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I mentioned yesterday that my Sopranos lens had been featured and was getting mad traffic. This morning, Squidoo sent out an official “Lens of the Day” release, and I thought I would share. I added a couple of bulletpoints for comedic effect. See if you can sniff them out. Should be quite a challenge:

After a long hiatus, the critically acclaimed HBO series THE SOPRANOS is back. And the fans are going wild. Dave Pye’s lens, Bada Bing: The Sopranos Central, puts any “official” site about the show to shame. This is where you can look up what’s going down on Sunday nights:

Dave‘s no slouch when it comes to his other lenses, either. He’s a top-notch lensmaster with a humorous tone and a great sense of the creativity and flexibility of a lens. Our community guru, Heath Row, did a recent Q&A with him. Here are some interesting comments and bits of advice from the profile (thanks, Dave!):

• “Build a few good lenses and then branch out a little bit at a time.”
• “Get a pet roach (accidentally or otherwise) to ensure that you die alone.”
• “Several of my older lenses already have Google PR, so I know Squidoo is getting noticed and indexed. The speed in which you can assemble a reasonable lens is definitely a perk, as is the instant audience you get from other lensmasters.”
• “Die alone with a jar of Cheez Whiz in your hand beside a trunk of DVD porn.”
• “I think there will be room for a lot of personal creativity from everyone…”

Read more about Dave and his lenses at SquidU, our center for better building and promoting of lenses.

…We’re better than that. My Sopranos site made lens of the day today on Squidoo. And here you thought I’d been suddenly and violently de-geeked, or something. I am enjoying the season so far, and invite you all to buy the DVDs and books from me so I can afford that kidney transplant. And by ‘kidney transplat’ – I of course mean Puerto Rican prostitute.

On an unrelated note, I’d like to thank Mean Art Green for pointing out an important anniversary this fine afternoon. It seems that on this day, in 1834, the eating of cats was finally outlawed – in this country, anyway. Dogs and cats are still snackworthy in many Asian countries:

The cats fair little better – arriving in cages, dozens of top of each other, and some dead, wondering in bewilderment what they have done to deserve this treatment. They are also hoisted by the neck with metal tongs from cage to cage – as they are “sorted” between different traders. For what it’s worth, I’ve never seen them actually tortured to death – their dispatch is pretty fast, stunning and a slitting of the throat – the ritual of torture, seems to be more reserved for dogs historically.

I would imagine cats would be really stringy and tough – where a dog might be more like rabbit. The most frigged up thing I ever ate was a piece of whale meat. While I’m throwing that out there because I love to annoy bleeding hearts – however, it’s true. Stop busting my chops about not liking seafood, and no more whales have to die. Cats and dogs I’d never try though. I wouldn’t want to risk chipping my teeth on the tags.

Oh kittens, in our hours of ease,
Uncertain toys and full of fleas.
When pain and anguish hang o’er men,
We turn you into sausage then. – Olde English Rhyme

We’ve already approached the Roach Brooch topic, and I explained how I was going to work with the designer who actually makes them as an affiliate marketer, due to all the traffic I get for related terms. Last week I set up tracking, and actually sold a live cockroach brooch!

I also ran a few test orders to make sure the tracking pixels were working properly, as you do – and they went through. I emailed my contact there and told him to be sure to cancel them. So that’s the last I really thought of it. Until I walked into the kitchen this morning and noticed a package for me from Utah. It can only mean one thing – I now own a live $80 hissing cockroach brooch.

I haven’t opened the package yet. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with him. I have already named him “Hissy” (He is a Madagascar hissing cockroach), and I am thinking of sending an intern out to get a terrarium so he can become the office pet. He is encrusted with jewels afterall. They also include a clip that allows you to wear him on your shirt while he squirms around and stuff.

So what do I do with Hissy? Send him back (he will probably die if I do that). Put him on Craig’s list and look for some tartantula obsessed Dungeons and Dragons geek to give him a new home? Start wearing him to Tiernans? Your suggestions are appreciated. Hissy needs a piece of banana and a moist cottonball STAT.

“Maybe Bed Bath and Beyond. I don’t know. I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.” I’m mystified as to how that line has become one of the most quoted from the ripe stock of Old School, but it has and it’s hilarious. It’s also all I could think about when I sat down today to write about my weekend, because Saturday was a heck of a jam-packed 24 hours. I’m not sure how I pulled it off, exactly. A wine and cheese kitty play date, a Bruins game, a birthday party – they all factored in, and many funny photos were taken along the way.

I figure the best thing to do is create a gallery, also including the many snaps that were taken back on St. Patrick’s Day weekend – which also happened to include much revelry, a Bruins game, a Pogues concert and a birthday party. March came in like a liquored lion, and went out like a liquored lamb, I guess. Enjoy the lovely tableau, and I’ll get back to my own charming and verbose self tomorrow. And check out GoonBlog‘s awesome new logo while you’re at it!

No time at the moment for a proper Quizzlet. Jammed up with conference calls all day. But here’s a funny story to make you smile in the meantime. About a year ago, I made myself giggle when I thought of a particularly catchy domain name while having a conversation with Smash – so I registered it. 6 months after that, I finally got around to doing something with it, and in the meantime it’s been spidered by all the major search engines and does very well for a selection of specific (and completely unsearched for) terms.

That is until Tuesday’s edition of America’s Next Top Model, when apparently someone wore live cockroach jewelry during the episode. My ridiculous site got over 2,000 hits yesterday and still climbing. Talk about right place, right time. And absolutely no hope of a revenue stream, ever. Still, it’s a heck of a thing.

The last few weeks on the blog have been fairly frantic, with at least 7 decent posts a week keeping’ ‘er going. But during the play performance-related hiatus, and my sickness yesterday, my daily traffic has dropped over 25%. Talk about fairweather fans. Where is everybody going? Rest assured – I’ll return shortly to wax ridiculous about pop culture, hippies and hookers. I’ll be back in the saddle of silliness quicker than crap through a goose. For pete’s sake, have a little faith in me, folks.

The return to work this morning was tantamount to arriving for tsunami beach-clean-up detail, so I must keep this short and get back to the mines. But I’ll be making use of my new found freedom and writing fast and furious again real soon. Thanks for your patience, support and allowing me to imagine any patience or support.

And to the new reader who found us earlier today by typing “piss-stained underpants” into Google – welcome aboard. It only gets worse.

The play has me run ragged. I feel like I haven’t slept in days, and I’m currently thanking Christ that tonight is the last show. If you’re coming, I’ll see you there. Get to the Asylum by 6:30.

Last St. Patrick’s Day I wrote up a little criticism of Boston SPD revelers which I still think is pretty funny. So have a look before you read on today. I don’t think I’ll top it in my current work-stressed state of mind. To quote one of my own thoughts from last year: “As it grows closer to quitting time, I’d just like to voice my appreciation for holidays which revolve entirely around alcohol. My 2nd favorite being, of course, Arbor Day.” Rather than try to be cute today I’m going to provide a few plageurized facts…

– St. Patrick’s Day marks the Roman Catholic feast day for Ireland’s patron saint, who died in the 5th century. St. Patrick (Patricius in Latin) was not born in Ireland, but in Britain.

– At a meeting of the American Heart Association in Orlando, Florida, three years ago, researchers reported that Guinness may be as effective as daily aspirin in reducing the blood clots that cause heart attacks.

– Irish brigands kidnapped St. Patrick at 16 and brought him to Ireland. He was sold as a slave in the county of Antrim and served in bondage for six years until he escaped to Gaul, in present-day France. He later returned to his parents’ home in Britain, where he had a vision that he would preach to the Irish. After 14 years of study, Patrick returned to Ireland, where he built churches and spread the Christian faith for some 30 years.

– Many myths surround St. Patrick. One of the best known—and most inaccurate—is that Patrick drove all the snakes from Ireland into the Irish Sea, where the serpents drowned. (Some still say that is why the sea is so rough.) But snakes have never been native to the Emerald Isle. The serpents were likely a metaphor for druidic religions, which steadily disappeared from Ireland in the centuries after St. Patrick planted the seeds of Christianity on the island.

– In the United States, it’s customary to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. But in Ireland the color was long considered to be unlucky. Irish folklore holds that green is the favorite color of the Good People (the proper name for faeries). They are likely to steal people, especially children, who wear too much of the color.

– Today New York’s St. Patrick’s Day parade is the longest running civilian parade in the world. This year nearly three million spectators are expected to watch the spectacle and some 150,000 participants plan to march.

Tonight will be my last hurrah before a grueling 3-day performance schedule. I will be at Tiernans ‘larging it’ by 9pm if anyone’s looking for something to do. I had better plans, but they fell through – however I’m keeping a stiff upper liver. It’s nice to have a local, a home base, a rock – full of people you know no matter what night of the week you drop in. This is one of the things I miss about England, but over the years T’s has become an extension of my living room. So, when all is said and done, I suppose my St. Patrick’s Day is going to be spent exactly as it was meant to be, and has been for the last 7 years now. Slainte!

My first, and let’s face it – probably last – acting foray begins this Sunday evening. Don’t be Afraid of the Dark hits the stage at the Improv Asylum this week to I’m assuming awesomely rave reviews and soggy-eyed packed houses. This will be my final pre-play shuck and jive, and I encourage you all to come check out one of the performances. I have almost 20 friends confirmed to come to the Tuesday 7pm show – as that is the last performance and I intend to have a celebratory cockytail or two afterwards in a licensed North End purveyor of adult libations. If you want to come, make it Tuesday night and let me know so I can reserve you a ticket. While you’re making up your mind, have a gander at our first cast photo:

Let’s see… you’ve got the vamp, evil monster, ingenue, shrew, maid, butler, nerd, nurse, male nurse, lawyer and cop (me). And let me save you the trouble – I’m obviously also a huge nerd, just not dressed as one in this particular example. Listen – I know it’s a school night, and some of you will have to drive a fair spell to get here, but I want everyone to be aware and have the details should you want to come and marvel at my almost unspeakable narcissism.