The pork is flying fast and furious this week, as… maybe fast is a bad word. It’s 8pm and I haven’t posted today’s results yet. Rest assured, things are so ridiculous at work I’m considering becoming a shepherd, so don’t take it personally, you fat frigs – technically it’s still Wednesday. And as much as I’d love this site to degenerate into a series of infrequent posts about how I rarely have time to blog – because that would surely be spellbinding – we must press on, piggies.

– Monster >> Current: 268 / Last Week – 265 / Target 255 / Gained 3
– Smash >> Current: 138 / Last Week – 138 / Target 129 / Lost 0
– Pyeman >> Current: 224 / Last Week – 224 / Target 215 / Lost 0
– DVS >> Current 244 / Last Week – 246 / Target 210 / Lost 2
– Aubz >> Current: 132 / Last Week – 133 /Target 125 / Lost 1
– BDoyle >> Current: 187 – / Last Week – 188 / Target 175 / Lost 1
– Sly >> Current: 211 – / Last Week – 213 / Target 175 / Lost 2
– Piglet >>> Current: 147 / Last Week – 145 / Target 135 / Gained 2
– Not Lance >>> Current: 166 / Last Week – 168 / Target 161 / Lost 2
– Greg >> Current: 183 / Last Week – 187 / Target 170 / Lost 4
– Venditti >> Current: 230 / Last Week – 232 / Target 219 / Lost 2
– Ka-Rista >> Current: 158 / Last Week – 158 / Target 140 / Lost 0

So we’re at the halfway point. I’ve plateaued again, despite some pretty agressive and unhealthy tactics. I think that’s the problem, as we’ve established frequent smaller meals jack up the metabolism and avoid loss lulls. There is no way I will ever lost 14 pounds in the next 5 weeks, short of bird flu, so I have changed my target weight to 215. I haven’t weighed 215 since I got back from England in 1998, so that’s pretty acceptable come to think of it. I’m 6″4, afterall.

As it’s the halfway point, I think a graph or some other sort of visual representation is in order – so get your results in tonight and over Thursday and I’ll whip something together. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m fucking starving.

Do y’all get curious on those rare occasions where I talk about or let you in for a glimpse of what I do for a living? It’s rare, and for good reason – I have other blogs where I talk about SEO, and far too few hours in the day to prattle on about it incessantly. This is where I come to make the hooker jokes. Anyhew, in the next few days you’ll see me linking out to lots of strange things, and I just want you to know there’s a method to the madness.

More and more of my friends and neighbors are taking their businesses online, or going to work for companies with significant web presences. I’m going to save everyone a lot of money – because nobody wants to pay for this shit anyway. Here’s how you improve your Google rankings: Get sites to link to yours using your target market’s top search keywords. If I hypothetically had a client who sold Red Sox Tickets, for example – I would want to facilitate as many links as I could to their site which also read Red Sox Tickets. Your ultimate success depends on your budget (people won’t link to you for free, and reciprocal links cancel eachother out since the last big algorithm update) your patience and the competition. It’s bleeding edge stuff. Guerilla marketing. And surprisingly, not all that fun in the long run. You have little control over the results ultimately, and we all know how clients like those pesky “results”.

So forgive me over the next week or so if I drift into conversations about office coffee. Look the other way if I begin sweating whilst extrapolating about precision gauges or Amnisure. I’m not pregnant or studying to be an airplane mechanic. I’m just working here.

Mark’s brother Dave videotaped the show I wrote about Thursday night, and they’ve posted it on YouTube. Just press play!