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Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

The Kitten Had Two Faces.

by admin on March 16, 2005
in

Deuce, the two faced kitten who was born last week in Florida, has died. And I don’t mean she was prone to back-stabbing or gossip – “Pepper left a huge turd in the litterbox last week and didn’t bury it. But don’t tell Snowball you heard that from me.” No, I mean the baby cat literally had four eyes and two noses. All of her internal organs were intact, and the local vet fully expected Deuce to live, but she’s gone to that big scratching post in the sky and nobody knows exactly why.

The kitten was nursing from it’s mother teats with the left mouth, but would occasionally try and get the right one open. So it sounds to me like the poor little bugger might have had two brains to boot. She was due for an MRI next week, but unfortunately we’ll never know what was happening in her little furry head. Godspeed, Deuce, and I hope you and Bubba have lots to talk about.

“Then this one time, Muffin sprayed all over the living room couch and I was the one who caught the spray-bottle beat-down. I swear to God, if she takes my window spot near the birdfeeder one more time – it’s fucking on.”

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The Proof Is In The Server Logs.

by admin on March 15, 2005
in Pye in the Face

An important part of my real job involves analyzing client server logs in order to find out exactly who has been visiting a website, why and from where. It’s easy to examine URLs and search strings to determine what people were typing into Google, Yahoo, MSN, etc. when they accidentally stumbled across your site. Here are some of my recent favorite queries which led folks to find Pye In The Face. Those poor, unsuspecting bastards.

  • garth brooks french whore
  • black wolf the dragon master
  • amanda beard doing it
  • girl tea bagged
  • traci lords facial
  • hottie gotti
  • prisoners in australia ‘milking’ redback spiders
  • paris hilton genetalia photo
  • go home and get your fucking shine box
  • ebony coochie gallery
  • grooveasaurus

Kinda almost makes me wanna re-evaluate just what it is I’m accomplishing on this site. If you want to see what context any of these phrases were used in on the site, either by myself or within user comments, copy and paste them into the search bar on your left. Then, might I suggest a shower?

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How A Blog Is Like A Puppy.

by admin on March 14, 2005
in Pye in the Face

Well that’s just super. Friendster has started hosting free blogs just like Google does on blogger.com. Thousands more useless wastes of webspace have just been encouraged and will be started up, written in thrice and then abandoned for all time. The blog scrapheap is growing alarmingly tall. It’s tough to keep one afloat, even if you are capable of stringing a few sentences together. Many times when I click through to check out a blog that catches my eye, I find it hasn’t been written in for weeks or even months. The graveyard is chock full o’ bones, buddies.

Starting a blog is kinda like adopting a puppy – you have to know what you’re getting into before making the commitment. Don’t get a puppy if you live in a small apartment in the city and are home less than six hours a day. Likewise, don’t start a blog if you watch the Daily Show instead of network news or have more than one Anne Hathaway DVD in your personal collection. I’d really like to see the next 16 year old girl who starts a blog about Hillary Duff and then abandons it after a week forced to crap on a newspaper whilst being beaten with a rolled up newspaper. On DVD.

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Revel In My PS Prowess: Cuban Boat Revelry.

by admin on March 14, 2005
in

About 6 months or so ago, I was invited to a Cuban-themed party by a few friends at some swanky Boston club I wouldn’t have patronized if they had free Golden Tee. I looked the event up online and it quickly became apparent that the reason my friends wanted to hit this bash was that as part of a promotion they were giving away copious amounts of Cuban rum. And the mystery was solved.

After I declined, and then received several emails accusing me of being an unadventurous, boring bar snob, I whipped up this photo in retaliation. It depicts Bobby and Monster enjoying a day out with some Cuban boat refugees. Julian from Trailer Park Boys said it best when asked once how he was going to get a party together quickly : “Easy. Free Liquor“. Truer words were never spoken. But I revile trendy bars and it was a Tuesday night. If that makes me a bar snob, I’m content to sip Cuba Libres solo at the Applebee’s on route 9.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Pogue Mahone, Joan.

by admin on March 11, 2005
in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: Where do you go when you want to relax?
Nowadays, my apartment. But there have been two times in my life where I’ve had party-tastic roomates who nearly drove me insane. The first was five years ago up on Hanover Street, and the second was just recently. But my latest malevolence has moved on to Southie, and my apartment is back to being it’s inner-sanctum-self. Having to worry about when and if you’re going to be able to sleep, and who you’re going to find on your couch when you get home at night, is like being cut off at the knees. A man’s home is his castle! Or at least a modest serfdom.

Soup: Tell about something that made you laugh this week.
An Anglophile is defined as “An admirer of England and things English”. In terms of the suffix “phile” it’s among the more favorable classifications out there, Michael Jackson. So I was thrilled 6 months ago when I discovered this site. I’ve been downloading English television shows like it’s my job and I can’t get enough. I’ve watched all 5 seasons of Most Haunted, most of the Big Brothers and my latest fascination is Brat Camp. What happens is, truly awful little English teenage bastards are sent by their exasperated parents to a special camp in the wilds of Utah. They go from living in their ‘posh’ houses and screaming in their mother’s faces, to being up to their waists in snow and at the mercy of a group of ex-Marines and cowboys. It’s hilarious to watch these spoiled bastards get whipped into civility, but the show has a lot of heart, too. Hopefully they’ll port it to BBC America.

Salad: What is your favorite texture?
The last time I went around touching things for a lark, I wound up using cigarettes as currency for about six months. I’d love to say “lush velvet”, but the term “cotton thong” just keeps fighting it’s way to the surface.

Main Course: You’re publishing your autobiography. What’s the first sentence?
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, now is the winter I get hooked on Creme De Menthe.” Or how about “I am a sick man … I am a spiteful man… are you gonna eat that?” Maybe “Call me Ishmael. But my friends call me Joan”. All written entirely in purple crayon.

Dessert: Do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? If so, how?
I’ve worked the door at Tiernans the last 5 years, but told them I was through when they asked me to do it again next week. Now you’re wondering – what am I going to do with my first free St. Patrick’s day in half a decade? Why, go to Tiernans, of course. As a civilian. And Sunday I’m headed to Emily’s for a gathering in the morning before hitting the Southie Parade. A very happy pogue mahone to us all!

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