My favorite day of the week is always over in the blink of an eye, and I never accomplish everything I set out to. It’s already nearly four, and by my scientific calculations I’ve accomplished 2 loads of laundry, some kitchen cleaning or as they’d say around the lab – the square root of fuck all. Alright, so I made my bed too. Dr. Covey, I await my mention in the foreward of your next edition.

The best laid plans and the best of intentions do not a productive Saturday make. I’ve looked forward to my Taz-esque whirlwind of task-ticking all week, and yet I still found the time today to play Scarface for three hours. But there’s plenty of time left, and I’ve learned how to sell virtual cocaine with the best of them. Not like it’s going to get dark in an hour. Oh, actually yes it will.

It’s true that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. But unfortunately it’s also true that if you make a great plan that doen’t mean you won’t eat three dill pickles and drink a pot of coffee while watching home video of your 24th birthday party. Get back in the game, Pye. There are toilets to scrub around here.

Most MySpace layouts are absolutely terrible, and most free MS sites are just advertisement farms waiting to impregnante your daughters with viruses and SpyWare. Again, this is a bad thing. My roomate, one of his co-workers and I have been working on a MySpace layout website, and we’ve just posted some of the free introductory designs for you to check out.

Tom and Ben did a wonderful job on this set of Borat themes, just in time for the movie’s release this weekend. They are cleanly designed with dynamic quotes, great original graphics and other fun components. Just paste any of the 9 codes into your MS profile’s “About Me” section and you’re done. Check back in a few weeks for more of their amazing free designs.

I’ve been very, very ill since Sunday, and it’s due in no small part to all the travel, sleep deprivation and revelry of last weekend. But about 1.5 days into my 3-day coma, I realized there was something larger at work than a simple bender. And that is – I am an extremely unhealthy individual. To give this some perspective, more for myself rather than my readers, here is a select and impromptu tally from the last month that led to my physical breakdown.

– On average, 2 pints of Ben and Jerry’s a week.
– 14 hours on the computer per day.
– Although I hadn’t had a drink prior in nearly 3 weeks, JV’s wedding saw 3 days of heavy imbibement including port, beer, scotch, homemade Welland basement wine, champagne and Tequila Rose.
– A Nicaraguan cigar.
– Coca-Cola. Lots of it. Whenever I go out and do not drink alcohol, which is quite frequent.
– Several times this last month I have purchased little bricks of Velveeta which have ended up melted on pizza pockets and mixed into Chef Boyardee ravioli. Give me a Fun Dip for dessert and yes, it’s 1978 again.
– Ambien – I can’t sleep on weeknights without at least a wee nibble. Regular sleep has been a challenge for me for many years. Spare me the story about the person who drove their car while asleep – it’s all I ever hear about when I mention the ‘A’ word. Besides, I woke up in a cornfield and no one was hurt.
– Cheetos. 2 bags in the last 4 weeks. In addition to the wonderful salty flavor, it’s also fun to run around the house looking like you just wanked with Eazy Cheez.
– Pizza, preferably pepperoni. Every thursday night and at least 4 slices. Currently, this constitues health food in my life.

It’s not so much what’s on the above list perhaps as what is glaringly absent. It’s a simple trinity:

– Fruit.
– Vegetables.
– Exercise.

We did the Pork Ass Challenge earlier this year to some good results. But that was just about dropping weight, and I opted for some really foolish methods of accomplishing that. This Saturday I’m hitting a real supermarket, starting to use my crisper for something other than rotten Haymarket apples and joining one of the nearby gyms. When I write it on the blog, it usually happens. I will scan the membership ID – see if I don’t.