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Sneezes Of The Cats.


in Animalistic

I took Boss to the vet last Thursday to update his papers for a smooth border crossing at the end of the month. He got a rabies shot in the haunch, and some pink distemper liquid right up his snout. He shook it off pretty quickly and that was the end of it. The vet said he’d probably sneeze a bit for the rest of the day, but he didn’t. I figured that was the end of it.

He’s been sneezing non stop since Monday night. At first it was funny. He’d look off into space as the sneeze came on, open his mouth a little bit and then snap his head forward with a loud “PPHHFFFFT!” But the novelty has passed, and I’m getting worried. I have narrowed it down to two possible causes:

1. He is reacting to the fact we’ve started opening our windows. Something that is floating in on the wind is getting to him. Pollen? The new daschund puppy who moved in across the way? I don’t know.

2. He is a reincarnation of one of the many women who have Heismanned me over the years, and is now claiming she can’t visit anymore because she’s allergic to… herself.

Oh come on, Boss. If it makes you so uncomfortable that I keep the pattern for a human skin suit tacked to my bedroom wall, then just say so. Don’t use the goddamn cat hair excuse again.

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Fine Then. I Won’t Paint The Yellow Easter Egg.


in

Smack dab in the middle of some tactical reverse psychology on a six-year-old yesterday, I was reminded of a poem I loved when I too was a wee’un. It’s by Dennis Lee, and I swear I still knew almost all of it – even 25 years later.

When they bring me a plate
Full of stuff that I hate
Like spinach and turnips and guck.
I sit very straight
and I look at the plate
and I quietly say to it: “Yuck!”

Little kids bawl,
cause I used to be small
and throw it all over the tray.
But now I am three
and much more like me
so I “Yuck!” ’til they take it away.

But sometimes my Dad
gets terrifically mad
and he says, “Don’t you drink from that cup!”
But he can’t say it right,
cause he’s not very bright.
So I trick him and drink it all up.

Then he gets up and roars
and he stomps on the floor
and he hollers, “I warn you, don’t eat!”
He counts up to ten
and I trick him again,
and I practically finish my meat.

Then I start on the guck,
and my Daddy goes, “Yuck!”
and scrunches his eyes ’til they hurt.
So I shovel it in
and he grins a big grin
and then we all have dessert!

Granted, she ‘accidentally ‘dropped and smashed it shortly after I was finished my masterpiece. So the joke may have been on me. Happy Easter, regardless!

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Top 10 Ways to Save the NHL


in , Sporty

Killer wrote a great article over on GoonBlog today. If you’re fed up with the new NHL rules, migrate over and have a gander. It’s insightful and hilarious. Here’s a wee taste:

1. Eliminate the Instigator rule: The players hate it, the fans hate it and it just plain does not make sense. Let the men police themselves. If two willing combatants have an issue with each other they can settle things the right way; one-on-one! If some wing ding wants to fly around the ice taking liberties, he will quickly be approached and dealt with accordingly. Paul Mara had two Instigator penalties this season… yeah you read that correctly – Paul Fuckin’ Mara! During one of his final games with the B’s before being traded to the Rangers, he was about to get into a scrap when the ref reminded him he had 2 and one more would get him suspended. The puss bag who he wanted to go with kept goading him fully knowing Paul couldn’t do anything.

2. Suspend hit from behind offenders: There has been WAY too many of these infractions this past season. Forget giving them a 2 minute penalty, toss their ass out of the game and suspend them. I know there will be a gray area and all that but getting blasted from behind is just about the worst thing – unless of course you are My Better Half who seems to enjoy it.

Wow. Read the full post here.

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Wednesday Wadio: Charles Has A Licking Problem.


in Wednesday Wadio

I have been laughing at this video all day. It also just so happens to have an original song as the soundtrack – so technically it can pass for Wadio this week. It’s only a minute long. It’s also wicked feckin’ retaaarded.

I feel for Charles’ owner, because Boss also has a severe licking problem. I wish I didn’t taste like salt. But I don’t know what Charles’ deal is. His hypothalamus? At any rate, put the damn thing out of its misery. Extra points if this isn’t stuck in your head all damn day.

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Trailer Park Boys: Season Fucking 7.


in Television

While most of us are running around filled with glee at the imminent start of the Sopranos’ final 6 episodes, let us not forget that April also marks the start of a new season in Sunnyvale. Season 7 begins with “I Fuckin’ Miss Corey and Trevor” and premieres this Sunday night at 9pm:



“The Trailer Park Boys are back for their 7th season. Cross border dope smuggling, model train hobbyists and Sebastian Bach, ex-frontman of Skid Row collide in these 10 hilarious new episodes.“

It sounds like the boys will have a few run-ins with Americans in this new foray. After a little digging, I found some spoilers. They boys will be selling meat in the LC parking lot to make money. Lahey switches from Liquor to dope. Apparently there’s several new animals in the park, including Sheryl the Crow and some raccoons. Ricky discussing the new influx of critters: “… but I got fuckin’ insects now coming to my trailer, frogs and fuckin these things that look like cats but they got this long beaky nose things , they’re all attracted to my dope …“

As for #7 supposedly being the Sunnyvale’s last hurrah, Rob Wells (Ricky) recently said: “It’s still up in the air,” he said. “We’d love to keep going. A couple of people are a little tired and burnt out and need a break.” It’s no secret who Wells is referring too. Corey and Trevor are apparently completely absent from this series because the actors who play them didn’t want to participate. Which I’m sure they’ll regret in a few years when they’re both living off bar appearances. “We’re definitely up for keeping going, if everyone else is.” In the new series it’s apparently reported that Corey and Trevor have been committed to a mental institution because of all the abuse at the hands of Ricky and Julian over the years.

If you live in Canada, you can watch the entire first episode as of yesterday on Showcase’s website. If you live in the states, like me, it’s blocked. Bugger. But never fear my Yank friends, about an hour after the show airs on Sunday it will be available for download via a torrent right here. If you can’t wait, here’s a poor quality torrent rip of the webstream that is blocked in the USA. Now frig off.

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