The TV signal on my bedroom/office desktop is stuck on one channel. And this channel is A&E. Since I began working from home a month and a half ago, I have become an authority on CSI: Miami, college boxes, Forensic Files, Crossing Jordan and a host of other depressing modern cop shows in syndication. And about every 20 seconds there’s an advertisement for the Sopranos, whom the network has just purchased. I have seen it so many times, I may never be able to watch the Sopranos again. But I can watch this:

I work well with music or television on in the background. It’s comforting. Like when you leave the radio on for your dog if you’re going to be out all day. It can also lead you to discover CSI Miami and the many hilarious fan-made YouTube edits. It’s a time-tested formula: David Caruso puts on his glasses, utters a one-liner worthy of a school play, the opening scream from “Won’t Get Fooled Again” punctuates the gravity of said one-liner and then leads into the opening sequence. It’s almost like the Pythagorean Theorum in terms of reliability. I want to make up my own Horatio Caine one-liner for fun. Play along if you’d like.

Detective: “It looks like Angela’s killer was good at covering their tracks, Horatio“.
Horatio: “Maybe, but Angela here… isn’t good (glasses on) … at NOT being dead.”
Roger Daltrey: “Yeeeeeeoooooooooow!“

The only reason I passed chemistry in high school is because Mr. Murray didn’t want to look at me for another year. That having been said, short of mixing up a glass of Tang, my lab skills and knowhow are extremely limited. But I made some magic happen last night.

Admittedly, I was a little remiss in my cat box cleaning duties this past week. I tore out Boss’ corner – swept, mopped and then disassembled his covered litter box. After dumping out the good stuff, there was a large clump of wet mud near the bottom I had to break apart with a scraper I keep handy for just this purpose. Just call me Mr. Boston construction. I got most of it out, but the stench of ammonia was unusually bad. Dave Pye the Science Guy decided it would be a good idea to dump a few capfulls of straight bleach into the mix.

I knew right away that there was something special taking place. The bottom of the box started to hiss and fizzle straight away. I think I may have giggled – until the vapors hit my nose. By the time I realized I needed to get the hell out of the area, I’d inhaled a good quantity of a vapor I can only describe as overpowering. I opened my replacement windows but the strong, medicinal smell hung in the area for about an hour. I can still feel a little burn in my lungs as I type.

Eventually the smoke cleared, and I was able to rinse everything and put it back together. Boss’ poops and peeps palace potential are squared away. I wonder what I created for that brief moment. Perhaps I may have inadvertently cured cancer, or immunized myself forever from the common cold. But I’m probably just a lazy retard who should take better care of his cat.