Amanda Beard Picture – Ass You Like It.

Olympic Amanda, why did you decide to pose for such sexy, semi-nude FHM pics? Not that I’m complaining, but aren’t you afraid some folks will think you’re a soggy aqua-whooore? In this photo, you look like something Captain Kirk would have tried to nail after a few pulls of that bright green lunar liquor. What’s with the futuristic arse-floss?

“I wear a two-piece a lot to train in, and I wedge it right up my butt. We swim like we’re Brazilian swimmers: We have it up our asses. All the girls wear really skimpy two-pieces, and there are a lot of girl swimmers who have really nice bodies. All the time I’m like, ‘Damn, why does she have that body and I don’t?’ We train so much there’s bound to be tons of nice bodies walking around.”

It’s amazing these people get anything done. If I had to train within a mile of the aforementioned skimpy scenario, I’d never be able to leave the pool without a flutterboard held securely in front of my lap. She’s won 4 Oympic lgold medals, she holds the world record in the 200-meter breaststroke, and she likes to wedge things up her butt. And I said no when Pete Avgoustis invited me to Greece.

“We have a lake house up in Washington, where my sisters, my cousins and I were having a bachelorette party. We were having fun, so we were like, ‘Let’s go skinny-dipping.’ So we all swam around in the lake naked. I’ve gone skinny-dipping in lakes, but not too much in the pool. Our pool at the University of Arizona has motion sensors on it, so if you go in at night, it calls the police.”

A swimming pool that calls the police? What will they think of next? Hopefully, a grey spandex bodysuit that calls me whenever Amanda Beard baby powders herself up and then jumps into it. I wonder if she gets competitive when she skinny dips. Like – she breaststrokes to the other side of the lake in 2.5 minutes while her drunk friends are floating around, doggie-paddling near the dock and blaming eachother for the warm spots.