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It’s my favorite day of the week again, kids, and your live Quizzlet questions are once again required. Off to a bit of a late start today due to a drywall delivery – but it’s time to get this thing started. Please leave your inquiries in the comments and I’ll answer them as I get them. Update: Got what I needed. Some of you should seek help immediately.

Appetizer: What, in your opinion, is the most quotable movie of all time?Jennie SMASH

First of all, great to have you back, Ms. SMASH. Or is it MISS? We all have our favorites, and for me it’s a toss up between Blade Runner and Goodfellas. Quoteable movies are contextual for me though, in that the flicks I ape depend heavily on the people I’m with. One of my favorites from Blade Runner is the entire soliloquy from Roy’s death scene. Although this guy almost did it better. Almost.

Time… to die.

Goodfellas is full of them, but I think my favorite scene is when they stop off at Tommy’s mother’s house, with ‘whackee’ Billy Batts in their trunk, because they need a butcher knife to finish the job. Not only does Momma (Scorcese’s real Mother) refuse to let them leave without feeding them, but she insists on showing Jimmy and Henry her latest painting.

One dog is going East and the other one is goin’ West. So what?

“Looks like somebody we know” says Jimmy as he notices the man in the painting’s uncanny resemblance to Batts. Kills me every time.

Soup: What would you do now if you could have any job ? – Dana G.

I would have loved to have been a professional actor, and I think I could have been if I’d had the drive when I was much younger. Stand-up comedian is also high on the list. Back down on Earth where reality reigns, the answer is undoubtedly: Homicide Detective. Intrinsically I have always hated watching people commit and get away with horrible crimes and I know that bringing peace to families that have lost a loved one must provide a satisfaction unseen in any other profession. Or maybe I just read too many Encyclopedia Brown books as a child. Granted, there’s a big difference between the Case of the Disgusting Sneakers and a triple home invasion gang blackout suicide pact.

Salad: Are there, apart from 7&7 and crown & ginger, any Canadian cocktails? – Joanna A.

It’s technically a shooter but my University days are littered with memories of the infamous, and very Canadian, Prarie Fire. There are several variations but the one you see up there is a normal sized shot of tequila adorned with several dashes of Tabasco. The amount of hot drops you get usually depends on who ordered it for you, how they feel about you on that given evening and whether or not it’s your birthday. If you’ve been a dick to someone recently, it’s your birthday, and that person is headed up to the bar for a round of shots – kiss your ring goodbye. Figuratively and literally. I hear that’s actually possible if you’re heavily into yoga. Also look into Swish. And then immediately wish you hadn’t.

Main Course: What is the most heart-wrenching song ever recorded? – Lauren N.

That is easy. I made the mistake of having my iPod on shuffle and subsequently hearing “The Drugs Don’t Work” by the Verve. Normally that wouldn’t be a big deal, but my Mother had been dead for less than two hours and I was driving back from the hospital. I had always thought that tune was incredibly sad, but let’s just say I’m lucky I was able to keep the car on the road that morning.

Dessert: What is the best tech advancement of the last 10 years? And where are my keys? – Scott W.

The continued evolution and societal importance of the internet, hands down. As for the keys, they’re in a brown grocery bag under your sink. You dropped them in there because you needed a free hand for a box of cat litter, and then stored the bag without removing them. You’re welcome.


10 Reasons I am Officially Old

by Dave on January 7, 2009

in Reminiscent

Everyone must start to have moments like these in their mid-30s. These are mine. And it’s all true – every word.

  1. I asked for a nosehair trimmer for Christmas. I got a nosehair trimmer for Christmas. I love my nosehair trimmer.
  2. 80% of my gifts this year were sweaters (20% nosehair trimmers,) and I was perfectly ecstatic about that.
  3. I despise people who tailgate me. To the point of wanting to inflict grevious bodily harm. And I talk to them, in my rear view mirror. “Where’s the fucking fire?” The bastards.
  4. If I sleep later than 9am, even on the weekend, I hate myself for the rest of the day.
  5. I have a notebook full of lists with titles like “Outdoor To Dos” and “Tax Prep To Dos”. The only lists I used to maintain were of Goodfellas quotes.
  6. I recently purchased my first can of Metamucil. This, this was a tough one.
  7. In my filing cabinet, I have a folder labeled “Manuals”, full of nothing but manuals.
  8. I have a box in which I have started to save Christmas Cards and wedding invitations.
  9. The $3,000 I would have normally spent on booze in 2008 went to drywall, vapor barrier, paint, laminate flooring, a drop ceiling and a new propeller.
  10. A good portion of my free time is spent driving my Mother to and from the hospital, during which time we discuss little else but my To Do lists. “I’ll put it on my list, Ma. Yes, Ma.”

I’d be thrilled to hear about some of your own “Jesus, I’m disgustingly old” moments in the comments. Don’t be shy – we’re all going through it.

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