Appetizer: What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make?
Whalesong. Is my phone ringing, or is there a martian in my apartment? Sometimes I’d wake up and just not be completely sure.
Soup: Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.).
Mostly sunny with a chance of carefully timed resentment.
Salad: What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects?
I’d like to say Search Engine Marketing or Mesothelioma. But the actual truth is Trailer Park Boys and The Pixies. Oh, and how to have good parties and draw scary goblins. Not so specific.
Main Course: Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. What books/magazines would you choose to read?
First I’d read a periodic element table – it’d be fun at parties. Then I’d read a sports almanac from the future and as many back issues of Tiger Beat as I could get my hands on. I’d be spitting Orlando Bloom facts like it was my job.
Dessert: If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next candy bar, what would it be like?
It would be a cross between my three favorite candy bars: Nestle Crunch, Skor and Whatchamacallit – It would be called ‘Whatinthefuckchamacallit’.
Appetizer: the sound of Brad Pitt screaming my name in ecstacy…
Soup: Severe hurricane warning in effect for the greater Boston area.
Salad: Human anatomy…I know my way around a body like it was my job.
Main Course: Encyclopedia Britanica from A to Z, the dictionary, the Koran, the Torah, a large assortment of medical text books and every issue of playboy ever printed.
Dessert: it would be a crispy wafer thin chocolate, lace like in appearance, with a slight saltiness upon first bite. It would melt instantly on your tongue and leave a delicious lasting flavor. It would contain no calories or fat, I would cure pms with lightening speed and I would call it Angel wings.