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Bill Hader

I’m Calling Kutcherbusters

by Dave on February 22, 2011

in Movies,Nerdery

Friends, Romans, countrymen. Listen to me very carefully. I was just directed towards a truly awful rumor by my favorite movie blog. Are you sitting down? I mean it. Take a seat, a deep breath and possibly a Xanax before reading any further.

Rumors of Ghostbusters 3 have been as persistent as rumors about the existence of actual ghosts. And now there’s evidence for an even scarier notion: Ashton Kutcher playing one of the leads.

We, as rational human beings and children of the 80s, can never let this happen. Never. Now, I’m not a radical, a bra-burner or one prone to protest. Until my mid-twenties, I thought that “activism” was the company who brought us Pitfall and River Raid. But I’ve got a petition on the brain. Petitions got Betty White on SNL, Jonathan Winters exposed to a new generation of unworthy fans and they can do wonders for a third ancient and long-suffering throwback – the Ghostbusters franchise. And by “do wonders” I of course mean “keep an already risky venture from becoming a guaranteed cinematic disaster the likes of Ishtar or Howard the Duck”.

Editor’s Note: I am a fan of both Ishtar and Howard the Duck. That doesn’t change the fact they shat the bed at the box office and are readily accepted by sheep who’ve never seen them as two of the worst movies of all time. Back to our regularly scheduled nerdery…

kutcherbustersI’m not going to try and act cool or pretend I’m kidding anyone who knows me. I’d love to see a new Ghostbusters film and I’ve even written about it before. It’s going to happen, with or without Bill Murray, and I do not want to see it fail. According to IMDB, some returning stars are already confirmed (Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis) and there are rumors of several exciting new additions (Bill Hader, Anna Faris). And, even though I’m disgusted, concerned and hyperventilating as a result of his Kutcher-related comments in the video above (as playful as they may have seemed), original director Ivan Reitman seems gung-ho for a return to Ghostly glory.

Mr. Reitman, please. Kutcher’s already demonstrated a penchant for dating marrying women dramatically older than himself. Don’t encourage him to whip out his proton pack and take it one sick step further. Busting ghosts might lead to banging them.

I’ll be watching this production carefully, folks. So you don’t have to. Because you have lives. Stay tuned for what might be my biggest topical dork-fest since the leadup to summer 2008’s return of a certain archaeologist. Dare to dream. Alone in bed.

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One of the reasons everybody’s favorite Quizzlet has died off these last couple months is that the wonderful site, Friday’s Feast, I used to get the questions from seems to have died off as well. A year or two ago, when I was writing once or twice a day and my readership was strong I could have asked y’all to provide me with 5 questions. But until I get my groove back, somewhat like Stella, I shall have to pen my own – I have done it before, and Freud would love this. Please feel free to answer any of these questions yourselves in the comments.

Appetizer: Popular opinion states that Saturday Night Live isn’t funny. Your thoughts?
Thanks, Quizzlet. This has been on my mind a lot lately. If by “popular opinion” you mean people that haven’t watched the show since 1998 – or never really did – then yes, you’d be led to believe not only is the show bad it should have been cancelled when Will Ferrell left. Where do I begin? The current cast has certain members that are so strong they have already started appearing in movies. A lot of movies. Usually this doesn’t happen until after they have left the show. Like them or not, Fey (practically a cast member again this year due to the Palin impressions) and Poheler (leaving after this season) have both made the rounds and even collaborated on Baby Mama. Andy Samberg had his own vehicle, Hot Rod, last summer. Bill Hader has been popping up in big movies everywhere since his first season (Tropic Thunder, SuperBad) and I’m surprised that the singularly brilliant Kristen Wiig even has time to do the show (Knocked Up, Semi-Pro, Ghost Town). I should probably make this a separate post I have so much to say, but I’ll leave you with this. Their ratings this season, in no small part to the election, were the highest since the Farley-Sandler-Hartman era and the show has a lot of life left in it yet.

“Sorry… I took a Chinese vitamin this morning.”

Soup: What do you think about the recent clues that suggest Ford, Lucas and Spielberg are currently gearing up for Indy 5?
Internationally, it was the top grossing film of 2008. And that’s with a lot of bad reviews and negative press behind it. They’d be stupid, or overly respectful of the franchise which we already know they are not, not to. If they produce a good script in the next couple of years I think Indy 5 can certainly pulled off. Just please no CGI monkeys this time. The gophers can stay, and so can Shia since we all know the series will probably be handed off to him in some fashion. That may actually be the entire purpose of #5. And let’s bring back those damn Nazis. There could be a whole city of them hoarding relics while hiding out in South America somewhere. A network of caves underneath a German restaurant in Rio, perhaps. Indiana Jones and the City of Thongs, anyone?

Salad: How’s the whole “living in the woods” thing working out for you?
Simply put – I love it up here. Fresh air, silence, a dog, a boat, deers in my yard… it’s a trip. After Janet moved up in May we started actually leaving the house and hitting the local bars on Thursday nights. I met a lot of people very quickly and things changed for the better. I have no idea why I waited almost a year to start socializing, but that’s neither here nor there. Now that Janet has returned to Boston I have a nice group of friends, can hit the local bar and know I’ll see people I know and I even get invited to parties. I like to tell myself it’s not just because I’m frequently asked to do a Beantown accent and recite scenes from “The Departed”. And I’ll continue to tell myself that.

Main Course: Will you ever return to Boston full time?
Things are getting crazy at work and the company is being valued highly by investors that have sniffed around. I have been asked recently by colleagues if I would move back. If it becomes apparent that I will miss out on a potential life-changing payday if I do not, and I negotiate a way with my family to keep from having to sell the house up here as a result, then I will think about it. With my father now in a home up here, however, any move back would be temporary.

Dessert: How do you feel about Daniel Craig as 007?
Growing up my favorite Bond was Roger Moore. And although I still like him in the role today, that was because I was a little kid (who probably shouldn’t have even been taken to see For Your Eyes Only, View to a Kill, etc.) and Moore was the current article. As I got older, my #1 slot eventually went to Connery with Moore as #2. Do I like Craig? On the strength of Casino Royale alone, my top 3 now goes: Connery, Craig, Moore. So yes – I likes him. He’s a sadistic, sexist thug – just like Connery played it – and although the reinvention contains elements I don’t like the elimination of the PC Brosnan-era Bond is a wonderful thing. I will be in line to see Quantum of Solace next Friday night (or maybe even afternoon) when it opens in Ottawa.

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