You may remember Dr. Taz’s eloquent ranting abilities from this previous posting – but nothing could prepare me for his thoughts, emailed to me only this morning, regarding the just-announced lineup of this year’s legendary Glastonbury Festival. The quick synopsis is that legends like New Order, Elvis Costello and Echo and the Bunnymen are being demoted so that Kylie fucking Minogue can have the coveted Sunday closing time slot. But there’s no need to get my panties in a bunch when Taz, who actually has tickets, already has his drawers tied securely around his neck:
Ok, in my opinion it’s been dogsh*te for years but surely even you diehard gluttons for punsihment who like to wallow in pikey’s piss and watch overrrated bands and 60 year old has-beens in a large sodden field (withmost of Islington and Battersea’s 30-somethings going all ‘rock’) SURELY cannot stump up any more of your hard-earned on this tripe?!
Sorry, Kylie…you are a poisoned talentless dwarf with a horse gob who has contributed nothing but utter torment to the pop canon and should be suffocated with a pillow in your sleep to stop your incessant warbling…yet the godlike Rufus Wainwright and legends like New Order are lower down the bill! About as cheesy and cynical as commercialism gets. I will personally install a napalm toilet into the organiser’s rider this year. I should be so lucky…lucky, lucky, lucky.
Next year, move over Coldplay and White Stripes, Sat night headlining on The OK Magazine Chav Stage will be Charlotte Church giving a soapy tit-wank to Aled Jones while exclusively showcasing their duet Xmassingle in Welsh… an ‘Unplugged’ set by The Krankies and the exhumed carcass of Benny Hill will do ‘Ernie the Fastest Milkman in the West’ with a full 68 piece orchestra and laser show. Tickets will be 450 GBP plus VAT. Fantastic.
Don’t sugarcoat it.
Um….what?
Sorry Smooth – He’s speaking British English… not Masshole English. Let me translate quickly – The friggin’ show is being ruined by that stupid fackin’ whooore and Taz is wicked pissed, kid.
Whadaya? Outta Beahs? Kid that wicked sucks guy.
Like you have never done the Locomotion.
Kylie Minogue in tight pants and Charlotte Church soaping up her titties sounds good to me.
Apart from the fact that Kylie is headlining a lineup that largely blows goats, I have a problem with bands past their prime headlining too, I think it’s just as bad to New Order, Elvis Costello or Echo and the Bunnymen up there.
I saw the Violent Femmes last year when they played a radio festival last year on Landsdown street, and quite honestly, I thought they really sucked. I was very disappointed. They should have retired 10 years ago and stayed that way.
At the same time, I really do think that artists who are still producing music 10 or 20 years past their supposed ‘radio prime’ can and do produce better work. Frank Black and Johnny Cash are prime examples, although I personally think it’s ironic that his last album was all covers… (I loved Soundgardens Rusty Cage…)
*Sigh*. Me and my big opinioned mouth…
Sam, I see where you’re coming from, but I loves me some New Order and they’re definitely still in the game. Still, if you’d rather watch Maroon 5 or Chingy because they’re under 50, I hear they’re organizing another awful Lollpollooza this year. Right thurr.
I have an intense dislike for Maroon 5… *shiver*
Somehow these some of these English festivals have lost their focus… If you look at who was playing at Glassonbury (sorry for the spelling) 10 years ago, it was all alt-rock, (Frank Black, Breeders, Nirvana, Oasis, etc) when did it become ok for the Kelly Clarkson’s and 50-cents to play these things? They should stay at the Park (a pop festival in London).
Reading & Leeds festivals still looks good…
Fatboy Slim, Bloc Party, Interpol, Echo and the bunnymen, Cake, White Stripes, The Killers, New Order, Doves
Kaiser Chiefs, Garbage…i would like have died and gone to heaven if that were Local. I fail to see where Kylie fits in there? Odd.
Don’t get me started – I have tickets to the Doves when they play in Boston next month, and it’s the same night as my friend’s Stag & Doe. I am gutted. Gotta be there for the buddy – but I’ve wanted to see the Doves for 3 years now.