“Peter Benchley, whose novel Jaws terrorized millions of swimmers even as the author himself became an advocate for the conservation of sharks, has died, his widow said Sunday. Benchley was 65.”

Jaws was the second DVD I ever bothered to purchase (My first was Jurassic Park – a gift from Hegarty) so my first digital video forays involved an inordinate of humans being snacked on by scary monsters. No gay cowboys to speak of. Benchley wasn’t entirely happy with many of Spielberg’s choices – he saw Redford, Newman and McQueen in the roles of Brody, Hooper and Quint – but ended up being very satisfied with the finished result. The difficulty of the production is legendary, and most who worked on the film think it’s a miracle that it was received as well as it was. It’s ongoing popularity is just as amazing.

Thank you, Peter, for penning the tale that would lead to one of my favorite flicks of all time. Thanks not so much for Jaws 4, in which a dreadlocked Mario Van Peebles ran around doing a bad accent for two hours sounding something like Sean John with a speech impediment.

“Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies / Farewell and adieu you ladies of Spain. / For we received orders for to sail back to Boston / And soon never more will we see you again.” – Quint.

Timmy’s habit of falling down the well grew tiresome for Lassie, who struck off with her brothers to form Dunkin’ Dounuts, McDonalds, Burger King and Nabisco. Not many people know that.

Cocky rap star Kanye West is calling for a revised edition of the Bible, because he thinks he should be a character in it.

The Jesus Walks hitmaker, who picked up three Grammy Awards last night, feels sure he’d be “a griot” (West African storyteller) in a modern Bible.

“I changed the sound of music more than one time… For all those reasons, I’d be a part of the Bible. I’m definitely in the history books already.”

Kanye. Buddy. That’s just fucking ridiculous. Please die in a backstage rap awards show knife fight during which you’re stabbed with your own broken pair of giant sunglasses or starched collar immediately.

I will settle for the new ‘middle-of-the-road’ over the former Canadian Government, anyday. But then, I will settle for a 3-day-old piece of rodent-family roadkill covered in liquified batshit over the former Canadian Government, anyday. Go, Harper.

“Canada’s new Conservative government is condemning the violence over incendiary editorial cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad, while also advising that freedom of expression be used responsibly.”

How is this refreshing? Thanks for asking. Paul Martin’s response would have been somewhere along the lines of: “Come to dis country, our completely non-dongeeerous rioting friends – just show a hand-drawn cartoon of yourself for hhhhhI.D. at de bordaire – and show dose hhhhhAmerican cawksawkeeers dat eeef dey make fun of Muhammed, dey make fun of Canada!” Or something.

I will miss the Pinko Panther. Did I just coin a phrase there? That’s a good one. It’s still OK to make fun of white, French Canadians right? Just checking. I love our little talks. No more politics, David. There’s a good lad.