I’m currently building a website about Personal Injury Law and lawyers, and I’ve run across some insane settlements and lawsuits. Employers, drivers, babysitters beware. In fact, maybe don’t go outside any more.
– $875,000 was awarded to a man who broke his leg in a car accident. I broke my leg once at a keg party at Tony MacPhee’s house in 1992. Tony I know you read this site – I want some cash, please.
– $1,800,000 went to a construction worker who fell off a defective lift and hurt his back. I hurt my back playing football against Deerfield academy in 1992 (OK, so it was a rough year). Deerfield, cough it up. Lots of it.
– $200,000 was pissed away by a company for a woman who claimed she’d gotten arthritis from using a mouse every day for 5 years. Somewhere, there’s a Personal Injury Attorney sipping a Pina on a beach who paid for the trip with that cash. Incredible. I’m on my computer so much, I should be entitled to twice that. And a girlfriend.
– $1,000,000 was forked over to a man who suffered a freakin’ dog bite. That dog must have been loaded. Rolling in cash. And it’s own feces. I was bitten by a nasty little dog named “Pawnee” when I was a kid in Prince Edward Island. I bent over to say hello and the little bastard jumped straight into the air and snapped my nose. The dog’s owner apologized and gave me a lobster (I actually liked lobster back then) and that was good enough for me. I’m a personal injury attorney or lawyer’s wet dream. In retrospect, apparently they should have given me a house.
Your computer? C’mon Dave. We know where your carpel tunnel really came from.
“This ain’t no holiday…Oh, no!..but it always works out this waaayyyy…here I am with my haaand!”
You caught me. Listening to the Pixies whilst crankin’ it. Should come as no surprise to anyone that I do that.
Well, I can certainly see how you are a walking accident, as I am one myself. However, Personal Injury Law can be a useful tool to get justified claimants the compensation they deserve. Yes, Personal Injury Law falls on the sketchy/shady/scheisteristic side of legal ethics. However, you can’t really blame the lawyers, unless they truely are ambulance chasers..in which case, they may want their own PI attorney for when the ambulance runs them over. Anyhow, people seek lawyers, and lawyers represent. So, don’t completely knock this practice, as it is one of the oldest and dearest aspects of the law. What you really need to watch out for are the lunatics suing fast food restaurants because they got fat. Now thats shady…just dont eat the friggin burgers. Maybe they should be suing their parents for passing on the stupidity gene?
Speaking of Fast Food. My Uncle Steve was awarded $500 by Burger King and I believe $750 by McNasties. Why – well at Burger King they dropped a ‘bucket’ of pickles on his head – not a bowl – a whole bucket. Of course it didn’t even knock him out. Remember this is the same guy who spit on a Painesville Police officer and called him a fucking pig – punishment (had to stand in the town square with a big in one arm and a sign in the other reading ‘this is a pig, not a police officer’. This is also the same guy whose wife beat him over the head with a hammer to keep him from kickin the sh*t out of his step son. The guy can’t be knocked… best thing to do with Crazy Steve is run away.
Oh – The McDonald’s incident – well he chipped his tooth on a cup of coffee – probably a lie – seems though that they fixed his tooth and awarded him 750 clams.