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Irony May Be Lost On Bikers.

Am I writing an article about biker gangs to give me an excuse to post another old Brando photo? It’s entirely possible. But I also read a most unfortunate story this morning, and wanted to point out a few things that may just end up saving a life one day. I’m no expert on the subject of motorcycle culture, but I do claim to be a big proponent of common sense – so I feel almost obliged to offer my $0.02.

You see – hipsters love cheeky little t-shirts. Not the “I’m With Stupid ->” or “Grandpa’s Little Fishing Buddy” variety, but rather the obscure pop culture reference sort. If you want to walk around in Arthur Fonzarelli or Mork From Ork gear, that’s perfectly fine. But if you plan on wearing one of these bad boys outside of your own home, slap yourself silly – because you’re no longer simply “with” stupid.

The story I’m referencing took place in New Jersey, but out there such gangs are greatly overshadowed by traditional goombas. Now in Canada, biker gangs eclipse even the mafia in terms of power and brutality. They’re an ultra-violent, ruthless faction who in the last 20 years have come to completely embody organized crime in the Great White North. Keeping an eye on alliances and squashing turf wars between Hell’s Angels, Satan’s Choice and the Rock Machine keep the RCMP far busier than any seal-clubber or escaped polar bear. And just try catching up to a Harley Fatboy on horseback.

Any Canuck with the street savvyness of a fruitfly, knows better than to even discuss the gangs in mixed company, much less fly their colors in an affiliated bar. That would be tantamount to strolling through Brooklyn with Sammy Gravano’s face on the front of your mock turtleneck – with the phrase “Squealers Kick Ass” emblazoned beneath. So be forewarned, skinny Allston emo boys and the like – stick to the Atari apparel.

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  1. Dave, I never really thought about it like that, but yes, biker gangs are the mafia of Canada (it’s kind of disturbing to think about it actually). Here in Vancouver the Hells Angels rule the roost, so fortunately there isn’t many turf wars like they experience in Quebec (who names a biker gang “The Rock Machine”? Only a flaming frog – pardon my French – could come up with that one). In fact, out here in lotus land, the RCMP go out of their way to quash start up biker gangs just to avoid potential turf wars.

    Anyway, the saddest thing about this whole story is that now I am going to have to burn my “Hells Angels are just lil’ devils” t-shirt. Damn!

  4. This is one of the most interesting stories I’ve seen on your blog dave. I simply find it hard to believe… are you guys making this all up?

    Canadien Biker Gangs? I’ll be spending a considerable amount of time in Quebec over the next year for work… I need to ask those guys about this “rock machine” gang.

    Simply facinating dave.

    Doyle

  7. Yah – they hang out at the Rock Pile. Frenchie Biker Gangs – I bet they are as queer as a Queebeque Biker Gang – Ha – I love this – All I can think of is the gay biker at Dave’s Halloween party. HA.

  8. You haven’t lived until you’ve had the crap kicked out of you by a moustached, Players Light smoking frog in a Speedo. He’s wearing the Speedo – not you. Sorry if that confusion interrupted your furious masturbation.

  9. Dave, you forgot to add he’s probably wearing a t-shirt that reads, “Free mustache rides.”

  10. Doyle’s are like French Quebec assholes… They get poked once a day and the only thing they talk is shit.

  11. Yah – My mental imaging got all crossed up there Dave… next thing you know I am pullin my goalie to Steve French where with leather chaps on and Trevor wearing a speedo.

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