charge there are some seriously rough waters ahead. Three of his best Capos are either dead or incapacitated and of the three remaining one is banging his daughter, one is named after Bobby Darin and one is afraid of cats. But there’s a lot of positives when you think about it that may carry the family through to a feature film, or at least comfort the average viewer who is miffed at the lack of tangible resolution.

AJ finally has his head out of his moonbat ass and is working with Carmine Junior on a movie. Meadow is going to be a lawyer at 170K starting salary and seems to have landed a decent guy in Patsy’s son. Christopher has been reincarnated as an orange tabby. Carmela is pressing on with her real estate development and Janice has 3 kids and Johnny Sack’s old house to be nutty in. And Tony - Tony is genuinely happy. Note the scene where he’s raking the leaves and he pauses to contemplate the back yard, probably thinking about his beloved ducks. Or when he grabs AJ’s hand in the diner at the very end. His closure with Junior in the state mental hospital. I think there were a lot of “finale-worthy” moments that the detractors missed.

Back to Junior and Tony’s scene in the ward. “You and my Dad, you used to run North Jersey.” “Did we? That’s nice.” Maybe it’s due to my current personal situation, but that exchange really choked me up. For all their past glory, and all the ‘respect’ they are supposed to command within their universe - at the end of the day it doesn’t amount to a hill of penne, and the mob simply doesn’t work anymore.

So what happened to Tony at the very end? I remember a scene from a few seasons ago where Bobby is intimidating a guy in a bar who owes him money. It’s the first time you ever see Bobby as anything more than Junior’s flunkie and you can trace his transformation from that specific moment like a road map. He tells the guy that when you get whacked, it just goes black suddenly. Much like the end of the diner scene last night. But I don’t think Tony is supposed to have been clipped in Chase’s final bow. No way.

The level of anxiety that was created in the final moment’s of the Soprano’s last episode was incredible. It was right up there with Henry Hill’s sauce and Carlito’s cousin’s beer cooler. Tony scans the room for potential leftover Leotardo interlopers and FBI goons. From the trucker, to the paisan, to the hip-hoppers, to the couple and back to the guy at the counter again. He’s out in public with his family, devoid of any crew and a sitting duck of the highest order - even with his back to the wall. That’s the life he has chosen and how he’ll have to live it long after we don’t get to follow along anymore.

For this long time Baba-Binger, last night was a calculated mix of both closure and speculation. I am glad Tony and his family survived, and I am especially happy that Paulie didn’t defect to New York - but we know that there can never be a happy ending for any of them. Whether we literally see Tony’s brains all over a big bowl of onion rings or are forever left to wonder exactly whatever happened to that Russian in the Pine Barrens.

While most of us are running around filled with glee at the imminent start of the Sopranos’ final 6 episodes, let us not forget that April also marks the start of a new season in Sunnyvale. Season 7 begins with “I Fuckin’ Miss Corey and Trevor” and premieres this Sunday night at 9pm:

“The Trailer Park Boys are back for their 7th season. Cross border dope smuggling, model train hobbyists and Sebastian Bach, ex-frontman of Skid Row collide in these 10 hilarious new episodes.“

It sounds like the boys will have a few run-ins with Americans in this new foray. After a little digging, I found some spoilers. They boys will be selling meat in the LC parking lot to make money. Lahey switches from Liquor to dope. Apparently there’s several new animals in the park, including Sheryl the Crow and some raccoons. Ricky discussing the new influx of critters: “… but I got fuckin’ insects now coming to my trailer, frogs and fuckin these things that look like cats but they got this long beaky nose things , they’re all attracted to my dope …“

As for #7 supposedly being the Sunnyvale’s last hurrah, Rob Wells (Ricky) recently said: “It’s still up in the air,” he said. “We’d love to keep going. A couple of people are a little tired and burnt out and need a break.” It’s no secret who Wells is referring too. Corey and Trevor are apparently completely absent from this series because the actors who play them didn’t want to participate. Which I’m sure they’ll regret in a few years when they’re both living off bar appearances. “We’re definitely up for keeping going, if everyone else is.” In the new series it’s apparently reported that Corey and Trevor have been committed to a mental institution because of all the abuse at the hands of Ricky and Julian over the years.

If you live in Canada, you can watch the entire first episode as of yesterday on Showcase’s website. If you live in the states, like me, it’s blocked. Bugger. But never fear my Yank friends, about an hour after the show airs on Sunday it will be available for download via a torrent right here. If you can’t wait, here’s a poor quality torrent rip of the webstream that is blocked in the USA. Now frig off.

The Quizzlet was another repeat today. I wish she wouldn’t do that so often. Perhaps I should start my own quiz meme site. I’ll get in a little practice and write my own questions today. Please feel free to play along in the comments.

What will you miss most about Boston if you ever actually leave?
Not counting friends, narry a whole heck of a lot. If that were a different story, I probably wouldn’t be leaving in the first place. I won’t be sitting in my apartment in Toronto weeping and working on an oil painting of the Charlestown skyline - let’s put it that way.

What is your favorite television show? Pay TV doesn’t count.
The second season of the brilliant Life on Mars started last week, and I’ve downloaded the first 2 episodes, as I recommend you do here. If you don’t fall in love with Gene Hunt and Sam Tyler after an hour, “I’ll come around your houses and stamp on all your toys. Got it? Good kids”. The Trailer Park Boys Movie is now out on DVD, too.

What profession do you wish you’d taken up instead of your current one?
Take it easy, James Lipton. I should have become a homicide detective. All I do in my spare time is watch reality cop shows, and I would love to clock in every day tasked with catching lazy, murderous scumbags. Coincidentally, that’s also the new name of my garage band.

Are there any hardcore Democrats in the audience who feel like their party is completely screwing the pooch in terms of selecting a candidate for 2008?
I’d love to see a woman in the presidency some day. I’d love to see a black person in the presidency some day. Hell - let’s just blow everyone’s mind and elect Tyra Banks. But let’s also be realistic and keep the endgame in mind - this isn’t the decade. The country isn’t ready for it yet. Short of running a unicorn or one of those hairdo trolls that you put on the end of a pencil, the Dems are going to have to come back down to Earth if they want to stand a ghost of a chance next year. Am I wrong?

“This is a song I play down at the legion sometimes…” - Bubbles.

The Trailer Park Boys rake in a ton of money in the show’s off-season making in-character personal appearances, and for the last few years they have toured as opening acts for a lot of Canadian bands. They took it a step further last week in Halifax, Nova Scotia - their home Province.

“Axl has done duets with the likes of Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, Bono, Springsteen, and now …Bubbles! A page in the history of rock n roll was written that night, and I’m glad I was there to witness it.” -YouTube comment

The Metro Center in Halifax holds a gazillion people, and I know it was sold out for this show. To hear thousands of voices singing along to Bubbles’ infamous ditty is something you just have to watch for yourself. And when Axl himself does his strange little serpentine slither up to the front of the stage to join in, and actually appears to know the words, it’s a very odd sight indeed. But in a good way.

“Seeing Axl Rose sing along to Nova Scotia’s new official anthem rocks …and hearing how the nearly 10,000 people there knew all the words is just so insanely funny.” YouTube Comment

To celebrate P-Cip, Sean and my’s foray into Canadian media fame, see the Trailer Park Boys have American Fans article from yesterday, I thought I’d look for a musical clip related to the show. The first thing I found is a funny scene from the new movie where Tragically Hip’s lead singer, Gord Downie, makes a cameo as a cop. Ricky, who is famous in the TV series for tricking cops to get out of trouble, convinces them that Julian is deaf. The other cop, who asks “Where are you coming from?” is Alex Lifeson, the lead guitarist from RUSH:

Then I found a clip from the beginning of my all-time favorite episode, Who’s the Microphone Assassin, where J-Roc and the Roc Pile shoot a low-budget video for the song of the same name. “The day that J-Roc loses his flow is the day that hair on Jim Lahey’s bald head grow…“

Later in the same episode, the boys have a rap concert. But J-Roc has stage fright due to having been caught masturbating (I couldn’t make this stuff up) so other members of the gang have to fill in. Cory, Trevor and then finally Bubbles get up on stage to bust some rhymes. “Mad MC skills leave ya struck, and I roll with my kitties and I’m hard as fuck!”

And finally, J-Roc gets talked into performing, and the ditty he performs about his mom catching him wanking is undeniably catchy. Ask anyone who has seen this episode - you’ll be chanting “It could happen to you, cause it happened to me…” for a few days afterwards.

If you’re uninitiated, I’ve just given you an easy way to take a peek at this ridiculous phenomenon. Hit the play button on any of the videos to see the clips. I swear this is almost the last of it. Since I’m now an official authority, I have to act accordingly.

The Pye In The Face Press Desk has been ablaze all day. First, Goonblog gets mentioned on MSNBC. Obviously, I thought it would end there. I didn’t go on a tri-county shooting spree or anything. Maybe Chris did - I should ask. Then, a nice woman emails me from the Canadian Press and asks if I’d like to do an interview about American Trailer Park Boys fans. She Googled PITF and obviously found an obsessive number of references. I am inching closer and closer to winning the ultimate object of my desire. My muse. My filthy fantasy dirty-time woman. You guessed it - Liz Walker.

Trailer Park Boys: The Movie is set to become the top-grossing Canadian film of all time. And if that doesn’t happen, it will at least eclipse the current canon of FUBAR, Porky’s and Strange Brew as the most internationally accessible piece of Canadian celluloid out there. With Ivan Reitman (you may have heard of Ghostbusters) producing, Clatterburg’s motley crew of guttersnipes is poised for an accompanying distribution deal of the 7 seasons of hilarious TV shows. They are currently talking to three major networks - including Showtime. The stipulation so far has been that it has to be sold somewhere on cable so they don’t have to edit out all the swearing, which is why many feel it didn’t fare better on BBC America 2 years ago. Bleeps just aren’t as funny as creative lines like: “Knock knock, Who’s there? Fuck off“, obviously.

The soundtrack they’ve put together is impressive, and should make a mint all by itself. And, like on the TV show, Canadian musician cameos are in full-effect. “two already avowed Trailer Park fans, Rush’s Alex Lifeson and the Tragically Hip’s Gord Downie — unrecognizable beneath cheesy moustaches — as a couple of gung-ho cops.” That is definitely worth the price of a ticket right there. I will post reviews as I find them over the weekend. Things are looking good so far, and don’t think there aren’t critics in Canada who’d love to see this movie fail. These reviews will be fair.

Toronto Star: *** - There is even time for a little character development — actual, almost heartwarming romance, even.

Ottawa Citizen: *** - The dignity is the surprise in Trailer Park Boys … most of the time. Julian is the large man who carries a constant glass of rum-and-Coke, even when he goes to the bar (”I brought this from home,” he explains).

Globe and Mail: ** 1/2 - Where it works, brilliantly on occasion, is at the edges (the best lines arrive as tossed-off asides) and in the performances of a cast who have lived with these characters long enough to capture them intimately, and to convey their strange blend of weirdness and familiarity.

I saw a little kid this morning with the same Sunnyvale T-Shirt you see me wearing in the photo below from the Beachcomber. He was with his family outside the Park Plaza. I yelled out “Freedom 35!” and he looked at me like I’d just opened the sliding door of a black 1975 Chevy van and offered him moist candy corn. Then it seemed to sink in and he laughed, as did his father. I assume he was a Canadian tourist, but what if he wasn’t? What if the upcoming movie becomes a cult classic along the lines of Strange Brew or FUBAR and I’m suddenly vindicated for all the TPB prattling I’ve been doing on here for the last 24 months? October 6th fast approaches.

The only thing that’s worse than oppressive heat is oppressive heat in the middle of a rainstorm. And the only thing worse than that is having nothing better to talk about than the frigging weather. At least in this scenario no one can accuse me of having a degenerative sweat duct disorder. I have to traverse the city twice tonight for meetings and will undoubtedly stumble through my apartment door around 9pm like one of the Donner Party.

The Oilers lost last night, and although I was bummed it was one of the greatest and most exciting series of hockey, or any other sport, that I’ve ever watched. Now what am I supposed to do? Glad you asked. Luckily Big Brother (the UK version - I’m not that sad) is in full swing, and my router at home is smoking from all the downloading. Year after year I am absolutely transfixed by this show, and I’m not proud of it. Good watchin’.

I have to wrap it up and start the evening’s journey. I’ll leave you all with this insane Lego site, where someone with even more spare time than me has made “dream playsets” of all his favorite pop-culture icons - including Trailer Park Boys. And yes, Julian has a little lego Bacardi and Coke.

“Got a grey kitty, white one and a tabby too - and a little orange guy who puts snakes in my shoe. Mad MC skills leave ya struck, and I roll with my kitties and I’m hard as fuck!” - Bubbles.

I’ve lost a little steam in regards to my affection for Squidoo. The first couple of months it made me some money - but now it’s slowed down and a lot of people have abandoned it. It’s still useful in terms of SEO, but if I’m not at work building lenses for clients - I don’t really touch it at all. Squidoo, that is.

Yesterday all that changed. The most recent versions of Flash have enabled great and easy video compression, and sites like Google Video - and especially YouTube - have blasted through the roof. Now anyone can upload massive sized videos and have them compressed on the fly for all to see. I uploaded some clips I shot at the Pogues concert back in March, and they got tons of traffic and I even received emails from other people who were at the show, saying hello. A big honking community has built up around it.

Now Squidoo has a YouTube plugin, which enables you to choose thumbnails of your favorite videos or even embed the player right into the lens full-sized. I wanted to give ‘er a test last night, so I opened up my Trailer Park Boys lens for the first time in a while and integrated all of the funniest clips I could find. There’s Bubbles rapping, a Jim Lahey drunk montage, Ricky trying to get his grade 10 and many more. If you’ve been curious about the show, or just want to refresh your memory, visit Sunnyvale to watch all of the readily accessible new videos. Or maybe don’t.

Has anyone else noticed that the evil girl (Ellen Page) in the new movie Hard Candy is Treena Lahey from Trailer Park Boys? Remember in Seasons one and two Mr. Lahey had a daughter living with him who wasn’t allowed to hang out with Ricky? Just me? OK. Well regardless, that’s her. I liked this movie a lot better when it was called Poison Ivy/The Crush but good for Ellen! She’s also in X3. Another Canuck on the foreward invasion force.

Before we get started, the second weigh-in of the PITFPAC is tomorrow morning - sharpish! If you lollygag, pussyfoot or otherwise slack on getting me figures, you’ll be culled from the determined flock of 15 and left to wallow in your own porktralesence.

Every year around this time, my beloved Trailer Park Boys begins another series on Showcase in Canada. Through devious and piradacious means, I get to watch them about 12 hours after they premier. I was quite unimpressed with Season 5, and lost a lot of my TPB zeal. You could say I feared they had truly jumped the shark somewhere around the introduction of Conky in Season 4. But I take it all back. Season 6 is killing me thus far. I found this graphic yesterday, someone obviously took the TPB characters and morphed them into South Park cartoons, and I knew it was time to write about the new hotness…

I am just going to bulletpoint a few things that have happened in the first 2 episodes The Way of the Road and The Cheeseburger Picnic. Fans of the show will ‘get it’, and people who haven’t seen it will be so morbidly transfixed by these statements that they’ll be forced to rush out and get the DVDs for Seasons 1-5.

- Bubbles opens a day care center for cats called “KittyLand”. While he is currently working for free, as he owns about 30 of them anyways, he hopes to eventually make some cash caring for other people’s. He’s built a mini amusement park on the front lawn of his shed and it looks ridiculous.
- Julian made $8200 selling potato vodka in jail, and also got his real estate license during his last stint. He buys a run-down trailer from Barb Lahey in episode 1 and now intends to ‘flip’ them for an honest living.
- J-Roc has 2 pregnant “Baby Momma’s” living with him and T-Bone, and is also trying to go legit. No longer stealing groceries or rapping, J-Roc seems to be trying to get in on the whole real estate thing with Julian.
- Ricky and his father Ray have developed a new scheme - stealing garbage. “Once it’s at the curb, it’s garbage“. So naturally they pull a lot of lawn furniture down to the end of people’s driveways when they’re not home and then come back for it later. The garbage strategy is becoming a problem for his reconciliation with Lucy, because “He always smells and bees follow him everywhere“.
- Randy and Mr. Lahey break up. Jim moves in with his ex-wife Barb to sober up, and Randy starts spending a lot of time with two local cops. Lahey mixes iced tea into his rye bottles to appear drunk when he’s really sober, and plans to lull the boys into a false sense of security and then get them out of the park once and for all. Lucy tries to seduce the cops at the park’s first annual Cheeseburger picnic with her hot dog eating techniques, but they seem more interested in Bo-Bandy. Sam Losco also crashes the proceedings.
- Sarah, Corey and Trevor, still dating as a threesome, open a convenience store in a shed in the park. It seems like a good idea, as Bubbles in particular is always going down there for “pop n’ chips“, but everyone’s credit seems to be great at this particular store, and I don’t see it ending well for park commerce.
- Ray gets kicked out of the park for his urine disposal methods. A former trucker, Ray claims that pissing into 2 liter jugs and then throwing them into the tree on his property is simply “The Way of the Road”. Bubbles thinks that “firing pissy jugs into the forest isn’t the way of any fuckin’ road“. Randy and the cops agree, and Ray has to take his detached semi sleeper cab and move to the nearby dump.

I couldn’t make this shit up. Welcome back TPB, and I can’t wait to see the movie this summer. See the hilarious trailer here. BTW - a Saturday afternoon North End Season 6 marathon is forthcoming as soon as I get a few more of them. And you didn’t hear this from me, but you can download them yourselves via torrent here. Stay tuned for an afternoon of rye, chicken fingers and pepperoni very soon…