Pye in the Face

I’m not taking sides, but…

“The key question for Westerners is: do we love our freedoms as much as they hate them? Many free people, alas, have become so accustomed to freedom, and to the comfortable position of not having to stand up for it, that they’re incapable of defending it when it’s imperilled — or even, in many cases, of recognizing that it is imperilled.” - Bruce Bawer

Alright, I might be taking sides.

“Look - I even warned you. Put me in Semi-Pro, and someone will die.”

I make a living through marketing. I am also an unapologetic Indiana Jones nerd. It stands to reason then, that I should pop a ’short round’ over… Indiana Jones marketing. And that I will die alone.

• Indiana Jones Burger King kids meal? Check.
• Indiana Jones Pop Tarts? Check.
• Indiana Jones Lego? Check.
• Indiana Jones soda cans? You betcha.
• Indiana Jones playing cards? Heck yes.
• Indiana Jones birthday cake ‘boulderamas’? You know it.
• Indiana Jones stickers? File under: ‘fuck, yes’.
• Indiana Jones Lego? Duh.
• Indiana Jones M&Ms? Matt Johnson needed a break.

It gets better before it gets better. Have a look at the running list at the brilliantly named ThrowMeTheIdol.com. There hasn’t been a movie tie-in blitz of this scale since I was… much, much younger. I love it.

Short one today, folks, as my sister and I are driving 6 hours to see New Pornographers and Okkervil river in Toronto tonight. 3 hours there and 3 hours back tomorrow - so hardly a big deal - but I am cramming to get work done so I’ll have to ‘peace out’. Here’s NP playing one of my favorites, “Bones of an Idol”, at Lollapalooza back in 2006 on the Twin Cinema tour. Have a look at the lyrics, as they’re hard to make out here, and tell me if I’m wrong in my assumption that this song is about none other than my favorite adventurer, Dr. Henry Jones Jr…

You hold up the cup
You’ve been searching for
Since you were young
When you still had the bones of an idol
If you still had the bones of an idol
You’d be long long gone
But something keeps turning you on

I saw the band open for Belle and Sebastian myself in 2006 in Boston, and tonight it’s another amazing double pornoish bill at the Phoenix Theatre in the T-Dot. Read my earlier Wadio about A Girl in Port if you’re into the Okkervils - and I’ll see you tomorrow with photos and a couple of new concert t-shirts. Because that’s what I do.

My Mother just called me and they are already in Syracuse. They will be here at the house in Canada in about three hours - which is a lot earlier than I had anticipated. I have a hell of a lot of laundry and general cleaning up to do in that short period of time. A hell of a lot. I feel like I’m in high school again, scrambling to put the house back together after consecutive Friday and Saturday night benders while my folks were on vacation. Wish me luck, and I’ll see you tomorrow for a dandy of a quizzlet.

Somehow in spite of my jalopy laptop, long weekend trip and intermittent as frick internet connection I hast doth returned. Getting to Toronto in a car from here usually takes 3 hours. It took 7 on Friday night and 5 the other way on Sunday. I managed to pick the worst Canadian winter in a decade and a half, literally, to relocate to the countryside and it’s doing my head in. Dead network card in the laptop, and now that I managed to hook up an old desktop to keep me working - the internet connection drops out for hours on a whim. So there’s my excuse for my MIAness. Let’s see if I can catch up for the week so far in 5 minutes or less.

Veekend Video: Mitch continues to moisten undergarments everywhere with his latest ad campaign. See you at the Best Buddy X-Mas party, where I’ll be selling spare undergarments at the “captive audience” price of $40:

Quotelet: The only photos I’m remotely interested in showing you are the first three official production stills hot off the press for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I was going to link to them here - alas I just found out the studio demanded AICN take them down. Oh well, here’s a photo of one of the temple miniatures made for the film instead. And Karen Allen’s (Marion Ravenwood) knitwear store which is located in Great Barrington, MA. Good heavens she is looking lovely for 55. It seems like only yesterday I was a 7-year-old watching her nude scene in Animal House whilst rubbing myself in the pants.

Wadio: The only sweet dulcet tones you need to hear today are those of your heartstrings plucking… as you check out 11 new photos of my puppy, Shepherd Pye! He had his dew claws yanked on Friday and is apparently fat, healthy and cantankerous. I’m all for gender-neutrality,but I’ll have to speak to the breeder about the pink pussywillow and snow white blanket backdrop. Shep will be drinking mineral water and collecting Joan Crawford postcards before he’s housebroken.

A Few More Notes:

• I like the new Foo Fighter’s song (the road to ruin one) and I’m relieved as I’ve been thoroughly uninterested in everything since “Learn to Fly”.
• You know it’s 2007 (and possibly End of Days) when CNN spends the entire day discussing the fact that Romney’s Western faith might hurt him in the election - free campaign advice: start wearing a bhirka.
• I have killed 11 mice so far in my effort to rid our garage and the Winchester of vermin. Don’t bother with the traditional wooden traps. There are these new fangled plastic ones that force mice to lift a flap to access the bait - so gone are the days of stolen cheese lumps and unsprung traps.
• I posted my Amazon wish list in the sidebar in case anyone wants to get me something for my birthday (tomorrow) or Christmas. Call it gift-insurance, Blade Runner begging or DVD on bended knee if you like. On a related note, I have just realized that there is nothing more obnoxious than posting your Amazon wish list in your sidebar.

Thanks for your patience, kids. Missing a day on here truly bothers me and I’m striving to get PITF back to the level of activity it enjoyed this time last year. I encourage you all to comment and participate in the Quizzlets once again. I’m one year older tomorrow, but short of freezing to death in a ditch in my Charger-coffin the blog will be around for a long time to come.

I took and passed my United States Citizenship test and interview this morning at the JFK Building in Boston’s Government Center. I waited about half an hour before my name was called at which time an official named Dan took me back into his office. I swore that I would tell the truth, then sat down and answered his administrative questions to assure my application was in order. Then the test began, which I got 100% on. The questions included:

• Who are the current Senators from Massachusetts? “Ted Kennedy and John Kerry”.
• Would you take up arms in defense of the United States? “Absolutely”.
• Are you, or have you ever been a Communist? “No”.
• What is the legislative branch of the American Government? “Congress”.
• What was the Emancipation Proclamation? “It freed the slaves”.

Then he asked me to write “I love America” on a sheet of paper, sign a couple of passport photos I enclosed during my first application nearly a year ago. He said “Congratulations you passed, and you’ll be sworn in at Faneuil Hall on November 8th.” I sat there with a “Really? That’s it?” look on my face and then headed out into the sunshine quite relieved. Of course the real test I took was when I had my fingerprints digitally scanned and sent to the FBI back in May. Since I went to high school here and speak English the rest was a bit of a formality.

So the deed is almost done. I am happy that I will remain able to work and even live in the USA for the rest of my life if I so decide. I put in a lot of years here and did not want to risk being shut out because some pencil pusher realized I’d spent too much time in Canada. It was the best thing to do given the circumstances, and I’m proud to be an American. And, a Canadian too! Forget you read that, nosy pencil pushers.

Killer wrote a great article over on GoonBlog today. If you’re fed up with the new NHL rules, migrate over and have a gander. It’s insightful and hilarious. Here’s a wee taste:

1. Eliminate the Instigator rule: The players hate it, the fans hate it and it just plain does not make sense. Let the men police themselves. If two willing combatants have an issue with each other they can settle things the right way; one-on-one! If some wing ding wants to fly around the ice taking liberties, he will quickly be approached and dealt with accordingly. Paul Mara had two Instigator penalties this season… yeah you read that correctly - Paul Fuckin’ Mara! During one of his final games with the B’s before being traded to the Rangers, he was about to get into a scrap when the ref reminded him he had 2 and one more would get him suspended. The puss bag who he wanted to go with kept goading him fully knowing Paul couldn’t do anything.

2. Suspend hit from behind offenders: There has been WAY too many of these infractions this past season. Forget giving them a 2 minute penalty, toss their ass out of the game and suspend them. I know there will be a gray area and all that but getting blasted from behind is just about the worst thing - unless of course you are My Better Half who seems to enjoy it.

Wow. Read the full post here.

Janet, Matt, James, Sully and I just took Jim to RedBones for his birthday. Jim is one of my oldest friends, and I’m glad Matt organized the dinner, because life gets in the way of the important things sometimes. Most of the time.

A few weeks ago I cashed in my Nextel chips and got a Blackberry Pearl. I fricking love the thing. I have hated every cell phone I’ve ever had, but I adore this little dohickey. I’m thinking about greasing up the USB port to see if I can actually pork it. My digital photo taking has petered out recently, but I love having the ability to take a photo and instantly MMS or email it to people. That’s something I could never do with Nextel, and don’t worry it’ll get old.

I thought it would be fun to set up a Flickr plugin in the sidebar so people can see my most recent snaps in real time. I can email photos to a special Flickr account and have them available on the fly. So here it is folks (look to your left) and it includes, among other things, images from tonight, skating in the North End, the Boss Cat, Pogues and a whole lot more. If you’re on the market for a new phone, get a Pearl. If you’re not, get a Pearl. Ansel Adams, out.

Everyday it seems someone asks me when I am finally moving North. Late last year, when I first let the cat out of the bag, there were pressing issues that needed my attention. Now that my grandmother has been put into a home - that pressure is off, so my move has been rescheduled. I am still looking forward to it, and I am still excited beyond belief, but we’re now looking at spring - which, come to think of it, is practically here. So I’d better get the ball rolling.

What I plan to do is rent a truck and head up to my Grandmother’s empty house via Buffalo. I’ll then unpack my stuff so it’s nice and close for my eventual move to Toronto. Then I am going to live at my parent’s place in Portland for the summer. I should probably tell them that at some point. We don’t have too many good years left, so I want to spend some time with the old man while I’m able. Sad but true.

So there you have it. Packin’ up and heading out by Mid-May I expect. A couple more paychecks in the bank, time for my folks to settle in from Florida and hopefully I will get my American passport by then too. I have currently just completed the fingerprint stage, and next up is my naturalization interview, where I expect I will have to think kinda fast. Most people don’t get a passport and then leave the country. But I shall return.

I saw my sister last night, and apparently looked so unhealthy that she promptly staged a Whole Foods intervention. I was told she’d be picking me up today, which she did, to take me to get some healthy food for my pale, pasty-self. The placed was mobbed, the clientele either hippyishly annoying or yuppishly annoying - but I may never shop anywhere else again. Wholey Shit! See what I did there?

So $200 worth of hommous, stuffed grape leaves, granola, fruit and vegetables later - I’m stocked up and ready to start my anti-pasty health food party. Who knew they made lite havarti? If whole foods sold booze, I’d be all set. Why hasn’t anybody thought of whole-grain alcohol yet? See what I did there?

Note to self, just feed the tuna mayonnaise. Call Starkist.

For those of you who hearken for the days when I didn’t use this blog for the evils of SEO, look away now. This has been neither confirmed or denied, but I expect I may be fond of chocolate gifts. If he isn’t, I’m sure there are other corporate gifts that would do. I will leave this post up for a few days and then bury it after it gets crawled by those nasty spiders.

Spamming your own blog is a bit like self-mutilation or selling out. But it doesn’t bother me. I am almost 3 years and a thousand posts into this behemoth, and the odd pause for station identification isn’t the end of the world. That having been said, I am more likely to put my head through a replacement window than lose any sleep over this. And if I were to accidentally sever it, I may ask that it be promptly placed in student storage.

Now live for your listening pleasure - Goonblog’s fourth hockey podcast! February 10th, 2007 was a sunny Saturday in Boston - until the fetid, odorous cloud that is the GoonSquad turned on a microphone and ruined everything.

Highlights from Podcast #4 include guest appearances from Brandy and the infamous MOL, echoes of Tilsonburg, Colton Orr’s first goal and the worst attempted catchphrase in human history. Seriously.

Tom has taken a new job and I will have a room opening in my apartment March 1st. I myself won’t be here much longer, and it might be a good opportunity for someone you know to start building their own little North End dynasty. Email me for more details or go here.

Van Halen and The Police both recently announced reunion tours. I honestly believe I have seen this stated as fact on TV, radio and the internet… but it can’t really be true. I must be continuing to spiral downwards into the cuckoo’s nest.

On the off chance I’m not actually an Earth-bound vessel for a powerful alien named Zenochandragar, Sting and the boys are reuniting for the first time in over 20 years tonight on the Grammys.

Kids, if you have yourself one of them new fangled Digg accounts - or even if you don’t - please go here and give me some love. It took me a few days to write and I’d like to get it in front of as many people as possible. It’s my first official attempt at link-baiting. Fingers crossed.

A firm believer in original content, I rarely quote OPP (other people’s penmanship) at length. But I saw this woman recently kicking ass on a news show, discovered her blog and have been meaning to at least mention the whole Boston bomb scare in passing. I wouldn’t make a better point than this:

I’m sorry Mario’s fabulous travel plans abroad may somehow be ruined by this “embarrassing” Boston incident. Shouldn’t he stay stateside and offer his considerable “bomb recognizing” expertise to Homeland Security?

Watching two 27-year-old “artistes” (one of whom is seeking “refugee status” from some slime hole) acting like children, I can’t help but think of guys and gals in the US armed forces 10 years their junior, in charge of billion dollar equipment, generally comporting themselves with considerably more maturity.

This incident, like Columbine, reveals deep generational fissures. And I’m on the side of the grown ups this time. I for one am relieved to discover that Boston’s first responders don’t waste their spare time watching unfunny Adult Swim cartoons.

Amen, Ma’am. Sure it was silly - but I definitely felt relief too. Yeah you know me!

Why do I maintain this blog? It certainly isn’t easy to keep up momentum. I have many other things I should be targeting and focusing my effort on. As I’ve lapsed off quite a bit lately I’ve had to ask myself if I still want to keep it up. Other than to make blatant SEO-related plugs for things like crown moldings, it doesn’t serve any real purpose in my life. Actually that’s not true.

Maintaining this site is like talking to a bartender whenever I need to without the downside of spending $80 and then not showing up for work the next morning. It’s similar to going to a confessional and talking to a priest for 30 minutes about niche pornography without then being told to convert. It could be considered a virtual shoulder to cry on that doesn’t then dump me because I’m ‘too nice’. It is many things, it is nothing. A drop in the blogosphere bucket.

But really, we’ve had a lot of fun here over the years.

I discovered Floodle today while reading one of my favorite marketing blogs. At first look, it is a handy dandy resource for eBooks, Top 10 lists, etc. Pop-advice, if you will. Some sample features include 101 recipes for the deep fryer, Caring for your Pet Hamster, The Big Book of Puppy Names, Credit repair, and my personal favorite (if you know me you’ll get this,) Miracle Vinegar. But I’m not mentioning the site because it’s just a great collection of free information.

What isn’t readily apparent when you visit the site for the first time, is that the owner is only posting things that he finds for sale on eBay. But he is posting them for free! He is like the Robin Hood of eBay - pointing to and providing for free information that unscrupulous hacks are charging the uninitiated a lot of money for. I wouldn’t mind this so much if the sellers were also the people who had written the material. But they’re usually not - they are finding content readily available for free online and then posting it for sale on eBay. Do you follow?

That’s not to say Mr. Floodle is a saint. Many of these articles he himself has purchased from eBay. His payoff is advertising revenue - you’ll see that the site has ads. But I really admire his model and concept, and have added the site to my favorites, as I suggest you do as well. There is some great reference material here that many schmucks are paying through the nose for. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have 65 Tried & Trusted Amish Recipes to get through before lunch.