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In Praise of Predators

by Dave on July 22, 2010

in Movies

predators-adrian-brody Reactions to this movie have definitely been mixed. I’ve read as many glowing reviews as I have negative. Personally I was very happy with Predators and especially enjoyed the many subtle ways in which it paid homage to the 1987 original. Truth be told, sometimes the nods were about as subtle as “Ol’ Painless” – but I’ll try to cover as many of them as I noticed rather than write yet another opinion piece.

Before I get into the list, which I’m having real trouble naming (“Predator vs. Predators”? “Nods to Predator within Predators”? “I am a Sad Bastard who Needs More Sunlight”? , I feel I should mention how and why this movie got made – and who was the driving force behind it.

Robert Rodriguez, of El Mariachi and Grindhouse fame, is a huge fan of the first instalment and rumor has it was working on his own script for a sequel as early as 1992. He never lost his zeal for the franchise and although he didn’t direct Predators, he produced it and I’ve read that many, many elements of his original idea for the sequel remain intact.

predators-sights“Guys, you seem to have me at a loss here. Anyone seen The Pianist?

Nods to Predator within Predators

  • The jungle setting: Obviously. It’s an alien jungle with some pretty freaky fauna but thick and dense all the same. You’ll notice many shots (light tricking down in streams, people scuttling off leaf-covered dirt hills, etc.) pulled directly from the first movie.
  • The firepower: It ain’t “Ol’ Painless”, and Nikolai ain’t Blaine, but the Russian mercenary has his very own strap-on minigun. “I ain’t got time to bleed.” “Do you have time to sample some of my nana’s borscht?” Also, the tiny twin machine guns carried by Danny Trejo’s character, Chuchillo, are almost identical to the one Dillon was rocking when his arm was sliced off in Predator. I saw Happy Gilmore again recently – what is it with Carl Weathers and losing limbs to creatures with scales?
  • The stand-offish, yawnsville, Latina pseudo-love interest: I’ll always think of her as “the chick from City of God”, but Alice Braga is a passable replacement for Anna – and is a much better shot. Incidentally, her character’s name in I am Legend was… Anna. Fate, perhaps.
  • The waterfall: In the original, Arnold goes over a massive, beautiful waterfall while trying to outrun the monster. In Predators, everyone goes flying off of one. Even though it’s now done with CGI as opposed to an actual stuntman – the camera follows them over and it looks really cool.
  • The mud: Just like Dutch did, Royce (Adrien Brody) covers himself in mud to foil the Predator’s heat-seeking visor. This isn’t an accident. Instead it’s the most direct tip-of-the hat to the first film you’ll see – but divulging more and that point would definitely cross over into spoiler territory.
  • The booby traps: The lethal creations made out of wood, vines, massive stumps and sharpened sticks are a lot more elaborate this time. They’re almost all cobbled together by the self-described “one who got away”, Noland, played to absolute batshit crazy perfection by Lawrence Fishburne. The last time Larry was in a jungle this thick he was helping guide Martin Sheen down a Vietnamese river to kill Marlon Brando.
  • The showdown with a sword: In Predator, Billy strips down, pulls out a giant machete and dares the alien to throw down Indian-style to help the others escape. In Predators the blade of choice is a Samurai katana wielded by Yakuza enforcer Hanzo – to a slightly better result then poor William.
  • Intergalactic taunting: “I’m here! Kill me I’m here!” sounds a little better with an Austrian accent, but Brody too belittles the beast to lure it into a pungee trap, or something.
  • Celebrity Impressions: The first Predator loved to impersonate Sonny Langston’s booming laugh and him saying “over here”. Our new friends do exactly the same thing but seem to have now mastered the dulcet tones of Trejo. See the video below for the great scene I’m referencing before YouTube makes someone take it down. Fuck a trailer.

It’s been a week now since I saw the movie and I also have to get back to my real job. What have I forgotten about? What have I missed? Please let me know in the comments and I’ll gladly update the list.

All of these little tributes to the source material may leave you wondering, homage is toomage? (I was conflicted as to whether or not I should make that joke, but I finally decided to pull the minigun trigger. No regrets). I think most fans, however, will relish them as Rodriguez obviously does.

predators-nikolaiSuddenly, a foxhole in Chechnya seemed a lot more appealing

You may ask yourself, where does 1990’s Predator 2 fit in to all of this? I didn’t hate it, but I’m not sure it will ever fit comfortable into the timeline. It featured 2 more big action stars of the era – Danny Glover and Gary Busey – and was a big budget, big city shoot-em-up where our alien friends descended on an urban environment (just another jungle, wink) to vivisect as many Rastafarian drug lords as they could get their three-pronged fist knife thingys through. It could have very well been called “Lethal Point Predator Break Weapon” and I’ll always remember it for being sampled heavily on Ice Cube’s album from a year or so later entitled, you guessed it, “The Predator”.

“Who is that?”
”Last person in the world you wanna fuck with.”

predators-nikolai-ol-painless I wonder how many copies of that record Adam Baldwin bought back in the day? He probably had a trunk full of CDs to give away to his buddies at parties. “I was sampled by Ice Cube, dudes!” Actually, upon closer IMDB inspection I now realize he was 30 when Predator 2 was made, where as I was 18. I’m obviously living out my own little sampled-by-Cube fantasy through him. So, what’s my excuse now that I’m 36 and writing this? Let’s wrap this up…

If you’re looking for a standard review you can see about a hundred of them over at Rotten Tomatoes which gives it an average rating of 63%. That doesn’t sound too impressive, but if you’re familiar with RT you’ll know that’s a pretty good showing. If you dug Dutch and the boys in the original as much as I did, and were as discouraged by the silly Alien vs. Predators afterbirth, you can’t go wrong here. So go on. Run. Get to the chopper. If only to take you to the theater.


Back in (a) Black (Charger)

by Dave on January 29, 2010

in Friday's Quizzlet

During my aforementioned blogging hiatus a lot of things happened. It was an eventful sabbatical. A busy vaporization. One of the most traumatic events was the destruction of my beloved gun metal grey 2007 Dodge Charger. Here’s what happened. You’ve driven me to it (no pun intended) and I’m tired of answering the question.

It was a rainy, foggy Halloween night. I had just won first prize at The Cove for my awesome Predator costume and was driving home around 11pm. The elements, speed and playing with an iPod may or may not all have been a factor – but remember, you can’t believe everything you read on the internet. I wasn’t hurt, I drove home and upon a quick inspection in the dark the damage didn’t look that bad.

Sexual-Predator Behold – the “Sexual Predator” 

When I reported the accident 2 days later, after learning the insurance company wanted to settle, I got a ‘$100 failure to report an accident’ ticket. The whole affair was probably a blessing in disguise. Albeit beloved the vehicle was a deathtrap and nearly useless in the snow. She has been replaced by a black 2009 model with all wheel drive which I was lucky to find in Ottawa as they aren’t made in Canada. I really wanted another Charger but wasn’t going to get one without AWD.

Based on the existing GPS setup and the phone numbers saved in the hands-free, I was able to deduce the vehicle’s first (and extremely brief) owner lived on Causeway Street only 2 blocks from my old apartment in the North End. How it ended up in Ontario is anybody’s guess, but I’m guessing drug-related confiscation. Sometimes drugs are good.


Even if you don’t give a fig about the movie – you have to watch this. Super-creative and also hilarious. Sounding quite a bit like The Streets, two English guys have taken it upon themselves to carefully edit the movie Predator in time with a narrative rap they’ve written describing the plot of the movie. They claim in the description that it took them 9 months to do this, and after watching I’m prone to believe them.

“My team always works alone, Homeboy.”

I love the way in which they rhyme the lyrics they’ve written with actual quotes from the movie: “Now he can see why Dillon was sent as his minder – ‘You cooked up a story and dropped the six of us in a meat grinder’“. And the way they’ve taken special care to include Hawkins’ jokes is also appreciated by this particular fan. Well done to you, sirs.