We’re into day four now, and the city of Boston awaits Kerry’s acceptance speech tonight with great eagerness and several effigerial burnings. The Democratic party is abuzz on the city’s crowded streets, waiting to crown their mighty war hero and great leader. It’s no picnic. It’s like ants on a discarded celery stick full of Cheez Whiz after the picnic. Forget I mentioned a picnic.
I made it in to the office finally, after having to traverse yet another Falun Gong protest, several “Friends of Hillary” campaigners who met with an expletive from yours truly when they attempted to block my path – and just general pedestrian congestion. Picture Pamploana’s Running of the Bulls held in the North End. Picture a romantic stroll through Calcutta.
I felt a need to mete out a degree of retribution during my mosey, and had my opportunity when stopped for directions near the Bell in Hand. “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me how to get to the Fleet Center please?” The inquisitor had so many press passes and credentials around his neck, I thought I was talking to Flava Flav for a second. Flav would have been a great commentator for MTV now that I think of it. A much better choice than Wonkette, anyway. They could have called the segment “Cold Lampin’ at the DNC” or something. Where was I?
Giving directions. “It’s at the end of the Freedom Trail. Just follow the red line on the pavement over that way.” at which point I pointed towards the North End. For those unfamiliar, you can get to the Fleet Center quite quickly from that area by walking in the opposite direction. I made a funny. Alright, so I was a dick. But I think everyone who visits Boston should get to visit the North End, even if it’s because they were given maliciously bad directions.
“Sorry I’m late. I got a little lost. I didn’t realize the Fleet Center was part of the Freedom Trail. Yeah, some 2nd round draft pick named Paul Revere hit a buzzer-beater there in 1776 to beat the Washington Redcoats in overtime. And apparently they all wore cornrows back then. I did not know that. Yeah, I met this really helpful local.”
So who finally won and got the long anticipated democratic nomination? I bet it was either Ben Affleck or Michael Moore… I voted for Ben (at least i think i did… the voting machine was really complicated, so i might have fucked it up).
Too bad 75 State Street isn’t called the “Fleet Center” anymore (they gave me a big brass “T” as a souvenir) or you could have sent the tourist there without feeling like such a dick…. (you’re so gay!)
I’m terribly disappointed that the DNC is over and i didn’t get frisked once… 🙁 Security apparently sucked.
Abby – playing with Affleck’s dink in the back of a cab does not count as a “vote”.
Dave, i would have been offended by your classy comment, but i was too hysterical over the word “dink” & almost choked on my Red Bull.
(and it wasn’t a taxi, dumbass, it was a limo. duh.)