Pye in the Face

The legal armies of Lucas may break down my door for posting this, but I am so pumped up for Indy 4 that I’m throwing caution to the wind. That’s what Indy would do. This trailer is a bootleg and judging from the plot points discussed and the “surprise” characters you can see and hear (Abner and Marion Ravenwood) I am assuming that it was not meant for release until at least after the film had been in theaters for a few days. The low-quality is also a testament to the fact that someone who works at a trailer editing house probably snuck this out after recording it on their cell phone while Spielberg was out for a fruit smoothie. If you want to be 100% surprised by absolutely everything surrounding the film - don’t watch it.

Video removed by Hollyood’s legal minions, but you can still read my notes:

• This is the first time we’ve seen or heard Marion in any of the trailers. Karen Allen looks really frickin’ great.
• The Mayans we’ve seen creeping around previously in defence of the Temple of the Crystal Skull aren’t a pocket of survivors untouched by civiliazation - they’re undead.
• Ray Winstone’s Mac, basically a replacement for the late Denholm Elliot ’s Marcus Brody, looks to provide some solid comic relief. “Put your hands down. You’re embarassing us.”
• I knew Marion was along for the jungle adventure, but judging from the brief glimpse of Indy protecting a bearded John Hurt it looks like Abner’s in the thick of it too. I am thinking from his appearence, and another brief glimpse of a random guy in a cell, that perhaps the adventurers find Ravenwood locked up in South America somewhere. Either that or the Russians have him.
• Is that Spalko jumping out of the tree like a jaguar near the end? Because that would be awesome.
• I’m shocked that I’m not actually snickering at the thought of Shia as toughguy greaser Mutt Williams anymore.

Spielberg is definitely having a shit fit today because this has been leaked, and I feel for him because I know from all of my fanatical attention to info on this film that it is absolutely beloved to him. But I am happier in the knowledge that I can now say that without a doubt this movie looks seriously awesome. I couldn’t be happier about that.

…Write about Indiana Jones if I want to, Write about Indiana Jones if I want to. You would write too if you happened to be… a huge frigging nerd. Doo doo doo doo doo doo! I’m here all week. Try the chilled monkey brains.

As of yet there have been few glimpses inside Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - literally. In all I think there have been only 3 official stills leaked and those were soon pulled down by hoardes of studio lawyers. The wait is over! Famed photographer Annie Liebovitz was given full access to the set over the summer and Vanity Fair’s January 2008 issue is chock full of juicy photos. I’m going to repost them here because surely no one at Paramount would mind/knows I’m alive.

Let’s talk about the cover, shall we? Harrison Ford looks great, he did something like 75% of his own stunts and when the film hits theatres on memorial day he’ll be 66 years old and the star of the biggest summer blockbuster of all time. That’s my 2008 prediction, kids. Spiderman, Anakin Skywalker and Samwise Gamgee are going to suck bad dates (follow that last link. Pure genius) - and they’re going to like it. Shia’s greaser character, rumored to be the lovechild of Indy and Marion Ravenwood, is also looking believable. I first saw him on the first Project Greenlight when he was unknown and picked to star in The Battle of Shaker Heights. Since then he’s embarked on an amazing career, nailed Rhiannon and… is that… a jawline and some stubble I see? I was initially horrified to learn he’d been cast but since then I’ve seen Transformers and Disturbia - and the kid gots chops. This could work.

Next we have George Lucas, Harrison and Steven Spielberg on what looks to be the soundstage for interior shots of the Mayan temple that is said to figure in to the plotline. As the crystal skull mythology (it’s nothing new) heavily involves that ancient civilization this is no surprise. Indy battles the Russians this time around and the film is set in 1957. One of the reasons I think this will work is that no one is trying to pretend they aren’t as old as the dirt used to replicate the weight of a golden idol. There will also be limited CGI and Spielberg has said he is going to scale back his direction, editing and cinematography to the level/style it was at in the 80s. In the Vanity Fair article he explains how hard it was to scale back in this fashion - there will be no Munich-esque handheld cameras, at any rate.

Let’s get to the ladies of Indy 4 - Karen Allen looks absolutely lovely at 55, and as one of everybody’s favorite characters from the original trilogy Marion Ravenwood’s inclusion was a solid, solid decision on Lucas’ part. She was easily lured out of semi-retirement in Massachusetts where she has been running a successful knit clothing store. I have heard speculation that the Russians kidnap Marion in order to force Indy to help them recover the crystal skull. Along the way he’ll obviously discover that his greaser student Shia is also his son. I’m looking forward to seeing how Lucas has made it all pan out.

And the moment everyone’s been waiting for - the world’s very first look at Cate Blanchett as Indy’s fourth nemesis: Agent Spalko. Add this Russian baddy to the disturbing ranks of Belloq, Toht, Mola Ram and Walter Donovan. The article features a two-minute video of the cast posing for Leibovitz and you get a much better look at Cate there. She looks incredibly sinister and ridiculously hot at the same time. Another victory for the casting department and costume designers.

I can’t wait to learn more about Ray Winstone’s character, Mac, who is said to be a friendly rival of Indy. Most likely a replacement for Marcus Brody (Denholm Elliott died of AIDS in 1992) or Sallah. The fact that John Rhys-Davies is not participating is sad, but then again the film isn’t set in the middle east but South America this time around. And there’s no indication there won’t be a cameo. Speaking of cameos… Sir Connery, anyone? I didn’t like Shia, I didn’t like the title, but it’s all falling into place and the flick looks amazing so far. You know if Spielberg and Lucas dusted off that old fedora they’re taking the project very seriously as it could seriously tarnish their legacies and that of the franchise. Wow - most anticipated film, evah for little old me.

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Somehow in spite of my jalopy laptop, long weekend trip and intermittent as frick internet connection I hast doth returned. Getting to Toronto in a car from here usually takes 3 hours. It took 7 on Friday night and 5 the other way on Sunday. I managed to pick the worst Canadian winter in a decade and a half, literally, to relocate to the countryside and it’s doing my head in. Dead network card in the laptop, and now that I managed to hook up an old desktop to keep me working - the internet connection drops out for hours on a whim. So there’s my excuse for my MIAness. Let’s see if I can catch up for the week so far in 5 minutes or less.

Veekend Video: Mitch continues to moisten undergarments everywhere with his latest ad campaign. See you at the Best Buddy X-Mas party, where I’ll be selling spare undergarments at the “captive audience” price of $40:

Quotelet: The only photos I’m remotely interested in showing you are the first three official production stills hot off the press for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I was going to link to them here - alas I just found out the studio demanded AICN take them down. Oh well, here’s a photo of one of the temple miniatures made for the film instead. And Karen Allen’s (Marion Ravenwood) knitwear store which is located in Great Barrington, MA. Good heavens she is looking lovely for 55. It seems like only yesterday I was a 7-year-old watching her nude scene in Animal House whilst rubbing myself in the pants.

Wadio: The only sweet dulcet tones you need to hear today are those of your heartstrings plucking… as you check out 11 new photos of my puppy, Shepherd Pye! He had his dew claws yanked on Friday and is apparently fat, healthy and cantankerous. I’m all for gender-neutrality,but I’ll have to speak to the breeder about the pink pussywillow and snow white blanket backdrop. Shep will be drinking mineral water and collecting Joan Crawford postcards before he’s housebroken.

A Few More Notes:

• I like the new Foo Fighter’s song (the road to ruin one) and I’m relieved as I’ve been thoroughly uninterested in everything since “Learn to Fly”.
• You know it’s 2007 (and possibly End of Days) when CNN spends the entire day discussing the fact that Romney’s Western faith might hurt him in the election - free campaign advice: start wearing a bhirka.
• I have killed 11 mice so far in my effort to rid our garage and the Winchester of vermin. Don’t bother with the traditional wooden traps. There are these new fangled plastic ones that force mice to lift a flap to access the bait - so gone are the days of stolen cheese lumps and unsprung traps.
• I posted my Amazon wish list in the sidebar in case anyone wants to get me something for my birthday (tomorrow) or Christmas. Call it gift-insurance, Blade Runner begging or DVD on bended knee if you like. On a related note, I have just realized that there is nothing more obnoxious than posting your Amazon wish list in your sidebar.

Thanks for your patience, kids. Missing a day on here truly bothers me and I’m striving to get PITF back to the level of activity it enjoyed this time last year. I encourage you all to comment and participate in the Quizzlets once again. I’m one year older tomorrow, but short of freezing to death in a ditch in my Charger-coffin the blog will be around for a long time to come.