Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

Search Results for: wife

Trailer Park Boys Return To Glory.


in Television

Before we get started, the second weigh-in of the PITFPAC is tomorrow morning – sharpish! If you lollygag, pussyfoot or otherwise slack on getting me figures, you’ll be culled from the determined flock of 15 and left to wallow in your own porktralesence.

Every year around this time, my beloved Trailer Park Boys begins another series on Showcase in Canada. Through devious and piradacious means, I get to watch them about 12 hours after they premier. I was quite unimpressed with Season 5, and lost a lot of my TPB zeal. You could say I feared they had truly jumped the shark somewhere around the introduction of Conky in Season 4. But I take it all back. Season 6 is killing me thus far. I found this graphic yesterday, someone obviously took the TPB characters and morphed them into South Park cartoons, and I knew it was time to write about the new hotness…

I am just going to bulletpoint a few things that have happened in the first 2 episodes The Way of the Road and The Cheeseburger Picnic. Fans of the show will ‘get it’, and people who haven’t seen it will be so morbidly transfixed by these statements that they’ll be forced to rush out and get the DVDs for Seasons 1-5.

– Bubbles opens a day care center for cats called “KittyLand”. While he is currently working for free, as he owns about 30 of them anyways, he hopes to eventually make some cash caring for other people’s. He’s built a mini amusement park on the front lawn of his shed and it looks ridiculous.
– Julian made $8200 selling potato vodka in jail, and also got his real estate license during his last stint. He buys a run-down trailer from Barb Lahey in episode 1 and now intends to ‘flip’ them for an honest living.
– J-Roc has 2 pregnant “Baby Momma’s” living with him and T-Bone, and is also trying to go legit. No longer stealing groceries or rapping, J-Roc seems to be trying to get in on the whole real estate thing with Julian.
– Ricky and his father Ray have developed a new scheme – stealing garbage. “Once it’s at the curb, it’s garbage“. So naturally they pull a lot of lawn furniture down to the end of people’s driveways when they’re not home and then come back for it later. The garbage strategy is becoming a problem for his reconciliation with Lucy, because “He always smells and bees follow him everywhere“.
– Randy and Mr. Lahey break up. Jim moves in with his ex-wife Barb to sober up, and Randy starts spending a lot of time with two local cops. Lahey mixes iced tea into his rye bottles to appear drunk when he’s really sober, and plans to lull the boys into a false sense of security and then get them out of the park once and for all. Lucy tries to seduce the cops at the park’s first annual Cheeseburger picnic with her hot dog eating techniques, but they seem more interested in Bo-Bandy. Sam Losco also crashes the proceedings.
– Sarah, Corey and Trevor, still dating as a threesome, open a convenience store in a shed in the park. It seems like a good idea, as Bubbles in particular is always going down there for “pop n’ chips“, but everyone’s credit seems to be great at this particular store, and I don’t see it ending well for park commerce.
– Ray gets kicked out of the park for his urine disposal methods. A former trucker, Ray claims that pissing into 2 liter jugs and then throwing them into the tree on his property is simply “The Way of the Road”. Bubbles thinks that “firing pissy jugs into the forest isn’t the way of any fuckin’ road“. Randy and the cops agree, and Ray has to take his detached semi sleeper cab and move to the nearby dump.

I couldn’t make this shit up. Welcome back TPB, and I can’t wait to see the movie this summer. See the hilarious trailer here. BTW – a Saturday afternoon North End Season 6 marathon is forthcoming as soon as I get a few more of them. And you didn’t hear this from me, but you can download them yourselves via torrent here. Stay tuned for an afternoon of rye, chicken fingers and pepperoni very soon…

{ 4 Comments }

Wednesday Wadio: Pogues’ Sick Bed Of Cuchulainn


in Wednesday Wadio

Interviewer: What’s your poison these days?
Shane: I like wine, and I drink Peach Schnapps. It’s only 21 percent.
Interviewer: That sweet stuff’ll rot your teeth.
Shane: I haven’t got any teeth. – Playboy

Sick Bed is my very favorite Pogues song, and I listen to it constantly. I had the distinct and unlikely pleasure of seeing them last night at the Orpheum here in Boston. I say unlikely, because anyone who knows anything about Shane McGowan is well aware of his severe drink problem, and the fact that he comes close to death as casually as you or I flick off a lightswitch. When I heard they were touring this year, I figured it was without Shane (as they did from 91-to 2001) so imagine my pleasant surprise. It was a truly great time.

In Irish mythology, Cuchulainn “is taken ill when he is attacked in a dream by two women with horsewhips (he lay asleep in his sickbed for a year as a result)”. That’s kinda hot, especially if they feed you whiskey in your hospital of choice. Horsewhips aside, not only is this song catchy, rocking and pleasing to the ear – it tells a crazy story about a man who, among other things, pisses himself, gets thrown out of a bar, has his head kicked in and then vomits in a church. Shane is a little hard to understand at times, and you can read the full lyrics here:

When you pissed yourself in Frankfurt and got syph down in Cologne
And you heard the rattling death trains as you lay there all alone
Frank Ryan bought you whiskey in a brothel in Madrid
And you decked some fucking blackshirt who was cursing all the Yids
At the sick bed of Cuchulainn we’ll kneel and say a prayer
And the ghosts are rattling at the door and the devil’s in the chair

Anti-semitism, venerial disease and whorehouses – now that sounds like a Saturday night. Here’s Shane himself talking about the ditty from his book “A Drink With Shane McGowan“: “It’s about how every old dosser you meet on the street has got a history. He’s got a history of probably fighting in a couple world wars, maybe the Spanish Civil War.” And how did the book come to be? Glad you asked: “It’s a bunch of interviews that she did while I was drunk. I said a lot of things about people that I wouldn’t have said if I hadn’t been drunk and talking to my wife. But what’s done is done, and I think it’s a good book.” While we’re at it, here’s a great collection of drinking references in Pogues songs.

You can listen to the song for yourself by clicking Radio Pye to your left. The pictures you see were taken by myself last night during and after the show, and I’ve also uploaded a few video clips of which the audio and picture isn’t too bad. If you’re a fan, check them out. First off is their rousing performance of Sick Bed, during which I swear I felt the Orpheum’s balcony shifting with the weight of drunken, dancing Irishmen. The twat you can hear singing along is none other than yours truly:

I also got clips of Lonely Pair of Brown Eyes, Fairytale of New York and you can even enjoy watching Shane shoot a hat that is thrown at him like it’s a clay pigeon. From the size of the whiskey bottle you can see him take a pull off of in the Fairytale clip, skeet was probably only one of many foreign objects he saw floating past him on stage last night. And as it happens, I’ll only stop listening to the Pogues when pink elephants fookin’ fly. I’m thrilled I can now cross “See the Pogues Live” off my list. And throwing up in a church.

{ 1 Comment }

My Fickle Friend, December.


in Reminiscent

Gone are the days when I’d long look forward to December. Driving 8 hours to spend 3 rushed days in Toronto before driving back again isn’t quite as much fun as driving 3 hours to Grandma’s to spend a whole week there over the holidays used to be. Turning 13 is much more exciting than turning 31. Staying up all night praying for dawn and anticipating the unwrapping of dress shirts, socks and toenail clippers isn’t quite as mesmerizing as it was when the packages contained Legos, GI Joes and Star Wars figures. I still instinctively get excited about December – but these days it’s more hassle and tension than holly and tinsel.

The dual nature of December couldn’t have been reflected any better than on this, the very first day of the month. Joe Thornton got traded to San Jose – but my coworker Alon’s wife gave birth to little Maya at 7:31 this morning. I’ve also, while typing this, been invited to my first Holiday party at a posh location in Marblehead. So I suppose it could be much, much worse. And for the record – it’s called Christmas, you over-sensitive frigtards. Donnie Hatt is my hero.

{ 6 Comments }

Absolutely Riveted To The English Auction Shows.


in

See if you can follow me. I am watching a show in which professional antiquers cruise through a family’s home and look for items of value. The families in question always have a need or a goal for the money raised. This week, a husband and wife wish to buy a rather expensive goat. After the walkthrough, the pros compile a list of everything they feel is of value to antique hunters. Then they take those items to an auction, while the original owners stand on the sidelines and knaw at their knuckles to see if the estimates will be reached, exceeded or shitcanned.

I don’t believe this – After selling furniture, 2 paintings, a set of 3 barometers, a 200 year old grandfather clock, mugs and some dishes – these folks still need 190 pounds to get their goat. Now… How much would I need to pawn to get a goddamn life? I’m watching an antique reality show, afterall.

{ 3 Comments }

Thelen? Anyone? Anyone?


in Movies

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted any friends-with-celebrities photos, so isn’t it just uncanny that some came my merry way recently. Those of you who remember Jason Thelen from Concord probably haven’t met his lovely wife, Cary. And that’s probably not an accident, knowing him. Incidentally, you can see multiple photos of Adam and I misbehaving at their wedding here. It’s a pretty funny gallery – some of my best old-school captioning work – so check it out.

Anyhew, Cary was some gala event or another, and who should be attending but the one and only Ben Stein of Ferris fame. I don’t have many other details (perhaps Jason or Cary will chime in via the comments) other than it looks like our man Ben is a new fan. Stay tuned for his new show, “Fight Off Ben Stein’s Indecent Proposal” coming soon to FX/civil court.

{ 7 Comments }

Number 13 Baby: Jack Errol Thompson.


in Musical

Charles Thompson aka Black Francis aka Frank Black’s wife gave birth to a baby boy on January 7th. He even looks like old Frankie – Congrats to you and Violet (because I know you read my blog religiously)!

Far be it from me to fawn over celebrity babies, but what an utterly amazing year in Pixiedom. This is obviously the capper – however I still hope Blackie F. and the gang give birth to a new album before they hang it up for another 13 years.

{ 2 Comments }

The Legend Of Tom Adams.


in Heartwarming

One of the first people I met after moving to England to work at The Hind’s Head in 1998 was Tom Adams. I immediately had him pegged as a bit of a ham, albeit a hilarious one, but so many people seemed to come into the pub and recognize him… point… giggle… that I finally asked him what the big deal was. “David, my young Canadian friend,” he began. “I’ve been in the motion pictures, you see!” I learned from talking to other locals that he was most reknown for the string of funny commercials he’d made. Most of them for DFS Furniture. But his most famous spot was the infamous and side-splitting Hyundai ad.

Tom’s career has actually been fairly impressive overall. He played one of the British prisoners in The Great Escape and even has a few lines. He co-starred with Raquel Welch in Fathom (watch the trailer and look for the guy trying to kill Raquel with a speargun) and has been on all kinds of notable TV shows: Dr. Who, Remington Steele and The Avengers – to name a few.

When I left England he came to my ‘leaving do’ and offered some words of wisdom while my co-worker Tim went around videotaping all of the locals. “David and I have spent many long afternoons together discussing his problems… of which there are many.” Funny stuff. But actually I spent the majority of my time trying to keep the pub landlord from killing Tom – as he would hit on his wife incessantly. Tom is nearly 70 years old and still chasing tail like a drunken teenager. Quite effectively, I might add. I hope to go back to Bray some day soon, and when I do I’ll look him up. Or should I say, I’ll walk into The Hind’s.

{ 0 Comments }

The Boston Common Pumpkin Festival.


in

The Life is Good Pumpkin Festival was held on October 23rd, 2004 on Boston Common. 50,000 people shuffled through on that cold, cloudy day to watch the organizers try and break the Guiness world record for the most lit Jack-O-Lanterns. They didn’t actually break the record (somewhere over 16K) but they came within spitting distance. And to be fair the feat was quite amazing in spite of that – as there were somewhere in the neighborhood of 29,000 carved pumpkins (just not all lit) on the Common over the course of the day.

Where does one get or grow 29 thousand pumpkins, you ask? Dammned if I know. There were trailerloads of them dumped out around the carving stations which some guy on a microphone kept trying to get people to come over and participate in. Only problem was, you needed your own knife. I don’t imagine I need to delve into the potential legal rammifications of handing out knives to strangers on Boston Common after dusk. But still, it’s hard to carve pumpkins with car keys. Not impossible though, judging from some of the more crap carvings on display. I’ll put it on record – little kids have no business whatsoever participating in Halloween related festivities.

Also featured on stage were Mayor “Mumbles” Menino – who i believe thanked Life is Good for organizing the event. But he could have been reciting the 4th act of The Merchant of Venice for all I could make out. And then there was a country-western band who got the crowd jumpin’ with a backwoods version of ‘Hold Me Now’ by The Thompon Twins. I tried to think up some alternate titles for the song in this incarnation, and finally settled on ‘Hold Me Now And Pass The Corn Liquor Before You Sodomize Me Uncle Cletus’. I kept that to myself.

My roomate Betsy and I brought Nakul, and his wife Deepika along for the pumpkin peeping. They’re proud new parents but were grateful for the chance to get out and see more Boston/less bright yellow baby-shit. Among our favorites, the scary skeleton, the turtle from Finding Nemo and the 80% of the rest of the 29K that read simply “Go Red Sox”. Actually, the Red Sox carvings got a little tiresome after awhile. But we were bearing down on the World Series at the time and I guess all those pumpkins did a lot to help clinch the victory. And very little to feed the city’s homeless. Personally, I could see a pumpkin pie kitchen, as opposed to a soup kitchen, doing quite well in the old combat zone. If it were run by underage male prostitutes.

The adventure ended across the street at the Public Garden, where Nakul chased a Canada Goose and I had an unfortunate disagreement with a squirrel over (insert ‘nuts’ joke here – I like to make the blog interactive when I can). The Boston Pumpkin Festival was a great time, and a massive undertaking akin to the pyramids of Egypt. I have no idea how much money was raised or who sponsored it, but nice work kids. A produce-wasting effort of Gallagherian proportions.

{ 1 Comment }

The Big Haunt: I’m a Horrible Person And Am Going To Hell.


in Heartwarming

I work with a young Indian lad named Nakul. He’s become a great friend and I like to get him and his wife out of the house whenever possible, as they’re new to Boston. He took a bunch of photos at the Haunt Saturday, one of which I’m posting here. He just told me this was the first hard alcoholic beverage that he’d ever had in his life. I am now officially a corrupter.

When I worked with a large group of Indian programmers 4 years ago, we used to take them out all the time and had great fun together. And I know they were very thankful to have a local who tried to include them in his debauchery. But now I’m a little torn. I feel like I’ve just ridden into an Apache village circa 1682 with a pony keg of Schlitz before trading it for Manhattan.

Actually look at him. Hard hooch and big old fake angry titties. He looks as happy as a lark, and I guess I should lighten up. So welcome to the liquor, Nakul. It’s a fickle friend.

{ 5 Comments }

Rodney Dangerfield Is Dead.


in

I just heard this awful piece of news from a friend of mine who works for CNN. He is currently in a “news gathering trailor in cleveland for the VP debates” and it just came through the wire.

I need a moment to compose myself and will write more later.

OK. Later: Apparently my happy thoughts bought him an extra week, but that’s a small consolation. If you need a laugh, listen to this. And I posted these in a comment last week, but I think a lot of you may have missed them. Here are my all time favorite Rodney Dangerfield jokes for you to commiserate and commemorate:

>> I tell you, with my doctor, I don’t get no respect. Well, I told him I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

>> I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

>> Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

>> My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

>> I’ll tell ya, my wife and I, we don’t think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

>> When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

>> I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

And my all time favorite: >> A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!

So long Rodney and thanks for all the laughs. You’ll always have my utmost repect.

{ 2 Comments }

Kissing His Balls: Funny 2004 Olympic Quotes.


in

Folks, you should sit down for this. Apparently there exists someone with even more free time than myself. Below are some of my favorite blurts from a recently compiled list of the funniest commentator/athlete quotes from the 2004 Olympics. And with no further adue:

Tennis commentator: “One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?”

At the rowing medal ceremony: “Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.”

Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”

Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.”

There are few things on this earth more breathtaking than an amazing snatch. Read the full list here.

{ 2 Comments }