“You do realize that when I said I’d happily eat seafood out of the gulf I was only referring to that one untouched patch over there, yes?”
Veekend Video: Boston Terriers CAN Swim
One of the advantages of living on a lake, I mean besides the simplicity of body disposal, is the ability to introduce your household pets to water at an early age. I’m not saying I’ve encouraged 3-yr-olds to try and pitch Golden Retrievers into the drink unattended. I learned that lesson a long time ago. I’m saying when the animals are young you get make sure they grow up to love the water and learn how to swim. Which is what Janet and I did with Rhuby and Shep. So here’s a cute video of them from Canada Day weekend doing just that.
The BT breed is not known for their aquatic prowess, so we’re quite pleased that they’ve ended up as hairy little Phelpses. One of these days though, as you can see, Shep is quite liable to paddle away and discover Atlantis. Or sink like a stone and drown. I’ll be keeping an eye on him. Hope you enjoyed.
In Praise of Predators
Reactions to this movie have definitely been mixed. I’ve read as many glowing reviews as I have negative. Personally I was very happy with Predators and especially enjoyed the many subtle ways in which it paid homage to the 1987 original. Truth be told, sometimes the nods were about as subtle as “Ol’ Painless” – but I’ll try to cover as many of them as I noticed rather than write yet another opinion piece.
Before I get into the list, which I’m having real trouble naming (“Predator vs. Predators”? “Nods to Predator within Predators”? “I am a Sad Bastard who Needs More Sunlight”? , I feel I should mention how and why this movie got made – and who was the driving force behind it.
Robert Rodriguez, of El Mariachi and Grindhouse fame, is a huge fan of the first instalment and rumor has it was working on his own script for a sequel as early as 1992. He never lost his zeal for the franchise and although he didn’t direct Predators, he produced it and I’ve read that many, many elements of his original idea for the sequel remain intact.
“Guys, you seem to have me at a loss here. Anyone seen The Pianist?
Nods to Predator within Predators
- The jungle setting: Obviously. It’s an alien jungle with some pretty freaky fauna but thick and dense all the same. You’ll notice many shots (light tricking down in streams, people scuttling off leaf-covered dirt hills, etc.) pulled directly from the first movie.
- The firepower: It ain’t “Ol’ Painless”, and Nikolai ain’t Blaine, but the Russian mercenary has his very own strap-on minigun. “I ain’t got time to bleed.” “Do you have time to sample some of my nana’s borscht?” Also, the tiny twin machine guns carried by Danny Trejo’s character, Chuchillo, are almost identical to the one Dillon was rocking when his arm was sliced off in Predator. I saw Happy Gilmore again recently – what is it with Carl Weathers and losing limbs to creatures with scales?
- The stand-offish, yawnsville, Latina pseudo-love interest: I’ll always think of her as “the chick from City of God”, but Alice Braga is a passable replacement for Anna – and is a much better shot. Incidentally, her character’s name in I am Legend was… Anna. Fate, perhaps.
- The waterfall: In the original, Arnold goes over a massive, beautiful waterfall while trying to outrun the monster. In Predators, everyone goes flying off of one. Even though it’s now done with CGI as opposed to an actual stuntman – the camera follows them over and it looks really cool.
- The mud: Just like Dutch did, Royce (Adrien Brody) covers himself in mud to foil the Predator’s heat-seeking visor. This isn’t an accident. Instead it’s the most direct tip-of-the hat to the first film you’ll see – but divulging more and that point would definitely cross over into spoiler territory.
- The booby traps: The lethal creations made out of wood, vines, massive stumps and sharpened sticks are a lot more elaborate this time. They’re almost all cobbled together by the self-described “one who got away”, Noland, played to absolute batshit crazy perfection by Lawrence Fishburne. The last time Larry was in a jungle this thick he was helping guide Martin Sheen down a Vietnamese river to kill Marlon Brando.
- The showdown with a sword: In Predator, Billy strips down, pulls out a giant machete and dares the alien to throw down Indian-style to help the others escape. In Predators the blade of choice is a Samurai katana wielded by Yakuza enforcer Hanzo – to a slightly better result then poor William.
- Intergalactic taunting: “I’m here! Kill me I’m here!” sounds a little better with an Austrian accent, but Brody too belittles the beast to lure it into a pungee trap, or something.
- Celebrity Impressions: The first Predator loved to impersonate Sonny Langston’s booming laugh and him saying “over here”. Our new friends do exactly the same thing but seem to have now mastered the dulcet tones of Trejo. See the video below for the great scene I’m referencing before YouTube makes someone take it down. Fuck a trailer.
It’s been a week now since I saw the movie and I also have to get back to my real job. What have I forgotten about? What have I missed? Please let me know in the comments and I’ll gladly update the list.
All of these little tributes to the source material may leave you wondering, homage is toomage? (I was conflicted as to whether or not I should make that joke, but I finally decided to pull the minigun trigger. No regrets). I think most fans, however, will relish them as Rodriguez obviously does.
Suddenly, a foxhole in Chechnya seemed a lot more appealing
You may ask yourself, where does 1990’s Predator 2 fit in to all of this? I didn’t hate it, but I’m not sure it will ever fit comfortable into the timeline. It featured 2 more big action stars of the era – Danny Glover and Gary Busey – and was a big budget, big city shoot-em-up where our alien friends descended on an urban environment (just another jungle, wink) to vivisect as many Rastafarian drug lords as they could get their three-pronged fist knife thingys through. It could have very well been called “Lethal Point Predator Break Weapon” and I’ll always remember it for being sampled heavily on Ice Cube’s album from a year or so later entitled, you guessed it, “The Predator”.
“Who is that?”
”Last person in the world you wanna fuck with.”
I wonder how many copies of that record Adam Baldwin bought back in the day? He probably had a trunk full of CDs to give away to his buddies at parties. “I was sampled by Ice Cube, dudes!” Actually, upon closer IMDB inspection I now realize he was 30 when Predator 2 was made, where as I was 18. I’m obviously living out my own little sampled-by-Cube fantasy through him. So, what’s my excuse now that I’m 36 and writing this? Let’s wrap this up…
If you’re looking for a standard review you can see about a hundred of them over at Rotten Tomatoes which gives it an average rating of 63%. That doesn’t sound too impressive, but if you’re familiar with RT you’ll know that’s a pretty good showing. If you dug Dutch and the boys in the original as much as I did, and were as discouraged by the silly Alien vs. Predators afterbirth, you can’t go wrong here. So go on. Run. Get to the chopper. If only to take you to the theater.
Praising the Unthinkable
When considering all the embarrassing and damnable schlock that ends up on $10-per-head theater screens each and every last one of a given year’s 52 weeks (to the point parents end up having to take out payday loans on the web to keep their kids in Pixar flicks) I find it tragic when a film of merit ends up banished straight to DVD. The term itself is a condemnation. In the minds of, well, everyone, “Straight to DVD” is actually longhand for “crap”. I was reminded recently that this is not always the case.
It may instead be politics or lack of a studio’s faith in a film’s potential profitability that sees a quality flick cast into the sin bin. It’s big business, after all. I think in the case of 2010’s Unthinkable it was a combination of both. After weighing the options surrounding public political opinion, a million dollar marketing budget and the difficult subject matter – I can’t say the powers that be made a bad business decision. So many will miss this smart, extremely well-written (save for some obligatory explication-type military dialogue), well-acted, gory and thrilling… thriller. Perhaps I can remedy that for a few of you. And if you’re not yet convinced – Superman’s in it too!
We need a synopsis here, but I’ll keep it quick and spoiler-free. Watch the trailer above for more of the the major bulletpoints. An Iowa-born American, ex-military, sends out a video claiming he’s placed nuclear bombs in three major cities set to go off in three days. All the agencies spring into action and converge on a high school gym where Younger a.k.a. “Yousef” is being held and interrogated. Samuel L. Jackson, Carrie Ann Moss and Michael Sheen earn their paychecks. A mysterious professional fingernail-puller, played convincingly by Mr. Jackson, is added to the mix and everyone begins to butt heads. Here’s an example of an exchange which I’m blatantly inventing – but it’s still pretty accurate:
“Don’t torture him! It’s bad. Take the bag off his head, Mr. Abu Ghraib. We’re human beings and Americans. We’re above this barbaric, medieval practice. What’s next – black plague and a jousting tournament?”
“Actually, there’s going to be about 10 million less Americans able to stand around, patting themselves on the back like you’re doing right now if we don’t get this traitorous, bearded whackadoo to tell us where the 3 bombs are in the next 72 hours. So there’s that, Garafalo.”
And… scene. That dynamic is the crux of what I love about this movie. The peacenik FBI agent is horrified that any kind of interrogation is happening, let alone the creative style that Jackson’s “H” brings to the gymnasium. But we also see H as a family man, loving father and generally likeable guy who honestly believes he is doing his duty for God and country. So who is right and who is wrong? To what ends is it reasonable to travel to save lives before we lower ourselves to the level of a terrorist. And is it appropriate for one gym full of people to get to decide for 10 million oblivious citizens who are also one step away from becoming radioactive dust?
The great vengeance and furious anger of Uncle Sam
I mentioned the quality of the writing before and Peter Woodward (son of Edward “The Equalizer”) has crafted a story which bucks the political drivel we’re used to being spoonfed by Hollywood and will cause you to have to think hard about how much is too much. Alternately, if you enjoy being spoonfed might I suggest Matt Damon in Green Zone which deserves to have a sin bin all to itself – which is then steam rolled like a pile of post-Pope picture tearing Sinead O’Connor DVDs. And then doused in kerosene. And then set ablaze. With Matt Damon strapped down, also inside of the bin. So yeah, really fucking hated Green Zone.
I implore you to seek the Unthinkable
James Bulger Likes This
Look at the “captcha” message that popped up (as usual) when I tried to paste a web address into a Facebook chat window this morning:
Are Zuckerman and Facebook trying to help the FBI find Whitey? The answer is: “of course not, stupid.” The FBI, however, is definitely still looking for him. I decided to update myself on the hunt for the rapidly-aging fugitive with a few web searches. So, Wikipedia, basically.
- James J. Bulger is currently on the FBI Ten Most Wanted list. A reward of US $2 million is being offered for information leading to his capture.
- Bulger has been featured on the television show America’s Most Wanted 14 times, first in 1995 and last on July 26, 2008.
- The last confirmed sighting of Bulger was in London in 2002. Since then, however, there have been unconfirmed sightings elsewhere.
- FBI agents were sent to Uruguay to investigate a lead. FBI agents were also sent to stake out the 60th memorial of the Battle of Normandy celebrations, as Bulger is an enthusiastic fan of military history.
If James J. is not apprehended before his demise I doubt the body would ever be identified unless Catherine Grieg turns it in. And a clever move like that would see her in Interpol’s custody about five minutes later. They’re obviously well-hidden overseas (or South America in true Boys from Brazil style) using aliases. He may just drift away into the ether and maintain his odd, Robin Hood-esque place in Southie lore forever. The Bureau obviously has a lot of pride riding on this case, due to the whole Connolly angle, so they’d better get their best bloodhounds out before Whitey crosses the finish line and ends up departed, permanently.