Congratulations to my friends Emily and Nick who got engaged last night – and that brings me rocketing into a post I’ve been meaning to write for a while. I seem to have developed a knack for setting people up, or at least being a peripheral catalyst in them getting together.
Nick and Emily are both former roomates of mine. Meredith and Seamus, also a building related connection, are getting married in June. Neither of those introductions were facilitated for the purposes of dating, though. I am a non-deliberate matchmaker. You could sell me a hot dog in Faneuil Hall next weekend and then probably meet the woman of your dreams in line behind me. Granted she’d be slathering mustard all over a footlong and drooling after 3 shots of Jaeger at Ned Devine’s, but Cupid doesn’t worry about overserving.
We’re talking about marriages here, not dating, which is why I thought it worthy of note. I don’t like to introduce people, because I’ve seen it go so horribly wrong many times in the past. The worst is when someone sets you up with a complete ditch pig because you’re then forced to ask yourself why the mutual friend went so far out of their way to connect the two of you. Is this what they think your league is? “Not to be a dick, but your friend has ridges on her back and I think I see a tail poking through in the back. Either that, or she’s crapped herself“. And then you get a little offended/hurt/a condom.
So I stay away from it. But if you want to meet that someone special come hang out in my orbit for awhile. I seem to have some sort of accidedntal magic power. And obviously the other major dating bulletpoint to take away from this is don’t crap yourself in line at the hot dog stand outside of Ned Devine’s.
I’ve never matchmade, but I do have this weird husbandmaking ability … guys tend to marry themselves off after as little as a kiss from me. And I’ve got an extensive record of this … ah, I was the kiss of death to so many …