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Dan Aykroyd

I’m Calling Kutcherbusters

by Dave on February 22, 2011

in Movies,Nerdery

Friends, Romans, countrymen. Listen to me very carefully. I was just directed towards a truly awful rumor by my favorite movie blog. Are you sitting down? I mean it. Take a seat, a deep breath and possibly a Xanax before reading any further.

Rumors of Ghostbusters 3 have been as persistent as rumors about the existence of actual ghosts. And now there’s evidence for an even scarier notion: Ashton Kutcher playing one of the leads.

We, as rational human beings and children of the 80s, can never let this happen. Never. Now, I’m not a radical, a bra-burner or one prone to protest. Until my mid-twenties, I thought that “activism” was the company who brought us Pitfall and River Raid. But I’ve got a petition on the brain. Petitions got Betty White on SNL, Jonathan Winters exposed to a new generation of unworthy fans and they can do wonders for a third ancient and long-suffering throwback – the Ghostbusters franchise. And by “do wonders” I of course mean “keep an already risky venture from becoming a guaranteed cinematic disaster the likes of Ishtar or Howard the Duck”.

Editor’s Note: I am a fan of both Ishtar and Howard the Duck. That doesn’t change the fact they shat the bed at the box office and are readily accepted by sheep who’ve never seen them as two of the worst movies of all time. Back to our regularly scheduled nerdery…

kutcherbustersI’m not going to try and act cool or pretend I’m kidding anyone who knows me. I’d love to see a new Ghostbusters film and I’ve even written about it before. It’s going to happen, with or without Bill Murray, and I do not want to see it fail. According to IMDB, some returning stars are already confirmed (Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis) and there are rumors of several exciting new additions (Bill Hader, Anna Faris). And, even though I’m disgusted, concerned and hyperventilating as a result of his Kutcher-related comments in the video above (as playful as they may have seemed), original director Ivan Reitman seems gung-ho for a return to Ghostly glory.

Mr. Reitman, please. Kutcher’s already demonstrated a penchant for dating marrying women dramatically older than himself. Don’t encourage him to whip out his proton pack and take it one sick step further. Busting ghosts might lead to banging them.

I’ll be watching this production carefully, folks. So you don’t have to. Because you have lives. Stay tuned for what might be my biggest topical dork-fest since the leadup to summer 2008’s return of a certain archaeologist. Dare to dream. Alone in bed.

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I come from downtown
Born ready for you
Armed with will and determination – and grace, too

Since they’re gearing up to launch their 11th studio album, “We Are the Same” on April 7th – I thought it would be beyond appropriate to re-boot Wednesday Wadio with a delicious slice of the Tragically Hip. When they were invited, at Dan Aykroyd’s insistence, to play an episode of Saturday Night Live which he hosted in 1996 it was a big night for Kingston, Ontario’s favorite sons. Dan even represents the Limestone City as he introduces the first song – my all-time favorite “Grace, Too“.

Dan’s friends, the Tragically Hip

The song’s lovely bass intro was the first feature that grabbed me way back in my University days, 1994 to be exact. I remember my friend Steve Barry had all of his friends (of which I was one,) over to his house as soon as he got back from the record store with the comprehensively classic album “Day for Night” on CD. We sat scrunched in his room as it kicked off with Grace, Too – and I remember the boys were all suitably impressed. In fact it’s amazing we even got to the bars that night. The record also contains Hips canon classics like “Thugs”, “Nautical Disaster”, “Scared” and “Inevitability of Death” – and little did I know we were in for long afternoon of many repeated listenings and a lot of Molson Canadian. It’s a great, solid record from start to finish which I can admit now – although in 1994 my epiphany had not yet come and I friggin’ hated the Hip.

There was a website I loved devoted to explicating and deciphering Tragically Hip lyrics. It was called the “burning schoolhouse” or something and it may be ancient history as I can’t find it. I once read there that the song was about a pimp attempting to convince a young girl, straight off the bus, to come and work for him. “The appearance of conflict meeting the appearance of force” line would be especially meaningful under that interpretation. I know now from personal experience that lead singer, Gord Downie, saw no shortage of hookers growing up in Kingston. Did that come out wrong? That came out wrong.

That same night on SNL we were treated to the performance of another confirmed Hip classic, “Nautical Disaster“, which is a little easier to translate than Grace, Too. Primarily because it’s about a nautical disaster. If you’re a Hip rookie and you enjoyed what you saw and heard above – be sure to check this tune out before you leave me today.

I ask you – What kind of a frigtard designs a lifeboat for only 10 people?

It’s true – if nothing else, Canada is rich in lumber, fresh water and songs about people dying violent deaths at sea. I hope you enjoyed the return of Wadio today and of Pye in the Face in general. You can order the Hip’s classic, “Day for Night“, from Amazon MP3 by clicking the title and their upcoming tour dates have also been released.

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