Pop Culture Blog: Music, Movie and Humor

Leveraging low-hanging synergies outside the vertical fruit box since 1999.

How Not To Get Picked For American Idol.


in Television

I got an excited instant message from my sister last night, commanding me to Tivo American Idol. I immediately remembered why – her and her roomate, Aaron, went down to Washington over the summer so he could audition for the show. Those tapings were edited together into the beyond amusing 2 hour episode which was broadcast on Fox last night.

Aaron is a member of the Boston-based acapella group, Ball in the House, and I’ve seen them perform 4 or 5 times. They’re all really talented – especially Aaron. So when he was cut after surviving the first three eliminations we were all surprised. But after watching the show for the first time last night, it quickly became apparent why he wasn’t chosen. It’s less about talent, and more about your story, your appearence and how you’ll compliment the overall dynamic of the final group that is chosen.

In addition, based on photographs I got from Fox’s website last night, I’ve outlined a few more ways in which to increase your chances of getting chosen to go on to the final round:

First of all, don’t tempt fate. If you tell Simon and Randy that you borrowed bus fare to get to Washington, haven’t eaten in four days all the while smelling like fromunda cheese – they’re probably not going to want to spend much additional time near you, regardless of your talent. Also, don’t fashion kooky clothing in an attempt to better your odds: “Lady in the green t-shirt… I’m guessing… bust.” Some of the contestants get really mad after they’re dismissed and start hurling insults at Simon Cowell. There’s nothing wrong with that – it’s the reason most people watch the show. Listen up, guy on the upper right: if you want to get into a room with him in the first place, maybe don’t resemble Bernard Goetz so much next time.

Speaking of resemblences, a lot of the contestants dressed to resemble their favorite pop stars. There were Britneys, Alishas, Beyonces – I think I even spotted a Stefani or two. But making yourself up to look like your very bestest chanteuse, and then dressing like them to boot, is not a good way to express your individuality or uniqueness. No, that’s actually called ‘Halloween‘. Also, make sure that if you are going to attempt the impersonation strategy, your choice isn’t the principal from the Smokin’ In The Boys Room video.

Those were the major lessons I took away from last night’s installment. A few other quick notes: tell the screeners that you do have a day pass from your respective mental institution – even if you don’t. Be gay. If you have a lovely voice, put on a few pounds – say 400 – just to make it fair for everybody else. Wear your trailer park’s commemorative t-shirt – I heard Paula Abdul grew up in one. And above all else – never, ever, bathe prior to your big day. Good luck to us all.

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Lock Up Your Daughters, Tater Tots.


in

I don’t know who these cats are, I don’t know where one would aquire that many death-defyingly awful sweaters, I don’t know which Lord of the Rings DVD release they’ve convened to celebrate. Now I know what you’re thinking (Wow, I sounded like Magnum there): “Dave, People who live in glass houses…” – I mean, I did spend the majority of the weekend building websites, afterall. But this photo is absolutely breathtaking.

I have to get to work. I’ll beef this up later with more hypocritical nerd-bashing.

(Time Passes)

It was a long walk to the office during which I came up with a few possible explanations for this photograph. I’ll write them down quickly while my 174 long-weekend emails download. Please feel free to contribute some of your own:

1.) “Yeah we were totally playing. But then Erwald rolled a +6 for invisibility and now we have to pretend we can’t see him.”

2.) A press junket photo from the sequel to Capturing The Friedmans. Capturing The Friedmans II: Let’s stop pretending we come over here for Commodore Pet lessons and start the circle-jerk.

3.) Early auditions for the role of Kip were postponed due to a lack of nacho cheese and steak.

4.) Louis Skolnick‘s bachelor party was a bit shit until repeated cart-slot-blowing got the Nintendo back online.

5.) The motion is on the table and let’s put it to a vote: Those in favor of changing our name to the “All New Wil Wheaton Fan Club” raise your hands.

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New Addition: Leaving Comments Made Easier!


in Pye in the Face

In rare cases, insomnia can lead to surprising productivity. It’s nearly 6 in the morning and I’m still cranking. And cranky.

Let’s face it – one of blogging’s main charms is the ability people have to leave comments on your posts. A little community sprouts up and people can chat to one another or simply badmouth the original author (me). The problem I’ve been having is that until now it’s been quite a task to comment. You had to register with Blogger (Google), log in, provide a blood sample, etc.

As frustrated as ever with the limitations of the pedestrian ‘Blogger‘ software, I did yet another search for a suitable hack that would do the trick. And I finally found one! In a nutshell, you will no longer have to login to avoid leaving an anonymous comment. Just click through to the comments page for a particular article and fill in the form at the bottom. You can even preview your post or opt to have it remember your information. I am psyched – this is just what I’ve been searching for. Well done Ebenezer!

I need to make a few tweaks so it fits in better with my design, but it’s functional as of 10 minutes ago. So I hope that going forward even more of you will comment here on Pye In The Face. I’ve made it ridiculously easy, and you now have no excuse. Unless, of course, you have a life.

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Pye In The Face’s Greatest Hits. And Drunk Broads.


in Pye in the Face

I wouldn’t be able to sleep right now if I paid someone to come by and hit me in the head with a snow shovel. Although I’m sure there’s a few people on this planet who would do it for free. So I’ve made yet another tweak to the blog. A “Classics” section, on the sidebar to the lower left, which I’ll update once a month or so. Think of it as a “best of” area where I’ll post stuff I think deserves a second look. Articles can get buried in the archives rather quickly. Some deserve it – some don’t.

In addition to my blogging nerdery I did do some socializing over the weekend. Friday I hung out with my friend Sarah for the first time in over a year. We had a great time leaning against the wall beside the SideBar’s jukebox and exchanging gossip about former co-workers. But I was dismayed to discover that the Tragically Hip song has disappeared. From the jukebox, that is. I don’t think Gord Downie has ever worked at TechTarget. But thank God the nine Jay-Z albums have remained intact.

Then Saturday night I ran into Christina whom I went to high school with. We talked for a couple hours and brutally judged the lives of our many mutual friends. She showed me a picture of her adorable baby son and I wondered for the eighteenth time this week if it’s not time to stop pretending I’m 22. Then I got back to my apartment to find it full of drunk, 22 year old girls – and decided I’ll put off the maturity thing just a bit longer.

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Accidental Video Game Porn.


in

Well blow me down and stroke my pixels. Since it’s a holiday today and most of us aren’t working, here’s a nice little time waster to giggle at and then possibly masturbate to. The Accidental Video Game Porn Archive is a delightful tribute to the famous (Ring King blowjob, Moonwalker pedophelia etc.) and not-so-famous gamery embarassments of the last 20 years.

So click on through and enjoy the collection. I’ll be sitting here trying to figure out who in their right minds has the time to put something like this together – and also why I’m so aroused.

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