The play has me run ragged. I feel like I haven’t slept in days, and I’m currently thanking Christ that tonight is the last show. If you’re coming, I’ll see you there. Get to the Asylum by 6:30.
Monday’s Quotelet: Getting Quite An Earful.
Flappy’s final moments were spent secure in the knowledge he had won the bet, and actually shat in a polar bear’s ear. To this day, the other magpies tweet his praises.
Friday’s Quizzlet: Asparagus, Lettuce And Black Olives.
Appetizer: What job would you definitely not want to have?
Take it easy, James Lipton. I wouldn’t want to be anything I’ve already been, because it would feel like somewhat of a step backwards. However, considering you can count window-washer, landscaper, waiter, bouncer, constuction laborer and liquor store clerk on that list – That’s a bit of a no-brainer. As an aside, there are many days I wish I was a homicide detective.
Soup: Oprah wants you on her show. What would it be about?
My whirlwind, tri-country, peanut-oil-soaked, illegal, sweaty love affair with Rachel Weisz, of course. I’d jump up and down on the couch and everything.
Salad: Name 3 vegetables that you eat on a regular basis.
Terri Schiavo, Helen Keller and Frida Kahlo. It’s not assault if they blink twice for ‘yes’.
Main Course: You can be in any bar anywhere today – which would you pick?
Smuggler’s Inn! No question. JP and I used to frequent this wonderful dive when our parents lived in Hong Kong, and I hope I get to darken its door again some day. We made many great friends there, and I am pretty sure my signed Canadian $5 bill is still stapled to the ceiling. Favorite memories include silly string fights with the natives, real fights with American sailors, my temporary Chinese girlfriend who threw up all over the 3 square foot bathroom, midnight van rides through the mountains with Malkie and of course the legendary Mr. Andy Kirk.
Dessert: If you had a personal assistant, what kind of tasks would they do?
I’d have them follow me around, taking tons of photos. I’d push them away and shield my face as if I were a hot shit celebrity. When women invariably asked me where they knew me from, I’d simply answer: Real World 18 – West Newton. And then I’d mention that my room number was also 18, and then ask them if they were.
Pogue Mahone Ye Feckin’ Eeedjits.
Last St. Patrick’s Day I wrote up a little criticism of Boston SPD revelers which I still think is pretty funny. So have a look before you read on today. I don’t think I’ll top it in my current work-stressed state of mind. To quote one of my own thoughts from last year: “As it grows closer to quitting time, I’d just like to voice my appreciation for holidays which revolve entirely around alcohol. My 2nd favorite being, of course, Arbor Day.” Rather than try to be cute today I’m going to provide a few plageurized facts…
– St. Patrick’s Day marks the Roman Catholic feast day for Ireland’s patron saint, who died in the 5th century. St. Patrick (Patricius in Latin) was not born in Ireland, but in Britain.
– At a meeting of the American Heart Association in Orlando, Florida, three years ago, researchers reported that Guinness may be as effective as daily aspirin in reducing the blood clots that cause heart attacks.
– Irish brigands kidnapped St. Patrick at 16 and brought him to Ireland. He was sold as a slave in the county of Antrim and served in bondage for six years until he escaped to Gaul, in present-day France. He later returned to his parents’ home in Britain, where he had a vision that he would preach to the Irish. After 14 years of study, Patrick returned to Ireland, where he built churches and spread the Christian faith for some 30 years.
– Many myths surround St. Patrick. One of the best known—and most inaccurate—is that Patrick drove all the snakes from Ireland into the Irish Sea, where the serpents drowned. (Some still say that is why the sea is so rough.) But snakes have never been native to the Emerald Isle. The serpents were likely a metaphor for druidic religions, which steadily disappeared from Ireland in the centuries after St. Patrick planted the seeds of Christianity on the island.
– In the United States, it’s customary to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. But in Ireland the color was long considered to be unlucky. Irish folklore holds that green is the favorite color of the Good People (the proper name for faeries). They are likely to steal people, especially children, who wear too much of the color.
– Today New York’s St. Patrick’s Day parade is the longest running civilian parade in the world. This year nearly three million spectators are expected to watch the spectacle and some 150,000 participants plan to march.
Tonight will be my last hurrah before a grueling 3-day performance schedule. I will be at Tiernans ‘larging it’ by 9pm if anyone’s looking for something to do. I had better plans, but they fell through – however I’m keeping a stiff upper liver. It’s nice to have a local, a home base, a rock – full of people you know no matter what night of the week you drop in. This is one of the things I miss about England, but over the years T’s has become an extension of my living room. So, when all is said and done, I suppose my St. Patrick’s Day is going to be spent exactly as it was meant to be, and has been for the last 7 years now. Slainte!
Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark. Seriously.
My first, and let’s face it – probably last – acting foray begins this Sunday evening. Don’t be Afraid of the Dark hits the stage at the Improv Asylum this week to I’m assuming awesomely rave reviews and soggy-eyed packed houses. This will be my final pre-play shuck and jive, and I encourage you all to come check out one of the performances. I have almost 20 friends confirmed to come to the Tuesday 7pm show – as that is the last performance and I intend to have a celebratory cockytail or two afterwards in a licensed North End purveyor of adult libations. If you want to come, make it Tuesday night and let me know so I can reserve you a ticket. While you’re making up your mind, have a gander at our first cast photo:
Let’s see… you’ve got the vamp, evil monster, ingenue, shrew, maid, butler, nerd, nurse, male nurse, lawyer and cop (me). And let me save you the trouble – I’m obviously also a huge nerd, just not dressed as one in this particular example. Listen – I know it’s a school night, and some of you will have to drive a fair spell to get here, but I want everyone to be aware and have the details should you want to come and marvel at my almost unspeakable narcissism.