40-ish………………………………………49
Adventurous…………….. Slept with everyone
Athletic……………………………….. No tits
Average looking……………….. Ugly
Beautiful……………………… Pathological liar
Contagious Smile……………… Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure…………………. On medication
Feminist…………………………………… Fat
Free spirit……………………………… Junkie
Friendship first…………………….. Former slut
Fun…………………………………… Annoying
New-Age………… Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned……………………….. No BJs
Open-minded…………………………… Desperate
Outgoing…………………. Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate…………………………. Sloppy drunk
Professional……………………………… Bitch
Voluptuous…………………………….. Very Fat
Large frame…………………………… Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate…………………………. Stalker
Never, ever again.
Best.blog.yet
Too bad I just copied and pasted it from an email I got this morning.
I had a LONG weekend and am beat. I will try and be funny tonight.
Sad but true. Men, on the other hand, don’t use fancy language — they just post pictures of themselves from four years ago, when they were in good shape and had hair.
The responses to my personals ads generally go like this:
“Hello, my name is Mufar. I need american wife for citizenship and spanking. Please to respond.”
Or:
“My wife is bicurious. I mean, she’s actually repulsed by vaginas and all, but I saw this movie once, and I’m sure that once she gets a load of you all covered in whipped cream, sitting in our sex swing, she’ll change her mind.”
Followed by:
“Why you don’t write me back, american bitch? I am awaiting your further response. -Mufar.”
You have really outdone yourself this time.
As a http://www.lavalife.com veteran… I would have to agree… but the cougars are fun — all you have to do it sit back, relax and enjoy the ride… god bless the makers of Polident
Dear Pye in the Face,
My name is Candy. I am an average looking 30 something, adverturous, very non-athletic type with a contageous smile. I am an emotionally secure, free spirit who is close-minded, but very passionate. I am not old fashioned however, I have come to believe in friendship first. I want a soul mate to share my life with. When I don’t get what I want, I can be very, very professional.
So what do you say? Wanna pull the sheets off the old water bed, oil up, slide around see what happens? Think twice before saying no my precious little soul mate…..
PS…Better buy a case of those powerbars, you’re gonna need ’em.
Signed,
Candy and Pye 4-ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever……til death do us part….sigh
I’ll say it again. Cougar bars. Who’s with me?
match.com, lavalife.com, eHarmony.com and nerve.com – Try any of them out, and then compare notes with our chart.
Bobby introduced me to Abe & Lou’s on Thursday – ouch – what a Coug House!