Honestly, Rahul. What part of “don’t touch the papadams, they’re for Grandma” didn’t you understand?
The Smirnoff Ice Is On The Other Foot.
Saturday night Art and I were walking down Salem Street when I was approached by a young lad of 14 I recognized as one of my little neighbor’s best buddies. “Excuse me sir, can I ask you a question?” Considering our proximity to Martignetti’s, I knew exactly what that question was going to be. “I don’t like the sounds of this, kid” I replied.
I looked down at the slick little bastard in the Jay-Z T-shirt and felt like I was looking at myself, 16 years ago. But it would have been a Public Enemy shirt. Then he popped the question – “Can you get me a six-pack of Smirnoff Ice, please?” I looked down at him and broke into a smile.
I don’t know what struck me as more humorous – the fact he’d ordered such a girly beverage, or the fact that I actually considered buying it for him, if only for a second. If it somehow got back to her that I’d bought booze for one of her son’s friends there’d be a brick through my window faster than you can say, brick. “Listen, I know one of your buddy’s mothers – so I really can’t help you out.” I didn’t stich my little neighbor up and actually use his name, but apparently Jay-Z took my word for it. He said that was “cool” and then retreated to a side street like greased lightning.
Had you told me I’d shut a kid down in that sort of situation today – back when I was 14 – I’d have told you you were crazy. That I’d never be such a buzz-ripping stiff. Then again, I would have also told you that “Rebel Without A Pause” was the greatest song ever recorded.
Buy Laptop Screen Sun Shades Online.
Those of you who read Pye In The Face don’t need to be told about my search engine optimization fetish. So occasionally I mention a website here simply to have it indexed by the major search engines – because their spiders love me and visit often. So bear with me, kids. Plus, I’m writing to you from the roofdeck and I may be suffering hypothermia-induced dementia right now. You never really know with my frequent roofdeckery.
If you’ve ever been outside on your laptop, say on a roofdeck for instance, you may have had trouble seeing your lcd screen because of the sun glare. Well your worries are over! If you like to work on your notebook computer outside and are looking for a laptop screen sun shade, please visit the all new LaptopScreenShades.com!
Friday’s Quizzlet: Kingdom Of Buttocks.
Appetizer: Whose intelligence do you find intimidating?
Definitely the artificial I, Robot/Terminator variety. I’m not easily intimidated by other, lesser humans. So luckily I’ll be long dead before the robots come. But heed my warning future generations – they will come.
Soup: Name something you’ve done that surprised yourself.
I had a mediocre party last weekend. That’s definitely never happened before. I thought I was immune to the bad party – I’ve been throwing killer benders since I was 16. It wasn’t an awful soiree. Everyone there had a good time. But it was certainly sub-par by my standards and it’s been bothering me. Sure, the weather really kicked it in the schnutz, but I thought my magical par-tay powers would somehow transcend Mother Nature. Mother Nature to David: “Grow the fuck up”.
Salad: List 3 people whom you have only “met” online, but consider good friends.
Three? People can actually have up to three online friends that they’ve never met? Here’s where my much bemoaned nerdery gets a hall pass. I have been blessed with many friends – but I’ve been in the same room with all of them. Thank God it’s not as bad as I’d originally thought. Although I did get awfully excited last night when I went to see Kingdom of Heaven with Art & Monster, and we stumbled across the Boston premiere of Return of the Sith. But with Lenny Clarke and Darth Vader in the same lobby – can you really blame me?
Main Course: Where is the dirtiest place you’ve ever been?
What is dirty? Is dirty a public restroom in downtown Newark? Is dirty a tasty martini with olive brine added instead of vermouth? Is dirty having to replace your red rubber ball gag due to excessive teeth mark induced disintegration? I don’t rightly know. One can only keep striving for the truth.
Dessert: What is the best example of “perfection” that you can think of?
I had to preempt the laugh of a child, Surfer Rosa and Saganaki for Vida Guerra’s hindquarters. Aristotle once said, “Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work”. Well WORK… Work it girl! OK – I’ve quoted a RuPaul song. That’s akin to saying “Candyman” three times in front of a mirror – but instead of getting murdered by a black ghost, you just go gay. Uncannily, the antidote just happens to be Vida’s tush. That was a close one.
Maybe He Really Does Think He’s Rick James.
And we were laughing our asses off the whole time…
“Comedian Dave Chappelle has checked himself into a mental health facility in South Africa and has remained there since late April, according to a source close to the situation. The same source denies rumors of drug abuse. Other sources have also told EW that the future of Chappelle’s Show — the hit Comedy Central series that was entering its third season — is more uncertain than the network has suggested.”
Get well, Dave. Here’s hoping Wayne Brady has to choke a bitch again, real soon.