Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

Lights, Camera, Liquor.


in Heartwarming

Coach: Can he still play? Trainer: He’s in a coma! Coach: Answer the question!

I ran into Ed Lauter last night in front of the Park Plaza hotel. You’ll recognize his face – he’s a popular character actor who has been in tons of well known flicks, including: Cujo, The Longest Yard (both versions), French Connection 2, King Kong, Death Hunt, Real Genius, Youngblood, True Romance – and the list goes on.

Ed was juiced, and as he walked up to me he could tell I recognized him. He yelled something as he passed by, presumably on his way to Whiskey Park, and I smiled. I’m not going to pretend I’m too cool to be phased when I run into celebrities. I think it’s pretty neat. To have the coach from Not Another Teen Movie brush past me shithoused with a 24 year old broad on his arm is enough to make anyone giggle.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Did You Get My Voice Mail, Pilgrim?


in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: Which season do you most look forward to?
The fall – no question about it. I hate the humidity of summer, and NorthEast winters can be nothing short of brutal. The fall is a reasonable mix of the two extremes – like metrosexualism. Boston is similar to Toronto in that there are usually about 3 weeks out of the year where you’re actually comfortable – the rest of the time you’re either too hot or too cold. In addition to leaf peeping, fall offers us football, Halloween and hockey. Usually, hockey. Don’t get me started.

Soup: What day of the week is usually your busiest?
It depends on which squeaky wheel needs the grease, and how many vats. I enjoy my new position, but the daily tasks are intangible in many ways. Who is pissed off, who is confused, who is in danger of becoming pissed off or confused? It reminds me of the pursuit angles they teach you in football – anticipate where the relationship is going. I head more angry clients off at the pissed-off-pass than John Wayne did cattle rustlers.

Salad: Would you consider yourself to be strict when it comes to grammar?
Very. I have an English degree, afterall. It becomes a pain, however, as I’m now in charge of proofreading every proposal, press release – actually any piece of sales or marketing material that leaves this office. But I’ve decided how to get this off my plate, quickly. Slip in the odd Polish joke.

Main Course: Who has a birthday soon, and what will you give them as a gift?
Mike’s b-day was this week and we had a BBQ for him at my sister’s place last night. He actually gave me a present – he ripped and burned his father’s Dean Martin celebrity roast DVD for me. These were the precursor and inspiration for the roasts you see nowadays on Comedy Central. Politically uncorrect, stuffed will all my favorite rat-packers and 70’s celebrities and drop stone cold dead funny from beginning to end. So thanks, Mike, for helping me celebrate your birthday with Dino.

Dessert: If you could have any new piece of clothing free, what would you pick?
Another suit. I think I’m addicted now. Something in a pinstripe or maybe even a SeerSucker, perhaps? I could then get a job which requires me to wear a Seersucker everyday – CSI: Martha’s Vineyard. Seamus could be my wacky partner who never gets to drive.

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The Rolling Stone. And The Moss.


in

This will be the first weekend in what seems like an eternity that I will a) be in Boston, and b) not have anything remotely resembling ‘plans’. I’ve been looking forward to it – as my apartment could use a once-over before the next imminent changing of the guard, and I have several building manager-related Schneiderish tasks that need my attention. I only wish I had a Miss Romano to compliment the handlebar ‘stache.

As the weekend creeps closer, however, I’m starting to wish I had something tangible to do. I’m not saying I feel like traveling somewhere again – not at all. But a tabula rasa of a weekend, even in the midst of the most hectic summer in history, still seems a bit depressing. So here’s what I’m going to do – I’m going to make it the most productive fucking weekend of my relatively young life so far.

I’m going to get up early on Saturday and head straight to the Beanstock Company for legal drug-induced energy. I’m going to sweep, mop, spackle, paint and re-arrange. I’m going to throw away a ton of crap I’ve been hanging on to like a sad, sentimental packrat. I’m going to spend a couple hours on the roof and keep this tan going. I’m going to go for a run. At night – I’m going to put my figurative nerd cap on (which I imagine would have a Deep Space Nine logo on it somewhere) and work on some of my websites – Goonblog in particular is doing really well traffic-wise and has already been linked to from 4 prominent hockey sites that have noticed it. Then Sunday I’m going to wake up and do it all over again.

So there’s my weekend laid out like marzipan. The somber, sober, salacious Schneider.

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Thirty One Flavors. And They All Taste Like Bourbon.


in Heartwarming

Jeepers, I almost forgot – a special little someone has a special little birthday today. It’s been a fun beer, humor and indie rock fueled 17 year ride, Mike – and I’m glad the Swedes haven’t lynched you yet (although they’ve certainly come close a time or two).

An eerie picture of the both of us up at the lake this past Friday night may set the stage for the next couple of decades: Out-of-doors, mind a million miles from work, cold and double-fisting. Have a good one, pal-o-mine.

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Wednesday Wadio: Tragically Hip’s ‘Bobcaygeon’.


in Wednesday Wadio

On “Bobcaygeon,” the highlight of this album and possibly the Hip’s best song ever, Downie’s enigmatic lyrics paint a picture that accumulates detail with every listen. – Amazon

You can never predict what will inspire my choice for the Wadio from one week to the next – this time around, it was as simple as a fireside conversation with an old friend about his dock sales route. “Last week I went up through Napanee, stopped in Belleville, made a run down towards Trenton and then right back up to Bobcaygeon“. I smiled and looked over at Moynihan, as I knew exactly what he was thinking – That’s the town they mention in that Hip song!

The Tragically Hip’s lineup has remained absolutely unchanged since 1983 when they started slugging away on the Ontario club circuit – and they’ve grown over the past 22 years to become the undisputed and revered godfathers of Canadian rock. My history with the Hip has been love/hate (read about it here). I have seen them live four times and their lead singer, Gord Downie, solo twice. I have grown slowly to love this band over two decades, and like Marmite – most people either love them or hate them.

Bobcaygeon is one of their more readily digestible dittys, and was once described by Downie as a “cop love song”. The song weaves the tale of a man who hates his job and spends every waking hour longing to return to the arms of his significant other, and opens with two of my favorite lines ever: I left your house this morning about a quarter after nine / coulda been the Willie Nelson, coulda been the wine. Ah yes, Lovemaking – country-style. I wonder which one of them was holding the fly-swatter.

In the video, Gord is a Toronto horseback cop (not to be confused with RCMP), and his girlfriend is Native American. But the actual lyrics never get this specific, which is why I hate literal interpretations and music vids in general: Drove back to town this morning with working on my mind / I thought of maybe quitting / thought of leaving it behind / went back to bed this morning / and as I’m pulling down the blind / the sky was dull and hypothetical / and falling one cloud at a time.

Sounds like someone needs to pay a hasty visit to Monster.com. As the song progresses, the protagonist is involved in breaking up what sounds like a white power rally (which is probably why the woman is portrayed as ethnic in the video): In the middle of that riot / couldn’t get you off my mind. He then returns home to the rural paradise that is Bobcaygeon, Ontario and resumes brooding/liquoring.

I love this song. The lyrics are simple – yet deep and engaging. The acoustic guitar is rustic and scratchy and the bassline dances around like a crazy person. As it slowly builds momentum towards the creshendo of the incident in Toronto, you learn volumes about this man and the remorse he has for his lot in life. Afterall, behind every suicidal cop, there’s an indigenous woman.

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