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Friday’s Quizzlet: Good Enough and Smart Enough.


in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: Where on your body do you have a scar, and what caused it?
This could take a while. There is the obligatory male chin scar which was the result of me passing out in a bathroom and jamming my jaw on the floor. I wish there was a better story behind that – I got out of the tub too fast when I was 13 and all the blood rushed to my feet. I fainted like an old woman who’d just been flashed by John Holmes. My dad bashing in the door was pretty cool though. There are many others which I’ll save, since the quizzlet tends to repeat itself.

Soup: What is something that has happened to you that you’d consider a miracle?
Life has been good so far, but I can’t say I’ve experienced a bona fide miracle yet. I turned $20 into a 1.5 litre bottle of wine once.

Salad: Name a television personality who really gets on your nerves.
Al Franken. I really hate it when celebs befoul everything they have ever done, work-wise, to get political. At least in my mind. You’re not helping, nobody cares, and I’d prefer to remember you as an effeminate 12-step junkie. Likewise, anyone who appeared in Rocky Horror shouldn’t be attempting to spearhead an anti war movement. It’s just boils down to a credibility issue. Dammit, Janet.

Main Course: Name a funny word you said as a child (“pasketti” for “spaghetti”)?
I don’t think I had any and my mother isn’t here to ask. I’ll go with “dontouchmedere”.

Dessert: Fill in the blank: I have always thought ______ was ______.
I have always thought Abraham Lincoln was dead.

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Wednesday Wadio: Back To The Pogues.


in Wednesday Wadio

A surprisingly good quality 20 minute concert clip from the year of our lord 1985. Particularly fetching is young Shane’s dentistry (as always), pre-Seattle moshing and Spider smashing his head through a beer tray cymbal. But the real reason I wanted to post this is the superb version of Waltzing Matilda. I have never seen them play it live, nor have I seen a clip of it before.

Also featured are Battle of Brisbane and Murish Durkin. Anyone else going to the Orpheum show next month? I never get tired of these guys.

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SEO Subtelty.


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For those of you who hearken for the days when I didn’t use this blog for the evils of SEO, look away now. This has been neither confirmed or denied, but I expect I may be fond of chocolate gifts. If he isn’t, I’m sure there are other corporate gifts that would do. I will leave this post up for a few days and then bury it after it gets crawled by those nasty spiders.

Spamming your own blog is a bit like self-mutilation or selling out. But it doesn’t bother me. I am almost 3 years and a thousand posts into this behemoth, and the odd pause for station identification isn’t the end of the world. That having been said, I am more likely to put my head through a replacement window than lose any sleep over this. And if I were to accidentally sever it, I may ask that it be promptly placed in student storage.

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Why, Britney. Why?


in Musical

We all saw the clips over the weekend. Britney is bald. At first glanceI thought… well, I’m not sure what I thought. It was such a shocking visage that a flurry of possible causes swirled through my confused head:

– Federline’s remaining crotch goblins spread to her head, forcing a flame-thrower delousing.
– She started smoking her hair in rehab, and found the long, straight ones took longer to cash than the short and curlys.
– Her passing-out episodes became so frequent that waking up with gum matted in her hair finally ruined her glossy locks.
– Her passing-out episodes became so frequent that waking up with male DNA in her hair ruined her glossy locks.
– Timberlake told her he was more likely to date Telly Savalas than get involved with her again.
– Desperate for a hit, she has begun masterminding the Right Said Fred reunion tour.
– It’s not easy jumping genres from Crossroads to American History X Part 2, but it will do wonders for her street cred.

Miss Spears is definitely having an identity crisis. Or experiencing severe regret at having reproduced with a talentless wannabe. Or perhaps remorse at flushing away the most lucrative pop career and massive cross-popularity in human history. Or maybe… Jesus – it’s a wonder she didn’t start drinking and get her head shaved months ago. Anna Nicole, save her a seat.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Am I Mad, In A Coma, Or Back In Time?


in Friday's Quizzlet, Television

The Quizzlet was another repeat today. I wish she wouldn’t do that so often. Perhaps I should start my own quiz meme site. I’ll get in a little practice and write my own questions today. Please feel free to play along in the comments.

What will you miss most about Boston if you ever actually leave?
Not counting friends, narry a whole heck of a lot. If that were a different story, I probably wouldn’t be leaving in the first place. I won’t be sitting in my apartment in Toronto weeping and working on an oil painting of the Charlestown skyline – let’s put it that way.

What is your favorite television show? Pay TV doesn’t count.
The second season of the brilliant Life on Mars started last week, and I’ve downloaded the first 2 episodes, as I recommend you do here. If you don’t fall in love with Gene Hunt and Sam Tyler after an hour, “I’ll come around your houses and stamp on all your toys. Got it? Good kids”. The Trailer Park Boys Movie is now out on DVD, too.

What profession do you wish you’d taken up instead of your current one?
Take it easy, James Lipton. I should have become a homicide detective. All I do in my spare time is watch reality cop shows, and I would love to clock in every day tasked with catching lazy, murderous scumbags. Coincidentally, that’s also the new name of my garage band.

Are there any hardcore Democrats in the audience who feel like their party is completely screwing the pooch in terms of selecting a candidate for 2008?
I’d love to see a woman in the presidency some day. I’d love to see a black person in the presidency some day. Hell – let’s just blow everyone’s mind and elect Tyra Banks. But let’s also be realistic and keep the endgame in mind – this isn’t the decade. The country isn’t ready for it yet. Short of running a unicorn or one of those hairdo trolls that you put on the end of a pencil, the Dems are going to have to come back down to Earth if they want to stand a ghost of a chance next year. Am I wrong?

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Wednesday Wadio: Don Lennon’s Last Comic Standing.


in Wednesday Wadio

PITF favorite Don Lennon released his latest album, Radical, recently and I just got it in the mail a few days ago. Good stuff. While nothing from the new release is online, I did find a video for a tune from his last album on the almighty YouTube.

On the surface, the song is about John Ritter – and that strange feeling you get when a celebrity dies very unexpectedly and you hunker down for an afternoon of highlight clips on E! Maybe that’s just me. Do you also eat three Klondike bars, cry and then burn yourself with a curling iron while chanting “No Anna Nicole, no Anna Nicole“? Nevertheless, any song that mentions Fonzie and Carrot Top in the same verse is A-OK with me.

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GoonBlog: The Podcast – Episode #4


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Now live for your listening pleasure – Goonblog’s fourth hockey podcast! February 10th, 2007 was a sunny Saturday in Boston – until the fetid, odorous cloud that is the GoonSquad turned on a microphone and ruined everything.

Highlights from Podcast #4 include guest appearances from Brandy and the infamous MOL, echoes of Tilsonburg, Colton Orr’s first goal and the worst attempted catchphrase in human history. Seriously.

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Roomate Revolution.


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Tom has taken a new job and I will have a room opening in my apartment March 1st. I myself won’t be here much longer, and it might be a good opportunity for someone you know to start building their own little North End dynasty. Email me for more details or go here.

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Further Proof I am Cracking Up.


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Van Halen and The Police both recently announced reunion tours. I honestly believe I have seen this stated as fact on TV, radio and the internet… but it can’t really be true. I must be continuing to spiral downwards into the cuckoo’s nest.

On the off chance I’m not actually an Earth-bound vessel for a powerful alien named Zenochandragar, Sting and the boys are reuniting for the first time in over 20 years tonight on the Grammys.

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Free Online Reputation Management


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Kids, if you have yourself one of them new fangled Digg accounts – or even if you don’t – please go here and give me some love. It took me a few days to write and I’d like to get it in front of as many people as possible. It’s my first official attempt at link-baiting. Fingers crossed.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Charlie Change-Up.


in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: Have you been sick yet this winter? What did you come down with?
I spent 11 hours in the emergency room in December, but that wasn’t due to sickness. I usually get way sick once a year, so I’m due. But I guess I also get sick when I’m wailing on my axe.

Soup: What colors dominate your closet?
Green, blue and black. I asked the yellow family to leave as they refused to respect the ‘no smoking’ ordinance. You can also change this answer to “Whatever Janet buys me”.

Salad: How would you describe your personal “comfort zone”?
My apartment I suppose. I keep a baseball bat beside both doors which adds to the comfort level. If I might quote Duran Duran for a second: “City Living, heavy trouble. City living rough. We are given angry hearts, but anger’s not enough”. Wait – Can I change my answer to Spike’s?

Main Course: On which reality show would you really like to be a contestant?
Tourette De France. No really, it’s a show. This Scottish kid named Charlie goes on a trip to Paris and along the way shouts the most remarkable things. I guess it’s not really possible to be a contestant on this show, so I’ll have to change my answer to I Love New York where there is at least the same staggering degree of prevalent mental illness.

Dessert: Which holiday would you consider to be your favorite?
Definitely Thanksgiving. It’s a time for old friends, deep-friend turkey and to stand around and scratch your head at how quickly another year has passed. I suppose I’m feeling a little old today because last night my friend’s daughter asked if she could call me ‘Uncle Dave’. She’s 37.

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Flipping Off Adult Swim.


in

A firm believer in original content, I rarely quote OPP (other people’s penmanship) at length. But I saw this woman recently kicking ass on a news show, discovered her blog and have been meaning to at least mention the whole Boston bomb scare in passing. I wouldn’t make a better point than this:

I’m sorry Mario’s fabulous travel plans abroad may somehow be ruined by this “embarrassing” Boston incident. Shouldn’t he stay stateside and offer his considerable “bomb recognizing” expertise to Homeland Security?

Watching two 27-year-old “artistes” (one of whom is seeking “refugee status” from some slime hole) acting like children, I can’t help but think of guys and gals in the US armed forces 10 years their junior, in charge of billion dollar equipment, generally comporting themselves with considerably more maturity.

This incident, like Columbine, reveals deep generational fissures. And I’m on the side of the grown ups this time. I for one am relieved to discover that Boston’s first responders don’t waste their spare time watching unfunny Adult Swim cartoons.

Amen, Ma’am. Sure it was silly – but I definitely felt relief too. Yeah you know me!

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Toronto Odyssey #2: Dr. Doolittle But Kill.


in Heartwarming

I never remember my dreams. My sleep issues run so deep that my brain doesn’t have time for REM by the time I actually manage to get to snoozieland. But I took a cat nap today and had visions that were so strange and disturbing that I realized I should probably finish my Toronto story as means of exorcism. But first, I have to tell you about this fucking dream.

I was at my Grandmother’s house, which had been transformed into a building which was a cross between the movie House and various other naughty structures. Rickety, dark, old, evil smelling, foreboding – an uncanny resemblance to the real thing. My Grandmother was gone, presumably already in ‘the home’, and she had a large variety of animals left behind. All of which had to be killed. By me.

My sister was there, but she was busy packing stuff up and getting ready to leave for Boston. My task was domestic housepet genocide, and I was expected to do it by others in the house as casually as they were cleaning, organizing and inventorying. There were cats which I neck-wrung without difficulty (which is ridiculous because I love cats). A rabbit which I stomped. I think I drowned at least one hamster. A giant furry beetle which I tore into pieces and fed to other furry beetles before then massacring his buddies, too. But when I got to the attic there was one pet left which I could not bring myself to assassinate.

A large-eyed dog, some sort of terrier, was cowering from me up there, behind 30 years of curio crap. I picked it up, brought it downstairs and pleaded with my sister to quietly put it in her car and take it to Beantown with her. She eventually agreed, and I started taking loads of trash to the dump like I’d spent the morning re-arranging a sock drawer.

What is the worst or most bizarre dream you’ve ever had? Should I just check into an evaluation facility right now?

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