
“Mom? I wish you could just shut your big YAPPER!”

“Mom? I wish you could just shut your big YAPPER!”
I have been aggressively trying to keep the site up to date (Wadio, Quizzlets, etc.) but to say it has been a difficult week would be the understatement of the year. I do, however, have a treat for you today. One of my very best friends, and Concord boy, Mike M. is debating Gore Vidal on BBC radio at 1 p.m. today. Click here to listen to the broadcast online – and good luck buddy!
After 10 years of living in the North End, small town vignettes are not something I’m particularly accustomed with. That is probably why they stick out to me like sore thumbs. I drove in to Portland today for two purposes – to send a package at the post office and pick up some groceries. I decided to hit the post office first and walked into the foyer to discover they were closed. Yesterday was Remembrance Day so I knew it wasn’t a holiday-related closure. And the hours clearly read 8-5 so I was perplexed. There were two old men in the foyer opening their respective mailboxes and one of them finally muttered “something… something… 1:30“. I nodded like I’d actually understood what he’d said and walked back to my car.
After putting the items to be shipped back in the Charga I walked over to the little Grocery store on the main drag. A nice lady greeted me and I quickly asked her if there was any reason the Post Office was closed. Without missing a beat she replied “Mike’s on his lunch break until 1:30“. As I only had 15 minutes to wait I did my shopping and by the time I had put my groceries in the car I could see Mike, whom I’d never met before, puttering around with the post through the front window. I walked in, selected a big padded envelope and wrote out the destination and return addresses. I handed it over to Mike who glanced at it and asked “Did your parents get off to Florida like they’d planned?” I was shocked as I live a good 10 minute drive away… in the woods. But that’s small town life for you, and it’s growing on me.
I can’t help but wonder who I’d be speaking to if I ever had to call 911. The O.P.P. polices towns like mine which are too small to warrant their own forces and the closest station I know about is 15 minutes away in Smiths Falls. Would Gomer Pyle be the responding officer who arrived half an hour after my cat and I had already been hacked into a dozen pieces by an escaped lunatic? What if my imaginary girlfriend’s period attracts bears? I think Pumpkinhead may also be buried in the mound which makes up a good chunk of my mother’s garden. Good heavens, I need me a 12 gauge if I’m ever going to build that still.

On the eve of Lakshmi’s 27-hour surgery to remove her 4 extra limbs, Indian officials intervened in the hopes of her becoming the country’s first handball champion.
Earlier this year I took my cat, Boss, to the vet to be tested for diabetes. The reason? His incessant fascination with, and imbibement of, water. He’s always been fascinated with the stuff – when he was a kitten at our house in Guelph he’d charge into the bathroom whenever anyone got out of the shower and sit in the tub watching the faucet drip. We nicknamed him “the inspector” and chalked it up to that old kitty curiosity.
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Qd0lZIIn3A[/youtube]
Now that he’s 10 years old, 27 trips to the water dish, faucet, shower or sink a day is a little unsettling. Hence the visit to the vet. His bloodwork came back completely normal and I was told he is exceptionally healthy for a creature of his age. I suppose then that his water OCD is just that – the same fixation he’s had since his inception. In which case, it’s kind of cute. I made this video last Sunday, edited the clips together and set it to a classic Tom Jones tune. It turned out remarkably cute and funny, so have a gander.
