Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

Search Results for: davepye

Welcome to www.davepye.com!


in Pye in the Face

I’ve always hated my crummy domain name. It’s actually a subdomain, hence the annoying dot between David and Pye that’s been confusing and throwing people off for 5 years. The clunky and hard-to-remember david.pye.com has gone the way of the dodo, and you’re now loving life at:

www.davepye.com!

I have redirects in place at the old site that should automatically send you here, but that site will close down in a few months – so update your bookmarks!

I’ll also archive the old, grey site somewhere in the background too. But from now on, the blog will only be updated here at the new site. Why the change? I accidentally let davepye.com expire last month, and it was quickly snapped up by a woman in Florida whose husband shares my name. I emailed her in a panic and pleaded with her to give it back to me. I fully expected her to ask me for an extortionate, cyber-squatter sort of amount for it’s return, but she took pity on me and sold it back for the $20 she’d spent to register it. Thank you, Kimberly Pye. You’re a doll.

Anyhew, I took it as a sign, bit the bullet and moved everything over to the new domain last night. I hope you enjoy it, and I know it’ll be easier to remember. My email will be changing accordingly too, from david@pye.com to dave@davepye.com – so please update that info as well.

I hate moving day. Welcome to the new digs.

{ 4 Comments }

Tears in Snow: Blade Runner 2049 Honors a Remarkable Vision


in Movies, Nerdery, Reminiscent

Updated on 6/4/26: In Denis Villeneuve’s Blade Runner 2049, the recurring motif of snow serves as a profound thematic counterpoint to the relentless rain of Ridley Scott’s original 1982 film. While the original culminated in Roy Batty’s iconic ‘tears in rain’ monologue, Officer K’s journey ends with tears in snow. This analysis explores the meaning of snow in Blade Runner 2049, examining how weather symbolism, Dr. Ana Stelline’s memory creation, and the physical sensation of touch define humanity for replicants and holograms alike.

When Deckard finally surfaces in Blade Runner 2049 – living alone in the ruins of a Las Vegas casino, cut off from everything he once was – his opening line to K is a quote from Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island.

“You mightn’t happen to have a piece of cheese about you, now? Would you, boy?” It’s the line spoken by Ben Gunn, a sailor who has been marooned on a deserted island for three years and has been dreaming of cheese the entire time.

Villeneuve didn’t put that line there by accident. Deckard is Ben Gunn – isolated, half-mad, dreaming of something he can’t have. K recognizes the quote. “Treasure Island?” he asks. Deckard says: “He reads, that’s good.” It’s a throwaway exchange that tells you everything about both of them in six seconds.

Given the pop-culture gravitas of this film, there are hundreds of sites on which to find a Blade Runner 2049 synopsis, cast list or trailer. Google is your friend and I have lots of ground to cover. If you’re a fan of 1982’s both revered and oft-underestimated Blade Runner, however, this review is for you.

“Because you’ve never seen a miracle”

sapper

Actually, Sapper, I think I just did. At a theater near Fenway Park, no less. To write an objective review about the unlikely and ridiculously far removed sequel to your favorite movie of all time, 3.5 decades later, is a fool’s errand on the brightest of dystopic Los Angeles days. While I’m quite sure he eventually got paid, Director Denis Villeneuve’s obvious labor of love has made it almost too easy for me to extoll the virtues (and maybe a disappointment or two) of Blade Runner 2049. Short version: This is a fantastic film, for which you do not need a deep knowledge of the original to enjoy. Get a sitter. Go see it. And now, for the long version…

“Memories. You’re talking about memories”

Walking out of Monday’s press screening in Boston, I was unprepared for the clipboard-toting PR person waiting for me outside. “What did you think?” she asked. “F*cking awesome!” with two physical thumbs up, was my unrehearsed and regrettable blurt. Not especially quotable, but she recorded it anyway while appearing happy and (maybe) just slightly relieved. That was my first review. Replying “Yes!” when asked today if I wanted to see it again this weekend was my second. What follows is my third. First, though, a nostalgic vignette to set the stage:

INTERIOR – VW BUG – NIGHT – Summer, 1982:  Somewhere in French-speaking Canada, a 9-year-old boy and his father pull in to a dimly lit, backwoods drive-in. The elder, who has previously refused to let his son read a weathered nightstand copy of Philip K. Dick’s source novel (because it’s too violent, David) hooks a speaker onto the red VW Bug’s half-rolled down driver’s side window and settles in for 164 minutes of the film his offspring will keep embarrassingly front of mind for the next 35 years. On the journey back to the summer cottage where absolutely nobody speaks French, and riding a recounted tide of rusty nails shoved through hands, eyeballs crushed by thumbs and women executed on the street for no reason apparent to the passerby – permission to read “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep” is begrudgingly given.

We will come back to Quebec later (spoiler).

joi-billboard

“Everything you want to see…”

At two key points during the movie, Gosling’s “Officer K” encounters billboards which repeat revenue-inducing quips related to what consumers want to “see”, “hear” and “be”. They also look a lot like the beloved and advanced Amazon Echo back at his apartment. It’s deeper than that, I assure you, but here be no spoilers.

Right before the screening in Boston began, a studio PR rep had to read out a message from Denis V. himself. The respectful jist was, “It’s tough to review movies, and I get that, just please don’t ruin the film for everyone else. Zut alors!” While I’m paraphrasing, the lockdown and security surrounding key plot points, I was told, is like nothing anyone in the press corps have seen to date.

What is everything we want to see then? 2049 blows the Blade Runner world straight out – in all directions. Other than the legendary original opening sequence, with L.A.’s towers of fire spouting off whilst accompanied by Vangelis’ intoxicating first notes, and apart from an establishing shot of a Spinner landing or two, there’s precious little shown that isn’t closed-set-sound-stage claustrophobic. The sequel shows us oceans, and deserts, and snow – effectively bringing forward the larger world we’d all imagined as kids (or maybe that was just me). Regardless, it is simply gorgeous.

2049 also takes CGI to new levels, particularly apparent towards the end where insufferable long-time fans will see something that may simultaneously induce laughter, sobbing… and possibly sharting. Bring towelettes – you’ve been warned. It’s that heavy.

We also see that the technology in Blade Runner’s universe has evolved since the first film, not surprisingly, as 35 years have passed. Where Deckard once used commands like “stop”, “enhance” and “track right” to investigate Leon’s photographs – we now see the main replicant baddy, (not to be confused with Batty) “Luv”, using those same commands to direct artillery fire. Garbage trucks hover efficiently while sorting filth, smartphones now have a convenient Voight-Kampff app, the Runners get a crazy test called “Baseline” after every shift, Spinners can now dogfight… I should stop there.

luv-wright

“Everything you want to hear…”

A reviewer, whose name I struggle to recall, once referred to the soundtrack of 2008’s There Will be Blood as an “additional character in the film.” Throughout that monumental movie, the music never, ever, ends until the last second of the final credits. It was tailored to the story like nothing we’d ever seen before.

2049’s score is almost as equally engulfing and tailored. Hans Zimmer picked up the heavy task of scoring the film, in Vangelis’ brilliant Grecian shadow, after Johann Johannsson left the project. This left many clammy-handed BR devotees up in arms, but the result was worth the nerdy turmoil. Most noteworthy are the deep (very deep) notes used in transitional shots while Spinners are flying past. This happens a few times, and after the first instance I was immediately hoping there’d be another location change so I could feel that rush one more time.

The better news is, Vangelis’ original score is strategically woven in at key moments, and the final scene sees Zimmer’s work completely stripped away in favor of those hot, hot bars from 1982 many of us know so well. Like the hovering Spinner barking orders at Officer K, that unmistakable noise an old Tyrell Corp terminal makes while booting up, voiceovers recounting the mystery’s clues during flight time, heavy leather overcoats and whiskey – 2049’s soundscape glances over its shoulder several times to acknowledge its older sibling. There are more examples. Many more. But, you know… spoilers.

“Everything you want to be…”

The humans in 2049 know their history. The replicants only hope they do. The conundrum of implanted memories is a major theme carried over from the original. Only now, Officer K has access to historical replicant POV recordings – dampening the disbelief required to connect the two flicks and still sleep at night. Callbacks to human history which the characters must be aware of are in no short supply. Baby Goose’s (Gosling, anyone?) cell phone links to a lovely 2049 version of an Amazon Alexa back at home, named “Joi”, and plays the opening strands of “Peter and the Wolf” each time it rings. Took me a while to place the tune, and after more time passes I’m sure I’ll appreciate the reference. Hasn’t occurred to me just yet (So… if Luv is the wolf, does that make Deckard and K the sheep? Are the resistance the larger flock? Are all of the sheep androids?) Enough. Joi is the love of K’s life, one lost manufactured soul protecting another, and her presence in the film provides what little insight we get into K’s character.

We all saw Sinatra’s hologram in the second trailer, and should also know by now that Deckard is hiding out in Las Vegas. A favorite scene of mine involves Baby Goose and Ford trading blows while the ghost of Deckard’s casino plays intermittent holograms of the strip’s past in the background. “You know what BR2 needs? More Liberace!” Another thoroughly enjoyable clue that the past is still present in this crazy world.

Also noticeable is a nod to Treasure Island, but far more fascinating are two (that I counted) subtle references to the story of Pinocchio. At one intimate point, Joi informs Officer K that, “A real boy needs a real name”. No accidental dialogue there, and I guess that makes Jared Leto’s Niander Wallace… Gepetto? Pinocchio allegories have been thrown around in BR forum threads for years, and now there’s a direct reference. Only instead of strings, replicants have a 4-year life span. Anyone?

“I want to see a negative before I provide you with a positive”

At the risk of otherwise coming off as a garden-variety fan boy, It must be said – I did take issue in one  respect. While Sylvia Hoek’s “Luv” is more menacing than I ever thought the actor was capable of – in the narrative she’s just an agent. A stooge driven only by Niander Wallace’s orders. She knows what she is, and couldn’t care less.

You’ll find yourself longing for the tortured warrior-poet, Roy Batty, regardless of whether or not you wanted him or Deckard to prevail on that rainy rooftop in 1982. If this movie needed anything, and that is an admitted stretch because it’s simply a sci-fi milestone, it would be “better-developed and scarier villains”.

I have just one more gripe, related to casting. Now, the lineup is almost impeccable: Olmos, Bautista, Wright, Baby Goose, Abdi, Hoeks, Leto, etc. My dismay is due to the underuse of one Mackenzie Davis. When charging through the crowd in that first trailer – she was terrifying. I’d hoped she’d turn out to be at least the equivalent of “Pris” from the original. Similar style, similar hair, similar foreboding sense of “would she date me?” Ultimately, she is almost tragically absent for the rest of the movie, bar one fleeting group shot and a virtual sex scene for the ages.

“Many is the night I dream of cheese”

It’s great fun to imagine that, while my 9-year old adolescent pea-brain was being rocked for all time by Ridley Scott in a shoddy Quebec drive-in, a 15-yr old Villeneuve may have been right close by. It’s a sizeable province, but let me have my moment. Maybe he was just one town over, equally as impressed, but with a destiny tied directly to Blade Runner’s unique and astounding universe.

The Godfather did it, as did Jaws and Aliens. Specifically, those franchises saw an eventual sequel which surpassed, or at least lived up to, the original. Blade Runner 2049 will likely be remembered as a sci-fi classic, and I could not be more relieved. In closing: Denis, nous sommes fiers de vous.

What does snow symbolize in Blade Runner 2049?

The weather in Denis Villeneuve’s universe isn’t set dressing. It’s a thematic anchor. In Ridley Scott’s 1982 original, relentless acid rain washed away the artificial tears of dying replicants. By 2049, the climate has collapsed further into toxic snowfall – but the meaning of snow in Blade Runner 2049 shifts from environmental decay to something more personal. A question of authenticity.

To feel the cold bite of snow on your skin is to experience the physical world. It’s the test of what’s real.

CharacterInteraction with SnowWhat It Means
Officer KSnow melts on his hand as he dies on the steps.He’s synthetic, but his experience of the world is genuine. The snow doesn’t pass through him.
JoiHolographic snowflakes hesitate on her skin, then pass through.She wants connection. She can’t have it. Her upgrade gives her a partial field – not a body.
Dr. Ana StellineCreates synthetic snow memories inside a sterile lab.The only “real” born child is entirely cut off from the physical world she recreates.

Irony: The synthetic replicant bleeds out in real snow. The human child manufactures fake snow from behind glass. Villeneuve doesn’t tell you which one is more “alive” – he just puts them side by side and lets you sit with it.

On my second watch – and the third, and the fourth – the snow symbolism in Blade Runner 2049 becomes impossible to unsee.

Tears in rain vs. tears in snow

Roy Batty died on a rainy rooftop in 1982. Officer K bleeds out on snowy steps in 2049.

The parallel is not subtle. Villeneuve wants you to see it.

But the two deaths couldn’t be more different in meaning. Batty fought for more life. He crushed skulls and shoved nails through hands to get it. His “tears in rain” monologue – those 42 words Rutger Hauer partially improvised on set – was a lament for experiences that would be lost. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. C-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All gone.

K takes the opposite path. He stops fighting for his own survival. He sacrifices himself so a father can meet his daughter for the first time. When K looks up at the falling snow, he’s not lamenting lost time. He’s accepting his choice.

Batty died a machine grasping for humanity. K dies a man who already found it.

And the musical cue Zimmer plays as K lies back on those steps? It’s “Tears in the Rain” from the original Vangelis score. Not a coincidence. Not even close. The blade runner snow ending is the direct spiritual successor to the rain ending – same emotional weight, different weather, different conclusion about what it means to be alive.

Does K die at the end of Blade Runner 2049?

Yes. For fuck’s sake. YES.

Officer K dies in the snow - Blade Runner 2049 ending scene

K dies on the snowy steps outside the Stelline facility. He took a knife wound to the abdomen during his fight with Luv in the ocean. He was bleeding out the entire time he walked Deckard to the door. He knew it. Deckard probably knew it too.

Blade Runner 2049 FAQ

What does snow symbolize in Blade Runner 2049?

Snow in Blade Runner 2049 represents the physical sensation of being real. Where Ridley Scott used acid rain as an indifferent backdrop to Roy Batty’s death, Villeneuve uses snow as a test of authenticity. Officer K feels it melt on his hand as he dies. Joi’s holographic snowflakes pass through her. Dr. Ana Stelline manufactures it from behind glass. The snow doesn’t lie about what you are.

Why does Blade Runner 2049 end in snow?

Officer K’s death in the snow is a direct visual callback to Roy Batty dying in the rain in 1982. Villeneuve designed the parallel intentionally – same visual grammar, different emotional conclusion. Batty died grasping for more life. K dies having chosen to give his up for someone else. The snow is the punctuation on that distinction, and Zimmer’s use of the original Vangelis “Tears in the Rain” cue over the scene makes the connection explicit.

Does K die at the end of Blade Runner 2049?

Yes. K dies on the snowy steps outside the Stelline facility from a knife wound sustained during his fight with Luv. He was bleeding out the entire time he walked Deckard to the door. The film doesn’t show his eyes close, but Villeneuve has confirmed in interviews that K’s story ends there. His death is framed not as a tragedy but as a choice – the thing that, more than any implanted memory, makes him real.

What is the Treasure Island reference in Blade Runner 2049?

When Deckard first encounters K in his Las Vegas hideout, he greets him with a line from Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island: “You mightn’t happen to have a piece of cheese about you, now? Would you, boy?” It’s spoken by Ben Gunn, a sailor marooned alone on an island for three years, dreaming of cheese. Villeneuve uses it to signal that Deckard, like Ben Gunn, has been living in isolation so long he’s half-mad with longing. K recognizes the quote. Deckard says: “He reads, that’s good.”

What is the “tears in rain” monologue in Blade Runner?

The “tears in rain” monologue is Roy Batty’s final speech in the 1982 original, delivered on a rainy rooftop moments before his death. The most famous lines – “All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain” – were partially improvised by Rutger Hauer on set. It is widely considered one of the greatest death scenes in cinema history, and Blade Runner 2049’s snow ending is its direct spiritual successor.

Is Blade Runner 2049 worth watching if you haven’t seen the original?

Yes. Villeneuve designed it to function as a standalone film and the world-building is self-contained. That said, the emotional weight of the snow ending, the Vangelis callback, and the significance of Deckard’s return all land considerably harder if you know the original. Watching the 1982 film first is not a hardship.

The film doesn’t show his eyes close. It doesn’t need to. The Vangelis callback, the snow accumulating on his coat, the stillness – it’s the same visual grammar as Batty’s death. Villeneuve confirmed in interviews that K’s story ends there.

But his death isn’t a tragedy. K chose this. He chose to protect the secret of Deckard’s daughter. He chose to die for something bigger than his own survival. That choice – more than any implanted memory of a wooden horse, more than any baseline test result – makes him real.

{ 0 Comments }

A Mountain Lion Named Steve French


in Television

Updated on 6/4/26: Originally published on September 16th, 2004 – shortly after the episode first aired.

Steve French is the dope-addicted mountain lion from Trailer Park Boys Season 4, Episode 6, “If You Love Something, Set It Free.” For fans of the Canadian mockumentary, this 2004 episode stands as a series high-water mark. It perfectly balances Sunnyvale’s signature absurdity – like Trevor getting assaulted by a cougar high on Viagra burgers – with genuine, earned emotion from Bubbles. DavePye.com breaks down why this specific episode remains a cult favorite, the behind-the-scenes reality of filming with live predators, and why three grown men crying in the woods over a wild animal is the purest distillation of the show’s heart.

Table of Contents

Three grown men crying in the woods over a mountain lion they’ve known for 72 hours. That’s the thing nobody expects from a show about petty criminals in a Nova Scotia, Canada trailer park. The almighty Sunnyvale.

The Legacy of Sunnyvale’s Biggest Kitty

When you ask a hardcore fan to name the best episode of the series, “If You Love Something, Set It Free” is almost always in the top three. Personally, I’d add “Closer to the Heart” and absolutely “Who’s the Microphone Assassin?” to the list.

Steve French’s introduction to the popular culture pantheon currently holds an 8.5/10 rating on IMDB, and publications like CinemaBlend consistently rank it among the show’s absolute best. It’s the episode that defines exactly what the show does better than any other comedy on television: it takes a premise that sounds like a drunken fever dream and grounds it in absolute sincerity.

Season 4 is widely considered the peak of the series. The boys are out of jail, the schemes are intricate, and the character dynamics are fully locked in. But this episode is the emotional anchor of the season.

The setup is pure Sunnyvale. Something is eating Ricky’s dope crop. Bubbles assumes it’s a “Samsquantch,” but it turns out to be a full-grown mountain lion. Naturally, Bubbles doesn’t call animal control. He slaps a choker chain on a 150-pound apex predator, names him “Steve French” – noting the cougar’s markings look like a French Canadian mustache – and decides to wean him off the marijuana.

What follows is twenty-two minutes of chaos. Steve French wanders the park. He eats Randy’s Viagra-laced burgers (intended for Jim Lahey). He develops an inappropriate attraction to Trevor’s leopard-print jacket. But the jokes aren’t why the episode is remembered. It’s remembered for the ending.

What Steve French Reveals About Bubbles

Bubbles’ relationship with cats is the longest-running gag on the show. But Steve French is where the gag becomes something real. Bubbles doesn’t just like cats (he also likes liquor and whores). He sees something in them – a kind of uncomplicated loyalty that the rest of his chaotic life can’t offer. When he looks at a mountain lion and sees a “big kitty” who needs help, that’s not stupidity. That’s Bubbles being exactly who he is.

The brilliance of the episode is how it forces the rest of the cast to meet Bubbles on his level. Julian’s instinct is to get rid of the lion immediately. Julian always sees the angle and the risk. Ricky’s instinct is to panic.

Yet, in the final scene, all three men are standing in the woods, crying as they release Steve French back into the wild. They aren’t mocking Bubbles. They’re mourning with him. That’s the show at its best – characters who are fundamentally self-interested, getting pulled into genuine emotion by their friend’s sincerity.

The Lahey “Shit Abyss” Connection

There’s a subtle layer to this episode that often goes unnoticed. It features one of Jim Lahey’s most famous liquor-fueled rants. Staring down Ricky, Lahey slurs out: “He who looks into the abyss realizes that there’s nothing looking back at him, and the only thing he sees is his own character, Ricky. You understand? Bud? The Abyss? The shit-abyss.”

It’s a direct bastardization of Friedrich Nietzsche’s famous quote: “And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.”

Lahey twisting 19th-century German philosophy into a drunken threat about trailer park politics is the kind of high-low comedy that makes the show brilliant. It elevates the character from a simple drunk to a tragic, over-educated figure trapped in his own failures. Most sitcoms would be content with the physical comedy of Lahey falling over. Trailer Park Boys gives him a Nietzsche reference.

The Accidental Genius of the J-Roc Subplot

The episode also features one of the most elegant pieces of plotting in the entire series. J-Roc is supposed to be in jail, which gives him immense street cred. In reality, he got a light sentence of community service and has been hiding under his mom’s trailer so his manager, DVS, doesn’t find out he’s not actually doing hard time.

The boys decide the best place to hide Steve French from Lahey is under J-Roc’s trailer. When they shove the mountain lion under the skirting, a terrified J-Roc scrambles out, completely blowing his cover.

It’s a masterclass in sitcom writing. A mountain lion accidentally solves a completely unrelated problem just by existing. It ties the A-plot and the B-plot together without forcing the characters to act out of character.

The Best Rickyisms of the Episode

You can’t talk about a classic episode without looking at the Rickyisms. “If You Love Something, Set It Free” delivers two of the best in the series.

When trying to figure out what’s wrong with the mountain lion, Ricky panics and asks: “What if he has radies?” It’s a perfect Rickyism – he knows the word rabies exists, he knows it’s associated with wild animals, but his brain just slightly misfires on the delivery.

Later, when comforting Bubbles about releasing the cat, Ricky attempts to use the episode’s titular proverb: “If he comes back, it forever was, just like the saying.” It’s completely mangled, but the intent is so genuinely sweet that it works anyway.

Behind the Scenes: The Real Steve French

Filming the episode was considerably more dangerous than it looked on screen. Steve French was actually played by two real, trained cougars named Stoney and Sophie, provided by Creative Animal Talent.

According to Mike Smith (who plays Bubbles), working with the big cats was terrifying. During an appearance on the Roach Approach podcast, Smith revealed that he had some incredibly close calls on set. At one point, one of the cougars reportedly lunged at him, and he was only saved by the handler intervening at the last possible second.

When you watch the episode knowing that Smith was inches away from an actual, unpredictable predator, Bubbles’ nervous energy in those scenes takes on a whole new context. The fear in his eyes wasn’t entirely acting. I wonder how frightening he found Elliot / Ellen Page during her brief stint in Season 1?

The Animated Return of Steve French

For years, fans wondered if Steve French would ever make a comeback. The show answered that question in 2019, though not in the live-action format. In Season 1, Episode 4 of Trailer Park Boys: The Animated Series (titled “The Penis Milker”), Steve French returns.

The animated format allows the show to lean fully into the absurdity. Bubbles consumes a massive amount of mushrooms, resulting in a hallucination where Steve French can actually speak to him – complete with a thick French Canadian accent. It’s a surreal callback that honors the original episode and takes advantage of the new format’s lack of physical limitations.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Who Is Steve French in Trailer Park Boys?

Steve French is a mountain lion who appears in Season 4, Episode 6 of Trailer Park Boys, titled “If You Love Something, Set It Free”. He was discovered eating Ricky’s dope crop and subsequently adopted by Bubbles, who named him after his “French-looking mustache” markings.

2. What Season and Episode Is Steve French In?

Steve French appears in Season 4, Episode 6. The episode originally aired on May 16, 2004 on Canadian television.

3. Was Steve French a Real Mountain Lion?

Yes. Steve French was played by two real trained cougars named Stoney and Sophie, provided by Creative Animal Talent. Both are credited in the episode’s end credits.

4. Why Did Bubbles Name the Mountain Lion Steve French?

Bubbles named the lion Steve French – he thought the markings around the cougar’s mouth looked like a French Canadian mustache.

5. Did the Mountain Lion Actually Attack Mike Smith (Bubbles)?

According to Mike Smith, working with the live cougars was extremely dangerous. He has stated in interviews that he had a close call on set where one of the cats lunged at him, requiring the handler to intervene.

6. Does Steve French Ever Return to the Show?

Yes, Steve French returns in Season 1, Episode 4 of Trailer Park Boys: The Animated Series. Due to Bubbles hallucinating on mushrooms, Steve French is depicted as being able to speak with a French Canadian accent.

7. Is the Steve French Episode Considered One of the Best Trailer Park Boys Episodes?

It’s consistently ranked among the top episodes by fans and critics alike. CinemaBlend ranked it #4 on their all-time list. The combination of physical comedy, the Viagra burger subplot, J-Roc’s street cred exposure, and the genuinely emotional ending makes it a standout in the series.

The Steve French episode aired in 2004. Twenty-plus years later, people are still naming their cats after a mountain lion who appeared in one episode of a Canadian mockumentary. That’s not a cult following. That’s something that was… a beautiful thing.

{ 8 Comments }

Happy Mondays in Barbados – How Recording “Yes Please!” Redefined Debauchery


in

Why did the Happy Mondays record “Yes Please!” in Barbados?

In early 1992, Factory Records sent the Happy Mondays to Eddy Grant’s Blue Wave Studios in Barbados to record their fourth album, Yes Please!. The label, facing financial ruin, hoped the remote location would help frontman Shaun Ryder overcome his heroin addiction. Instead, the band discovered cheap crack cocaine, resulting in chaotic sessions, an unfinished album, and the eventual bankruptcy of Factory Records in November 1992.

The Concord kids were alright

I was there, in the room, when they first played Boston in 1991 – a mere 35 years ago. I remember going with Mike and Jason, the crush of bodies at Citi Club on Lansdowne Street when “Donovan” kicked in as they meandered onstage, that weird mix of mystery and Mancunian menace they carried around like it was no big deal. It would have taken far, far less to impress those three 16-yr-olds from Concord, MA.

The Happy Mondays had a little something special going for them. An intangible little something. Their lead vocalist wasn’t much of a singer. None of the rest of them were instrumental virtuosos. But their timing was just right in terms of the late 80s / early 90s Manchester music zeitgeist.

As dismissive as I just sounded – they put together great songs. To this day, I listen to them all the time. I was and still am a bit of a devotee.

They were a mess, and they were perfect, at the same time. I’d just seen my latest musical heroes in all their glory, walked out of the club thinkin’ I had a decent handle on what that band was: fucking awesome. And maybe extremely fond of the drugs. And not the kind you get at a dispensary in 2026.

Turns out I had no idea.

Last night I was half‑looking for background noise on YouTube and clicked on a video called “Chaos In Barbados: The Final Meltdown Of The Happy Mondays” by the channel James Hargreaves Guitar. James got recent interviews with one of the the guitarists (Mark Day), drummer (Gaz Whelan), and did an amazing job overall patching together that crazy time, and separating the lore from the reality – but the two were synonymous. I was amused, horrified. But most importantly transfixed.

I figured it would be a fun nostalgia piece about a band I already knew inside out and worshipped in my Junior/Senior year of high school. (and, honestly, most of University). 34.5 minutes later I was staring at my screen thinking: how did I miss all these finer dastardly details for three decades? And how are any of them still breathing? Godspeed, Paul Ryder.

I’d heard the “Yes Please!” sessions in Barbados were wild. I did not know they tried to trade Eddy Grant’s furniture for crack.

What follows is me basically trying to process the tale, and a bunch of follow-up research, all the while listening to that record on repeat. The fact it exists at all is… ridiculous.

Leading up to the Barbados ballyhoo

At that Boston show, the Mondays were riding the wave of Pills ‘n’ Thrills and Bellyaches in America. “Step On” and “Kinky Afro” were everywhere. But despite their success, behind the scenes it was getting shaky.

Factory Records – the label that had also discovered Joy Division and (obviously) New Order – was in real financial trouble. They never “did” contracts in a normal way, the bookkeeping was a mess, and they badly needed new records from their marquee acts. New Order delivered during that period, and then some. But the Mondays were due for a brand new banger.

Inside the band, there was another problem. According to Paul Ryder, they only had a handful of half‑formed demos and were nowhere near ready to record a full album. His brother, Shaun Ryder – the lead vocalist and lynchpin – was deep in heroin addiction. The label wanted hits. The band wanted time, coke, and groupies. Hits of another sort. That tension was basically the starting gun for everything that went wrong.

Factory’s answer was what looks, on paper, like a clever idea: take the band away from Manchester and its dealers, fly them somewhere warm, sign them up for yoga classes, and let them focus. They lined up three possible studios – one in Amsterdam, one in a converted church in Manchester owned by pop producer Pete Waterman, and one in Barbados owned by Eddy Grant, (yes, that Eddy Grant) called Blue Wave Studios.

You can probably guess which one the lads picked.

Paradise – with a tiny, crack-shaped caveat

There was logic behind it. Chris Frantz and Tina Weymouth from Talking Heads / Tom Tom Club were producing. Factory set a budget of around £150,000 – already a big punt for a label in financial trouble – and shipped the band, their partners, kids, and baggage out to Barbados in early 1992.

The plan: keep Shaun away from heroin, clean him up, and come back to Ol’ Blighty with a record.

The flaw in that plan revealed itself, post haste. Heroin might not have been easy to find on the island, but crack was cheap and everywhere. Shaun managed to drop and shatter his methadone vials at Manchester Airport before they even left, so he arrived already in withdrawal. Once he figured out how inexpensive crack was there…

Happy Mondays in Barbados

Different sources give different numbers, but the story that gets repeated is that he was smoking somewhere around 25 to 50 rocks of crack a day by “vacation’s” end. At that level, you don’t “have a few issues”. You are… Sean Ryder.

Tony Wilson, head of Factory, later told the story that when he flew in to check on them, he looked out of the plane window and saw Shaun and Bez wheeling one of Eddy Grant’s studio sofas down the road so they could sell it for drug money. A more detailed version has someone caught at about one in the morning with the back doors of the studio open, hauling out two sofas for the same purpose.

Blue Wave, or “how to turn a studio into a pawn shop”

They didn’t just sell his furniture. Eddy was on tour so they had the run of the place. Started selling off his recording gear to keep funding the binge. And they more or less invented a new interior design concept: the poolside crack den. They rearranged sun loungers in and around Eddy’s swimming pool to create an improvised Cabana crack den.

Keyboardist Paul Davis, having recently learned to drive, wrecked three hire cars during the stay, near the drug-buying spots they quickly became acclimated with. Davis also picked a fight with a Calypso band at their initial hotel because he didn’t like their Beatles cover. They were bounced, after which they spread out to a mix of short-term rentals and far seedier lodgings. This hardly helped.

When two of the band member’s mothers came to visit, they were not impressed while listening to what sounded like an orgy going on next door in one of the band’s rooms. All of this was happening while the meter ran on that £150,000 budget. While Factory Records faced going out of business, forever.

Meanwhile, somehow, an album is (kinda) being recorded

In the middle of all of this chaos, the slightly less addled members of the Happy Mondays managed to record the backing tracks. Chris Frantz and Tina Weymouth were living a bizarre Barbados double-life: part serious producers honing arrangements, part reluctant babysitters for a band hell‑bent, like HELL BENT, on self‑destruction.

With Shaun technically present but out of the session picture, the focus shifted. The well-paid glorified minders wrangled and focused and got done what they could with the rest of them: Mark Day on guitar, Gaz Whelan on drums, Paul Ryder on bass, Paul Davis on keys. And Bez was around doing Bez things.

Happy Mondays Shaun and Bez

Speaking of Bez, he personally overturned a rented jeep and stumbled away with a broken arm. He then managed to break the same arm again in an accident while being towed on a floaty device behind a boat, and a third time when his girlfriend sat on it. The fact he can still shake a maraca is its own medical mystery.

By early March 1992, the instrumentals were basically done. The first track, “Stinkin’ Thinkin'”, is tighter and more musically ambitious than people stereotype the Mondays for – the parts are carefully put together. The same goes for “Sunshine & Love” and “Angel”. There is real craft in play.

In the aforementioned documentary, Gaz and Mike said it was their favorite album out of all of them. I enjoyed it in 1993, but all these new details changed how I heard the record when I put it on again today. Not the power of suggestion or anything. A 2026 re-appreciation.

The Missing Ingredient

While the sessions were partially salvaged, there were larger problems. Shaun was too far gone to write or sing. They limped back to England with an unfinished album, and a vocalist who didn’t know his own name.

Tina Weymouth suggested using William S. Burroughs’ cut‑up technique on lyrics to get something on the page – chopping up text and reassembling it to spark lines. It fits the atmosphere in a dark way: the singer is missing in action, so the words are literally coming out of a blender.

Their long-time backing vocalist, Rowetta, whose voice is a huge part of why songs like “Sunshine & Love” even land, had so much stress around that time that she briefly left the band. And she wasn’t even with them in paradise. She did come back, but that near departure by a mission critical band member adds another layer to how fragile the whole thing was. And, while technically the band would resurface in the later 2000s (and beyond), that was the end of their 90s run while in their prime.

My loving, long-term attention to Mondays detail made evident by this exuberant post from 2007. “Deviants” anybody? “In the Blood”? They weren’t done.

Back home, into detox, then straight into a vocal booth

The Happy Mondays were in Barbados, attempting to lay down what became Yes, Please, for about nine weeks. Eventually they limped back to England. The band had songs. Good songs. But no vocals. Just 63 days of crack in the sun.

Shaun went into detox first. Once he was in a better state, he recorded his vocals at Comfort’s Place Studio in Lingfield, Surrey, over roughly two weeks in May 1992. On medical advice, the rest of the band stayed away from the studio while this was happening. It was the polar opposite of Barbados: low‑key, controlled, more about getting something workable than chasing a high.

By that point, Frantz and Weymouth had gone back to the United States. Ray Mascarenas helped see the sessions through on the UK side. Shaun later said he found it hard to connect to the music the others had recorded while he was out of it. He felt detached from it, like he was “walking into someone else’s band and trying to talk over them”. You don’t say…

As far as I’m concerned, likely because I’m not Tony Wilson, the album ended up really, really good. Sean’s lyrics and delivery feel sharp and engaged. You would never guess the vocals were tacked on later, in another country, after a drug spiral, rehab, and the decimation of a rental car company’s entire fleet.

Yes Please! came out in September 1992. Within a couple of months, in November, Factory Records went into administration. It wasn’t the only reason the label folded, but that trip to Barbados was an expensive bet that did not come back with the immediate return they needed.

Who actually likes this album?

One of the more interesting things in the video doc – and in some later interviews – is that the band do not agree on what Yes, Please! even is.
​
​Shaun spent years slagging it off. He called it “not a good album”, said it lacked catchy grooves, and that it “wasn’t the Mondays”. That view has softened over time. In later interviews he has talked about regretting how quickly he dismissed what Chris and Tina were trying to do with them, and that with distance he has begun to apreciate it as strong Mondays canon.

Then you hear from Mark Day and Gaz Whelan in their interviews, and they say Yes Please! is their favorite Mondays album of all.

Happy Mondays band in Barbados

Once you have the context, that doesn’t sound odd at all. They were the ones who were present, clear‑headed enough to actually play, and working closely with two people they respected as producers. Paul, too but maybe slightly less so.

They got proper studio time, a serious backing team and budget, and room to stretch out. For a guitarist and drummer, that probably felt like the one time the band was treated like a band rather than just the gang behind Shaun’s chaos. And I’m making assumptions here – but it’s likely the record Gaz and Mike had the most personal influence over.

You can hear that in the playing. The grooves are tighter, the percussion is more layered, the guitar parts are less improvised-sounding. If you were in their shoes, I can see why you would look back at Barbados and think, “That was our best shot in the studio,” even if the rest of it was a rolling disaster.

The little stories that stick

Tony Wilson seeing the sofa go down the road. The band selling off bits of Eddy Grant’s gear. Paul Davis taking exception to a Calypso Beatles cover and starting a fight. The swimming pool crack den. The pile of wrecked hire cars. Linda and Sandra, the mums, thinking they were sleeping feet from a gang bang (they were).

Some of these stories have been told in bits and pieces before – in interviews, in articles, in things like The Paul Ryder Tapes – but the way James Hargreaves Guitar stitched them together, with new interviews, and then hearing the album with all that in mind, made it land differently for me.

Hearing Yes, Please! again, with all this in my melon

After I watched the video, I put Yes Please! on from the start. I realized I had always filed it away as “the messy, later one” and never given it the same attention I gave Bummed.

Is it their best album? Probably not, if you ask the average fan. Pills ‘n’ Thrills and Bellyaches (not my own personal favorite – see Bummed) still has the songs that defined them in the wider world. But Yes, Please! might be their most revealing record. The distance between the thing you hear – and the reckless reality of how it came into existence – is huge.

When I think back to seeing them in Boston, I remember feeling like I was getting the full, uncut Mondays experience. The band that swaggered on television, the band from the videos, the band from the stories – I thought that was all of it. Now I know there was a level beyond that, and it happened in a studio thousands of miles away, under ceiling fans and Caribbean sun, while someone tried to sell a sofa for one more toot.

It’s not like I haven’t heard the record for 35 years. The Mondays have a permanent spot on every new playlist I create (usually one a year) and as a result Spotify is always rocking them based on my history. It is better than I gave it credit for when in the room. I don’t hear it the same way anymore – and never will.

{ 0 Comments }

Why the “Implication” is TV History’s Darkest Moment


in Appalling, Television

Updated on 6/4/26: The “implication” scene from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia earned its place as one of the most uncomfortable moments in TV history because it gave a name to something real and recognizable: coercion dressed up as charm. DavePye.com breaks down exactly why Dennis Reynolds’s boat confession lands so differently from the Gang’s usual depravity, showing how Mac’s genuine horror works as a mirror for the audience while Dennis gleefully outs himself as a sociopath. Read on to understand why this single scene reframed an entire character, and why comedy is sometimes the sharpest tool for exposing something truly ugly.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia - The Implication

Looking for a breakdown of one of the most uncomfortable scenes in TV history?

Pull up a chair, bud.

I still remember the first time I sat down and really watched It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

I didn’t love Breaking Bad. I didn’t love The Wire. And at that time IASIP was third on the limited list of shit that stupid, unimaginative people had to talk about and recommend incessantly. So, yeah, no.

By that point, I’d seen plenty of sitcoms come and go. I grew up on a steady diet of Jack Tripper in syndication. But Sunny felt different – it was meaner and completely unapologetic. I thought I’d seen the Gang hit their ceiling for depravity early on. I’d seen them lock people in burning apartments and hunt a man for sport. I figured I knew the score.

But then came the boat. Then came “the implication.”

There’s a collective “whoa” that happens when a comedy stops being just a parade of idiots and becomes something much darker – and way smarter. It’s a scene that burrows into your brain. It isn’t just a joke; it’s a terrifying character confession. By the Golden God himself.

Jack Tripper had it made.

Many Is The Night I Dream Of P-Diddy

The episode is “The Gang Buys a Boat.” The premise is classic Sunny: flush with $2,500 in unexpected revenue from dicktowel.com – Mac and Dennis’s proudly vulgar merchandise venture – the gang buy a boat to live out some weird, mid-2000s music video fantasy. They want the Sean Combs lifestyle – champagne and the open ocean. And we all know how that ended up for Puffy.

Worth noting: Diddy actually appeared on the show in Season 8, playing a character named Dr. Jinx – a doctor/gardener/bassist – in “Charlie’s Mom Has Cancer.” The show had been using him as cultural shorthand for… aspirational excess… for years. Whether that’s a meta self-reference, a harbinger, or just a coincidence… probably depends on how conspiratorially you’re inclined to think. Either way, it aged … interestingly. Also… way too many ellipses for one paragraph.

Predictably, because they are who they are, they end up with a floating fiasco they name the Paddy’s Wagon. It’s a junker. It’s covered in grime. But Dennis Reynolds doesn’t see a mess. He sees a controlled environment. A palace of opportunity where he holds all the cards.

There’d been warning signs. There’d been glimpses and red flags. But this is one of the first episodes where Rob McElhenney and the rest of the writers start really leaning in on Dennis as a truly… sick fuck.

As he and Mac are shopping for nautical supplies, Mac is still caught up in the surface-level fun – shrimp, parties, and meeting girls. But Dennis has a look in his eye that should trigger an immediate police response. It’s cold. He isn’t thinking about the shrimp. He isn’t considering looking up tomorrow’s weather or current ocean… current… patterns via an AI visibility tool or his iPhone.

“Think about it,” Dennis says, wearing that smug, self-satisfied grin. “We take her out on the open ocean, and we get her nice and tipsy topside.”

Mac is on board at first. He thinks it’s just a standard, if slightly slimy, seduction plan. He thinks they’re just going to be “cool guys” on a boat. Then Dennis gestures toward the cabin. He says that once she’s drunk, he’ll take her below deck to his “lair,” and she’ll have to say yes.

Why?

Dennis Reynolds, The Golden God.

“Because of the implication.”

When the Floor Drops Out

This is where the writing shifts from funny to legendary. Mac’s face falters. He doesn’t get it, or maybe he’s too scared to get it. “What implication?”

Dennis gets annoyed, like he’s explaining basic addition to a toddler. “The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Now, not that things are going to go wrong for her, but she’s thinking that they will.”

This is where Mac becomes the audience. His confusion turns into genuine, palpable horror. He pushes back: “But it sounds like she doesn’t want to have sex with you.”

Dennis is genuinely offended. “Why wouldn’t she want to have sex with me?”

Then he drops the hammer. He insists he’d never actually hurt anyone. He’s not a monster! But the plan depends entirely on the woman being terrified. If she says no, the answer is no. But the point is, she won’t say no.

“Because of the implication.”

Mac finally, terrifyingly, gets it. “So they are in danger!” he whispers.

Why This Scene Is a Masterclass in Horror-Comedy

Look, Always Sunny is a show about bad people. But this felt different. It gave us the actual philosophy behind the bad acts. Dennis isn’t being chaotic here; he’s being systematic. He’s showing us the “D.E.N.N.I.S. System” before it even had a name.

The horror comes from how clinical he is. Think about the elements he’s manipulating: the open water, the isolation, and the massive power imbalance. He isn’t hoping for a “yes” based on attraction. He’s making sure “no” isn’t a viable option in the woman’s mind. He thinks he found a loophole in basic human decency – a way to get what he wants without technically committing a crime, or so he tells himself.

He’s not threatening her. He’s letting the environment do the threatening for him. It’s the ultimate “coward’s” version of a predator.

Mac is actually the key to why this works. Usually, Mac is just as rotten as the rest of the Gang. But in this moment, he has just enough humanity left to be our anchor. His questions are the ones we’re screaming at the screen. He forces Dennis to spell it out, and Dennis—puffed up with ego—is happy to comply. He thinks he’s showing off his brilliance.

We aren’t laughing at a woman being trapped. We’re laughing at the sheer hubris of a man outing himself as a sociopath while believing he’s the hero of the story. It’s the ultimate self-own.

The Impact on the Show

This scene exploded past the show’s cult following because it gave us a name for something we all recognize but usually can’t describe.

“The implication” is just a catchy name for coercion. It’s what happens when a “yes” comes from fear, not desire. It’s that knot in your stomach when a boss asks you for a “favor” and you know saying no means losing your job. It’s any situation where the power gap is so wide that one person feels they can’t refuse.

Dennis thinks he found a gray area. He hasn’t. He’s just describing assault with extra steps. He thinks that if he doesn’t use physical force, it “doesn’t count.” But the fear is the weapon.

For the show, this was the point of no return. Before this, Dennis was just a vain, slightly delusional pretty boy. After this, he was something much more sinister. This scene recontextualizes everything else he does. When you watch later episodes—his “tools” in the trunk, his “Golden God” rants, his weird obsession with skins—they all snap into focus because of this boat ride. The show was always hinting at a monster. This was the moment the monster spoke.

How It Changed the Character of Dennis Reynolds

If you watch the early seasons of Sunny, Dennis is arguably the most “normal” member of the group. He’s the straight man to Charlie’s idiocy and Frank’s filth. But “The Implication” flipped the script. It suggested that while Charlie is gross and Mac is insecure, Dennis is actually dangerous.

It was the beginning of the Golden God era.

It turned him into a high-functioning sociopath who views human interaction as a series of levers and pulleys. It made him the most fascinating character on the show because he’s constantly trying to maintain the facade of a “cool guy” while the cracks in his psyche get wider every year.

Years later, the scene still works. It’s a masterclass in using comedy to gut something truly ugly. It doesn’t ask you to like Dennis or even to find him “edgy.” It just puts a psychopath on a boat, lets him explain his evil, and makes you watch.

That’s the real genius of Always Sunny. They don’t blink. They show you the monster, they let him talk, and they let the silence that follows do the heavy lifting. Let’s recap…

The Implication – FAQ

What is “the implication” in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?

“The implication” is a term coined by Dennis Reynolds in Season 6, Episode 3, “The Gang Buys a Boat.” It refers to his plan to coerce women into sleeping with him by placing them in an isolated, vulnerable situation – specifically on a boat in open water – so that the implied threat of something going wrong makes refusal feel impossible. Dennis insists no one is actually in danger, but that’s precisely what makes it so disturbing.

What episode is “the implication” from?

“The implication” scene appears in Season 6, Episode 3 of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, titled “The Gang Buys a Boat.” It originally aired on September 30, 2010 on FX.

Why is the implication scene so famous?

The scene became a cultural touchstone because it gave a name to a real dynamic – coercion through power imbalance rather than explicit threat. Mac’s genuine horror mirrors the audience’s reaction, and Dennis’s total lack of self-awareness makes it both funny and genuinely unsettling. It reframed Dennis Reynolds from a vain pretty boy into something far more sinister.

Did Dennis Reynolds actually do “the implication”?

Dennis tests his philosophy again in Season 11’s “The Gang Goes to Hell,” though the show never depicts him successfully executing the plan. The horror of the implication is in the articulation of it, not the act itself.

Where can I watch “The Gang Buys a Boat”?

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is currently streaming on Hulu in the US. Season 6, Episode 3 is available as part of the full series library.

The implication scene gets all the attention, and rightfully so. But it’s easy to forget how good the rest of the episode is. The Frank and Charlie shrimping subplot is classic Sunny absurdism. The dock party – where Mac and Dennis show up expecting a P. Diddy lifestyle and find a group of sunburned men playing poker with a guy who lost his hand to diabetes – is one of the better cold-water-on-expectations gags the show has ever done.

And the boat burning at the end, with the inflatable tube man going up in flames while Dennis and Mac watch their dates walk away, is a perfect visual punchline. The implication is why the episode gets cited in think pieces. The rest of it is why you end up rewatching it three times. It’s one of their best, as a whole.

Episode Quick Facts: The Gang Buys a Boat
ShowIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Season / EpisodeSeason 6, Episode 3 (60th overall)
Original Air DateSeptember 30, 2010
NetworkFX (now streaming on Hulu)
Written ByCharlie Day & Rob McElhenney
Directed ByRandall Einhorn
Runtime22 minutes
Viewership1.46 million (original airing)
A.V. Club GradeA−
The Scene“The Implication” – Dennis explains his boat seduction philosophy to a horrified Mac at a boat supply store

What Does All of This Psycho-Babble Mean?

Dennis Reynolds didn’t just reveal himself in that exchange with Mac when they were shopping for bumpers or deck-swabbing oil, or whatever. He gave a name to something real – the kind of coercion that doesn’t need a threat because the power gap does the threatening for it. The truly terrifying part isn’t the plan.

It’s that he’s still waiting for Mac to be impressed.

{ 3 Comments }

Burlington, VT: The Seedy Little Tech Hub We Call Home


in Burlington VT, Politics, Whinging

Burlington, Vermont has long been celebrated for its vibrant arts scene, stunning natural beauty, and progressive spirit. Although, as I’ve come to learn since moving here from Toronto in 2012 – that last point isn’t the advantage it may sound like. Because nowadays this town makes Toronto look like Birmingham, Alabama… in 1963.

It hasn’t earned its “People’s Republic of Burlington” nickname due to the cuisine.

The city is a bit of a paradox right now. A paradox smelling strongly of pee. Surrounding all the new tech companies, and a digital marketing agency (or 20) who sprung up beside them, are significant and self-inflicted challenges related to homelessness, crime, and drug addiction.

And I genuinely like it here. But I do mean surrounding.

That Escalated… Immediately

In the last 5 years, the city has seen record levels of homelessness, with hundreds of unhoused individuals in the area, many of whom are battling severe addiction issues fueled by drugs like your fentanyls and your xylazines. Overdoses have surged, straining emergency services and leaving many without access to long-term treatment.

Burlington, Vermont Drug Problem

Simultaneously, crime rates have risen sharply – gunfire incidents increased nearly 300% (not a typo) in recent years, and aggravated assaults are up 40% – making residents feel unsafe, and definitely resentful of the progressive politicians who got us into this mess.

A Soft Target for Treachery

We’ll get back to the tech and the marketing, but you may be wondering how this happened, and why so quickly? When people ask me, I typically say something along the lines of: “That’s easy. Burlington has become a soft target, and we the marks who live here.

A target for dirtbags looking to sell their wares to vulnerable citizens. And the word is out – all along the drug corridor which starts in Montreal, runs straight through Burlington, and carries on down to Springfield MA, Boston, New York City and beyond. Why do we now find ourselves in this predicament?

A Case Study in Stupidity

Existing issues were immediately enflamed by the city’s decision in 2020 to defund our police force by 30%, reducing the number of active-duty officers from 95 to – whatever number they’ve slowly managed to crawl back up to. Not many people want to be a cop these days. Between early retirement as soon as they’re pension eligible, and a lot of 1/4 full police academies around the country, the decision made by the Burlington progressives in power right before Covid hit were an unnecessary, virtue-signaling, recipe for disaster.

Police Defunded in Burlington, Vermont

That’s right, folks. Our fearless leaders at the time decided that, when not even Minneapolis followed through with their threats, “we” decided to do it right here. In Burlington fucking Vermont. Their lack of forethought, and obsession with an ideology, has turned this popular summer tourist retreat into a hellscape of unintended consequences.

In fact, so few cities ever let the insanity get as far as we did here, that Burlington quickly became, and remains, one of the only “Here’s What Happens When You Defund the Police” case studies in existence. Let’s put that on the tourism pamphlets.

Weren’t You Going to Talk About the Hub Stuff?

That doesn’t sound like any kind of progress I’ve ever heard described. I wouldn’t have let the last Ward 3 councilperson campaigning at my door warm up a bowl of soup. That guy was a breathtaking disaster. But, hey, at least for one happy decade the tech startups flocked here in droves. There, happy now?

Jokes (and angst) aside, it’s still been fascinating to watch, and be part of, Burlington’s transformation into the cute little tech hublet it’s become. With a growing number of startups, innovative companies, and a thriving entrepreneurial ecosystem, Burlington now attracts tech talent from across the country. At least the talent that doesn’t spend a lot of time researching before relocating.

Then there’s those who are packing up and moving away quicker than you can say “Jack Robinson”.

Crime in Burlington, Vermont
“I only asked you how to get to the Olde Northender!

And, yes, this era has naturally paved the way for a solid Burlington, VT digital marketing, SEM, SEO, content strategy and reputation management presence. Look, Burlington is a great place to live, maybe 4 days out of 7 on average. And, while not even a $30K signing bonus has been able to lure enough police officers here to make a difference, the Universe has a way of correcting itself, and eventually the old gal is sure to make a comeback.

Did I mention Ted Bundy was born like a block from my house? So, we’ve got that going for us, too.

Nah. Better not.

{ 0 Comments }

Shepherd Pye Has Left the Building


in Animalistic

This f*cking guy. The incomparable, Shepherd Pye.

The bullet-proof, energizer bunny who laughed in the face of Cushing’s Disease, liver cancer and multiple near-fatal Pitbull/dog park mutt attacks over the last decade and a half to the tune of 7 scalp staples.

The best buddy who helped watch over my niece, nephew and definitely baby Goose as a loving familial sentry and late-in-life big brother.

Rhuby’s devoted littermate, whose loyalties remained even after Pixie entered the pack. The stalwart without a choice who spent nearly 15 years, two countries, 5 cities and at least 27 poor decisions as a confidant at my undeserving side.

Sure, he bit a couple of people and ruined a few square feet of hardwood flooring along the way. Who amongst us can claim otherwise? Cast the first stone, or frig off.

Our time together has drawn to a close. You were just a dog who only understood a limited scope of phonetic commands. And that you definitely never had a Facebook account, or even your own web browser. But I still want you to know two things:

Nothing will ever replace the great, goddamn run we had together.

And that you will always be loved.

{ 0 Comments }

80’s Music: My Ultimate Top Ten Bestest Song List.


in Musical, Television, Viral

Update – 12/14/15: While I think I got it right the first time, admittedly I should have added Sex Dwarf to the list. We didn’t have YouTube when I first posted this list of the best 80s songs almost 11 years ago – so I’ve also updated this breathtaking collection in that respect. See what you think and I look forward to hearing your own opinions in the comments below.

I have a friend named Katie who is convinced I am the leading living authority on 80’s pop music. I made her 3 CDs of my favorites called “Katie’s Eighties” and she’s copied it for a dozen or so of her friends. She plays it in the office, in her apartment, her car – she’s obsessed. Whenever I go over to one of her parties, I’m immediately recognized (“YOU’RE the guy who made that CD?!”), cornered and then praised incessantly. To be honest, it’s kinda nice to be able to make something so many people have enjoyed so much. And the music angle is also sorta on the cool side.

I think the key here is to really “dig in the crates” as they say, and find great songs that a lot of people have completely forgotten about. Anyone can make an “80’s Mix” With Soft Cell, Rick Springfield and Kenny Loggins on it. Big whoop. To make a good 80’s CD, you have to do better than that. You also have to set boundaries as to what exactly constitutes 80’s music. For example, my favorite band, the Pixes, recorded the vast majority of their material in the 80’s – but I’d never put one of their songs in an 80’s collection (well, maybe Here Comes Your Man). This is because I like to associate 80’s music with synthesizers, ridiculous haircuts, legwarmers and the like. Although there are many important guitar-driven bands from the 80’s, for the most part I leave them off of my pirating endeavors. And I’m not even going to start worrying about what I’m supposed to do with rap.

You also have to make sure you’re not picking songs for the sake of being original or clever – they have to be crowd-pleasers. I’d love to throw a brilliant-yet-obscure Gary Numan song like Are Friends Electric? on there, but no one would ‘get it’. Your CD has to be one you can throw on at a party and that people will dig the whole way through. Lest you start ‘gagging them with a spoon’. You can’t be self-indulgent.

So I started to think – Maybe I can be considered an 80’s music authority. I’ve certainly done the legwork. I was as much of a music fan when I was 10 as I am now, so I was alive and conscious during the 80’s onslaught. I was such a Culture Club fan at the age of nine that my father pretty much gave up on trying to teach me how to throw a baseball. Or having grandchildren. Then I asked myself what songs I’d put on my top ten list and decided to turn this whole unabashedly uninteresting project into an article here on Pye In The Face. You lucky devils. So with no further ado, here’s my ultimate top ten bestest eighties song list. In very particular order.

10. Uncertain Smile – The The

Matt Johnson never managed to break into the bigtime, and it’s too bad because The The have some truly amazing material. This song is not my favorite, but it’s the most easily digestible. I’d rather put “The Sinking Feeling” or “Giant” on here, but again – you have to cater somewhat to the lowest common denominator for this project.

9. Whisper To A Scream – Icicle Works

This song reminds me of growing up on Island View Drive in Manotick, Ontario. Everytime I hear it, I feel like I’m back on my BMX, racing around the subdivision with a bag of stale bread to go feed to the ducks at the river. A great little catchy guitar intro, interesting call-and-response phrasing and a thunderous chorus.

8. Head Over Heels – Tears For Fears

This was the first concert I ever saw, back in 1986 at the Ottawa Civic Center with Mr. Mister opening up. What an evening. I went with my Dad’s friend’s younger brother and saw my first lesbians and smelled my first marijuana. “Why are those two women kissing and what’s that wonderful smell?” An eye-opening experience to say the least. I love the piano in this song – it sounds as though someone is hitting the keys with a hammer. Also the way Curt Smith and Roland Orzabal take turns singing sections of the verses is very cool. And I’ll never forget the video: Roland following a pretty librarian around trying to win her affections. In 2004, we’d call that sexual harassment.

7. When The River Runs Dry – Hunters and Collectors

This song could have the catchiest chorus of the decade. I once saw this Australian band open for Midnight Oil at Great Woods and they were amazing. The lyrics are horribly convoluted and just really bad. But then so are most of the others on this list. It’s also unique in that they build up to the chorus over two verses, and then separate them with just one verse for the rest of the song. And I love the way Mark Seymour screams the one word “Salvation” at the end of the chorus. The song is mostly guitar based, but the bass sound is altered in such a way that I’m gonna let that slide.

6. Voices Carry – Til Tuesday

Many people don’t know that Boston’s own Aimee Mann was the lead singer of this shortlived outfit. This song was a no-brainer for this list – I’ve loved the dirty sounding guitar picking coupled with her amazing voice since I first heard the song as a mere pup in 1985. Mann and her baffling hairdo always reminded me of Pris from Blade Runner. And that it was getting increasingly more interesting to touch myself in the pants.

5. New Moon On Monday – Duran Duran

I had to put the double D’s on this list somewhere, as I was thoroughly obsessed with them for years – but I was originally a strict Tears for Fears man.I had a friend named Andrew Habbington during most of the eighties and we used to fight, literally, over who was the better band. But I eventually crossed over to the dark side and became a Duranie myself. I haven’t seen Andrew in 20 years, but maybe someday he’ll Google himself and find this, and then laugh with some sense of smug satisfaction. The harmonies in this song are intense, and you’ll need a degree from Juliard to be able to sing along in your car. Forget Hungry Like the Wolf for a minute and get yourself Duracclimated.

4. We Run – Strange Advance

Bryan Adams wasn’t the only Canuck rocking out hardcore in the eighties. Darryl Kromm sounds almost as if he’s fighting back vomit during the entire song, but I like the 2nd synthesizer that comes in mid way, and the eerie high-pitched “hayaaa hayaaa” vocals that get layered in at the end. I don’t know much about this band, and I don’t think anyone does, but I love this song. And Bryan Adams.

3. In A Big Country – Big Country

Where do I begin? My friends are all well familiar with my enduring love of this band, and I was absolutely shattered when Stuart Adamson hung himself a few years ago. Their live DVD entitled appropriately enough, Final Fling, is amazing and I watch it all the time. This song has an enormous energy behind it which is only made better by the fact that Stu and Bruce figured out a way to make their guitars sound like fucking bagpipes. And I love the video where they’re zipping around Scotland on ATVs – perhaps in search of a deep fried Mars bar.

2. Do You Really Want To Hurt Me – Culture Club

Quite possibly the funkiest bassline ever laid down. Incidentally the bass player, Jon Moss, was subsequently laid down by Boy George – which led to the untimely demise of the band. Listen to this song with the subwoofah turned way up and recollect that ridiculous dance George was doing through the male senior citizen bath house in the video. Or was that his living room? And he’s still influencing disassociated nose-piercers to this day – by no means look at this page if you plan on sleeping tonight.

1. The Promise – When In Rome

This is a truly incredible song. It’s recently been resurrected by the film Napoleon Dynamite, and was an excellent choice for the soundtrack. The choppy synth bass, 14 octave vocals and clever chorus drove this to my number one with a bullet. You don’t know a lick about the 80’s if you haven’t heard this tune. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

It was extremely hard to pick just ten – I could have easily done twenty. Honorable mentions go to Sunglasses at Night by Corey Hart, Kyrie by Mr. Mister, Pop Goes The World by Men Without Hats, Major Tom by Peter Schilling – but I just have to draw the line somewhere. And get some sleep. Yep – all in all, with the possible exception of Monchichis, it was a pretty cool decade.

{ 9 Comments }

Ken Ober is Dead. Long Live Ken Ober


in Heartwarming, Television

Update: It’s been 6 years ago to the day since Ken Ober shuffled unexpectedly off this mortal coil. It’s not quite Thursday yet, but I’m going to throw it back early and in his honor tonight. I’ve also updated the video with a recently unearthed episode of the actual show which features what was always my all time favorite category: Sing along with Colin.

Kenny Wasn’t Like The Other Kids. TV Mattered, Nothing Else Did.
Girls Said Yes But He Said No. Now He’s Got His Own Game Show.
Remote Control!
And Now It’s His Basement, His Rules, His Game Show.
The Quizmaster Of 72 Whooping Cough Lane – Ken Ober!

The summer of 1988 was a tough one for your old friend, Dave. Being 13 years old is all kinds of awkward all by itself, but I had just moved to small town U.S.A. from Canada – a fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. My social life that summer consisted of a remedial Algebra 1 class at Minuteman Tech and watching MTV for hours on end. There was no such thing as reality television in the late 80s, and with the exception of a handful of game shows they actually played music videos. One of those videos was Never Gonna Give You Up. One of those game shows was Remote Control.

Gettin’ Silly Behind the Scenes of Remote Control

I will always remember Ken Ober and Remote Control fondly because they made me smile during a brief adolescent era when I really needed it. Today I’ll tell you that going to 4 different high schools is character-building, but at the time I wanted to swallow antifreeze and follow Heather O’Rourke into the sweet hereafter. Pre-SNL wiseacres Colin Quinn and Adam Sandler helped make up the cast of hilarious recurring characters and the whole mess was held together by Ober’s quick-off-the-draw and bone dry humor at the podium as the show’s seemingly reluctant host.

“Ken Ober was one of the sharpest, quickest, sweetest guys I ever met. He was always a great friend and I will miss him very much.” – Adam Sandler

ken-ober-dies

“Kenny Ober was and always will be the quickest wit in the room. As the star and host of Remote Control, he was a welcoming ringmaster who helped to kickstart the careers of numerous talents, including Adam Sandler, Colin Quinn and myself. He will be remembered always by each of his friends not only for his massive talent but for his true, deep and enduring friendship.” – Dennis Leary

Ken’s post-MTV production career has already been well-documented in various pop obituaries. Most notable was his work on one of my all time favorites, Tough Crowd. He was a long time friend and collaborator of Mr. Quinn’s, and Colin must be having a very bad day today. And that was just written by someone whose molar just split in two. Ober also had film roles in a forgettable Lethal Weapon spoof (although next to today’s send-ups like Disaster Movie it comes off like Gone With the Wind) and the forever-awesome Who’s the Man?

The official word right now is “found dead in his home at age 52,” after experiencing “flu-like symptoms”. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. Thanks for the laughs, Ken. You’ll be remembered far beyond the reruns.

{ 2 Comments }

An Ode to Ed Grimley


in , Television

Ed Grimley - Martin ShortIt’s safe to say that as we ramp up to the 2016 presidential elections most entertainment bloggers aren’t huuuuge (see what I did there?) fans of Donald Trump. As a result, remotely objective reviews or commentary on his recent SNL hosting stint are non-existent. In terms of the writing and humor-levels, however, I’m not afraid to say that The Donald’s first appearance since 2004 was pound-for-pound a much funnier episode than the season premiere (Miley Cyrus) and maybe even – although I absolutely love her – Amy Schumer’s. Her monologue, though, was one for the ages. Don’t get me wrong, this is a Schumer-friendly zone.

It’s no surprise then, that the day-after-breakdowns have focused almost solely on Larry David’s contributions, that Trump is a racist clown, that we don’t like Trump, that I know I’m supposed to be re-capping SNL but don’t vote for Trump… and have almost completely ignored the return of one of SNL and SCTV’s greatest characters of all time – One Mr. Ed Grimley. I’m here to fix that. Or just to ruminate like a psychotic Canadian comedy nerd while nobody pays attention.

Drake’s recent Hotline Bling video doesn’t need much help in the ridicule department from the pantheon of popular culture. It was quick meme material almost as soon as it was released a couple of weeks ago. Still, SNL’s call to Martin Short to come down and recreate one of his most memorable characters was one of their most inspired moments in recent memory. If you had better things to do at midnight on a Saturday, and I sincerely hope you did, have a look at his deliciously wonderful surprise appearance above – and then take a gander at some of Ed’s finest historical moments below. The lackluster audience reaction when he appeared on the live show leads me to believe we’re all in desperate need of a reminder, I must say.

Jesse Spends 9 Hours With Ed

The Reverend gets a long lesson on the ins and outs of Wheel of Fortune and Dolly Parton during this episode from October 20, 1984.

Ed Grimley for the Kids

Billy Crystal and Martin Short educate children on the finer points of laundry in this 80’s episode of Sesame Street.

The Fella Who Couldn’t Wait for Christmas

Before being hired as an established ringer – alongside Crystal, Christopher Guest, Jim Belushi, Harry Shearer and others – to help save SNL from cancellation after Lorne Michaels left the show right before its 10th season, Martin Short developed this strange character regularly on Canada’s SCTV. “Thank you, Bing.”

Incidentally I used to gel my hair, hike my pants up and do my fairly decent (I must say) imitation of Ed at my parent’s dinner parties. I also did it for the whole of my 8th grade class at Rideau Valley Middle School and had my teacher, Mr. Walsworth, in similar stitches. What did the rest of the class think? Let’s just say it’s a good thing I’ve always been a big lad. Adolescent embarrassments aside – it’s good to see you back, Ed.

{ 0 Comments }

5 Vampire Movies That Suck the Delicious Virgin Blood Out of “Twilight: New Moon”


in Movies

Update: I originally posted this in November 2009 but am digging it out again as it’s decent, no one remembers it and I didn’t have time to get anything fresh together for Halloween 2015. Do you like the vampire films? Then please read on – you may find one you’ve missed.

Up and coming comedian, Bo Burnham, made a joke via Twitter two days ago that has stuck with me and induced chuckles ever since.

@boburnham: i cannot wait to see the next instalment of twilight. apparently, the real weakness of vampires/werewolves is shirts.

shirtless-twilight-boysEdward & Jacob only thought they had their respective weaknesses figured out.

Transylvania 90210, as I’ve decided to refer to New Moon for our purposes, premieres tonight across the universe and has set ticket pre-sale records that have left Spiderman and Lucas in the dust. It’s easier for me to believe that Vampires actually exist than to get my head around the popularity of these books and movies. Yes, I watched Twilight. In between shots of Kristen Stewart biting her lower lip in angst there was some semblance of a vamp tale. For many young people (girls), however, this will be their introduction to the rich lore of the fanged ones and that’s a frightening thought.

As a potential remedy that no one will pay any attention to, here are my 5 favorite batty flicks, and I’m hoping the legions of Mullen and Black fans get around to watching them before being forever convinced that the undead won’t kill you if only you have a secret crush on them.


Jerry Dandridge makes Edward Mullen look like Louis Skolnick

5. Fright Night: Yes, that Fright Night. Second only to Road Warrior on my “films to rent for sleepovers in the 80s” list, if you haven’t revisited it since legwarmers were in style – do yourself a serious favor. Chris Sarandon was born to play the slick vampire that moves in next door to Charley, creating a Disturbia sort of surveillance situation that leads less towards house arrest anklets and more towards exploding heads. Currently being blessed/cursed with the remake treatment. Hopefully not starring Robert Pattinson.


Swedish Girl Guides sell those little red fish door-to-door. Then fucking kill you.

4. Let the Right One In: This incredibly well-conceived, original and terrifying pool scene is the tip of the iceberg. I hadn’t even heard of this movie (it’s a Swedish film released only last year) until I started thinking about this article last night. I quickly downloaded it and can see why it has garnered such a fast vamp-fan appreciation. Uber-violent Stockholm romance with lots of children thrown into the mix as a bit of a differentiator. As for the title, watch the above clip and see if you think the little boy might have possibly just let the “wrong” one in. Come on – the Swedes have had it easy for a long, long time. It’s nice to see some bloodsuckers thrown into their fish-eating midst.

High on the list of nightmare-inducing movie scenes from my childhood.

3. Salem’s Lot: This Stephen King-authored spookfest was originally a TV miniseries, so when you plop down in front of the DVD release you’ll know why it clocks in at a whopping 3 hours. Directed by Tobe Hooper of Texas Chainsaw Massacre fame and starring Hutch (David Soul) the parts are better than the whole. James Mason is excellent in one of his last roles and I double dog dare you to find a scarier vampire movie scene than this spectre of a boy scraping the pane with his undead little fingernails (shudder).


“Gimmie a couple shots of whatever donkey-piss you’re shoving down these cocksuckers’ throats.”

2. Near Dark: The most underrated and overlooked film on my short list came out in 1987 to minimal applause, but has since evolved into cult status and holds a place near the top of every other “best of vampire” film list you’ll be able to find. Bill Paxton had made Aliens only the year before, and a little bit of Hudson spills over into his likewise over-the-top (and likewise no less awesome for it) portrayal of Severen. In spite of his mullet, Lance Henrikson personifies evil as Hooker and the above scene might just inspire you to head down to your local, get drunk and start swinging. Or dismembering.

The absolute pinnacle of nightmare-inducing movie scenes from my childhood.

1. Nosferatu: My preadolescence was a worse place for having accidentally run across this absolutely horrifying movie on PBS one Sunday evening during my 6th year on Earth. I’d be dreading the dark long before the street lights came on as a result. My cowardice is somewhat vindicated, however, because Count Orlock is no less terrifying to this day. Not bad for a movie that’s barely a fang shy of 90 years old. Also excellent in its own right is the 2000 film Shadow of the Vampire which imagines made-up funny and frightening events during the filming of Nosferatu. Casting Willem Defoe as Orlock probably saved the production thousands on makeup.

These are my personal favorites when it comes to blood-suck-fests, so don’t burst a vein because I left off Horror of Dracula or Lost Boys. Turn your dark side into lemonade, or something, and list your own favorites in the comments below. Happy New Mooning.

{ 6 Comments }

How to Get Arrested in Charlestown, MA


in , Boston, Reminiscent

I’ve been bestowed with the silver bracelets of law enforcement a few times (mostly) during my youth. I’ve lived a fairly respectable life. Never been nicked for anything particularly seedy or concerning.

There was that one time in Charlestown, MA however, where a classic case of mistaken identity truly scared the pants off me – and provided a glimpse of how the “other half” lives like I’ve never had before or since.

This isn’t a cautionary tale. Quite simply because it could have happened to absolutely anybody currently reading this. Before time completely erases the details from my memory I think it bears repeating, and I’ve been waiting for a long time to do so.

So, Like, Let’s Go With the Story

We laugh about it now, but in short – for an hour and a half in 2010 I may have been Boston’s most wanted. The resulting tale I’m now able to tell is worth its weight in police-issued titanium. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin.

My sister and her ex-husband had a nice little house on Green Street in the very heart of The Town. I’d often come to visit while they lived there, and even had my own little basement bedroom which according to neighbors was a speakeasy of some sort once upon a time.

While a terrific and trendy place to live in modern times, Charlestown definitely has a colorful past to say the least, kid. Of which I was very well aware. So sleeping in a speakeasy wasn’t exactly a moral quandary for me. But mostly because it wasn’t haunted by anyone headless and named “Sully”.

During one such visit she and I had dinner with friends in Cambridge, came back to find a sweet parking spot right in front of her pad and then decided we (she) wanted just one more glass of weeknight wine.

Within seconds of walking out her front door to patronize a liquor store on Bunker Hill Street, things took a strange turn for the surreal – which I will never forget.

Cuffed-n-Stuffed

After closing the front door behind me, I glanced down to where Green and Bunker Hill intersect and saw a Park Ranger car quickly slow down as the driver quite obviously began giving me the deep “once over”.

Whaddaya Mean, a Friggin’ Park Ranger?

Yeah, so… before you wonder what the heck a Park Ranger was doing in Charlestown, let me explain. The U.S.S. Constitution, one of the most treasured historical… treasures… in the country is docked in the Navy Yard less than a mile away.

For context, on September 11th, 2001 I worked nearby and they evacuated the entire neighborhood fearing one of the Navy’s six original frigates may be the next target. The Rangers are “Old Ironsides“‘ personal police force, and their presence is nothing out of the ordinary.

ChardonNAY: Do So; for, Indeed, I Have Lost Command

Ranger Rick continued on his way as the obligatory “that’s odd” flashed through my mind and within half a minute I’d reached my destination just around the corner. I begrudgingly bought a bottle of oakey Chardonnay, as the sis hates Pinot Grigio, and stood waiting in line to cash out. The Ranger drove past again, in the opposite direction, and glared at me through the front window so there was now no mistake he’d turned around to have another gander at… me?

Nah, can’t be. When he appeared a third time, after making another u-turn and then pulling over in front of the store, however, my paranoia was replaced by curious dread. Still, I’ve never held up an armored car, and fifteen minutes ago I was snarfing down tacos near Inman Square.

The lady in line in front of me noticed him too and said something to the effect of “Lord, what do they want to question me about now?“. I replied, “No, Ma’am. I think he’s here for me.” And as strange as it felt at the time – I meant it.

Park-RangerThe six-foot bespectacled Ranger walked into the store, never breaking eye contact with me, and requested I come speak to him outside. Being the slightly right-leaning and largely law-abiding citizen that I am, I quickly finished my transaction and obliged.

Once out on the street he instructed me to stand against a wall underneath a streetlight, and to put down the brown paper bag containing that bottle of wine I really didn’t want to drink in the first place.

I was still more curious than frightened, so assumed the position without having even asked him to explain his interest in little ol’ me. “Look straight ahead and don’t move,” were his next instructions.

The Realization

As I stiffened to attention, I noticed a proper Boston Police cruiser begin slowly passing in front of us.  Slowly and deliberately. “Am I in some kind of… lineup?” I wondered. This may have been the exact moment I started to worry. Just a wee bit.

The cruiser passed us, pulled over to the side, and the front window rolled down. “This will be the end of it.” I assured myself. The cop leaned out, looked at the Ranger, and… nodded. Not in a “hey, how ya doin'” sort of way. In a “this is the dirtbag we’re looking for” sort of way.

As you can imagine, I could no longer contain my curiosity/terror and spoke up. “Put your hands behind your back, Sir.” was the reply. “I’ll explain everything in the car.”

This was not my first experience with handcuffs (feel free to spike that volleyball in the comments if you must,) but it was my first time being linked up in the back of a Crown Vic which had the single, bench-like front seat pushed back so far I had to turn my head to the side to keep from breaking my nose.

The Ranger got into the car, further jamming the vinyl into my orifices, and did me the favor of finally explaining the situation. “You’ve been identified as someone who tried to snatch a purse in the Navy Yard earlier tonight.”

“Kay. Wait, what?”.

Presenting My (Awesome) Evidence

I calmly explained that I’d been in the neighborhood for less than 10 minutes and for the first time since 8am that morning. I told him my sister lived 200 feet away where I was staying and could corroborate my account. I told him that I had the keys in my pocket to the black Charger almost within view around the corner which would have a hood warm to the touch.

To my relief, these reasonable and potentially time-saving facts seemed to give him pause for thought and he exited the car to go speak with the proper Boston policeman who was still parked with my accusers nearby.

“Now, this will be the end of it.” I assured myself again.

Pause for thought achieved, the Ranger then got back in and rolled the rear window down before instructing me to stare straight ahead. “Do not move!” he ordered, no doubt to protect  the identity of the plaintiffs – whom I would later learn were three twenty-something women stumbling home after a night of adult beverages at the almighty Warren Tavern.

“You’re kidding about being able to move my head, right?” I asked, in a severely muffled tone, resulting in him finally shifting the seat forward. I did as I was told, turned to look out the side window, and my peripheral vision was then filled with the cruiser making another painfully slow pass in the interest of justice via identification.

Another long couple of minutes ticked by. The Ranger disappeared, reappeared, and then informed me they’d ID’d me again – and I was indeed, and officially, public enemy #1. #snatchy

Top of the World, Ma!

After reiterating my innocence, and the multitude of ways in which he could easily confirm it himself in under three minutes, he informed me they were now certain of probable cause and that we’d be heading to the station. I decided the best thing I could say at this point would be absolutely nothing, and shortly thereafter found myself handcuffed to a chair in a brightly lit room somewhere in the Navy Yard.

The Ranger I’d been dealing with walked into another room, closing the door behind him, and I was left with a new, much younger version keeping an eye on me. I jokingly described what had happened and how I even felt bad for wasting their time while the real culprit was probably out liberating someone else’s Prada, cracked wise a few more times and to my relief he actually smiled.

“Look, we don’t actually like you for this.”

His use of Columbo-esque TV-cop-procedural lingo put me at ease, slightly, and I realized they were taking their cues from the Boston cop who hadn’t even spoken to or looked at me. Ranger Rick walked back into the room, now holding a piece of paper, and turned on a video camera I hadn’t noticed sitting on a table nearby. He wheeled it over, pointed it directly at my face, and issued his next order: “Read this.”

He held the paper in front of me and I quickly committed the contents to memory for all time:

“Hey. Give me your purse. Forget it. Nevermind.”

These were the words the true-snatcher had apparently strung together during his failed snatchery. I realized then that the pissed-up former Warren patrons must be in the next room, presumably watching a close-up of my face on the well-lit video feed.

“Now, THIS will be the end of it!” I thought as I dug deep for my strongest Canadian accent and recited the potentially prosecuting prose. “Again.” Rick requested.

Done – and the only way it could have sounded more Canadian is if I’d added “Buddy” at the end. “Once more,” he added for what would hopefully be the third time charm.

It was.

Free to Go

The Boston cop opened the door, shook his head this time, and then stepped back and closed it again as if the Rangers and I were door-to-door vacuum salesmen on a Sunday. In an instant my Thursday night adventure was over, and I’ve never felt a remotely comparable sense of relief. As I stood up and rubbed my exonerated wrists, I could tell from the looks on their faces the Rangers genuinely felt terrible.

I’m sure law enforcement of every kind is trained never to apologize for obvious reasons, but Rick did turn to his Padawan and say, “I think offering Mr. Pye a ride home is the least we can do.” The least indeed, Sir. The least indeed.

What then did I learn from this experience?

Nobody is Safe? Mistakes Get Made?

It isn’t that I hate police (or Park Rangers). They were doing their job, they went by the book – and let’s not forget that I was positively identified by three separate (and shit-hammered) civilians – thrice.

My biggest takeaway is how easily anyone can be pulled off the street, cuffed and stuffed, and then dropped into the system on the word of… anyone.

There are at least five documentaries on Netflix right now about people being imprisoned for decades due to mistaken identity. Another five about the pro-bono lawyer groups who donate their time to overturning those life-destroying cockups. There are fifteen times as many articles online about how eyewitness accounts are the last thing anyone should ever be convicted as a result of.  It’s an everyday occurrence – and a terrifying one.

Lots is already being done to improve said system, and my (not)  joining their ranks won’t change anything. My advice then to everyone is, simply: watch your ass.

And Columbo – it’s brilliant and also on Netflix.

columbo

If you’re still reading this opus of a post, you’re a trooper. Hopefully you can forgive the length and chalk it up to me having not written regularly for half a decade.

“One More Thing, Ma’am”

There’s a denouement, however, which I’d still like to add.

When the Rangers pulled up in front of my sister’s house, there she was on the front stoop speaking frantically into her phone. In addition to the liquor store and a bodega which sells the largest selection of religious candles you’ve ever seen, there’s also a rather notorious housing project at Bunker Hill and Green. Undoubtedly she feared the worse – she’s my sister.

I stepped out of the back seat and wondered why Ranger Rick was also exiting the vehicle. Surely he didn’t feel the need to explain the situation to my sis, or privately apologize to me? What he did, in fact, was a far greater gesture.

He opened his trunk, passed me the paper bag containing my oakey Chardonnay, and said with a smile, “Have a great rest of your evening“. He didn’t have to do that.

All was forgiven.

{ 1 Comment }

Is SPECTRE a Masterpiece?


in Movies

Let’s conveniently ignore the fact this blog has been dead for the better part of half a decade and get right back into the swing of things. I’ve yet to read an even mildly skeptical review of the 24th James Bond film, SPECTRE, and so my Autumn is officially made. The RT rating is 84%, so obviously bad reviews exist – I’m just saying I haven’t read them. Read on, then, knowing full well that convenient ignorance is as much of a theme here then as tight bespoke suits, vodka-based cocktails and accented villains. And that I’m still likely to die alone.

spectre

The Guardian: “Bond is back and Daniel Craig is back in a terrifically exciting, spectacular, almost operatically delirious 007 adventure – endorsing intelligence work as old-fashioned derring-do and incidentally taking a stoutly pro-Snowden line against the creepy voyeur surveillance that undermines the rights of a free individual.” – Snowden can go fuck himself sideways, but otherwise this is an entirely enticing blurb.

Variety: “The indefatigable agent’s solution, and in turn the film’s, is to get stoically back to work almost as if if nothing had happened, and let the baggage emerge where it may. And while Daniel Craig’s reputation as the series’ sternest Bond stands intact when the ride — rumored to be his last — is over, his half-smile count is higher than usual.” There are better quotes in the Variety review, but I had to pick this one due solely to the inclusion of my favorite word in the English language (see if you can guess). – Personally I don’t mind at all if Idris Elba becomes the next Bond as long as they retain Sam Mendes. Although letting Craig get away would be a tragedy akin to the lovely Vespa drowning in Venice.

What Culture: “One of the most common quarters of praise among all reviews (even the negative ones) has been for the film’s opening shot, a 4-minute single-take tracking shot which sees Bond weaving his way through Mexico’s Day of the Dead festival in pursuit of an assailant. It’s been called “a typically explosive affair” and “an instant all-time greatest moment in the franchise”, with many reviewers agreeing that it contributes to making the pre-title sequence one of the series’ most thrilling.” – Hit the link to see “11 early reactions you need to know”. Shitty Buzzfeed-style headline aside, #7 (there are lots of nods/easter eggs to previous Bond films) excites me to no end. I love that stuff as has been evident in the distant past. I promise to put together a list of those I notice here after actually seeing it. And to maybe shower and leave my house next weekend.

I’ll break down now, as it’s only fair I include one of the few negative reviews that’s making the rounds: “Austin Powers-grade cliches abound. Here is the villain openly inviting Bond to his evil lair for some reason! Here is the villain monologuing his evil plan in detail! Here is the villain attempting to kill Bond in the most elaborate manner possible, instead of just shooting him in the face!” – Your first Bond film, eh? Did you expect him to retire and start teaching kindergarten? The last sentence says it all: “After 53 years and 24 films, is it too much to, ahem, exSpectre bit more?” – I hope you die horribly in a laser-related accident which also involves sharks.

It’s good to be back, if anyone’s still reading, and I look forward to discussing the latest entry in this beloved franchise in a couple weeks with all 3 of my imaginary readers.

{ 1 Comment }

Disturbing Keyword Referral Analysis


in Nerdery, Professional, Pye in the Face

An online marketing guy by profession, one of the most integral metrics I have to keep an eye on is known as keyword referral traffic. Namely, what people are typing into search engines before ending up on a given site. And Jiminy Crickets – those keywords can get weird.

nerderyPye in the Face has been around for over a decade now, and there are thousands of posts, galleries, tags and categories capable of pulling in organic traffic from Google, Bing, etc. Most of which I’ll regret during my next job search. Through the magic of reporting software which crunches and parses log files – My tool of choice is the awesome and free Google Analytics – you can not only see what keywords are generating traffic but what search engine and which one of your pages the visitor is landing on. You can also see what country they’re from, what time of day they visited, what operating system they’re using, what browser. It’s incredibly deep, fascinating and addictive. When I first started building websites I’d check these sorts of stats fanatically – but my favorite was always, and remains, the keyword referrals.

Obviously, everyone with a website wants it to rank well in Google for a specific set of keywords. The power of big G is incredible. Fortunes are literally won and lost every time their algorithm, which determines how sites rank for a given keyword or phrase, undergoes a major update. If you sell “pink roller skates” and are #1 on Monday for that term, you’re laughing. Book a trip and start pricing jetskis. If, when you get to the warehouse on Tuesday, you’ve dropped to #39 – you’re out of business. That quickly. Better sell that jetski to Kenny Powers.

kenny-powers-jetskiKenny has actually had multiple liasons on jetskis.

Ranking well for mission-critical keywords is, well, mission-critical. A website has the potential to rank and draw traffic, however, for any combination of keywords which appear within the code of their site. It’s also important to note that the terms comprising a multi-word search phrase don’t have to appear on a site in the same order. They don’t all even have to appear in the same paragraph. If the potential for ridiculousness isn’t sinking in by now, it should be.

If there isn’t a ton of competition for a phrase which has somehow worked its way into your site’s copy one might find themselves on Google’s first page within a few hours of that text’s addition. Sites with regularly updated blogs especially can start ranking for hundreds – nay, thousands – of terms over the course of a few years. This is definitely the case with Pye in the Face (Last month people used 1,570 different keywords to find the site), and without prattling on about this nerdy stuff any longer I’m going to share my…

5 Favorite Phrases DavePye.com Drew Traffic for in August 2011

1. Florence Welch Bum: Florence may have her machine but she’s also in possession of a breathtaking caboose. I admit, when I featured her on Wednesday Wadio a little over a year ago I took screenshots of the best examples from the band’s video and named the resulting images “florence-youve-got-the-love-ass-video-bum.jpg” and “florence-and-the-machines-ass-butt.jpg” respectively. It was a sad, misguided experiment, but a very successful one. My site is #1 in Google (your local results may vary for everything on the list) for the aforementioned term and pulled in 6 visitors last month. It’s also the top entry in Google’s image search. Traffic also came in for florence and machine bum, and a guy named Dan actually left 2 comments looking for more Welch booty. If I roll the data back to cover an entire year, that article pulled in over a hundred visitors using 84 different keyword variations including: florence welch arse, florence welch hindquarters… butt, ass, shake, buttocks and bottom. This data is embarrassing, sad and doesn’t paint me in a particularly flattering light – but that doesn’t make it any less frickin’ fascinating.

2. Bobby McFerrin Raped my Grandmother: When Alec Baldwin hosted SNL 5 years ago he uttered this phrase during a particularly hilarious skit which you can can’t see below. I jump around on Google’s first page for the phrase, and 2 people found me using by using it last month. Since I wrote the article way back in November 2006, 65 people have typed it in before paying me a visit. I can only pray they were looking for that sketch and Bobby McFerrin isn’t being sought somewhere for questioning.

3. Bunkhouse Cock Buddies: Upon seeing traffic from this term I typed it into Google to see which post of mine could possibly be ranking for it. I went about 5 pages deep through the site results before giving up. Nothing. Then I tried image search – and sweet God in heaven do I wish I could take that back. All the therapy and bleach in the world will never erase that sight from my poor mind. Please take my word for it.

4. Does the Interrogator in the Movie Unthinkable Cut the Terrorist’s Penis Off?: The Unthinkable made an impression on me and I think my review of the Samuel L. Jackson flick holds up. I’m glad I took my time writing it because since it was published on May 28th of last year the post has pulled in an amazing 500+ people via Google and become one of my highest-viewed articles ever. I never mentioned the terrorist’s penis.

5. I’m Going to Die Alone with a Plethora of Cats: Is this someone “calling their shot”? Are they looking for a support group? Regardless, this is a great example of how different words from different areas on a site can combine causing a website show up for a bizarre search. I ranked #6 for this term and the landing page is for one of my categories. Over the course of the 10 articles which appear in this category, I mention cats, dying alone and use the word “plethora” in different posts – hence the ranking. Try to explain the ranking away as I might, I’ll still probably have my face eaten off by a cat days before my neighbors notice the smell.

Sorry, folks, if this all got a bit lengthy. After such a long period of irregular and sporadic writing I must have a lot of flexing to do. I hope you enjoyed all this disturbing data and I do believe I’ll make referral analysis a regular feature. A profoundly disturbing regular feature.

{ 3 Comments }

Not a “Bad Date”: Raiders of the Lost Ark is 30


in Movies

Considering yesterday’s unenthusiastic summer movie post – this is uncanny. I just learned, via JoBlo, that Raiders of the Lost Ark was released 30 years ago today. My 7-year-old self hasn’t been the same since.

raiders-artIf I were tasked (by someone who was incredibly bored and probably unemployed/smelling of pee) with selecting just one movie to represent my childhood – it would be Raiders. History has been kind to the film – it didn’t exactly get poor reviews on this day back in 1981 (It has a 94% rating on Rotten Tomatoes), but it’s legacy has grown considerably. What began as little more than a fast-paced summer blockbuster (resulting from a Lucas/Spielberg collaboration dedicated to serials from the 1920s) is now heralded as a cinematic benchmark frequently selected by critics as one of the best movies of all time…

  • Just this past March a TV special put together by ABC News and People Magazing voted Raiders the best action movie of all time.
  • In 1998 the American Film Institute voted it #60 on their list of the 100 best American movies, evah. To give context it outranks Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction and Unforgiven. By a lot.
  • It’s #22 out of 250 on IMDB’s list of best flicks.

But forget about established critics and accredited film society thingys for a second. As part of my own personal tribute I’m going to share just a few foggy Raiders memories from my distant childhood:

  1. My father must have also been a huge fan of the film, because he took me to see it 7 times. It’s how we bonded. How we related to each other – and I have no complaints.
  2. I remember him asking his sister, my Aunt Susan, if after seeing it she thought it was appropriate for a 7-year-old. Her exact response was “Well, there’s a little bit of blood, but I think he’ll be alright.” Which brings me to the next memory…
  3. After the first time we saw it, I ran ahead of my father and checked the back seat of his car for mummies.
  4. My friend Adam and I spent countless hours trying to beat the tie-in Atari 2600 video game. 30 years later it is still frequently mentioned as one of the hardest games of all time.

  5. I’d jump at any chance to accompany my Mother to the grocery store in Manotick, Ontario as I was determined to collect each of the 100 Raiders trading cards. After consuming near-fatal quantities of nasty pink-colored gum sticks, I only ever got 99 of them. The elusive card? That bastard, Belloq. And I still have all 99 in a photo album for which I actually won a Boy Scouts “collector’s” badge a couple years later.
  6. My grandmother gave me an Indy action figure during one of her visits, that had a spring-loaded arm which would crack a little cloth whip. I still have it.
  7. One of our neighbors, Terry (whom many years later I would end up working for in England) claimed he knew a guy who had a bootleg VHS copy and if we could organize $100 and two VCRs for the dub I could get one of my very own. Needless to say, he lived to regret telling me that. I don’t think the word “haunting” covers it.
  8. We bought the soundtrack on LP, which I then transferred to cassette, which then became the soundtrack of many backyard adventures, blasted via carefully-balanced ghetto blaster through my bedroom window.
  9. I remember friends and I acting out so many “takes” of the famous swordfight scene that David Fincher and Stanley Kubrick would have said in unison, “Enough already, kid. We got the shot.”
  10. Due to a glaring lack of actual Indy toys in the marketplace, Star Wars stormtroopers and Cobra soldiers frequently stood in for Hovitos, Thuggees and Nazis.
  11. I learned what a Nazi was.

Toht-meltingIf we forget our history we are doomed to repeat it. So in honor of this magnificent anniversary, take time out today and force a 7-year old child to sit through Raiders of the Lost Ark. And don’t let them close their eyes at the end, either. The children are our future, so teach them well and let them watch melting Nazis. Happy birthday, Dr. Jones.

{ 1 Comment }