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A Best Buddies’ Christmas Carol – 2007


in Heartwarming

December 15th, 2007 saw the umpteenth annual Best Buddies’ Christmas Party at Jason and Amy’s house in Toronto. Thank you for the hospitality guys, and I’m glad I was finally in the country for one of these. It was no surprise that I had my video camera on hand for most of the weekend and last night I edited the gargantuan mess into what you’ll see below: Among other things, very cute kiddies, a bad game of fetch, home made Baileys, Sears Portrait Studio, spanking, bad language and my goofy laugh way too close to the microphone. Please for to enjoy…

 [youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcL8IV_QdWk[/youtube]

Merry Christmas again to all my friends and family who read this silly blog, and I love you’se all. Thanks to Amy for the amazing decorating job and I suppose Jason played a role in the party production too. The accompanying photo gallery can be found here.

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I Still Call it “Christmas”, Thanks


in Politics

To My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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Shepherd 2: Electric Boogaloo


in Animalistic, Heartwarming

Folks – your IMs, texts and emails in the 2 days since I posted the short blurb about my mother’s illness and Shepherd’s death pulled me right out of the doldrummy tailspin and I am forever grateful. Janet and I arrived in Florida Wednesday and spent the night in my parent’s trailer park, the residents of which are some of the nicest, most caring people I’ve ever met. I now know why coming down here was so important to my mother, although we’re still pushing for this to be the last year. As we sat around the fire enjoying a pot luck dinner in our honor, Janet and I were frequently pulled aside and given one-on-one insights (I guess you could call them) from their many 5th wheel residing buddies. Yesterday we met both of our parent’s doctors during separate appointments on opposite sides of Melbourne and that left us feeling better as well. My Dad in particular has an amazing doctor, social worker and nurse in his corner. Combined the last two days have provided us with some optimism and comfort, not to mention the nice messages from all of y’all.

Shepherd 2.0

As we drank multiple 1.5 liter bottles of white wine and ate friend chicken around a roaring propane blaze surrounded in turn by RVs and cats on leashes, I got a text message from my breeder. She informed me she’d located another young litter in our area and asked if I wanted her to look into it. She was devastated by the loss of the puppies and I really appreciate the way she sucked it up and tracked down another option for myself and some of the other disappointed families via her network of peers. I immediately got in touch with the backup breeder via BlackBerry and a few minutes later I had photos. After some more back and forth regarding family history, bloodlines, the size of the parents and finally price I had dibs on the only male in a litter of 8 born just one week after Shepherd and his unfortunate departed siblings.

Perhaps caught up in the heat of the moment, my sister told me to inform the breeder she wanted a female from the same litter too! So in one Chardonnay and grease soaked evening, which began as a very somber and morose affair indeed, we’d resurrected not only the notion of Shepherd Pye but found him a sister to boot! Janet will be getting photos of the remaining females after one other family takes first pick of the 7 little girls, but those are still great odds – and how much can you tell from a photo of a week old puppy anyway? It’s really all about the raising and the training. This is a photo of Shepherd 2.0 who greatly resembles the original in both size, coloring and genetics. I will post photos of the already named Pumpkin Pye as soon as Janet chooses her. Sometimes things go from bad to worse… and then backwards a few notches to “cool”. Punky and Shep will not be stopped!

Update: Janet has decided to name her dog Rhubarb Pye – “Ruby” for short.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: The Fat French Tutor


in Consumables, Friday's Quizzlet, Monday's Quotelet, Movies, Reminiscent

Appetizer: What was the last game you purchased?
Janet and I bought my Dad a Nintendo DS a year ago so he could play memory and brain exercise games, of which there are quite a few. After he showed little interest in the thing, and my Mom started commandeering it for a crossword game, I decided to see what else was available. Since then I have picked up hockey, football, best of Konami and golf games and some of them are quite fun. I also recently learned about a project which allows you to download and play free, pirated ROMS for the thing – which I may or may not do (insert Terrence Maddox wink here). Last week in Walmart I found a game entitled My French Tutor which I scooped up and played with on the plane to Florida. It’s surprisingly good, great for individual word memorization if nothing else and if you follow the last link you’ll find an objective and in-depth review that will have you dropping croissant crumbs all over the tiny screen in no time. Or something.

Soup: Name something in which you don’t believe.
It’s a toss up between Santa and Superman at the moment. Although I really want the new Blade Runner 5 Disc Ultimate Collector’s Edition, so I should tread carefully. This Amazon description sounds like the coolest DVD box set thingy in human history:

“In celebration of Blade Runner‘s 25th anniversary, director Ridley Scott has gone back into post production to create the long-awaited definitive new version. Blade Runner: The Final Cut, spectacularly restored and remastered from original elements and scanned at 4K resolution, will contain never-before-seen added/extended scenes, added lines, new and improved special effects, director and filmmaker commentary, an all-new 5.1 Dolby® Digital audio track and more. Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Edward James Olmos, Joanna Cassidy, Sean Young, and Daryl Hannah are among some 80 stars, filmmakers and others who participate in the extensive bonus features. Among the bonus material highlights is Dangerous Days, a brand new, three-and-a-half-hour documentary by award-winning DVD producer Charles de Lauzirika, with an extensive look into every aspect of the film: its literary genesis, its challenging production and its controversial legacy. The definitive documentary to accompany the definitive film version.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvkqEOcHFY8[/youtube]

The Ultimate Collector’s Edition will be presented in a unique 5-disc digi-package with handle which is a stylish version of Rick Deckard’s own briefcase. In addition, each briefcase will be individually numbered and in limited supply. Included is a lenticular motion film clip from the original feature, miniature origami unicorn figurine, miniature replica spinner car, and collector’s photographs, as well as a signed personal letter from Sir Ridley Scott”

Salad: If you could choose a celebrity to be your boss, who would you pick?
He’s sort of like marmite or anchovies in that you either love him or you hate him – but I think the world of Gordon Ramsey. It’s not so much his cooking canon and repertoire, that’s not really up for debate. It’s the no-nonsense, brutal tough love approach to seriously effective business advice that he brings to flailing restaurants in the “Kitchen Nightmares” series. If you know him only from screaming at French kitchen porters or a fat guy named Dewberry from the English and American versions of Hell’s Kitchen – then you’re probably right in assuming he’s an arrogant, narcicisstic prick. If you’ve seen the amazing way in which he can completely transform and save a business on Nightmares – from staff motivation to getting owner’s heads out of the clouds to wedding favors to deep cleanings to simplifying the menu to even decorating the bloody dining room – he is incredibly saavy, genuine and brilliant. “Do you know that, big boy?” On one episode of the English series two (I have been watching Ramsey’s shows for almost a decade), I was thrilled to see him take one of the owners to The Fat Duck in Bray. The restaurant has gone on to international acclaim and celebrity chef status for the owner, Heston Blumenthal, but it started as a little out of the way place which just happens to be located beside the pub I worked at for two years in the late 90s. Heston even bought the Hinds Head a couple of years ago and I have written about him before. The original Hinds Head website was the first site I ever built back in 1998, and my then girlfriend and I were one of the first people to eat at the Duck which was voted Restaurant of the Year in 2001 by Michelin – and if you know anything about the international restaurant game – that’s like winning best director, actor and film oscars for the same flick. Anyway, I pick Gordon Ramsey. “Have I gone soft in the fucking head, or summink?” No, just the midsection.

Main Course: What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way?
Don’t watch my father’s dirty movies when he goes for a motorcycle ride. Because the motorcycle might start making a funny noise forcing him to come home 4 hours early as a result. I remember that day, and look at him now, and it’s a complete mindfuck.

Dessert: Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room.
One which features walls made of opium and contains furniture fashioned from Macadamia nuts. There’s a TV playing one of those fish tank DVDs and some sunglasses which double as x-ray specs. The only noise is generated by the subtle grunts coming from the Swedish Women’s Volleyball Team as they repeatedly touch their toes in front of me. Every hour on the hour they break to make me a very large sandwich. This is going nowhere, fast. Good luck with your last minute Christmas gift getting and all that good stuff.

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Keep Piling it on, God.


in Animalistic

My Mother’s cancer has returned and I am moving to Florida for at least a month while she has surgery to see her through and take care of my Dad until she recoups. If it hasn’t spread to her lymph nodes she won’t require chemo and they’ll spend the rest of the winter there. It could be a quick procedure and our fingers are crossed.

On a lighter note, Shepherd, the puppy I was to give a home to in mid-February, died last night of something called “Fading Puppy Syndrome”. I am absolutely gutted and am even less interested in writing than I have been the last week since I got the news about Mom. Some cracks are starting to appear in the ‘rock’ – but I shall return, readers.

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Happy Birthday, Chairman


in Musical

“You only live once, and the way I live, once is enough.”

Although I’ve always been tickled that I share a birthday with Larry Bird, Tom Waits and Aaron Carter simply being born under the same astrological sign as Frank Sinatra is among my greatest joys in life. Francis Albert Sinatra was born 92 years ago today in Hoboken, New Jersey, and the world would never be quite the same. We’ll consider this today’s Wednesday Wadio Part Deux. After a long review, this was the most personally enjoyable (and seasonal) Frank clip that I came across. Enjoy – and tip a glass of Jack Daniels with 3 cubes of ice towards the heavens tonight.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E19PzsLRMNY[/youtube]

“I’m gonna live till I die.”

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Wednesday Wadio: Morrissey’s ‘Jack the Ripper’


in Musical, Wednesday Wadio

I felt is was high time to devote some wadio writing to the almighty Moz who has been keeping me in excellent music since I first discovered the Smiths while listening to Chris Shepherd’s old Saturday night radio show on CFNY in 1987. Sadly, I started listening to the seminal Manchester band only a year before their demise, and as such never got to see them live, but Morrissey went on to put out an amazing solo catalog – and at 48 years of age there is no end in site. I saw him solo at Great Woods during the Kill Uncle tour in 1990, and caught his Smiths’ co-writer Johnny Marr play with The The at the Orpheum in 1991 – it was the best I could do as a postmortem and not a shabby accomplishment as both shows were phenomenal. I’ll have to give Matt Johnson similar attention here soon.

Due to the depth of his solo work it was a hard choice to choose one song to focus on and the final decision came down to what had a good showing on YouTube. I originally wanted to cover “The Loop” which is a noteworthy B-side that he plays regularly in concert, but the cell phone snippets I found certainly wouldn’t win over any new fans from my readership. I tried my luck with “Why Don’t You Find Out for Yourself” but had a similar problem. It would have been easy enough to use one of his many proper music videos I suppose, but none of the singles are personal favorites. Except maybe this one. I eventually found a decent live capture of “Jack the Ripper” from a recent L.A. show and we’re gonna run with it.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrCfciQ2H8E[/youtube]

I first heard this song on the World of Morrissey CD which was a mix of mid-nineties singles and B-sides. It got hours of playtime during my residence in Mills Hall and it instantly reminded me of those days the moment I heard it today. Due to the title, it’s not very hard to explicate the lyrics. The protagonist seems to be Jack the Ripper himself, and he seems to feel sorry for the women of the night he encounters. Until he vivisects them, of course.

Oh, you look so tired… Mouth slack and wide.
Ill-housed and ill-advised.
Your face is as mean as your life has been.

Jack goes on to tell the prostitute in question that he wants her… and is definitely gonna get her. Unfortunately for the 18 (+/-) actual Whitechapel murder victims of 1888, Jack wasn’t just talking about getting his German helmet waxed. But let’s not let that get in the way of enjoying this soaring tune and it’s almost funky rhythm. It’s definitely a dark ditty, but it still manages to be quite catchy in spite of the subject matter. If you’re not familiar with Morrissey this is less than the tip of the iceberg, and if you are JTR is a gem you’ve likely overlooked thus far.

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Major Friggin’ Disconnect


in

Somehow in spite of my jalopy laptop, long weekend trip and intermittent as frick internet connection I hast doth returned. Getting to Toronto in a car from here usually takes 3 hours. It took 7 on Friday night and 5 the other way on Sunday. I managed to pick the worst Canadian winter in a decade and a half, literally, to relocate to the countryside and it’s doing my head in. Dead network card in the laptop, and now that I managed to hook up an old desktop to keep me working – the internet connection drops out for hours on a whim. So there’s my excuse for my MIAness. Let’s see if I can catch up for the week so far in 5 minutes or less.

Veekend Video: Mitch continues to moisten undergarments everywhere with his latest ad campaign. See you at the Best Buddy X-Mas party, where I’ll be selling spare undergarments at the “captive audience” price of $40:

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oT1qt4A7xxc[/youtube]

Quotelet: The only photos I’m remotely interested in showing you are the first three official production stills hot off the press for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I was going to link to them here – alas I just found out the studio demanded AICN take them down. Oh well, here’s a photo of one of the temple miniatures made for the film instead. And Karen Allen‘s (Marion Ravenwood) knitwear store which is located in Great Barrington, MA. Good heavens she is looking lovely for 55. It seems like only yesterday I was a 7-year-old watching her nude scene in Animal House whilst rubbing myself in the pants.

Wadio: The only sweet dulcet tones you need to hear today are those of your heartstrings plucking… as you check out 11 new photos of my puppy, Shepherd Pye! He had his dew claws yanked on Friday and is apparently fat, healthy and cantankerous. I’m all for gender-neutrality,but I’ll have to speak to the breeder about the pink pussywillow and snow white blanket backdrop. Shep will be drinking mineral water and collecting Joan Crawford postcards before he’s housebroken.

A Few More Notes:

  • I like the new Foo Fighter’s song (the road to ruin one) and I’m relieved as I’ve been thoroughly uninterested in everything since “Learn to Fly”.
  • You know it’s 2007 (and possibly End of Days) when CNN spends the entire day discussing the fact that Romney’s Western faith might hurt him in the election – free campaign advice: start wearing a bhirka.
  • I have killed 11 mice so far in my effort to rid our garage and the Winchester of vermin. Don’t bother with the traditional wooden traps. There are these new fangled plastic ones that force mice to lift a flap to access the bait – so gone are the days of stolen cheese lumps and unsprung traps.
  • I posted my Amazon wish list in the sidebar in case anyone wants to get me something for my birthday (tomorrow) or Christmas. Call it gift-insurance, Blade Runner begging or DVD on bended knee if you like. On a related note, I have just realized that there is nothing more obnoxious than posting your Amazon wish list in your sidebar.

Thanks for your patience, kids. Missing a day on here truly bothers me and I’m striving to get PITF back to the level of activity it enjoyed this time last year. I encourage you all to comment and participate in the Quizzlets once again. I’m one year older tomorrow, but short of freezing to death in a ditch in my Charger-coffin the blog will be around for a long time to come.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: D.P. Phone Home


in Friday's Quizzlet, Giant Squids, Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: What is your favorite carnival/amusement park ride?
Rollercoasters are great and everything, but the rides I remember most fondly from childhood is the old 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride at Disneyland in Florida. It’s been gone since the early nineties, now replaced by Ariel’s Cavern or some silly thing. It’s not even a ride, apparently. I bemoaned the loss of this excellent attraction, based on first live action movie Disney ever did which in turn is based on the Jules Verne novel, at length in a post a couple of years ago that still hold a lot of water, no pun intended. OK… maybe a little pun. My original 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea Ride article seems to be missing at the moment so check out the following video for more information on this once mighty giant squid extravaganza.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP8_3olnlnc[/youtube]

Soup: How do you react in uncomfortable social situations?
With humor, of course. Diffusing tense situations is probably why humor was invented in the first place. There’s a hidden camera show on MTV called Boiling Points where actors put unsuspecting civilians in ridiculous situations that are designed to infuriate them. A waiter who farts and puts his thumb in their coke, a creepy guy who follows you around a flea market, A guy steals your coffee off the counter and an employee who won’t give you another unless you pay again – you get the picture. If the target of the bit keeps their cool for a certain number of minutes they win $100 when the caper is finally revealed. I enjoy watching this show because so many of the victims get insanely angry that it’s refreshing and impressive when one of them starts making light of the situation and looks for the funny side. Realizes the ridiculousness of the situation and pokes fun at the actors, etc. These are the sorts of people I’d want to have a beer with. Most people suck.

Salad: On a scale of 1-10, how much do you enjoy discussing deep, philosophical topics?
I’d say it’s a solid 3. If you seek out conversations of that sort, you’re either a priest, a physicist, a shaman or a pretentious asshole. I’ve never been a big fan of recreational drugs,but there was that one time when a big old bag of magic mushrooms found its way into my dorm. There were many deep, philosophical conversations taking place that weekend, I can tell you. Come Monday, I don’t think any of us could remember or care less about a single one of them, and that says it all for me right there.

Main Course: Did you get a flu shot this year? If not, do you plan to?
I’ve had my annual dose of excruciating strep throat all ready this year, thanks. And I’ll be very surprised if I get laid up with anything again. The small extent to which I get sick was always a big disappointment as a child. I once tried to pull off the E.T. thermometer against the light bulb trick which my mother caught on to in a matter of seconds. “According to the thermometer, you’re… on the surface of the sun right now, or Satan”. My poor diet may be my undoing this winter, however. I am keeping healthy eating in mind when I shop and prepare meals, but it’s just no fun to put a lot of effort into cooking when you’re alone. I’ll take another Velveeta slice covered in sub sauce in hand and maybe get around to something a little more complicated, like Kraft Dinner, tomorrow.

Dessert: Approximately how many hours per week do you spend watching television?
Technically at the moment, a shitload. The TV keeps me company in the background all day every day while I work. Considering I haven’t watched a lick of TV for the 5 months prior, I’m not losing any sleep over my recent saturation. I think I’ll devote an article soon to all the interesting crap I’ve discovered. You can also check out my recent bad movies and reality TV posts which go down the same road. Yeah, quizzlet. I’m brushing you off. I have a 4 hour drive ahead of me today. I’m looking out the window right now, and I feel like I’ve just come out the backside of the Wardrobe. Thank goodness my snow tires were put on yesterday.

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Meet Shepherd Pye


in Animalistic, Heartwarming

My little, hairy bundle of joy was delivered yesterday to his proud parents Pixie and Oscar. I had first pick of the litter and I chose Shepherd Pye, or ‘Puppy C’ as he was formerly known, based on his classic Boston Terrier markings. The breeder herself said that if she was going to keep one of the litter for herself, Shep would have been the one. All of the puppies are cute, don’t get me wrong, but if you’re going to pay the purebred price you want the animal with the best stud value, etc. Click here for a photo of proud little Pixie and her litter, and here’s the wee man of the hour himself.

Boston Terrier Puppy

I’ll be picking Shepherd up around the 14th of February and am allowed to go and visit him as of January 23rd (7 weeks from now). It’ll be a long wait, as the breeder is just down the road from me, but she is very serious about protecting the puppies from diseases and meeting too many new people before they’re of a very specific age. As this is my first dog, and I’m only half way through the first of several dog books I’ve collected leading up to this, I will defer to her in all matters of dogginess. Wow – this is really happening.

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Wednesday Wadio: Okkervil River’s ‘A Girl in Port’


in Wednesday Wadio

“Cindy tells me she’s had fun sitting backstage, someone’s plus one. Up in her room the records spin, needle in the grooves that she’s worn thin. She lifts a sleeve and sees a name, and she’s got a smile on her face, and she’s got a story you can’t see: it’s just between that name and Cindy“.

I wrote about Okkervil River’s 2005 masterpiece ‘For Real‘ about a year ago and I have to give them the floor once again. Their latest album is called The Stage Names and it’s solid from beginning to end. The song that really jumped out at me, which I’ve sent to all my friends – that I listen to daily, that I’ve learned to play on the guitar, that I’m currently obsessed with – is ‘A Girl in Port‘. I found an excellent live video version which I’ll post below, but I also encourage you to download the MP3 here (free) as it took me a few listens to fully appreciate and is a definite keeper.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWYcXnxieb4[/youtube]

The song is a sort of ode to rock and roll groupies and each verse sees the protagonist describing his relationship with a different member of someone’s road harem. But the harem isn’t his – rather Will Sheff’s lyrics seem to bemoan the emotional states of Marie, Holly and Cindy more than anything. The narrator distances himself from from “the lady-killing sort” and stresses that he has no desire to “hurt a girl in port”. The way I see it, he is secretly in love with the three girls, but is either in the “friend zone” or romantically invisible to these doomed women who have nothing but rock stars in their sights. It’s a touching piece of work with a great, erratically appearing chorus which doesn’t follow the structure of most tunes. I love it, have a listen.

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Guiltless Movie Pleasures


in Movies

When my parents left for Florida last month I moved my office down to a fold-out table/desk thing on the main floor. I keep the TV on all day (surprisingly, the background noise helps me concentrate) and between working and chilling spend the vast majority of my time on the same couch in close proximity to the idiot box. I ordered a big cable package and the possibilities when it comes to movie channels are painfully endless. I don’t envy the people who have to program these channels. Filling 24 hours every day of the month with enough unique content to keep subscribers happy must be a daunting task. Not surprisingly, I have watched some pretty obscure and forgotten movies recently that I’d like to discuss. BTW – my country ass connection won’t let me upload photos today, so no quotelet.

Andre (1994): This sea salty tearjerker, in the tradition of Flipper and Free Willy, tells the tale of an aquatic creature named ‘Andre’ who becomes a pet to a small family in Maine (I think). The little daughter becomes the mischievous seal’s biggest fan and after it bugged me for a half an hour I finally realized it was a 9-year-old ‘Deb’ from Napoleon Dynamite. Anyway, not to put too fine a point on it, I largely ignored the movie until I started to hear the fart sounds. If I had a nickel. The seal, who is actually a sea lion playing a seal, gives a big old raspberry to anyone who is mean to a family member or with whom he is otherwise displeased. I watched the last 45 minutes intently, patiently waiting for the Bronx cheers which would then have me laughing hysterically. And you won’t believe how cute the whiskers on this thing are. I’d definitely pick this up for my younger cousins. Cute, funny and a little naughty, tee hee.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaQLFlrbxU4[/youtube]

Alien Nation (1988): When the TV series spin-off hit Fox in the early 90s, I used to watch it on Monday nights without fail. But I forgot how… good… the original movie is. The cast is solid: James Caan plays the tough-as-nails cop who has to partner with a ‘newcomer’ the day after his partner is killed by one. Mandy Patinkin plays ‘San Francisco’, the new partner and new resident of Planet Earth who stares adversity in the face and all that good stuff. The slang term for a newcomer, “slag”, is an obvious nod to your pick of human racial epithets and the story hinges heavily on Detective Francisco’s ability to rise above the human scorn and become an excellent lawman. Terence Stamp rounds out the cast as the main baddie and the flick is an action-packed slug-fest with great, funny dialogue between Caan and Patinkin and a slanted take on the buddy cop movie.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6dMTwURRns[/youtube]

Ghost Dog (1999): I think the very definition of ‘suspension of disbelief’ is accepting a chunky Forrest Whittaker as a sort of lithe urban samurai. Unless the ancient code has somehow been changed to “my sword must taste blood every time it is unsheathed… and then I must eat 6 corn dogs.” A good friend of mine has sung the praises of this film to me for years, so I sorta paid attention when it ran on TMC this very afternoon. The narrative structure pulls chapters from the samurai creedo which act as… chapters, applying to the Dog’s adventure and actions along the way. I knew the soundtrack had been produced by the RZA before I looked the movie up as the gritty beats are unmistakable and lend themselves well to the tone of the movie. And I don’t think I’ll ever forget the sight of a 70-year-old mobster dancing around to his bathroom to ‘Cold Lampin’ With Flava’ and reciting it word for word while dumping talc in his ass crack. A truly unique movie and I done liked it.

What’s the ‘worst’ bad movie you’ll admit to loving? This site used to get lots of comments from many different people every day – and I know most of you are still reading. How about a little give and take here? A little tete a tete? Some cinematic back and forth, perhaps? Where is Alexa, Cato, Mike, Kellie and Janet? Where’s DVS, Smash and Timmy the Keyhole? Where’s Greg, Duck, Watergirl and Loo Loo? Who can forget JV, Monster, Hammer and Heather? Come back to me, my children of the night.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Divinyl Intervention


in Friday's Quizzlet, Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: What was your first “real” job?
When my family moved down to Massachusetts in 1988 it was at the very beginning of the summer holiday. I had no friends, nothing to do around the house and a father who grew up hard and had worked since he was old enough to walk. It wasn’t long before I was gently “encouraged” to find myself a job. I started working at the Concord Stop N’ Shop and actually kind of enjoyed it. I met Doug DeRome, who was older than me but would go on to be a friend through high school and beyond, and he taught me everything I needed to know about taggin’, stackin’ and stockin’. The manager called me into his office one day and told me he had checked with the head office and since I didn’t have a proper green card they had to let me go. “When you get permission to work in the States I’ll hire you back in a second.” It was all babysitting, snow shoveling, grass cutting and landscaping after that until I got my proper papers courtesy of Digital 2 years later. Needless to say, I did not go back to being a grocery clerk but instead started working in the service industry which would help put me through University and become a big part of my life for the next decade.

Soup: Where would you go if you wanted to spark your creativity?
Short of an opium den, I find blog memes like this very Friday’s Feast content-inspiring. A little prod can really open the floodgates and get you writing. I’d much rather have a proper muse, though. Albert Brooks had Sharon Stone running around naked in his guest house. Dudley Moore had Bo Derek. Damon Albarn had Justine Frischmann. John Lennon had Yoko O… scratch that last one. So basically, a hot and most certainly scantily clad woman running around the house repeating “You’re not getting any of this fat ass until you finish one more song/chapter/painting.”

Salad: Complete this sentence: I am embarrassed when…
People whom I respect want to discuss their opinions with me which, unbeknownst to them, I vehemently disagree with. My embarrassment doesn’t stem from feeling sorry for them – it’s nowhere near that simple or shallow. Rather, I feel uneasy because I have to ask myself: Am I getting something wrong? Do they know something I don’t? Am I ignorant, foolish or poorly read on this topic? If they’ve touched on an issue I feel strongly about, and I am confident in my knowledge of and ability to argue for it, I become uneasy because I’m then torn between keeping my mouth shut and avoiding a silly debate I’ve had a million times before with a million people before or nodding my head in faux-agreement like a eunuch and saying something like: “You’re right. Iraq had nothing to do with 9-11“. I am embarrassed for having the audacity to think I know more about something than somebody else – when neither of us, short of reading a newspaper, have any divine source of intelligence on the matter. All you can do is keep reading those newspapers and put yourself in check when you’re simply repeating someone else’s dead horse rhetoric over flat beer. Stay current, and above all else discern unique, personal insight from the party line. If more people questioned their perception of reality on a daily basis, allowed themselves to feel a degree of embarrassment and always considered both sides of the coin instead of settling into a comfortable viewpoint that will never change – we’d all be a lot closer to a tolerable, excuse me, tolerant planet.

Main Course: What values did your parents instill in you?
For reasons I’ll probably never fully understand, my father had an incredible hatred of thieves. He went out of his way to hammer this into me (literally), and to this day I can honestly say I’ve never stolen anything – save for maybe a pack of gum when I was 13 and trying to be cool. But even that is a fuzzy memory that I’m unsure really happened. My father spent a good part of his youth pulling my Grandfather out of gambling dens and bars until he eventually died when Gordo was only 13. Pop then dropped out of school to help take care of his Mother and 3 siblings. Now that I see my extended Canadian family frequently I am learning more and more about the father I am quickly losing. I’ve long since forgiven him for any and all of his parental missteps over the years, should he care. He did a great job in spite of severe emotional disadvantages I can only imagine.

Dessert: Name 3 fads from your teenage years.
Here’s a fun one. This is hard to pinpoint or rank, so I’ll perform a brain-dump and hope it comes out kinda legible. Manchester music, definitely. So much of my Junior and Senior years revolved around a culture, city, record label and nightclub that was 3,000 miles away. Odd in retrospect, but then so is the fact that I still listen to and love all of those bands to this day. Tecmo Bowl was insanely popular and I spent many hours sending Bo Jackson up the middle of the gridiron with his four available running and passing plays when I was supposed to be studying. Mike Tyson’s Punch Out ran a close second. Concert t-shirts – I couldn’t get enough of them. Sometimes I think I went to concerts just so I could get a t-shirt and then wear it around school the next day. “Yeah, that’s right. I was at the Divinyls show last night. Jealous?”

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Pigskins and Puppies


in Animalistic, Sporty

I commemorated the holiday this year by sleeping until 11am, finally finishing the massive Brother Fish and then cleaning up my house. As all of my clients are American, no one noticed or cared about my personal day, and I hope everyone is currently gorged on turkey and watching TV with a glass of dry white left over from dinner in their hand. It snowed up here in Portland for the first time this morning and I realized since this house was built in 2004 no one has actually lived here late in the season enough to see snow. I am going to take some photos for my folks tomorrow and I’m sure it will be as strange for them as it was for me. Raise that glass to me at this point and toast to my not freezing to death in a couple of months only to be discovered come spring sitting upright and bearded in the filthy dining room with a half-finished letter bomb in front of me.

OJ Thanksgiving

Does anyone know who won the Concord / Bedford football game today? I couldn’t find it mentioned online. I did get one especially exciting piece of news, however. Pixie, the mother of my soon to be puppy, is almost ready to drop. The breeder sent me some adorable new photos and poor Pixie looks fit to pop. She is due by the end of the weekend, apparently, so I may be making a trip over to Seeley’s bay to see my future best friend very, very soon. Wee Shepherd Pye cometh!

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