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Search Results for: davepye

Great Minds Like To Quote Wall Street.


in Movies

A very good of mine is getting married this summer, and his engagement party is this Friday night at the Ritz here in Boston. He flew in from L.A. last night and called me as I was walking home from work. “You’re here!” I said when I answered the phone. “Yeah man. I’m just standing on Boston Common killing some time,” he replied. I started to laugh.

“Dude, I’m walking through Boston common right now. Where are you exactly?” Dougie quickly told me and I cut off of the sidewalk, over a grassy hill and spotted him right away. We were on opposite sides of a large patch of grass, just staring at eachother and pacing back and forth. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the scene at the end of Wall Street, where Bud and Gordon are doing the exact same thing in the middle of Central Park. Well, apparently Doug had the same idea, because he immediately broke into full Gecko mode:

“I took you in… a NOBODY. I opened the doors for you… showed you how the system works… the value of information… how to get it. Fulham oil, Brant resources, geodynamics and this is how you fucking pay me back you cockroach“.

My gut still hurts from all the laughing I did last night. Congratulations, big guy! We’re going to have so much fun Friday night it should be illegal. In fact, I’m almost certain it is illegal. Forget I said anything. (Dave whistles, walks away innocently looking into the sky, and… scene).

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Because You’re Mine, Ewok The Line.


in Movies

Revenge of the Sith opens today, and I felt a quick little furry nod was in order. The last time I thought the last-ever-Star-Wars-movie was opening, it was 1983 and my family was waiting to see Return of the Jedi in Ottawa, Ontario. My father bought a cute little Wicket the Ewok button for Janet, which some enterprising guy was selling to the people standing in line. He was selling buttons – not Janet. Just wanted to make that as clear as a Dagobah pond.

Now, 22 years later, I’m spending this holiest of days sweating through work like Jabba on a treadmill. Yet I’ll still find the time to make several bad Star Wars jokes, eh? View the entire Ewok PhotoShop contest here.

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All Jammed Up.


in

It’s an exciting and somewhat scary time at my place of work. We’re beyond busy – with a pipeline that’s fixin’ to burst. Needless to say, I’ve had little time this week to write entries at night. I usually scribble or come up with an idea in the evening, and then post it or quickly write it up the next day. I try to blog about blogging as little as possible – so I hope you’ll bear with me today as I continue to try and keep my head above water here in “the mines”.

Then I have to cut my work day short and run home to clean my apartment because my building is being appraised tomorrow. So I can likely add “apartment hunting” to the stress docket within the next few months. But I’ll cross that security deposit when I come to it. Still – inspiration may yet strike me today, and I could waste 15 minutes writing about fruitflies, midgets, Christopher Walken or a bicycle I had when I was five. Stay tuned.

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The Smirnoff Ice Is On The Other Foot.


in Heartwarming

Saturday night Art and I were walking down Salem Street when I was approached by a young lad of 14 I recognized as one of my little neighbor’s best buddies. “Excuse me sir, can I ask you a question?” Considering our proximity to Martignetti’s, I knew exactly what that question was going to be. “I don’t like the sounds of this, kid” I replied.

I looked down at the slick little bastard in the Jay-Z T-shirt and felt like I was looking at myself, 16 years ago. But it would have been a Public Enemy shirt. Then he popped the question – “Can you get me a six-pack of Smirnoff Ice, please?” I looked down at him and broke into a smile.

I don’t know what struck me as more humorous – the fact he’d ordered such a girly beverage, or the fact that I actually considered buying it for him, if only for a second. If it somehow got back to her that I’d bought booze for one of her son’s friends there’d be a brick through my window faster than you can say, brick. “Listen, I know one of your buddy’s mothers – so I really can’t help you out.” I didn’t stich my little neighbor up and actually use his name, but apparently Jay-Z took my word for it. He said that was “cool” and then retreated to a side street like greased lightning.

Had you told me I’d shut a kid down in that sort of situation today – back when I was 14 – I’d have told you you were crazy. That I’d never be such a buzz-ripping stiff. Then again, I would have also told you that “Rebel Without A Pause” was the greatest song ever recorded.

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Happy Slapping Amongst Cheeky Monkeys.


in

There’s a new craze amongst teenagers in England which is apparently influenced by American Shows like Jackass, Viva La Bam, etc. “Happy Slapping” has become all the rage amongst British yutes, and it’s a lot more sinister than it sounds. Here’s what a male 16 year old “slapper” (I have to make the sex distinction to avoid confusion with another popular definition of that word) had to say in defense of his new found hobby:

“Even though it might be quite painful (for the victim) and you obviously feel quite sorry for them because they’re injured or hurt or whatever and they’ve done nothing to deserve it, it’s still funny because it’s like seeing the sketch on TV.” Wicked funny, Niles.

What these little bastards do is akin to what we call swarming here in North America. A group of kids run up on, surround and then slap the shit out of unsuspecting bystanders – while one or two others record the assault on their camera phones. If that weren’t bad enough, some of the lower-level bottomfeeding British cable channels then compile these beatings into hour-long television shows. A concerned English blogger compiled some particularly violent excerpts. “I dug up quite a bit and hacked them together into a streaming media file. It’s not for the squeemish, these kids are clearly criminals“.

Jackass was all about a group of lifelong friends playing pranks on or subsequently beating the everloving Christ out of eachother – not ‘jumping in‘ random strangers on the street. It was their cameraderie which made the show so much fun to watch. Happy Slapping is frigging twisted – violent attacks can scar people for years – I know. I sincerely hope that the Old Bill puts the kaibosh on this ridiculous practice like yesterday. Please mark this moment on your calendars as the first time I officially rolled my eyes and muttered: “Kids today”.

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Monday’s Quotelet: Anchors Aweigh!


in

Thanks to everyone who came to the Cinco De Cinco party on Saturday night. Apparently, there were actually several of you whom I did not get around to making out with, but I promise you’ll be on the top of the list for next time. I feel so dirty. Not really. Anyhew (selected) photos will be forthcoming, and let’s just wash ourselves with de-lousing powder and move on to the quotelet, shall we?


“My boobs get all biggish, when I eats me spinach. I’m Kelly the sailor whoore.”
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Friday’s Quizzlet: Unicycle of Violence.


in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: Name a restaurant you no longer visit because of a bad experience.
I really don’t have one. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to tick me off to that extent. I like food, food likes me. As long as no one gets in-between, things should go quite smoothly/non-violent. I worked in the service industry for many years and I think that usually heightens your patience. And drinking problem.

Soup: If you could own any building in existence, which one would you want?
I would like to do just that. Own any building in existence. I currently own none, so I’m not picky. A double-wide trailer, an adobe hut, a haunted bungalow where a triple murder was committed – anything is an improvement over zip, nada and zilch.

Salad: What’s your favorite commercial these days?
Thanks to Tivo, I don’t have to watch commercials anymore. Again, I have no good answer for you, quizzlet. If you haven’t already, make sure you check out this one, though.

Main Course: When did you last feel guilty about spending money?
I was recently paid $1,000 in a lump sum and had to spend all of it on bills to avoid a credit blemish. That hurt. A fresh gino in the bank account and it goes right out the door for charges you’ve already accrued. Bummer. And I had a unicycle on the brain, too.

Dessert: What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie and why?
Definitely Raiders of the Lost Ark. If you have to ask why, you’re either a moron or a Nazi.

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Happy Birthday Janet!


in Heartwarming

It’s my little sister’s birthday today! I love her very much – even when she pulls shit like this. So please wish her a bad-ass birthday in the comments and join us tonight at Silvertone if you’re so inclined. Back to the scene of the storm.

May 6th has been a tragic date throughout human history – so it’s probably no accident that Janet chose to emerge 29 years ago today. Let’s look at the facts:

– On May 6, 1937 the hydrogen-filled German dirigible “Hindenburg” burned and crashed in Lakehurst, N.J., killing 35 of the 97 people on board.
– In 1942 some 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on Corregidor surrendered to the Japanese.
– In 1996, the body of former CIA director William E. Colby was found washed up on a riverbank in southern Maryland, eight days after he’d disappeared.
– George Clooney and Tony Blair were also born today.

So we can all take some solace in the fact that she was inevitable. Have a great one, sis, and I hope we get to do this for another 30 years.

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Monkey Brains, Cow Pee – Now We Can Eat!


in Consumables

Monday night I was watching Dennis Miller Live and he told a joke that just set me to giggling. The punchline went something like: “That guy has more intestinal fortitude than a Calcutta restaurant critic”. I guess you had to be there. But if you have a quick look at this article, I’m sure you’ll agree – source material for that sort of humor is as prevalent now as it was back in 1984 when we first watched Indiana Jones and Willie Scott eat chilled monkey brains.

People all over India are now turning to cow urine to cure what ails ’em. The practice is generally frowned upon within families so many folks just grab a bottle from the local cow shelter (goshala), take it to the park and chug it like it was a 40 of O.E. On the D.L.

Cow urine filled my mind, and I came up with a funky rhyme, UGH! Mama never said stop drinking bovine piss, but she would have. I know she would have.

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A Paragraph For Pixies Punters.


in Musical

BU’s Agannis Arena is apparently becoming the new large-to-really-large-but-not-quite-Banknorth-Garden-large venue for the city of Boston. Sting and Alicia Keys are playing there this week, for example. Too big for the Orpheum, too inconsequencial for the Fleet Center. And both shows I’d rather endure a Cheez Whiz enema than have to attend. But on June 15th, said arena will be a truly magical and Valhalla-esque locale at which I’ll rambunctiously rejoice. And no, the Antiques Roadshow is not coming to town.

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Cinco De Cinco And The Roofdeck Of Doom.


in Heartwarming

This Saturday marks my 5th annual Cinco De Mayo party, and I hope to see you all there. Click here for details. Click here, here and here for photos from past years. Have a look here for the currently optimistic weather report as it relates to pre-party roofdeck revelry. And finally – click here for a personal message from me which will be extended should you not show up for any reason other than having an acquaintance on a deathbed.

If the roofdeck is ‘out’ – meaning it rains, gets really cold or I’m hit by a passing bus between now and then – I still want to see you at the SideBar… even if I am hovering 10 feet off the ground, clueless as of yet to my own demise. None of that will probably happen, so let’s just plan on more fun/alcohol abuse in the sun, and less ghostly manifestations. Aaaarrriba, bitches!

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Monday’s Quotelet: Stump The Chump.


in

Can I get a drum roll please… From the makers of Friday’s Quizzlet, Pye In The Face is proud to bring you – Monday’s Quotelet! This blog is at it’s best when it’s interactive, I’m a big fan of photo captioning contests, so it was only a matter of time until I introduced my own. It fell into place. The cookie crumbled. What comes around… came around. OK I’ll stop.

I wanted to have some special rule or stipulation that would set this contest apart – but at the same time I don’t want to be limited as to which sort of photo I use. I want the images to be current and topical. So it’ll be real simple. I’ll post a photo and get the ball rolling with a caption of my own. You guys can then try and top me. If someone manages to kick my ass, I’ll concede objectively. But I have to warn you – I’m pretty good. Bragging rights will take the form of a “current caption champ” section on the left hand sidebar – complete with your own photo and everything. And with no further adue…


“Paula – just so you know, I voted myself off three times in the car on the way here.”
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Little Jimmy Norton.


in

I took Janet to see Jim Norton at the Comedy Connection Saturday night, and he was disgustingly hilarious. I first noticed ‘Little Jimmy’ as a regular on Tough Crowd, and have since become a big fan of his hyper-offensive and self-depricating style. Referring to one’s existence as the product of a scientist “injecting a pregnant duck with Down Syndrome” takes a level of self comfort that I’m not currently familiar with.

By far, my favorite joke was when Jim started talking about a T-Shirt he wants to create which would read – “It’s not rape if she blinks twice for yes”. I’m not going to try and do him justice here in print. Jimmy mentioned an HBO special he’d taped literally the night before in NYC, and I’m looking forward to seeing his “fat little b-cup man titties” again on my TV real soon. He’s among the best comedians working today and I’d suggest you check him out when he hits your town. Especially if you’re from the oft and easily-offended Garafalo/Cho camp.

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Friday’s Quizzlet: Big Willy And The Missing Link.


in Monday's Quotelet

Appetizer: Which keys do you have on your key chain?
Building, apartment, basement, suitcase, mailbox, office, grandmother’s house. All my other keys I keep in a locked briefcase stowed in the engine compartment of a scarab currently en route to Miami from Bogata.

Soup: What is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
Shelving my second degree and moving to England. Jumping out of an airplane was a little nuts too. I’ve still never gotten those photos developed, with the exception of this one. I did it at an airfield in Maine with a friend that I made while living in England, so I guess the two spontaneous events were linked in an odd way. Those of you who actually met Gus will also remember another strange link – the fact that he was the “missing” one.

Salad: Who is the best cook in your family?
Bill Clinton waved to me this morning as his motorcade sped down Tremont Street – and I wanted to fit that in somewhere today. So I’d have to say that Bill Clinton is the best cook in my family. All he ever makes is popsicles, though. They taste like brie and are high in protein.

Main Course: If you were to write a “how-to” book, what would the title be?
It would be a sort of “Die Broke” meets “Who Moved My Cheese?” meets “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” entitled You Will Die Alone Beside A Trunk Of DVD Porn.

Dessert: Name a recent fad you’ve tried.
I tried the Atkins diet about a year and a half ago. But then I realized there’s really no substitute for exercise. I also realized I was beginning to smell funny and hadn’t gone to the bathroom properly in weeks. Normally, this is called going to visit my parents. But in this instance, I decided to accept the fact that bread was my little yeasty buddy. Not to be confused with that girl I met at HarpoonFest last year.

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