Nemo Bested by Fat, Lazy Whooore

You know me – All the giant squid news that’s fit to print. A few months back I mentioned my excitement surrounding the monstrous giant squid corpse that was being studied in New Zealand. They’ve recently released a few findings and apparently this particular squidizen (see what I did there?) was not the Nautalis-crushing super-predator the scientists were expecting. The best bits:

• Not the T-Rex of the oceans but a lethargic blob.
• An overweight breeding machine.
• Probably quite docile when alive.
• A strange phenomenon that has caught scientists off guard.
• As she got older she got shorter and broader.
• Too gelatinous to have been a fighting machine.
• Have a penchant for toothfish, are no strangers to cannibalism.

Have the scientists considered that Rosie O’Donnell might have been in a windsurfing accident somewhere in the vicinity? This certainly doesn’t sound like the mighty giant squid of lore. Take out the “breeding machine” bullet and its Rosie right down to the toothfish. I need coffee.