As I walked past the mirror on my way to the bathroom this morning, I noticed an enormous bump in the middle of my forehead. It’s closer to the hairline, and I sort of look like a budding young unicorn – I have an impacted wisdom horn, perhaps. It’s pretty ridiculous, and I almost thought about working from home today rather than face society with this goose egg. But then again, I’ll stay home for a good episode of Columbo. I am a professional, you see.
So I have to assume it was some sort of bug. And due to the bump size, likely a spider. And that’s just nasty. What else is fucking with me while I slumber? Is the cat tea-bagging me with little furry orange nuts in retribution for questionable litter box cleanliness? Is it Santa who keeps drinking all my beer? I just don’t know.
So some nasty little bug bastard sat on the middle of my head and drank blood to its heart’s content. And he’s on to a good thing now, so I can probably look forward to this again. There will be a thorough ceiling spider check when I get home tonight, and possibly masturbating.
I want pictures!
It went down. Sorry. Oh, you mean the bump.
Ahahahaha! I’m still laughing at the thought of Boss’s little orange fuzzy balls tea bagging you while you slumber. Cause you know he does…
Try cutting it open. Maybe a whole litter of spiders will come crawling out. Blek!!
//I want pictures.//
See, when you say that right after Dave says something about masturbating … you know where my mind went with it:)
You’ll be happy to know I have made a full spider-bite recovery. I did not locate the culprit, however, and I hope he has been eaten by Boss. Which is not unlikely.