Everyone must start to have moments like these in their mid-30s. These are mine. And it’s all true – every word.
- I asked for a nosehair trimmer for Christmas. I got a nosehair trimmer for Christmas. I love my nosehair trimmer.
- 80% of my gifts this year were sweaters (20% nosehair trimmers,) and I was perfectly ecstatic about that.
- I despise people who tailgate me. To the point of wanting to inflict grevious bodily harm. And I talk to them, in my rear view mirror. “Where’s the fucking fire?” The bastards.
- If I sleep later than 9am, even on the weekend, I hate myself for the rest of the day.
- I have a notebook full of lists with titles like “Outdoor To Dos” and “Tax Prep To Dos”. The only lists I used to maintain were of Goodfellas quotes.
- I recently purchased my first can of Metamucil. This, this was a tough one.
- In my filing cabinet, I have a folder labeled “Manuals”, full of nothing but manuals.
- I have a box in which I have started to save Christmas Cards and wedding invitations.
- The $3,000 I would have normally spent on booze in 2008 went to drywall, vapor barrier, paint, laminate flooring, a drop ceiling and a new propeller.
- A good portion of my free time is spent driving my Mother to and from the hospital, during which time we discuss little else but my To Do lists. “I’ll put it on my list, Ma. Yes, Ma.”
I’d be thrilled to hear about some of your own “Jesus, I’m disgustingly old” moments in the comments. Don’t be shy – we’re all going through it.