For my second weekend in a row of productive sobriety, I’ve opted for a catch-up Marlon Brando movie fest. I ordered every major flick of his that I have been attempting to see for years, and they just arrived courtesy of Amazon. Friday night is One-Eyed Jacks and Streetcar Named Desire, and Saturday is reserved for The Wild One and The Young Lions.

If anyone would like to join me for Brando-Fest 2005, you’re more than welcome to be referred to as one sad fricking individual who should definitely not admit to that fact in mixed company.

It’s actually not as dismal a weekend as it seems. I also have Tonto’s bachelor party to jam in there somewhere, and 2 days of beautiful roofdeck weather to look forward to. So it’s shaping up to be a nice little Saturday. I may hit Home Depot as well. But I dunno… I dunno if I’ll have enough TIME.

Almost a year to the day since I wrote my acclaimed homage de 20,000 Leagues, which still attracts traffic to my site on a daily basis, a Japanese scientist has finally managed to photograph a live Giant Squid in the wild. I think this is absolutely awesome, as I’ve been unhealthily fascinated with the beasts for 30 years. I have no defense or childhood trauma to link it back to. I won’t even eat a fishstick. That’s just the way it’s always been. My childhood was chock full of giant squids, Star Wars and Popeye Candy Cigarettes – and fully devoid of reason.

This photo released by Dr. Tsunemi Kubodera of the National Science Museum, a 26-foot-long Architeuthis attacks a prey hung by a white rope, left, at 900 yards deep off the coast of Japan’s Bonin islands, 1,000 kilometers (670 miles) south of Tokyo.

I don’t want to mislead anyone – so I’m gonna come clean and admit that I wasn’t actually in the original photo. That was just photoshopped in recently. But if I had been there, and was able to breathe 900 meters underwater without the aid of any scuba gear, that is how excited I would have been. It’s practically the equivalent of 100% scientific accuracy if we’re going to split hairs. Again, ladies – please form a line to the left.

So to all you skeptics and nay-sayers be dammned. The truth really is out there if you look hard enough. Next on my agenda – those frigging bastard Minotaurs.