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Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

February 26, 2008 by admin

JV On Dogs

There are very few things JV isn’t an expert on. Just ask him if you don’t believe me. He left a great comment regarding my puppy training article that a lot of you won’t see unless you backtrack and sniff around, so I am going to repost it here as a main article. His advice is funny, blunt and accurate…

“Caesar (Dog Whisperer) is the man. Pretty simple message every show. A little common sense, a lot of exercise & dominance cures all. As a dude who goes to the city’s biggest yuppie dog park and watches many a disobedient dog/stupid handler I suggest 2 commands must be taught in order for you to not be an idiot yuppie dog owner:

1-COME, If your dog doesn’t come 100% of the time when you call it you’re an idiot. Shep should also respond to a whistle command to come or at least get a bearing on you. fastest way to train this command? Find a dog treat they luv and never give it to them – ever – unless they are properly executing the command. Dogs should only be rewarded with things they want (treats, effection) when they are doing what they’re supposed to. Only idiots give there young dogs rewards for being cute or soiling your home… at least during their prime training months.

2-NO, If you can’t get your dog to immediately stop whatever its doing, freeze in its tracks and look back at you waiting for the green light you’re an idiot.

I say “you’re an idiot” because the dog obviously only knows what you teach it and without these 2 commands hard wired there’s a good chance it will do something stupid i.e. somehow put itself in harms way… which is your fault. The next commands for non-idiot dog handlers are sit, down, stay, heel and lick the peanut butter off my…

If you can get your dog to walk beside or behind you and mirror your movements off-leash you will be a dog master. Nothing is more gratifying than having your dog listen to you because as you eventually marry and have kids the dog will eventually be the only one listening to you.”

Category: Animalistic

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