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Friday’s Quizzlet: The Crack Hole.


in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: On a scale of 1 to 10 (10=highest), how sociable are you?
I’m a solid 8 I think. People think of me as a connector, but I can be quite the lone wolf, too. The addition of Tivo to my bedroom understandably has not helped this. If I’m not alone for a little while each day, watching true crime shows, I can’t think straight. Or rub myself.

Soup: Name 3 DVDs you currently own.
I have about 300, so this is a little moot. I will name the 3 most embarassing ones, how’s that? I simply don’t know how I ended up with Rush Hour 2. I will also openly admit to owning The Black Hole and A Nightmare on Elm Street. And the fact that I have obviously never truly learned the value of a dollar.

Salad: If you were to win a superlative award now, what would it be?
The same one I won when I was a senior at Vermont Academy – “Talks Least, Says Most”. I would have also appreciated the class clown one, or “Most Pranks Played on Rest of Campus”. Considering we were at a school you could have been thrown out of for belching, we sure frigged around a lot.

Main Course: What is your favorite radio station?
I am all about the Podcasts these days. My favorite has to be Ricky Gervais – and it also happens to be the #1 podcast in the world right now. If you like the American version of The Office, which I know you do because it’s incredibly awesome, have a listen to the guy who created it. Most podcasts are ridiculously bad, but if you sniff around long enough you’ll find some doozys.

Dessert: Complete this sentence: I believe _______ because ________.
I believe I can fly, because I believe the children are our future. I also believe that fallen R & B singers deserve a bit more sympathy. And crack.

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Feeling Kinda Cannon Fodder.


in

I’ve played paintball several times. And I personally think I’m quite good at it. Why then, was I riddled, tatooed, welted and swiss-cheesed last night? Don’t get me wrong – it was a heck of a lot of fun – but there were so many people on the field. There wasn’t room to move, duck or anything else. Because it was a special event, they loaded up the teams so everyone would get to play and it was just too much. So I made a little animation last night when I got home which pretty much sums up my recent paintball propensity.

A great laugh, and I met some great kids. My crew did pretty well, and I have to mention that my team – R1 (Republicans 1) – went completely undefeated, even if I have more bruises today than Rodney King with a broken tail light. Have a look at the rest of the ridiculous paintball photos here, and please send ice.

UPDATE: Here is an article about the event from the Crimson.

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Battlefield Somerville.


in

We’re off to the wars tonight somewhere in Somerville for a paintball tournament that my company is sponsoring. A little brand-recognition, a little intern recruitment – and a lot of oozing welts. It’s mainly Harvard students, with a few outsiders like myself thrown in, and the theme is Democrat vs. Republican. So basically I’m going to try and make as many of the little bastards cry tonight as I possibly can. Peden shot me in the neck from two feet away once, and I know first hand where to aim for maximum damage to smart-overpriviliged-twats.

I don’t know what team I’ll be put on, but if I get to choose I’ll be gunning for Moonbats like my name is Van Helsing and pretending they all look like Carolyn Parrish. I’m bringing my new camera, which is probably extremely ill-advised, and I hope to post a few good shots up here tomorrow. I look forward to lots of pizza, beer and post-traumatic stress this evening. Suppress, move, flank and goon.

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Wednesday Wadio: Lush’s ‘De-Luxe’.


in Wednesday Wadio

“In a sense, the beginning of Lush was as inevitable as its ending was not.”

This song is senior year at Concord-Carlisle for me. So many memories surrounding it. Lush opened for Jane’s Addiction that year at the Wallace Civic Center in Fitchburg. We rented a bus, filled it with our best buddies (and underclassmen girls), before having one of the best times of my life. The whole shebang kicked off at PJ’s with kegs. We filled 2 litre milk jugs with beer and moved the bender to the bus. The show was amazing, and in between moshing with Mike Duffy – and watching Tombeno get thrown out and sneak back in 3 times – Lush rocked the rink with this awesome tune.

“When I sat down to listen to Ciao!, it had been at least seven years since I’d last listened to Lush, and probably five since I’d even thought of them. But by the end, I was digging out the old discs again– not out of an obligation to research and refresh, but because I wanted to relive and remember.” – Pitchfork

Lush has long since gone the way of the do-do (the drummer even killed himself), but they released 3 solid albums in the 90’s and I have every one of them on my iPod. They’re considered to be part of the “shoegazing” genre – Shoegazing is characterised by the use of distortion and the fuzzbox, droning riffs and a Phil Spector-esque wall of sound from the noisy guitars. You’ll understand the classification when you hear ‘De-Luxe’, which was their breakthrough hit in America. ‘Ladykillers’ fared better a few years later, but it isn’t anywhere near as cool as this etherial little ditty.

This song also reminds me of driving to a party in Carlisle at Sarah’s house with Triconi in my ’84 BMW 318. We videotaped the party, and you can see Doug and I singing along to De-Luxe as we navigate the windy dark roads. We still sing that song to eachother, and it’s admittedly extremely gay to be doing so. Enjoy the song – it’s a great little timecapsule.

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My Video Debut: BossBack Mountain.


in

You’ll be pleased to know that I am far from finished doing embarassing things with my new camera. Last night Boss and I brainstormed for about 3 hours and came up with the heart-wrenching tale which you’re about see. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you – BossBack Mountain.

His line at the very end – “Maraaaaanch” – transcends both racial and special boundaries, and I only wish we’d gotten this in the can prior to Sundance. Keep an eye out for this hot new star. He’s 70 in cat years, but I predict a late blooming Olympia Dukakis/Hume Cronin sort of success for him. Cocoon 3: Ass-Dragging on the Carpet”. You’d see it.

UPDATE: I put this retarded thing up on YouTube an hour ago, and it’s already been viewed 72 times.

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New Cubicle, New Camera = Overtly Pimptastic.


in

I just got my slammin’ new Canon S500 Powershot in the mail, and wanted to kick the teezees on it, bilznatch. Lemme holla at you for a minute. Peep dis:

And while I’m at it, why not big up my awesome new desk location while I’m spittin’? Yeah, that’s a view of Boston Common barely visible behind me. Yeah, those are some University pictures on my desk and Some Rat Pack parephanelia on the wall. Ill-fitting Maple Leaf cap? Check, bitches. Don’t funk with the sick office stylings, B!

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Minty Minty – Try The New Google Toolbar.


in

I love the Google toolbar – and yes I’d marry it if I could. Credit Card Autofill is the greatest creation since penicillin, and makes it incredibly easy for me to rack up hundreds of dollars worth of useless crap on eBay. Like the old joke goes, maybe I didn’t really need the entire first season of Mama’s Family on VHS. Regardless, as you may guess, I’m like a kid on Christmas morning when an update is announced. The current new additions include:

  • On-the-fly query suggestions.
  • Online bookmarks.
  • Web page sharing via email, SMS or Blogger.

The coolest new feature by far, however, is the gallery of custom buttons that has been added. They currently include Slashdot, the New York Times, CNET and others – but I imagine the community will start to suggest, or even create, a slew of new ones. My first installs were Dictionary.com and a Weather checker. Site owners will have the ability to create their own buttons and add them to the gallery should they be approved. More good things from Google, and you can install the beta right now by clicking here.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Fred Sanford’s Flatscreen.


in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: Choose one – Popcorn, Pizza, Pretzels, Peanuts, or Pasta.
Right. Feta cheese, garlic and Kalamata olive Greek pizza from New London Style in Concord. Salivating and rubbing myself at the mere thought. Don’t ever go there with Jim, though. Most of the children in C-town learned to swear when they were unfortunate enough to be in that shop when Jim was there. Just don’t drop his sub on the floor and you’be fine.

Soup: Describe your personality in terms of a particular vehicle.
I try to be very reliable. So what is that, a Chevy truck? An Everglade hovercraft? I’m not sure. It’s Today’s Chevrodave.

Salad: If you won a shopping spree, from which store would you want it to be?
Best Buy or Circuit City. I’d grab a shopping cart and head straight for the DVD section. Weekend at Bernie’s 2, One Tough Cop, Gone Fishin’. Leaving just enough time to make sure I could swing over and get a huge flatscreen TV, too. Lives are in aisle 5.

Main Course: Which television show re-runs do you enjoy watching?
I watch Sanford and Son like it’s what I was born to do. It’s the funniest sitcom in history, hands down. “Esther, Why don’t you go open up the freezer and make some ugly-sicles”. And Grady has got to be my favorite TV character of all time. Regardless of how his career continues to become uninteresting, I will always respect Eddie Murphy for paying for Redd Foxx’s funeral.

Dessert: If you could look into the future, how far down the road would you see?
I’d just like to be assured that I will neither die alone, nor be the end of my family line. Everything else is pretty unimportant. I’ve said it before though – a trunk of DVD porn will also probably suffice.

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I Be Treading The Boards.


in

I’ve been eluding to my acting debut somewhat recently, and have been receiving many questions from friends and talent agents alike. Perhaps it is time I just came clean about my impending thespianism. And all the necrophelia. But I’ll just stick to the silly play for the time being. It’s called Don’t be Afraid of the Dark and was written in the early 90s by a guy named Tim Kelly. Here is the official synopsis from my copy of the script:

“Weird playwright Sebastian Sly, author of such all-time bombs as Dial M for Morose, The Cat and the Canard, and Ten Little Ninjas, lives in a creepy old mansion called The Shadows. His arch enemy is the clever, but snide, drama critic Sylvia Frye. She hates stage thrillers and with her ruthless reviews, has forced Sebastian into retirement. In revenge, Sebastian invites her to his home where all manner of chills and thrills are trotted out to convince her she’s wrong about his work. We meet an hilarious “cast:” The murderous Creeper; an old actress noted for her shattering screams; a butler named Skull and a housekeeper named Bones and that’s just the beginning. Two likeable innocents, Zip and Lilac, show up and are terrorized by the insane goings-on. Ultimately, Sylvia exposes the plot. But Sylvia gets hers in the end!”

So which one of these ridiculous sounding characters do I play? What persona will be my first foray into the acting world? None of them. I play a stupid cop who shows up 2 or three times, scratches himself and looks for the escaped mental patient. The scratching admittedly was my idea, and the very flexible director has excitedly encouraged me to stop it immediately. But I got some laughs last night during the first real rehearsal, and I think I can make it funny and memorable. Right now I’m working on this whole Puddy meets Ace Ventura thing which I think will work.

My audition went something like this: My co-worker Sean – “You look kinda like Vincent D’Onofrio and I think you could play a big stupid cop in this play my friend is directing.” Dave – “Thank you?” After the tragedy of yesterday, there’s a new opening, afterall. I just didn’t want anyone to think the spectre of Lee Strasberg had visitied me in a dream or anything and told me to stop wasting my life at my current job. Because my father tells me that enough for the entire cast of Thir13en Ghosts.

The schtick will run March 19-21 (5 performances) at the Improv Asylum in the North End, and all proceeds will go to the North End Music and Performing Arts Center of which I am now apparently a supporter. I’m also now officially a member of the ACT 1 Players. Tickets are $10 and I’ll provide more details to anyone who’d like to come closer to the date. It’s a great group of fun people, and I’m having a scary but educational time. We’re looking to make this as funny as possible, and we’re working with an experienced director with whom I’ve become fast friends. You may just enjoy yourselves if you decide to stop by. May.

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None Too Happy About Chris Penn Dying.


in Heartwarming

I was a huge Chris Penn fan. He could play tough, straight or funny with the greatest of ease, and his talent and charisma were indisputable. This is absolutely awful, and I will likely Penn a more fitting tribute throughout the course of the day. That couldn’t have been less funny, but I ain’t exactly laughing right now. No Wadio, moment of silence. Obit. Nifty graphic in his memory:

From IMDB:

Way back in the days of Footloose and At Close Range I was sold, and his recent downward spiral made me very sad. Someone told me recently that they had seen Penn passed out in a hotel hallway while they were visiting Chicago, and the dread outweighed the jealousy – even though I’m sure I would have posed for a picture with the sprawling mess and then put it on this stupid website. You’ll be missed, Chris. I’ll call you a hearse, and this is for Cody.

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A Man Without A Country.


in

Today Canada is in the process of electing (by all poll indications) the first Conservative government in over 12 years. I elect not to talk about politics too much on this blog (see what I did there?) but it’s no secret whom I’d be voting for were I still living within the borders of the Great White North. There’s a special place in my imagined hell for Carolyn Parrish, Paul Martin and the rest of the thoughtless backhanded critics who’ve been tarnishing relations left and right. And by thoughtless, I of course simply mean I want to see them all die in a hotel fire.

That having been said, I’m probably whistling Dixie here (or maybe whistling Dundas) because none of my American readers know the first friggin’ thing about Canadian politics anyway – and this is one of the reasons I like Stephen Harper so much. He loves him some Yanks, and all the embarrasing anti-American commentary coming out of Parliament for the last decade is hopefully at an end. I am an Ameridan and I cannot vote in either country at the present time. I want the kids to play nice, as I’m torn between them like a gay cowboy with kids. The only thing most Americans can tell you about Canada as of late are the ridiculous statements they’ve heard from her pinkish politicians. And that they never lock their doors and have all been taught to stalk and kill polar bears with whalebone hunting knives.

Most Yanks, bless them, will also be able to tell you that Canada is up North somewhere and there are apparently lots of fish, trees and French people. Listen, my fellow (sorta) Americans – stop wondering whether or not you’re going to see a sasquatch the next time you visit downtown Toronto, and read up on what’s happening there today. It’s about to get very interesting for the first time in painfully polite ages.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Raiders Of The Lost Room Key.


in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: About how many times per day do you check your email?
I have Outlook set to send/receive every 3 minutes or so. Technically, this amounts to about 480 email checks per day. If you throw Hotmail, GMail and Yahoo into the equation, I usually have time to fire down a bag of Doritos while sleeping for 3 hours, too.

Soup: If you could collect something really valuable, what would it be?
I think there’s a big future in custom made cockroach jewelry. But ideally, if we were referring to like an artifact or something, it would be one that both had great value but also held people in its presence in awe. The Shroud of Turin, Jack Ruby‘s pistol, etc. Alternately, if Sotheby’s felt comfortable with me having the ability to conquer the world, I think the Lost Ark of the Covenant would make an excellent ottoman.

Salad: Write a sentence using the letters of your favorite beverage.
Really, Ethel – talk softly in Nana’s apartment!

Main Course: If you could be on a game show, which one would it be?
I have always been able to hold my own at Jepoardy. Once time, back at Uni, I was in a hotel room full of friends getting ready to go to Oktoberfest in Kitchener Waterloo. The show was on TV, and I answered every single question correct for an entire round. It’s good I got proving my intelligence out of the way early, because by 9pm I’d forgotten my room number/how not to pee on myself.

Dessert: Name 3 computer programs you would hate to be without.
Outlook, Excel, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego.

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Hollywood North… End.


in Movies

“No longer does the movie industry have to film footage in Toronto, Philadelphia or other locations to suggest that they are some how in the North End of Boston.”

Apparently not. As I stepped out of my apartment building this morning, I ran smack – and I mean literally – into a film crew that was backed up from one end of Cleveland Place to the other. Lights, cameras, screens – there must have been 50 people packed into the narrow lane with all the equipment. Unfortunately, I was at the back of the bunch, with a sound board and video monitor right outside my bedroom window, but it was still fun to watch and I hung around for a few minutes and watched while they held up production as a plane flew overhead. My kingdom for a new digital camera review I feel like I can trust.

I know from talking to people around the neighborhood that Danny Aiello is the star, and that the move – Stiffs – is about “A hearse driver (Aiello) bonds with a pack of Bostonians in an effort to keep a local funeral home in business.” I went to my first play rehearsal last night (a story for a separate post,) and one of my esteemed co-stars was an extra in a restaurant for a day of shooting on Tuesday. She told me Aiello was the nicest man she’s ever met.

We need some movies about the North End. There was an independant flick made about 5 years ago, but it is impossible to find and I’ve never been able to watch it. You can see many shots taken down around the bottom of Prince in 1978’s The Brinks Job, and Peter Boyle and the late Robert Mitchum take a stroll through Government Center Plaza during the end credits of 1973’s The Friends of Eddie Coyle. Other than those, the North End, which is an amazing looking neighborhood with an incredibly rich and seedy history, has been largely ignored. I hope this turns around, or I may just have to start writing something my damn self.

UPDATE: I just got a call from my neighbor. Someone on the set asked her if anyone in the vicinity had a wireless router. So I just spoke to one of the Stiffs crew and gave them my IP and password. So basically, I’m now powering the entire shoot’s internet. I had better get a screen credit! “Special thanks to the huge nerd who let us use his Wireless“. Or a signed 8×10 of Danny.

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